We finished placing my things in drawers; although in truth it was mostly Karen, because it seemed to take me five minutes to move just one measly item from the bed to the dresser.

We put my toiletries in the small attached bathroom next.

Perhaps to speed up the process, Karen gathered everything in one load and put them on the counter for us to sort from there.

I caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror by accident.

She had a kind looking face, straight light brown hair, and the sight of her made me feel like there was cold fire burning in my sockets.

I looked away quickly and was careful to keep my eyes away from the mirror as much as I did from her face.

When we finished, she coaxed me from my room to the kitchen and I was given a plate with various food much like what I had picked at when Matthias was there.

I knew I was supposed to eat, so I tried, but the food was sawdust in my mouth, even if my hands could manage to be steady enough to get it there.

Karen was quiet for a long moment.  I could hear she was eating something herself.  "Would it help you if I ordered you to eat, Elise?"

I considered.  I did not want to waste away, but neither did I want to feel so anxious to eat that I choked.  "C-could I try a bit longer?" I asked.

"Of course."  Another pause.  "It seems you're finding your voice, just a bit.  I think it's a good sign," she said.

Maybe, I certainly hoped so, even if hope made my heart pound with fear.

This fear at least made sense.  If I hoped too much I might end up crushed under my disappointment.  I already had enough weight upon me from the curse's magic chains.

Karen continued, "I spoke with your father earlier when he called.  He wants to talk to you.  You can use my phone if you want."

I wanted to talk to my father, I really did, but at the same time I thought it would just hurt too much.  "I...  Maybe later?" I pleaded and quivered.

"Of course.  I'll let him know," Karen agreed easily.  "Anyway, I think I've pushed you far enough for today."

I agreed, but the curse did not so I had no response.

I could hear the hesitation in her voice.  "Did you think you'll be able to sleep tonight?"

"M-maybe."  I doubted it.

"Would it help if I ordered you to?"

Would it help, or would I find myself in the bed unable to move until someone came to get me?  I managed a shrug.

"I'm going to try," she said.  The tremor in her voice did not make me feel less afraid.

Though I felt on the edge of panic, I certainly did not want to disagree with a pack member.  I stopped breathing as I waited.

"Elise, I'm ordering you to take care of your physical needs, as you normally would have."

I nodded.

She apologized, "I hope you understand I'm sorry for doing that, but I'm worried you'll waste away in time if I don't."

I popped another cracker into my mouth, probably a side effect of being told to take care of myself, before I left the kitchen and returned to my room.

I focused on her orders to get myself ready and managed to take off my clothing and force myself into the shower.

I got the water to the right temperature and then I huddled on the floor.  The water streamed over me while I searched for the strength to pick up the bottle of my shampoo and wash my hair.

I managed, but I skipped conditioner because it was just another excruciating step.

I finished washing, wrapped myself in a towel, and stepped out.  I managed to get dressed in my pyjamas and to brush my hair by reminding myself over and over that it was an order from my false pack.

Then I crawled into bed, I clutched Lizzy and I finally fell asleep.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I woke suddenly from a dark and grasping world of dreams, my heart pounding and my palms sweating.  Waking was no relief because the world around me was a terrifying nightmare.

I looked around the room.  Light streamed in the windows, but it still felt like the room was shrouded in deepest darkness.

I forced myself to get out of bed, by repeating what Karen had told me like a mantra.  "Take care of your physical needs," she had said, so I took another shower and dressed for the day, shaking the entire time as if I was doing something terribly wrong rather than basic hygiene.

I was glad that I did, because as I began to tidy up my bed, there came a knock on the door.  I tried to respond to it, but my voice had deserted me again.

The second knock sounded and then Karen cautiously pushed open the door.

"Good morning," she said.  "Ready for breakfast?"

I nodded and followed her out of the room.  It was slightly easier than before, but still a challenge.

I felt a glimmer of hope through my dark swirling fear.  Maybe it would get easier if I kept trying.

I managed to eat half a plate of eggs and toast and I counted it as a victory.

Karen removed my plate when I was done before unintentionally dashing my victory with her next words.  "Serge wanted to talk to you when you're done."

Those few syllables melted me into a boneless quivering puddle of terror, though I stayed in my seat.

"It's nothing bad," she assured me, but the magic did not care.  "Come with me now?"

I followed her and tried to use my imagination to spontaneously combust as I walked.  Sadly it did not work; perhaps the icy fear kept me too cold to burn up.

I felt more shivers go through my body as punishment for my silliness.

I though Karen would take me to an office or something, but instead she took me outside the back door and straight to the porch where I had sat with Matthias the previous day.

I was glad, somehow it seemed slightly less intimidating to be here than in some completely unknown room belonging to him.

It did not hurt that he was not there yet, either.  Having a brief respite from dealing with him helped me maintain my fear somewhere below the level of overwhelming panic.

That changed when the door opened.

"I'll leave you to talk then," Karen said and she dashed away.  I felt rather abandoned.

I did not have to look at him to know that he was there.  The tingles of terror rushed over me at his presence and I felt myself shrinking down into to cushions of my deck chair.

He was quiet for a long moment and I wondered if he was waiting for me to say something, but it was impossible for me to oblige no matter how much I might want to.

My throat felt so closed it was almost as if I could not breathe, let alone speak.  I felt my panic leaping simultaneously between my desire to flee and the magic's push to submit to the leader of my false pack.

But then he spoke, his steady tone belying his deeper distress.  "I'm sorry, Elise," he said.  I believed him, I could hear the regret in his voice, but still it froze my bones.

Maybe he deserved to feel guilty, but the magic was intent on making me suffer right along with him.

"If I had realized you were a part of Nick's pack it would have never happened.  I meant what I said to your father, you're safe.  We're going to find a way to undo this."

It seemed as if he were looking for the words he needed.  "I understood at the last moment that I should not kill you, but I truly don't know what I was thinking beyond that.  Either way, it does not change what happened."

He paused and I could feel the fear running all over me, concentrating on the healing wound still on the back of my neck.

"Did my explanation help you or harm you?" he asked.

I nodded, which could have meant anything to him and it was the perfect response, because I did not know what I meant, either.

In reality it was probably both.  The magic might be punishing me for it with successive waves of ice, but deep down it was comforting to know that he regretted the harm he had done me.  Though it could not change irrational fears that gripped me, at least I could try to cling to the understanding that it seemed I had nothing to truly fear here.

How strange that his voice still made me want to jump out of my skin, but his words soothed me at the same time.

I wondered what face went with that deep, sombre voice and then I felt the magic seize me with terror as it did whenever my mind strayed to where it was completely forbidden to go.

Apparently speculating about my captor was also out of line.

"Karen says that it seems things have gotten slightly easier for you," he told me.

I nodded, but the slight gains I made were almost nothing compared to what I had lost.  Was it a gain that I had managed to touch my own backpack, wash my own hair?  They were things that were so simple I had always taken them for granted in the past.  I counted them as victories, but in truth they seemed as obsolete pennies against a million dollars of debt.

"I want you to know that you're allowed to do whatever you can do to make yourself comfortable here.  I want you to know that and to do that.  I want you to find a way to have as normal a life as possible until we figure this out.  I don't know what it's like to be cursed, but if we can mitigate your suffering, I intend to make it happen."

I nodded, shivers creeping all over me.

"Your father contacted me and said your brother will be coming by tomorrow with more of your things.  I know Karen already told you, but that guest room you're staying in is yours and until we solve this, this pack is yours.  You have my permission to go anywhere and do anything that isn't detrimental to my people, or our defence, if it helps you in any way."

The shivers spread through my veins and my muscles.

"Karen told me that it might be better for you if I ordered you to make yourself feel comfortable, but I can't command you.  At least not until we've tried all the other options."

He inhaled, but I heard the hitch in his breathing that demonstrated he was not as calm as his tone might suggest.

"Maybe I'm being selfish, but I cannot bring myself to, not after everything I've already inflicted on you.  First we'll try gently increased exposure to hopefully lessen your suffering in the short term.  Your father agrees with this approach.  Karen will take care of it."

He paused and I nodded, because a response was clearly expected.

"I'm asking too much, but I want you to...  I hope you can break yourself out with your spirit.  You're different than the others we know of who have been placed under this, you're the innocent victim of my sin rather than the sinner.  I hope that knowledge will help you overcome it."

I probably appeared little more than a repetitive puppet as I nodded again like it was the only motion I was capable of.  Maybe it was.

I kept my face down from him, but I could hear that he leaned slightly closer.  "Elise, what can I do for you?"

I realized I had to answer, but my mind was completely blank at that moment so all I felt was scattered panic at my failure.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I managed to get out.

"No, I shouldn't have asked you.  I'm the one who's sorry."

"N-n-no," I protested shakily, torn between fear at disagreeing with him and fear for inspiring his guilt.  "D-don't b-be."

He let out a harsh chuckle.  "I would be an even more terrible man if I felt no remorse, don't you think?"

Another impossible question.  I shifted my shoulders vaguely.

"I think I've tortured you enough for now," he said bitterly.  "We will talk again, but I'm going to give you space and let Karen try to work her magic."

He stood up before I could even wag my head again or think of something to say.

Truthfully, it was a relief that he was leaving.  The prickles of fear calmed slightly as I heard his footsteps walk across the deck and the light squeak as he opened the door.

But then why did the sound of the door closing behind him also make me feel so bad?

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *