˗ˏˋ jittery gazes and flimsy promises 'ˎ˗

➷

"... I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that you guys have baking supplies available right on demand even though we're in the middle of absolute nowhere."

Sakshi's voice sounds genuinely baffled as Amoli makes her way down the stairs, stifling a yawn with her arms stretched above her head.

It had already been late when her and Naina had finally left the terrace, and while Naina seemed to retire to bed immediately, Amoli had ended up in her own room only to blankly stare at her ceiling for hours after that.

Courtesy of sleeping at five in the morning solely because she had been too lost trying to sort through her jumbled thoughts, she now feels like she needs another day to stay in and catch up on some sleep.

Akash breathes out a laugh. "Maya just stocks up really, really well before we visit."

Eyes still half-closed, Amoli takes a seat beside Naina just as Arnav adds, "Maya... is something else. Last time we visited, I jokingly said I craved chocolate and she just whipped out a box of Ferrero Rochers and handed it to me." Akash covers his face and cackles at the memory. Arnav widens his eyes and throws his hands in the air to accentuate his point. "We're literally in the middle of nowhere! How does one even— never mind. She knows us too well. Or she isn't human and just keeps materializing stuff out of thin air when we aren't looking. Either of the two."

Naina reaches out to rub her back when Amoli rests her head on the table, tilting her chin up and down to ask her if she's okay when their eyes meet.

"Headache," Amoli mumbles, closing her eyes just as the voices around her into nonsensical blabbers. Naina sympathetically pats her back.

"Sak?" Naina calls in the direction of the kitchen, and Amoli opens her eyes just in time to see the said girl pop her head out of the kitchen with a question on her face. "Could you get some of that pineapple juice Maya saved for Amoli?"

"Oh, she's awake? Are you feeling okay, Amo?" she asks, probably because Amoli had complained about a headache in the morning when Sakshi had tried to shake her awake. "Do you need an Advil?"

"Just the juice, please. Thanks."

Sakshi blinks at her, then looks at Naina. "What did she say?"

"Just juice." Then she turns to Amoli, brushing air away from her forehead before putting the back of her hand against it and hums. "You don't have a fever. Couldn't sleep?"

"Weren't you two up late?" Akash asks, voice playful. "I'm seeing a pattern here, Naina. Are you trying to make everyone sick so we don't have to leave?"

"Oh, no, how did you figure it out?" Naina says with no emotion whatsoever, looking at her nails for added effect.

A hand appears in Amoli's sight, and then there's the low thud of a glass being placed against the table. She looks up and sees Mahika's eyes shining with concern, so without thinking much, she blinks slowly and shakes her head in a gesture to assure her that she's fine, and Mahika lingers for a few seconds longer before sighing and walking back inside the kitchen. Amoli's eyes follow her until she disappears from sight.

They haven't talked properly since they were in the car the other day, and although Mahika isn't ignoring Amoli, there's a cliff between them that neither of them are brave enough to cross yet.

"What are you always talking about that late at night? And I think you keep forgetting that there's a perfectly warm space inside the cottage," Akash grumbles, gesturing around him with an open palm.

Amoli stiffens when Naina replies with an all-too-familiar 'girl talk' and leaves it at that, and sure enough, Mahika steps back until she's standing at the door of the kitchen, eyebrows raised at Naina, too.

"I... have a feeling that's some sort of code between them," Samay comments.

Amoli relaxes.

Naina just shrugs in response. She's lucky Keerti steps out of her room right then and catches everyone's attention.

"I hate being an adult," she whines, walking over to the couch instead of sitting with everyone at the table, throwing herself into it face first and just... staying there.

"Unprompted conference last night with her boss," Mahika explains from the kitchen when Keerti doesn't seem like she's going to do it. "Apparently, he's a 'giant ball of garbage' that's currently out of the country and doesn't care about timezones."

"Okay, first of all, I called him a 'fat pile of shit' and not... the filtered version that you just used," Keerti says from the couch without raising her face, her voice muffled. Amoli feels an amused smile tug at her lips at the words. "And second, I hope he doesn't come back."

"Wouldn't that mean he'll just continue holding meetings at hours that aren't convenient for you?" Samay asks, and Keerti takes a long pause before muttering a soft, 'fuck, you're right'.

"How very eloquent," Mahika comments.

"I'm a literature major, bitch."

Amoli straightens up in her chair and leans back for a moment with her eyes squeezed shut, already expecting the burn from lack of sleep to make her tear up. She blinks the water away when she opens her eyes and reaches for the glass of juice.

"Wait, why the hell are you guys baking at, like, eight in the m—wait, is it eight?" Then without waiting for anyone to correct her, she adds, "Whatever, it feels like eight."

"It's half past eleven."

"Shut up, Naina. Your clock's broken."

Naina is saying something about throwing all of Keerti's coffee away when Amoli takes the first sip from her glass, instantly feeling the sweet flavor, paired with the tender texture of the liquid soothe the ache in her head. She knows it won't stay long, the pain, but she feels annoyed anyway. Being a student meant she often stayed up late, but she has never been able to get used to it.

"We didn't have any plans today so we decided to bake Naina a goodbye cake," Mahika jokes, earning a dark look from her best friend.

"That's not funny."

"Oh, Naina, I think it's a little funny."

Akash scoffs. "You're lucky you're getting a cake. These two right here?" He points at his siblings, "They said they were going to have a party. And when I was all, 'Hey, a goodbye party for me, that's so nice', Arnav just goes, 'Bhai, we're throwing it after you're gone'."

Amoli chuckles at the memory as well as the way Akash imitates Arnav with an exaggerated voice, while the latter says, "Be grateful we didn't go ahead with the, 'let's just toss his stuff into a taxi and bid him goodbye through the window' plan."

Akash shoves his shoulder hard enough to almost push him off his chair, then thrusts his index finger in his siblings' directions. "You were both adopted."

Amoli gives Akash a cheeky look. "Sounds like you just weren't good enough for our parents."

Akash looks at his wife with a 'are you seeing this shit' look while Arnav guffaws and holds his palm up to his sister for a high-five. Naina leans over and gives Akash's shoulder a single pat, before sitting back down and saying:

"I think I'll take the cake."

-

Amoli has always been a bit of an overthinker.

It's not always a bad thing, because taking a step back to calculate her decisions has mostly worked in her favor for as long as she can remember. It's her own way of preparing for the inevitable, even though thinking about things that worry her over and over only puts her on edge.

Although nothing could have prepared her for the sight she's met with as soon as she steps out into the garden.

Mahika is sitting on the swing with her laptop, swaying back and forth almost as if she doesn't realize it. Her long, floral midi dress flutters with the movement as does Amoli's heart inside her chest when she sees Mahika's hair spilling down her shoulders in dark, damp locks, her head thrown back mid-laugh.

Go to her, her subconscious begs and for once, Amoli listens. She swallows back the nervousness and tries to pretend that her adoration for the girl only a few feet away from her didn't just slap her across the face, taking slow, hesitant steps forward until she's standing beside the swing.

She catches a glimpse of Dhruv on the screen who pauses when he sees Mahika raise her face in Amoli's direction, and Amoli inwardly curses herself when the smile on the taller girl's face dims a little. It's only for a second, though, before Mahika blinks and the smile is back in place.

"Hey," she greets, and Amoli feels stupid for even letting herself think that Mahika would ever make her feel unwelcome. "Here to soak under the sun like me?" she asks as if the smile on her face isn't brighter than the sun above their head.

"Yeah," Amoli mumbles, a little shyly as she tucks a lock of stray hair behind her ear. "I didn't know you had company, though. Sorry about that."

"Oh, pssh," Dhruv says from the screen, waving Amoli's apology off. "I was just telling Mahi about how my sister has been feeding us burned food ever since she learned how to cook. Or so she tells herself. Sit down if you want to see me wallow in self-pity."

Amoli lets out a surprised laugh at his words, but it gets a little too high pitched in the end when Mahika shifts a little to the right and pats the empty space beside her. Even though a nervous tingle goes down her spine, Amoli complies with a small smile.

"It's so refreshing to see you two getting along," Dhruv comments, and Amoli doesn't even get the chance to react to the words because Mahika breathes out a laugh.

"Yeah," she says. "Yeah." She turns to look at Amoli for a split second before looking back at the screen. "Guess spending a bit of time together opened our eyes to... some brand new possibilities."

Now that makes Amoli's shoulders stiffen.

"Not ominous at all." Dhruv raises his eyebrows at them, and then leans back in his seat with a sigh. "As long as you both don't look like two raging bulls every time you're in the same room, I guess."

Despite the reminder of both of them being ridiculously stupid for a long time, Amoli feels a little amused. And thankfully, they don't stay in that conversation too long because Dhruv is already complaining some more about his sister's (not) food a few seconds after. Amoli tries to focus, she really does, but her attention is otherwise occupied by how relaxed Mahika sounds right now; all lighthearted teasing and chiming laughter.

Amoli had been a bit enamored by their friendship—not just Dhruv and Mahika, but all of them.

They had welcomed her warmly right off the bat, but Amoli, with her shy and reserved nature, had been a bit intimidated by how close they all were. Akash seemed to fit right in, and Amoli, tucked away in the corner and trying to keep up with their conversations all the while dealing with her instantaneous attraction to Mahika, had found it hard to fit in.

But spending a little more time with them had helped, and it wasn't long before Amoli had ended up hitting it off with Sakshi and then eventually the others, earlier hesitation forgotten.

Unfortunately—and unintentionally, of course—she had caused a rift between herself and the one person she wanted to be close to the most.

Although, now she's left to wonder if her feelings would have been even harder to deal with if she had ended up becoming friends with Mahika.

Lost in her own thoughts, Amoli barely gets a chance to realize when Mahika is saying goodbye to Dhruv. She's narrowly blinking through the haze to mutter a hushed 'take care' to the smiling boy behind the screen before he's gone, leaving behind Mahika, Amoli, and the nebulae of emotions untouched between them.

The silence is broken by Mahika first, who sets her laptop down on the little space beside her and asks, "Do you still have a headache?"

Amoli shakes her head.

Then, "You talked to Naina." It's not a question. Or a judgment. Just a simple statement, perhaps even Mahika's attempt at opening the door just an inch to give Amoli a way into the conversation if she wants.

So she fills the space made for her, and says, "I did." When she turns, Mahika's staggeringly soft gaze is already on her. So she looks away. Because she's not ready to look Mahika in the eye just yet. God. Really. Do you have to look at me like that? "She... already knew, I think."

Mahika breathes out a laugh through her nose, and the sound lingers in Amoli's ears for a few seconds after. "Naina has always been a little too observant."

Or maybe we weren't as subtle as we thought we were. There's a lot Amoli had wanted to say. Ever since they both stepped inside the cottage after talking in the car and started avoiding each other for a bit without realizing it, Amoli had been gathering up the courage and the right words to say. And now that she has the chance, she doesn't really know what to say. Or do.

So she just looks down at her lap and sighs to herself before murmuring, "I'm sorry about... what I said that day. About being friends. I-It was selfish of me and I just—" Apologies, apologies, apologies. Apologies are all I've been giving her. And yet—

"It's okay," Mahika says when Amoli stops mid sentence, and the fact that she's at a loss for words must show on her face. "You were scared. And overwhelmed." Amoli doesn't know whether to feel warm all over or burst into tears at how Mahika always seems to know. But again, they aren't on entirely different boats. "I wouldn't..." Amoli looks up when she trails off, meeting Mahika's eyes briefly before she's the one to avert her eyes this time, clearing her throat. "I wouldn't want anything more than to have you in my life somehow too, Amoli, but—" She shakes her head, closing her eyes for a second and exhaling before she meets Amoli's anguished gaze, voice turning into a whisper when she adds, "It's not that simple. At least not yet. Maybe, with time, I would be able to get rid of this—see, I can't even call it a crush." She looks genuinely frustrated now, fingers wrung together on her lap as if trying to hold back. Letting out a little laugh after a second, one that sounds anything but amused, she mutters, mostly to herself, "I think I passed that stage a year and a half ago."

The last sentence is yet another ton of emotions piled to process on top of the get rid of this get rid of this get rid of this echoing inside Amoli's head, she feels like someone just punched her in the gut with realization.

She doesn't want Mahika to get rid of the way she feels about Amoli.

And neither does she want herself to stop feeling the exact same about Mahika. Even though it terrifies her to her very core to admit it, she's tired and overwhelmed, and definitely not in the headspace to deny what her heart wants.

The mere thought of having to go back to a life where Mahika won't be a constant leaves a bitter feeling in her throat. Her mouth parts and a shaky breath makes its way past her lips, and before Amoli can process the words inside her head, she ends up asking:

"What if we just didn't tell anyone?"

The silence that stretched between them after that makes Amoli feel like her stomach is slowly filling with vacuum. And it's right there. The regret, slowly beginning to rise up her chest and then her throat to come out in a babbled apology—

"I don't..." Mahika whispers, pausing as if to take the words in. "I don't understand. About... us? Isn't it just Naina? No one else knows. I don't know w—"

"Mahi." Amoli's voice is soft despite the echo of her own heart thudding loudly inside her ribcage. "That's not what I mean."

Mahika takes another moment to process the words, and then lets out a shaky breath, bracing her hands against the edge of the swing. "You—"

"I just want to be with you."

The words are unfiltered and out in the open in their truest form, and the awareness that those are the most honest words Amoli has ever said to anyone in her life makes a lump appear in her throat. She feels vulnerable and more scared than ever, so she unsteadily reaches for Mahika's hand with her own without letting herself think whether she wants to assure the other girl or herself with the gesture.

She brings their hands up to her face and holds them against her lips, a plea in her eyes.

"Amoli..." Mahika breathes, swallowing back the lump in her throat. "You're just saying this because we're leaving on Saturday. Let's please, just—"

The day after tomorrow. Only one more day. No. Please.

"No," Amoli shakes her head and tucks their hands under her chin, eyes glossy with unshed tears. "Please, Mahi. And I'm not asking you to decide right away. I promise." Mahika doesn't try to take her hand out of Amoli's hold. Instead, her shoulders seem to sag further at the words, eyes falling close in misery.

"We're leaving the day after tomorrow."

"Take as much time as you need," Amoli says, pouring every ounce of sincerity that she holds in those words. "You don't just have to decide between today and tomorrow. Take all the time you need," she repeats firmly. "You have my number. And you know how else to reach me."

Mahika stares at her with tears in her own eyes, trying to blink them back to no avail.

"Please tell me you'll think about it," Amoli begs. "If it's a no after that, I'll accept it."

After what seems like a year's worth of wait, Mahika finally exhales defeatedly and nods. Amoli's entire body goes slack with relief and she closes her eyes and breathes out a sigh, tears caught in her lashes when she opens them.

"Thank you," she whispers, voice watery as she brushes the barest, softest of kisses against the back of Mahika's hand. "I'll respect the decision you make. Whatever it is." Just like you have respected mine until now. "I promise."

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a/n

a reminder that mahika and dhruv's playlists are up on my spotify! (check the inline comments for the links) i'm working on amoli's and i'll let y'all know when it's done <3

that aside, thank you so much for reading! we're now halfway through the book :D

have a good day ahead and take care of yourselves x

until next time!