Serge was still and I feared the worst had come to pass. Matthias grabbed Serge's wrist and felt for his pulse. His muttered swear was answer enough as to what he did not find, but he still did not let the pressure off Serge's wound as he started trying to get him breathing again.

I felt myself break. I shoved my face against Matthias's shoulder and began to cry, great wrenching sobs that I could not keep down. I was soaking what was left of his shift. He said my name.

The cursed raged and bit me with all of its fury. My eyes burned but I kept them fixed on Serge's face. My mind could not fathom what had happened. It made no sense that he was gone.

And maybe he was not, because I could still feel the curse inside me, its ever present agonizing torture on my mind and my body.

As if summoned by my thoughts, the curse's claws dug into me savagely. The pain in the back of my neck was worse than the pain of the original wound. My nerves screamed with the cold and my mind felt ready to break from the pressure.

Then somewhere, far away, Doctor Fischer spoke as he shooed Matthias out of the way.

I shook harder than ever and Matthias's arms wrapped around me as he pulled me back. They seemed like the only thing in the world that could keep the curse from completely ripping me asunder.

My bones ached and my blood washed the cold throughout my flesh. My skin prickled and I felt as exposed as if I were naked in a blizzard. Every cell screamed. I clung to Matthias with my blood stained fingers.

The storm rushed me. I was so afraid, deathly afraid. The curse took my fear for Serge and amplified it until I though the feeling alone would destroy me.

It did not want to let me go. If Serge was going to die, then it was intent on dragging me into the grave with him, scared to death.

And then the feeling was gone, as if it had never been.

I went limp and only Matthias's hard frame supporting me kept me from dropping into a listless pile on the floor.

I was calm, but worse than calm, apathy, empty, nothing. Not cold, not hot, as if Serge had taken my feelings with him.

Because I did not have to wait for Doctor Fischer to confirm what I could feel in my cells. The magic of the curse had dissipated and I should be happy, but there was only one explanation for that when he was bleeding out on the floor.

He was gone.

He did not deserve such an end.

The quiet I had felt was merely the calm before the storm, because my pain rushed back and I was filled with nothing but grief for the man with whom I had been so intertwined. My tears redoubled their efforts and I cried like I was trying to drown myself.

"Serge." It hurt. It hurt so bad.

Matthias pulled me closer to himself. "I'm sorry, Elise, I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong," I wailed. "I'm sorry."

Matthias just pulled me closer and shushed me for a long moment. "Keep your eyes shut, Elise. I'm getting you out of here."

I did not question him as he picked me up and carried me out. I could walk on my own, probably easily again, but I could imagine what he was protecting me from witnessing and there was nothing wrong with letting Matthias support me in his strength.

In the back of my mind, through the kaleidoscope of violence, I could see the blurry scene that Matthias was taking me away from.

I did not even know where he took me, but we were alone in a room with more of the geometric furniture, this time in what was likely a conference table and chairs. He took me into a corner, where we were out of sight of the windows leading into the room.

"Are we safe, is the fight over?" I asked, still clinging to him like I could not manage on my own.

"This floor is secure, and we're sweeping the others."

I frowned. "They need to find the prince and take him out, too. We don't want him rebuilding what his father and grandfather started. He's a weasel and probably just as bad as the other two."

Matthias sighed. "Wait here. I'll just be a second."

I almost protested, but my legs still felt unresponsive. Not like the curse had rendered me, just so unbelievably weak.

I remembered him lying there all over again, and my ridiculous eyes leaked anew. I was so conflicted, pain for Serge and guilt for Matthias. With what I had said to Serge, I had probably hurt Matthias and I hated myself for that as well.

It was too much.

Matthias returned.

I wiped my eyes. "Matt, I'm sorry for what I said," I whispered.

"I knew that you loved him, Elise."

"I tried not to."

"You chose me. I'm satisfied," he said.

I searched his face, but he did not look upset. "I'll understand if you..."

"Don't even think about it. I always knew that you always care too much, Elise."

There was nothing else I could think to say. I sat with Matthias, his strength against my back and somehow I fell asleep on the floor of one of the eastern king's conference rooms.

* * * * * * * * *

The next day, we started the journey back to the territories. It seemed too early since so much was undone, but there were other people to manage the deconstruction of the eastern king's forces. The threats were sorted from the innocents as much as possible, but that was a mess for someone else to clean up.

Jordan had been found and subsequently executed. I did not want details so I did not ask.

With the death of the king, the thralls had been released from his magic. Like I had experienced, they had moments of agonizing emotion that felt like it would kill them, then sweet eerie nothingness. Once they understood, they overwhelmed the guards and began to fight and flee.

I knew how they felt. I was glad that the eastern king was gone. His hunger for power and control had ultimately led to the demise of so many.

So many, like my leader.

Grief for Serge and guilt for Matthias whirled inside me. I tried to hide my feelings from him, but he could read me.

We did not have a proper chance to talk alone as we travelled northwest, but it hung between us. He still touched me and I still touched him, but it felt like there was a barrier between us.

It was perhaps not new, but now that it was acknowledged, it felt substantial.

I tried to talk myself out of it. I already lost Serge, I did not want to lose Matthias, too.

Because in spite of everything, I knew that I loved him and I wanted him with me for my whole life.

* * * * * * * * *

I could not help but feel a sweet joy when we were finally in the air, ready to leave. One short ride via floatplane and I would finally be home.

My heart felt like it would burst when we landed and even more so when my father and my step mother came forward to greet me. I was smothered in hugs in the best way, and I was completely warm.

As the days after my curse passed, I was fearless, although perhaps that was not quite true. I could still tell when I was afraid, but it was more of an academic fact than an emotion.

I had become so used to the constant pressure that without the curse my actual anxieties felt like nothing at all. Sean teased me that I was going to become an adrenaline junky now. He was probably wrong. Without the fear of the curse dampening my emotions, everything felt so raw. I found myself a bit overreactive.

I also could not contain my joy at everyday things as if I had been released from slow motion. All the little tasks that seemed suddenly so easy filled me with delight. I felt constant waves of affection for everyone one around me. My sense of humour reappeared, or as my brother claimed, had been born. He might be right. My brother was suddenly oddly funny, like he never had been before.

There were moments when my temper boiled at small provocations like nothing I had ever experienced before so I had to work hard to keep myself in check.

Like erosion, my grief had also been exposed and there were moments when it would catch me off guard and it hurt almost as much as the first moment of loss. I missed my mom so much again it felt like a physical ache.

Worse, even my love for Matthias could not keep Serge out of my head. The wound felt raw and unhealing.

Since Serge had died without an heir, as second, Dan stepped up to lead their pack during the time of change, and possibly beyond if no one challenged him.

Serge's body was brought back to the territories. Matthias went with me to the funeral and supported me while I cried, like I had saved every tear from the weeks I had been cursed just for him.

I could hear Pastor Jensen's words as he gave his message and I listened as a sombre Dan tried to adequately express the person who had once been Serge in words.

Serge was at peace, for better or worse.

I cried like the spring thaw after a very snowy winter.