I don't know how long my brain erratically whipped through everything that had happened, but as I lay on the bed I tried to figure out what I wanted.

I swallowed hard. I was being pulled apart by my conflicted emotions. How could I have feelings for both of them? How was the decision not instantly obvious?

Matthias...  I did love him, I really did, and it could no doubt blossom into more, but when I thought about Serge, there was something else there...

Of course, there was that ever gnawing magic fear that I was doing something wrong by even thinking of him. How could I even dare to care about him as a person when the magic screamed that he was so impossibly far above me?

But I was getting used to that magic now. I felt what was underneath, under all those obscuring chains that held me back from being who I was. Under everything, there was a spark of something that might just be worth taking a risk on, that might be worth throwing caution to the wind and flouting the wisdom of all the naysayers who would surely object.

I ignored the swirling of deceptive magic and I thought about what was good for me. I ignored the whispers of the curse that told me I deserved nothing but terror, that I had no more worth than the lowliest thrall.

It was his fault that I was in this state, but he had well proven his regret. He had strength and morals. He bore his responsibility like granite. I could not help but forgive him. He made me want to follow him.

Choosing him was a risk, because there was no guarantee that this mad plan to draw me out of the curse through true affection would work. If it failed, I would be trapped in a marriage with a man who terrified me.

Yet, Serge did not really terrify me. It was not me who was afraid, it was the magic's lies working on my mind and my body.

I was hit with another shot of frozen trepidation and I was not even sure if it was because of thinking of him in such a audacious way or for criticizing the magic.

Still, the magic's reasoning did not matter, because I was not afraid of him, not really. He had never abused his overwhelming power over me and he would not even if the plan failed and I was still his thrall. I trusted him.

Maybe hidden beneath everything, I was half in love with him already. He was always there in the back of my mind, even when I could not feel him on the nape of my neck.

I got to my legs shakily. There was no point in waiting. I wanted to resolve this. I wanted to tell him now. I wanted to make this attempt to remove the curse as soon as possible.

Pushing open the door, I peeked out of my room. Was Matthias was still around the territory? Guilt flooded me that I hoped he was not. I was not ready to face him yet, or the possible destruction of our lifelong friendship. I only hoped that he did not care about me as much as he professed, because I hated the idea of hurting him.

Even as the thought went through my head, I knew it was false hope. Matthias would never lie about something that serious.

The idea of refusing him hurt, because things would never be the same. I was going to lose my best friend, but it was unavoidable. I swallowed hard. Pain and guilt and shivers of fear swirled through me and some of them were even my own.

I did not spot Matthias, but I could tell I was getting closer to Serge by the prickling on my neck. It seemed he was in his office, that mysterious room that I had never dared to trespass upon. It took me a full forty seconds to get up the nerve to knock and my attempt was feeble indeed.

I was surprised he heard, but he called for me to enter. Perhaps he had been waiting for me. I put my hand on the door knob and pushed it open slowly, fear pounding in my heart.

And I really was nervous. This was not just the magic manipulating my mind. Instead of attempting to look at him, I cast my eyes around the room, looking at his heavy desk and the books lining the shelves.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asked.

I nodded and made my way to the proffered chair.

He waited expectantly.

"I, um, made my decision," I began.

He responded quickly, "You can use my phone, if you need to call him."

His response surprised me and I was a bit taken aback. "What?"

He repeated evenly, "Would you like to use my office phone to call him?"

"But I didn't tell you what I chose," I pointed out. I was confused and I risked a glance at his face.

His smile was of bittersweet understanding. "It doesn't take much to see who you should choose," he said.

With an exhale, I thought about his words. He assumed I had chosen Matthias and I supposed that made sense. After everything that had happened, Matthias was the obvious choice.

A long pause stretched out between us. I could simply agree with him. I had another chance to back out, if I wanted to take it.

I could tell him I chose my friend. I could agree with his expectations. I could give in to the magic that was screaming at me to stay in my place and to never imagine a thrall like I was could ever be an equal to Serge.

Swallowing, I shook my head. I had to push past the chains that seized me, trying to stop me from moving forward.

"My answer is y-yes," I forced out past my frozen, uncooperative tongue.

He was looking at me as if I had spoken another language. He did not look happy.

I tried again. "I'll marry y-you."

His silence made me second guess myself. Had I understood wrong? "If y-you still want me to..."

His brows furrowed and a glance showed me he looked angry. I flinched. "I'm not going to let the magic force you. I'm not going to force you. I should never have even asked you in the first place."

I had trouble getting the words out. "It's not the magic, Ser-Serge. The magic is fighting this, not forcing it."

Serge's expression was still as cold as the magic that plagued me. "It's obvious he loves you. I simply wanted to give you an option to attempt to free yourself from the curse if I could, but you obviously have a better option."

I swallowed. The pain of rejection began overtaking my anxiety. I forced out my words, "You said you saw me..."

I had believed him. The magic overtook my pain and shivered.

"I said a lot of things, but how could I ask anything of you under the circumstances?"

I swallowed, trying to build my courage as the magic assaulted me with wave after wave of fear.

"Because, I see y-you, too," I whispered. I made my eyes meet his.

He seemed at a loss on how to respond, so I got up from the chair. I walked around his desk on my shaking legs and I brought my face level with his, not even sure what I was doing, but if this was what I wanted I had to be the one to act.

Fighting the magic was up to me, because Serge would never move forward. It was impossible for him to tell the difference between what the magic forced of me and what was my will so he would do nothing and let me go.

He was frozen as if it were he rather than me who was afflicted by the curse.

I closed my eyes and brought my lips forward to touch his.

He did not move for a long moment and I began to feel like a fool. Maybe he did not really want me. Maybe he really had just been trying to do something honourable, sacrifice his future in some attempt to free me from the curse. A flush rushed over my face at my mistake.

I was about to flee to my room, but then finally he kissed me back. All thoughts of retreating dissipated from my mind.

His arms carefully moved around me and pulled me closer. He held me like I would break.

Even as I was, I could have broken from his hold. He still wanted to give me a chance to escape. I smiled against his face as he deepened the kiss in a way that made me never want to stop. There really was something here. It was not all duty and an attempt to rectify what he had broken. He did want me.

While he kissed me, the shivers of fear gradually dissolved into tingles of delight. It felt good, more than mere relief. It was like the sun peaking through the clouds.

I was disappointed when he broke the kiss and he looked into my eyes. I resisted the urge to look away.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I smiled shakily and nodded. "I am. Order me to tell the truth, if y-you need to confirm it," I offered.

He shook his head. "I don't need to. I believe you."

I smiled at him with all the affection welling up inside me.

He set me backwards, a frown reclaiming his face. "You understand that this might not work, right?"

"It will," I said. I had a good feeling, thinking of how my fear dissolved for a moment while he kissed me.

"There's no guarantee."

I closed my eyes and then forced myself to meet his gaze again. "I do know. It's a risk I'm willing to take. I can live like this, if it comes to it."

He frowned. I smiled at him. It was not hard, even with the dour fears that plagued me.

"If it doesn't work I suppose I'll be your thrall and your wife for the rest of my life," I told him with a smile. It no longer sounded like a life sentence to me.