thirty-four

˗ˏˋ dewy kisses and morning light 'ˎ˗

Mahika is used to waking up alone.

She's still not sure if she'd call herself a morning person or not, but she does know that she likes this time of the day. When the morning light gently filters through the windows and rouses her from her slumber.

From the very first stretch of her arms above her head and the gentle warmth of the morning sun kissing her cheeks as she slowly opens her eyes, to the soft rustle of the leaves outside; she appreciates the quiet moments she gets to herself in the morning.

Most days, at least.

But then she also has days when she wakes up and pretty much feels the exact opposite, the quiet of the house loud enough that it makes her ears ring.

Those days, she hates the alarm clock blaring in her ears, and the weight on her chest. She hates being stuck staring at the ceiling for God knows how long. She hates the sense of dread that fills her stomach at the thought of having an entire day ahead of her to drag herself through.

Today, though, Mahika does not wake up alone.

And she wakes up slowly, like a flower unfurling in the morning sun. The world around her is still hazy; dreamlike when she takes a deep breath and burrows her face deeper into her pillow for a few moments before letting out a sleepy sigh and languidly opening her eyes.

When the sight of Amoli comes into focus, head raised on her knuckles and eyes already on Mahika's face, Mahika's eyes open a tad bit wider in surprise.

She breathes out a little 'oh' and blinks a few times.

The memories of last night come to her in tiny fragments, the words, 'Forget slow, I hate slow' echoing amidst her sleep-dazed thoughts.

And Amoli, of course, decides to make matters worse by murmuring a soft, 'good morning' with a tiny, secretive smile on her lips like she knows something that Mahika doesn't. There's a respectable amount of distance between their bodies, but there's something inexplicably soft and delicate in Amoli's expression that makes Mahika feel exposed and vulnerable in a way that she hasn't before.

"Mhm... g'morning," Mahika mumbles, blinking slower this time, words slurred and the corners of her lips beginning to lift for reasons unknown to her despite the undeniable flush in her cheeks, and adds, "Creep." Her skin only grows warmer with every piece of last night that slowly returns to her. "Wha' time's'it?"

"When Edward Cullen does it, it's the peak of romance," Amoli retorts playfully in a way that tells Mahika that unlike her, Amoli has been awake for a while. "But when I do it, I'm a creep."

Mahika clicks her tongue. Doesn't know how successful she is at it because there's a certain heaviness to her eyes that she can't shake off still. Lets the small smile on her face stick even as her eyes fall half-closed and mumbles, words still skating over each other, "Wha'peak?... s'equally creepy."

Amoli breathes out a laugh and lets her head fall back on the pillow. "It's almost eight."

The sight of her like this makes Mahika distantly wonder if this is what it would have been like on the day of Naina's wedding. If everything hadn't gone wrong between them.

But at the same time —

"'m'glad we stopped," Mahika mumbles absently, surprised by how much she means it. She isn't even sure if she said it out loud. She just knows that somewhere deep in the crevices of her heart, this is how she's always felt.

That she's relieved they didn't go any further than a few kisses after Naina's wedding while they were drunk.

Amoli, on the other hand, doesn't seem to understand fully because she shifts on her side to face Mahika properly and pulls her knees up a bit so she can tuck her hands between her thighs. It's an oddly endearing sight. "What, last night?"

The ghosts of last night's kisses caress Mahika's face all over.

She flushes again, averting her eyes. "No, y'know. That day. At the hotel."

"Oh," Amoli whispers, and Mahika shyly looks up at her from beneath her lashes to see her face soften. "Yeah," Amoli adds, looking away and pulling a hand loose to pick at a stray thread on Mahika's sheets. "Me too."

"Yeah?"

Amoli nods and wiggles closer, looking up at Mahika with her doe eyes wide and earnest. Even sleepy, Mahika can tell that the earlier amusement is gone from her face. "You know, I... part of why I was so upset that day at the... You remember, right? At the cottage I really..."

"Yeah," Mahika whispers, and slowly reaches out to brush away the wisps of hair falling over Amoli's forehead. She knows Amoli still feels guilty about it, about accusing Mahika of crossing the line in a fit of panic, but Mahika is already past the hurt from that day. Maybe if she was in Amoli's position, she would be just as alarmed about having almost all her memories jumbled over like that.

"When I... after we talked and you told me that nothing really happened between us —"

"T'wasn't nothin', but 'kay."

Amoli looks up to shoot her a dry look. "Yes, thank you, Mahi, reminding me that I got to kiss the girl I liked for almost two years for the very first time and then messed everything up because my memories were fuzzy is really helping me phrase this better."

Mahika giggles and shifts as well so she can press her face next to the top of Amoli's head on the pillow; both to hide her rapidly reddening cheeks and have an excuse to just... be as close as possible without actually touching Amoli.

"Sorry," she murmurs, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. There's an itch under her skin that she's beginning to grow all too familiar with, the one that pushes her to vine her arms around Amoli's waist and tenderly caress the tips of her fingers up and down her back every chance she gets. The itch to be closer, closer, closer. Always. "Please continue."

"I don't even know where I was going with that, honestly," Amoli admits, and Mahika's shoulders shake with laughter. "This is all your fault and you're laughing at me."

Mahika would maybe have a playful retort ready for her if she was feeling a bit less sleepy; a bit more in her senses. But she isn't. She isn't, and all she can think about is that she's in bed with this beautiful girl that she's liked for what feels like ages and she's —

"Amo," she murmurs, giving up. Just a little. Enough to allow herself to press the tip of her nose to the crown of Amoli's head. She isn't completely sure why she's holding back. Why she keeps holding back like this is temporary and that she would run out of whatever this is if she takes too much.

— maybe allowed to accept defeat.

"Mhm?"

"Like you so much," she concedes, closing her eyes and letting her shoulders sag. Amoli goes still for a couple seconds, and then tips her head back to look at Mahika. And Mahika thinks that she sees the same defeat reflected in Amoli's eyes. Maybe. She doesn't know if there's such a thing as good defeat, but this feels like it.

But unlike Mahika, Amoli's fingers don't tremble when they touch Mahika's jaw; a gentle brush of butterfly wings on her skin. It's —

"Like you too," Amoli murmurs, eyes pools of calm. Steady. Kind. "So much, Mahi." She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut, like she can't quite look her in the eye, and tucks her head under Mahika's chin. "God, saying it out loud feels so..."

"Yeah," Mahika breathes. Settles her cheek atop Amoli's head and feels a flutter in her tummy where Amoli has now got her shirt bunched up in her knuckle at the hem. "I know. Yeah."

When Amoli curls closer, her fingers glide across Mahika's arm like a symphony, each caress a different movement, each one evoking a different emotion.

"Sorry," she mumbles, and that single word has Mahika feeling much, much more awake. "I never meant to make you feel like I didn't trust you." When she looks up, Mahika wonders if Amoli's eyes are shining or if it's a trick of the light. "I'm sorry."

Mahika shakes her head, and cups the side of her face before bringing their foreheads together. "And I didn't mean to make you feel like you were bothering me, but it happened anyway, didn't it?" When she opens her eyes, Amoli's lips are curled into a smile. "Guess we just had to be bad at communicating once to be good at it someday."

"I wouldn't call what was happening between us then communication, but..." Amoli drawls, mostly joking but with how things between them were, Mahika can't even bring herself to laugh.

"Oh, there was communication between us, alright," Mahika says, purposely keeping her voice serious. "You had a lot to say to me about the dress I was supposed to help Naina pick for her engagement party."

Amoli groans audibly, half-mortified and half-amused, and ducks her head to hide her face. "God, I was so annoying."

Mahika scoffs. "Was?"

Amoli scoffs back and pinches the inside of her arm.

"Ow, okay, sorry. Message received." Mahika cradles her arm to her chest, trying not to laugh. Then just to be a thorn in the flesh, she adds, "Bruise received as well, but you've already given me plenty of those before."

Amoli pulls back and mockingly narrows her eyes at Mahika. It's not very effective with the embarrassed smile twitching the corners of her lips up. "Oh, now you're awake enough to form full sentences?"

Mahika rolls her eyes at the words from last night being thrown back at her. "No denials?" she quips with a half-grin.

Amoli's cheeks warm just as prettily as they had last night, and Mahika revels in how much lovelier her blush looks under the morning light.

"I liked you better when you were garbling over your words," Amoli mutters without any real bite, but Mahika takes a few seconds to register the playful jibe, too busy staring at her reddening ears.

"And I liked you better when —" Mahika starts, and then gives up. Reminds herself that she's allowed this; allowed more than the banter and the taciturn flirting. Allowed to reach out and tuck Amoli's hair behind her ear and let her hand stay. Let her fingers stray. "Nah. Like you the same still."

Mahika would probably also be utterly mortified about how affection drips off her face in rivulets these days with no attempt at concealment, but one look at Amoli's shy smile and —

"You're so embarrassing," Amoli mutters, hiding her face again, close enough that Mahika can feel the warmth radiating off her skin even through the two layers of clothing between them.

— Mahika wants to stop being scared.

"Hey."

Amoli rumbles a muffled 'what?' against Mahika's shoulder.

"You should meet my mom."

Amoli tips her head back again so fast, Mahika wonders how she doesn't give herself a cramp. "What?"

"My mom," Mahika repeats, raising her eyebrows at the slow panic filling Amoli's expression. She doesn't want to find it funny, but she can't help it. "You should meet her. When she comes back."

"I should?" Amoli's voice is almost a squeak.

Deciding to take pity on her for once, Mahika says, "She's met all of my friends so it feels weird that she doesn't know you."

"Oh," Amoli breathes, relaxing a little. "Friends. Right."

Mahika's lips lift in a half smile at the frown slowly forming on her face. She's pretty sure Amoli doesn't even realize she's pouting a little. "My bad, I forgot you don't like that word," she drags out, reveling in the noise of utter mortification that leaves Amoli's mouth at her own words being thrown back at her once again. "You hate that word, in fact —"

"Stooop," Amoli whines over Mahika's chuckles.

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"I'm not," Mahika admits, laughing through her nose when Amoli tries to push her away with little to no force. She takes hold of Amoli's hands and holds them under her chin, sobering up for a second. "You can tell me if you're not ready. But if you'd be okay with meeting her, she's coming home next week, and I... I would really like you two to meet."

Amoli's expression has softened into something tender again, her gaze a gentle breeze caressing Mahika's face. "Okay," she murmurs.

Mahika blooms like a field of wildflowers under her warmth. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Her eyes search Mahika's face for something, and Mahika doesn't know what she finds there but it's definitely something, because she asks, "Do you ever think about telling your friends?"

"About me?" Mahika distractedly plays with Amoli's fingers. "Or us?"

Amoli's eyes widen an inch. "You... you want to tell them about us?"

Mahika circles her fingers around Amoli's wrist, her thumb grazing the knuckles back and forth. "Not until you're okay with it."

Amoli sinks her teeth into her lower lip for a few seconds before letting go, and Mahika watches the blood rush back to the fragile skin, entranced.

"But you... want to?" she asks, voice considerably smaller.

"Amo," Mahika whispers so Amoli would meet her eyes again, keeping her gaze steady despite the abashed smile forming on her lips. "I want to tell everyone about us."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Mahika watches the lines form between her eyebrows, itching to smooth them over with her thumb. I can do that, she reminds herself firmly, and does. When Amoli leans into the touch, Mahika lets the rest of her fingers follow and slide into her hair to brush it back as well. "What are you thinking about, hm?"

Her lips part, but then she presses them together again.

"Hey," Mahika prompts gently, shifting down a little so their faces are aligned on the pillow. "If that bothers you, you can tell me."

"No, I..." Amoli shakes her head, and Mahika barely resists the urge to take hold of her face between her hands and make their eyes meet. Amoli always gets shifty-eyed when she's anxious. After a few more seconds of inner turmoil, she says, voice dropping another octave, "I don't want you to hide because of me."

Mahika makes a wounded noise in her throat because no. God. "No," she echoes, probably with not the same intensity she's thinking it with inside her head. "I'm not — your safety is a priority, Amo. I want you to understand that first."

"I know, but —"

"We talked about this before we left Gaigar."

Amoli presses her lips together. Her cheeks puff up a little when she does that. Mahika wants to squeeze them.

"Okay, listen," Mahika starts softly, urging Amoli to look at her. When she does, Mahika slides her hand down to take hold of the side of her face. "Ever since I talked to Naina, 'coming out' hasn't been that big of a deal to me. I don't want to go around telling people I like women. I want to tell them about you."

Amoli's mouth parts at the words.

"And you have a say in that," Mahika adds seriously. "Okay?" Amoli gives a small nod, but Mahika shakes her head. "I want you to tell me you understand, Amo." She traces Amoli's cheekbone with the back of her hand. "You told me you just wanted to be with me, didn't you?"

Amoli nods again, circling Mahika's wrist with her own fingers.

"Well, that's all I want. And there isn't any room for guilt here," Mahika murmurs. "We've talked and we've apologized, and I know there's going to be worse stuff to be scared of in the future. I don't want you to be scared of being honest with me." Amoli's eyes are glistening a little, but Mahika just brushes their noses together once and adds, "You can take your time. Okay?"

The way Amoli looks at her makes Mahika feel like she's a sky dotted with constellations.

"Okay," she whispers.

"Okay," Mahika echoes back, one corner of her lips tugging up. "Can we go brush our teeth now?"

The adoration on Amoli's face melts into fond exasperation. "That's one way to tell someone their breath stinks."

"I actually just wanted to kiss you before we left the room."

Amoli slides out of Mahika's arm, jumps out of bed, and speedwalks into the bathroom all within the next three seconds.

a/n

am i too soft for them or is this just the calm before the storm 🤔

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