˗ˏˋ little changes and blooming greens 'ˎ˗

➷

Although looking at Mahika makes Amoli's heart ache, she does it anyway.

It's a wonder she doesn't expel literal stars out of her eyes every time her gaze settles on the girl. Really. It was kind of funny at first — in a messed up way, of course — how enamored she was by her. So besotted and out of her mind that she had ended up making Mahika think she hated her.

For two whole years.

And God, it's not funny anymore.

It's not funny how Amoli's heart stutters inside her chest with yearning at the mere sight of her. It's not funny that it had never mattered to her who she liked and who she didn't until Mahika came around. And it's definitely not funny that when she sees Mahika standing by the car, rocking back and forth on her heels, childlike excitement evident in her stance, she feels the tips of her fingers burn with the need to reach out and hold Mahika's hand.

None of it is even remotely funny anymore.

For two years, she has been spiraling further and further into the labyrinth of her own attraction to the girl; the affection her blood seems to sing with every time they're put in the same room.

Amoli is usually a smart person. Or at least that's what she likes to think so. She's a quick thinker, and she makes decisions that she won't regret later. Coming to conclusions without overthinking or beating herself up over stuff is something that's been one of the biggest parts of her personality.

But had she been thinking with her brain when she had reached out to hold Mahika's hand at the flower field? The answer to that would be a no. Had she been thinking at all when she had not immediately let go of her hand? The answer to that question as well, would be a no.

She had definitely been thinking when they had been on their way home, though.

Thinking about the time when she hadn't allowed herself to think too much before melting into Mahika's touch inside that goddamn hotel room she sees in her sleep, as well as her daydreams. Thinking about how that very hand that she was holding had been on her cheek when Mahika had bumped their noses together in the gentlest way possible, and then kissed Amoli with her lips curved into a playful smile. Thinking about how the memories had been blurry before but the more she's around Mahika, the more they seem to come back in strikingly detailed flashes.

And the more they do, the more she feels like a fool.

Because she's guilty of several things that make her cheeks burn with shame. If there was a way to hide from those reminders, she would. But because she had assumed things about Mahika that weren't true, and then proceeded to make her feel like she was in the wrong even though she had been nothing but thoughtful after all of the mess that Amoli had created on the day of her brother's wedding, she now has to live with these memories forever.

And to make matters worse, the shame — the embarrassment isn't the emotion that overpowers everything else she feels. Instead, it's the ache to be as close to Mahika as she can possibly be. Just for a little while. Maybe, just until they both go back to their normal lives, back to the possibility that they might never see each other again.

The two emotions are at a never-ending wrangle; one pushing her to create a wall between her and the girl that makes her belly swarm with butterflies, and the other hellbent on pulling her away from the feeling. It's overwhelming in ways that she isn't used to. And constantly being around the person that makes her feel this way is beginning to back her up against a wall.

"You know," Naina's voice breaks through Amoli's thoughts, making her blink in surprise and then immediate mortification at being caught staring at Mahika. "For people who have never been able to stand in the same room without getting into an argument, you and Mahi sure as hell stare at each other a lot."

Amoli wonders how her face hasn't caught on fire yet. She fumbles over her words while the thoughts inside her head too, seem to stumble and fall all over the place, creating a mess so big that she ends up not saying anything at all.

"Unless you're both constantly thinking of ways to get rid of each other," Naina adds, and Amoli might as well deflate like a balloon with how relieved she feels.

She recovers quickly, rolling her eyes. That couldn't be further from the truth. "We get along just fine. You guys are so dramatic about it."

Naina raises her eyebrows at her, tilting her head in a way that says, Really?

Amoli looks away and shrugs, unable to fight back the amused smile that tips the corners of her lips up. Okay maybe they had been that bad at some point. Maybe ninety-percent of their interactions from before had solely consisted of arguments.

But that was only because they had both misunderstood each other. There's no way to explain that to Naina without giving away the truth, though, so Amoli is going to keep that to herself.

"Okay, fine, we get along now." Amoli says, crossing her arms across her chest in defense but there's a grin on her face that matches Naina's. "So stop looking at me like that."

"Mhm," Naina hums, the sound coming out non-committal as she finally looks away with her lips pulled back in what seems like a secretive smile.

Before Amoli can pay much attention to it, Akash announces that they're ready to go and Naina is already making her way to the car, leaving Amoli to blink behind her. And just as Amoli takes notice of the absence of the other car and Mahika, Akash's voice cuts through her disappointment.

"Amo, let's go."

She hurries over, ignoring the exasperated look he throws at her from the driver's seat window, opening the door to quickly slide in.

Add her lack of attention to the things that are not funny anymore.

Because Mahika's floral, feminine and now familiar scent is what she notices long before she notices Mahika sitting beside her.

"Hi?" Mahika greets — it comes out more like a question — when Amoli turns to look at her, eyes wide and mouth parted the slightest bit with surprise.

Trying to ignore the way all of her senses have seemed to heighten in a millisecond, Amoli breathes out a soft 'hey' in return. Silence follows after they both look away, and Amoli wants to beat herself up over how awkward it is.

They haven't been in the same car before this. Amoli can't say she hadn't kept her distance intentionally, and it was exactly because she was trying to avoid a situation like this. When they're alone, they're fine. For the most part, that is. But when they're around other people — Naina and her friends in specific — Amoli feels a bit on the spot, unable to decide how she's supposed to act. And she can only guess that Mahika feels the same way.

"Put your scarf on," Akash tells Naina, pulling the windows up. An instant pout appears on her face but as soon as she opens her mouth to complain about it, he adds, "Yes, I know you think it's fun to stick your head out of the car in the morning, but the air's cold. You can do it when we're on our way back. Since it's warmer then. Scarf. Now. Please."

With a sigh and the stance of a five-year-old that got denied their favorite candy, Naina begrudgingly does as he says, and Amoli doesn't miss the way her brother's lips twitch in the slightest with a fond smile even as he pretends to be fully focused on taking the car out through the gates.

When she glances at Mahika, she sees a similar expression on her face, but along with it something else. Her shoulders are slightly slumped, and the smile isn't quite reflecting in her eyes.

Wistfulness, Amoli realizes. She looks both happy and a bit melancholic.

And now that Amoli has started looking at her, she can't stop. It's one of the reasons why she avoids looking at Mahika a lot. Because once Amoli begins noticing every little delicate detail about her face, she can't quite bring herself to look away.

As a result, of course, Amoli now has a list carded away inside her head. Of all the little things about Mahika that captivate her like nothing else does. It's an overflowing bucket, much like her emotions every time she doesn't keep them in check. Like her growing fondness for the tiny, baby curls that seem a little too devoted to staying close to the nape of Mahika's neck.

God, this is creepy, she would think. But then the next second, she would remind herself that she has been as close to Mahika's face as she possibly could be. And even in that intoxicated state, Amoli hadn't missed the chance of taking in every minute curve and plane of her features — the way the corners of her eyes would curl in the slightest when she smiled with all of her teeth on display. The way she would scrunch her nose if you touched her where she was ticklish. The way the lines of her collarbones looked more defined when she held her breath.

Barely visible beauty marks lined her warm ivory skin if you looked closely; under her bottom lip, beside her eyebrow, on her jaw. How could Amoli forget? She had left featherlight caresses and kisses across every single one of them.

Now that reminder makes her look away. It's absolutely ridiculous that she can't look at Mahika for longer than a few minutes, as rarely as she does, without blushing to her very core. She's aware that it's been getting harder to avoid how Amoli feels about her — especially when they're anywhere near each other in a five-feet vicinity.

So the universe must be mocking her, or testing her patience right now, because they're sitting so close, Amoli can hear Mahika steadily breathing beside her.

"The lake looks so different during the day," Mahika's breathy, awed voice brings Amoli out of her very inappropriate thoughts, and Amoli turns to look at her again just in time to catch her settle a palm against the window. "It's pretty."

The mention of the lake reminds Amoli of two things, one: they've been driving for way longer than she had realized. So there's a chance that she has also been staring at Mahika for way longer than it was deemed appropriate.

And two, the evening they had all spent at the lake. The very same evening when it had physically pained Amoli to inhale and swallow all of her feelings as soon as her eyes had met the sight of Mahika looking like she could claim Heaven as hers with a mere glance.

"Oh, yeah. You know the farm is on the other side of it? So we're circling the entire lake right now," Naina says absentmindedly, eyes fixated on the trees whizzing past.

"We could take the rowboat but Amo is scared of being anywhere near the deeper parts of the lake." Akash meets Amoli's eyes through the rearview mirror as he says it, and gets a dirty look in return.

"I'm not scared," she snaps, trying not to look at Mahika even when she feels her eyes on the side of her own face.

"Should we take a rowboat instead? I'm going to call Arnav and ask him to meet us by the —"

"Akash," Naina warns, giving him an aggravated look that he immediately backs off after, but not before shooting his sister a mischievous grin.

Amoli wants to reach out and smack the side of his head, but she holds herself back and settles with glaring daggers through his skull instead.

"Oh, well, I'm not very fond of boats either," Mahika chips in, much to Amoli's surprise. When she turns to look at her, Mahika meets her eyes and gives her a small smile before looking away. "They're a bit too shaky for my liking."

"I mean... there are three people to pull you out, not counting the rower, in case you fall in the water..."

"Can you focus on driving?"

"Aw, Naina, I won't let you fall in if that's what y—"

"Okay, can either of you drive?" Naina asks Amoli and Mahika, eyes wide. "We're turning around and throwing Akash in the water. We can go visit the farm on our own."

Mahika laughs and Akash does too, but Amoli just meets Naina's eyes and says, "I can't, but I'll try if it means we can get rid of him."

"You crush my feelings one more time, and I crash the car."

Amoli scoffs and leans back. "Good luck. If we die, mamma's going to find your body, revive you somehow and then kill you again."

"Right. Because we have her precious little Naina in the car with us."

Naina folds her arms across her chest and grins.

After that, the drive isn't very long. Amoli stares out of the window and tries to recall the details that she remembers about the place from all of the years ago that she had first visited. In all honesty, she wouldn't have been very enthusiastic about coming back here if it wasn't for the pure glee on Mahika's face at the mere mention of the farm.

And when they're finally there, and Mahika looks around the greenness with a twinkle in her eye, Amoli knows that she wouldn't want to miss this for the world.

Especially when she gets to see Mahika look like she had won the lottery when the farmkeeper had mentioned that they could plant seeds if they wanted. He teaches them, of course. Patient and kind. And Amoli messes up every simple step that he mentions. Because she's far too distracted by Mahika's soiled hand reaching out to carelessly push a lock of hair behind her ear, leaving her cheek painted brown.

Taken aback by the pure affection she feels for Mahika in that moment, Amoli gives in to the feeling for once, just once, and pulls up the end of her dupatta to wipe Mahika's face.

If the other girl is taken aback, she doesn't show it. Instead, she smiles at Amoli in a way that makes her want to curl into a ball and cry, and then goes back to nurturing the seeds she had just put in the soil, looking blissfully unaware of everything else.

They spend the rest of their time feeding the animals (Mahika and Samay get a little too attached to the guard dog and both look visibly sad when it's time for them to leave), laughing at Akash and Arnav when they take turns trying to drive the tractor, and handpicking vegetables to take back to Maya.

Mahika, after being the most flighty out of all of them for the entirety of the trip, naturally ends up being the more tired when they're finally making their way back to the car.

Maybe this is the universe's way of evening things out for them because on their way back, Mahika drops her head on Amoli's shoulder in her sleep and stays that way for the rest of the drive.

And with her chest feeling heavy and light at the same time, fingers itching to reach out and wrap around Mahika's shoulder but stubbornly staying put on her lap after much-needed effort, Amoli realizes that back at the farm, she had planted her white jasmine seeds right beside Mahika's.

➷

a/n

first things first!
from this point on, the story is going to be from amoli's point of view unless i mention otherwise in the beginning of the chapter!

i hope y'all enjoyed the first peek into amoli's ga(y)laxy brain <3

thank you so much for reading :') i'm extremely fond of this chapter and would love to hear what you guys think about it !!!!!!

take care, stay hydrated, and let me know how your day went if you want :D