˗ˏˋ awkward silences and eventual blow-ups 'ˎ˗

➷

The amount of awkwardness in the silence that stretches from that point on is astronomical.

Mahika doesn't remember the last time she felt so awkward that she felt the feeling run through her veins. Amoli looks just as traumatized as her if not more, and their eyes avert from each other's faces at the same time.

Her heart is pounding so hard inside her chest it's a wonder that the sound isn't deafening to everyone standing around her. Any faster than this, and she would have to worry about it ripping out from the middle of her chest and falling at Amoli's feet like a dead animal.

Now that would traumatize her.

And even amidst the shock, the fact that Amoli had called her Mahi hadn't gone past her. Not Mahika. Mahi. The very same name she had whispered when Mahika's lips were on her neck, her cheek, her temple. In a whisper. A plea. A lost breath.

She feels her chest tightening at the intensity with which she's hit by the memory of that entire evening now that Amoli is standing right in front of her, her eyes looking bigger than they ever have, her small figure almost hidden behind her brother's form.

Mahika is worried they have been silent for a little too long, because it's slowly spreading all around her — everyone's eyes on them are heavy — the chirping of the very same birds that sounded pleasant now seeming a little too loud. It makes her wonder if they're going to start hearing the sound of crickets as well any second now.

"So..." Keerti is the first one to break the silence eventually, and Mahika has no idea if she wants to shower her with appreciation or kick her. Because as unnerving the dead silence was, she wasn't ready for it to end this abruptly. At least not before she had gathered her words and set them in one place so she could pick out which ones were allowed to escape. "We all know each other already," she adds, and the words sound cringingly awkward because everyone present there believed that Mahika and Amoli did not get along.

Or they 'weren't on the best terms' to put it nicely for Naina's sake.

It's funny that the first sentence had no significance anymore. But the second one was true in a whole different way now. And if Mahika is being honest, she preferred the old way. The deer-caught-in-headlights look on Amoli's face makes her feel the first traces of regret lick at her skin and mock her beliefs.

For everyone else standing there, it probably looked like just two people distasteful of each other standing under a spotlight. Little do they know that Mahika is going through at least a million emotions at once if not more, and if they challenged her to name one of them, she would fail.

She's frozen on the spot, waiting for the sky to fall upon her or for the ground to swallow her whole. Either would work, really. Anything that gets her out of the situation she's in right now would work.

"Of course!" Naina chirps, as if she hasn't thrown Mahika in an impossible situation with zero warning mere seconds ago. She gestures at everyone, and then at Arnav and Amoli. "Just in case you guys don't remember, this is Arnav. You probably met him at the wedding." He gives everyone a small wave. "And you know Amoli already."

"We know who they are, you dumbass," Sakshi says, pushing past everyone to make her way to Amoli and pull her into a hug. Out of all of them, she was the one who had hit it off with Amoli the very same day they had met for the first time. "You don't look very happy to see us," Sakshi jokes before pulling back to look her in the eye. "Is it because of Mahi?"

Trying not to flinch at the words, Mahika stands her ground. You have no idea, she wants to say.

She takes note of the exact second when Amoli manages to grab all of the wandering emotions on her face and encase them into impassiveness, immediately followed by a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Of course I'm happy to see you guys," she says with an eye roll and then gives Naina a mock-glare. "I was just really surprised."

"Well, that's how it was supposed to be," Naina quips, sounding proud of herself. "I even got Akash to keep it to himself."

Mahika is pretty sure her stance is as stiff as a board. Naina snakes an arm around hers, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"Now I have all of my favorite people in one place."

-

Mahika still can't believe Akash had the audacity to call this place a 'cottage'.

Because the said cottage happens to be three times the size of Mahika's house, if not more, with four rooms, a living room, and a garden in the back. When everyone had looked at him like he was insane as soon as they had stepped inside the place, he had said, 'We have a really big family' as if that was enough explanation.

There were eight of them, which meant that each of them were supposed to share a room with someone.

And the idea of somehow ending up in the same room as Amoli had made Mahika fidget with discomfort, but Sakshi — honestly, Mahika was so relieved she could kiss her for it — had saved them both from the possible situation by announcing that she was going to share with Amoli.

Everyone else went in obvious pairs: Akash and Naina, Arnav and Samay, Keerti and Mahika.

As soon as it had been decided, Mahika had given in to how overwhelmed she truly was, and made up some bullshit excuse about how she was tired from the drive because she was the only one that didn't sleep.

She's wide awake.

Which is why she's aggressively setting her stuff in the room that she's supposed to share with Keerti while the other girl is downstairs having breakfast with everyone else, mumbling to herself about how big of a mess this entire outing could turn out to be.

Her hand places the bottle of her morning lotion a little too harshly on the table, the sound almost loud enough to absorb the low thump on the door if it had been knocked at the exact same second.

Mahika's hand that's holding her vanilla flavored perfume pauses mid-air and her eyes shift to the door. Maybe she takes a second too long because there's another knock, a hesitant one. That alone tells her that it's none of her friends.

"Yeah," she calls at the door, the word coming out more like a confused question rather than a reply, the expression quickly morphing into one of wide-eyed speechlessness when it clicks open and in steps Amoli, seeming just as unsure of her presence as Mahika does.

"Hey," the word leaves Mahika's mouth before she can overthink it, the hand in the air slowly coming down. She blinks a few times, watching Amoli give the room a few wavering glances. "Everything okay?"

Amoli looks just as surprised upon hearing the question as Mahika feels about asking it. She takes a few moments to nod, slow and timid, before she opens her mouth and in a small voice, asks:

"Can we... talk?"

And God Mahika doesn't have enough time or the words to get into an internal monologue about just how much she hates those words. There aren't a lot of things in the world that make her feel nervous. But out of the very tiny list, the words 'can we talk' always manage to get to her. They had gotten to her when her mother had asked if 'they could talk' so she could break the news about her divorce with Mahika's father. They had gotten to her when Naina, her closest friend for as long as she can remember, had asked if 'they could talk' so she could tell Mahika that she was moving to another country after she got married.

This case isn't any different.

The words make Mahika's guards go up immediately, the words, "I didn't tell anyone" escaping through the imperceptible fissure in her defenses.

"I —" Amoli says, but then closes her mouth, wringing her hands in front of her. Her voice gets smaller than ever when she adds, "T-That isn't what I — well, it is kind of about that but..." She looks in Mahika's direction, but her eyes are just an inch away from Mahika's face. With a defeated sigh, she finally says, "I'm... sorry."

Mahika stares at her, dumbfounded.

"Sorry?"

Amoli sighs again, letting go of her hand to slide it up her arm and awkwardly moving it up and down the length of it. "After I... sent you um, those texts —" Her eyes finally meet Mahika's and she stumbles on her words for a few seconds before they come back in a rush. "I read them over and over and I realized how... cruel they sounded. And insensitive. And... I acted like I regretted —" She stops again, color so obvious rising in her cheeks that Mahika has to remind herself that she can't reach out and caress her face just to feel the warmth against her own skin. "— regretted what... happened. Because I didn't. I just —" She lowers her gaze to the ground, lines appearing between her eyebrows. It's obvious that she's still trying to work her way through her words, and even though it's hard, Mahika tries to be patient.

Amoli looks up again after another sigh. "Look, when I woke up, I was all... lost. And disoriented. And it slowly started coming back to me and I realized that... that you weren't there. I couldn't help but assume that you —"

"Breathe," Mahika interrupts, making Amoli raise her face to meet her gaze. "Relax."

Surprisingly, Amoli listens to her.

"What do you think happened that day?"

Amoli looks at her like she has grown two heads. And it's so clear on her face what she's struggling to say out loud.

"Okay..." Mahika tilts her head to one side. "What's the last thing you remember?" she asks this time.

Amoli's cheeks redden more, but this time it's because of annoyance; the annoyance that Mahika can so clearly see steadily reaching her eyes.

"I think you know damn well what —"

"No." Mahika crosses her arms across her chest. "Say it."

Amoli glares up at her. "What the hell are you trying to do?"

"Are you ashamed of it?"

Now that makes Amoli take a pause. After a few seconds, she averts her eyes and replies in a low voice, "No. I'm not."

"Then say it. What is the last thing that you remember?"

Amoli swallows, and her hands ball up into fists by her sides. "Us... kissing."

Mahika feels her chest both loosen and tighten at the same time. She drops her arms from their defensive position and looks away. "There you go. That's all that happened."

The silence in the room is broken only when Mahika shakes her head to herself and goes back to arranging her stuff, an entirely new kind of hurt rising in the pit of her stomach. Her actions are calm but her grip on her stuff is so tight, it's a wonder it doesn't crush in her hold.

"That's... that's it?"

Mahika has to hold back a laugh at the disbelief in Amoli's voice. She can't hold herself from mockingly asking, "Why? Disappointed?" Before Amoli can counter her words, she continues without turning to look at her, voice devoid of emotion. "We kissed. We both almost fell trying to get to the bed. And then you hunched over the side and threw up."

She finally looks at the girl standing at the door.

"I was slightly more sober than you were, apparently." Mahika finally lets her expression waver, and even though she had already been through all of the emotions she was supposed to be; the hurt, the anger, the defeat, and then finally the beginning of acceptance, she tries to bare her soul to the girl in front of her before she continues. "Because I had the mind to help you clean up even though you weren't the only person drunk off their ass." She watches Amoli's shock melt into anguish and looks away. "The farthest I went was probably helping you change your clothes but that was only because they were stained with puke and I know how your family would have acted if they knew."

They stare at each other in silence; seething anger on Mahika's part and stunned stillness on Amoli's.

This wasn't the plan. Blowing up at Amoli had not been the plan. In all honesty, Mahika had thought they would never see each other again. But she was wrong. And apparently, she was also far from ready to see her again.

"I don't blame you if you don't believe me," she says, leveling her voice so it doesn't break. Because Mahika refuses to cry in front of her. She won't. "Because even after two years we barely know each other. I know." She takes a breath and pushes the thickness in her throat back when she releases it. "But you branding me as some kind of asshole who would just —"

Her voice cracks. So she stops.

Pinching the bridge of her nose when she feels the first prickle of tears, she reminds herself that this is the second time she's crying because of Amoli. She gives up after only a second or two and leaves the tears to swim in her eyes, sparkling like transparent crystals under the sun.

"You weren't the only one who was scared," she whispers. "You weren't the only one who panicked. I went home after putting you to bed because I didn't know what else to do. I left my number there because I didn't know what else to do." She lowers her voice again when she feels it rising in the slightest. "It was the only thing I could think of in that state. And you used it to tell me what happened was a mistake."

Both of them know that it's careless and brash of them to have this conversation here. But neither of them care. Not right now.

There are tears in Amoli's eyes too, and they're the only reason why Mahika stops. They're the only reason why she pushes back the rest of the bubbling emotions inside of her and squashes them under the cover of forced acceptance.

She hadn't been angry when Amoli had texted her like she expected Mahika to go around telling everyone about what happened between them.

She hadn't been angry when Amoli had called it a mistake.

But she's angry right now.

"If you can't remember it, why did you assume I would do something like that?"

The expression on Amoli's face is one of desperation. She opens her mouth and closes it several times before she can finally speak again, and the only words she manages to get out are, 'Mahi, we were both drunk and —' before she's interrupted.

By a knock on the door.

➷

a/n

i swear i wasn't going to end this chapter on a cliffhanger but </3

sorry bois, guess we'll continue in the next update

anyways, i will hopefully be posting the rest of this book very, very fast from this point on so get ready for irregular, spontaneous updates (if my health cooperates . pray for a fellow soldier pls) at ass o'clock.

thank you for reading! i hope y'all are having a good day <3
and if it's late, GO TO BED. ily.