I was having a really good time at Matthias's house, relative to how I was usually feeling.

His party this year was not like the ones I had bullied him into having with our friends, rather this was an Allen clan gathering in full force, brought to life by his mother's clear concern about Matthias's wellbeing.

The chaos of the room did not bother me as much as I might have predicted.  The curse felt very neutral about members of my old pack and it seemed to have difficulty keeping up specific punishments with all the noise and movement around me.

What if someone did say something disparaging about Serge?  Someone else was commenting on the flavour of cake and someone else was trying to balance a spoon on their nose at the same time.  The curse's attention was spread as thinly as mine.

The curse contented itself with only punishing me with icy shivers if I said, did, or thought the wrong things, or if I dared to get a little bit too happy for a lowly thrall. So, all in all, pretty good as prepared to my new normal.

Matthias' family had always been welcoming to me and after almost a couple decades of hanging around they treated me like just another member of the family with one small exception.

For the last few years, none of them seemed capable of comprehending that Matthias and I were just friends.

No one ever actually said anything directly to me, but I would have to have been completely oblivious not to spot the considering looks, or occasionally overhear the little comments with which they would periodically jab Matthias.

The disgusted expression on his face when someone prodded him about me was enough to keep me from ever imagining we could be anything more than we currently were.

He was attractive, so of course once or twice I had considered what it would be like to be something beyond friends, but I was hardly going to pressure him into a relationship he would not want.

I had always been careful to keep myself from thinking about Matthias in the wrong way, because that was a recipe for ruining what we already had.

I imagined I was too much like his sister for him not to be revolted.  I did not take it personally.  I was perfectly happy with him as we were.

A pleasant warmth filled me with the familiarity of being surrounded by Matthias and his family.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I spent some time talking to Ruth.  She brought me up to speed on some of what had been going on in our pack and then she went to get something she could use to write her satellite number down.  We could not directly put them into our phones, because I had not brought mine along.

When I had tried to grab it on the way out, my hand had felt like I was touching frozen pins.  I considered forcing myself to take it anyway, but I did not want to make Serge wait for me so I abandoned it on my desk and left.

While Ruth was gone, Ernie sat down.  I could tell he was trying to impress me or something.  I just humoured him.

I kept glancing at Matthias across the table.  He did not look like he was enjoying his party.  I smiled through the lingering ice at what a curmudgeon my friend could be.

Ernie told me I was looking good, but he forgot to add the subtext "for a thrall".

He kept talking and I responded sort of automatically.  I saw Matthias get up on the other side of the table.

Ruth returned.  "Here," she said, slipping a piece of paper into my hands.  "Text me if you need anything."

"Th-thanks."

"Now give me my seat back, Ernie," she ordered, turning to her younger cousin.

Before Ernie could either comply or argue, Matthias circled the table.  "Let's go, Elise," he said.

Ernie relinquished the chair with a grin.  "What about your presents, Matt?"

"I'll open them later."  Although I was probably not meant to hear his muttering, I heard Matthias add, "They're probably just full of unsolicited advice anyways."

I smiled at his irritation with his cousin.  Matthias and Ernie had a low grade rivalry going since grade school, but it seemed to have flared up again in the moment.  Their idle bickering was generally amusing.

"Awe, come on, I got you something great."  Ernie had the huge grin he wore when he was actively annoying Matthias.

"Does it have an expiry date?"

"No."

"Then I'll open it later.  Let's go finish our game, Elise."

"Can I play, too?" Ernie asked.

Matthias clenched his teeth.  "It's two player and there's no room."

Ernie was not done.  "Can I watch then?  I could use an excuse to escape from these crazies."  He waved towards his mother.

"Watch it, Ernie," she scolded without real heat, before returning to her conversation with Matthias' dad about a season of some epic pseudo-medieval series they both watched.

"Do what you want," Matthias said with a disgruntled expression that meant the direct opposite.

Ernie, not taking the hint, trailed after us up the stairs to Matthias' room and wandered around while we resumed our places at the computer.

"Hey, she's already got a round on you," Ernie pointed out as Matt unpaused the game.

Matthias did not bother answering.  I started hitting buttons and tried to get off my avatar's special move.  Matt blocked and I swept his off his feet.  I jumped up and slammed down on him.

Ernie stood behind us.  "You're being beaten by a girl, man."

"Why are you here again?" Matthias asked.

"To watch her hand you your ass, apparently," Ernie said.

I intervened.  "It's no shame to lose to a girl when she has my skills, Ernie."

Matthias laughed at my comment as he knocked my avatar down and slammed him around.  "If she can beat me you'd last two seconds flat against her.  If you were lucky."

Matthias knocked me out and we went into the final match tied.

"Oooh, the pressure's on."

Matthias scowled.  "Shut up, Ernie."

"Matthias versus Elise in a battle for his masculinity."

Matthias' cousin was starting to get on my nerves, too.  "Knock it off, Ernie.  It's n-not a fair match if you interfere.  Either be quiet or leave."

Ernie unfortunately decided to watch with his mouth shut.  I had rather hoped he would choose to go, but this was at least better.

Matthias and I traded attack after attack and he beat me when I had him down to slit life.

"Oh, so close!" I complained.

"Another round?" Matthias offered.

I nodded, but then I glanced at the clock on his wall.  The ice wound over and through me at the sight.  I had gotten caught up in the familiarity and lost track of time.  I kept my leader waiting for two and half hours.

Surely that was too long.  The curse thought so and stabbed me with its opinion.

I glanced at Matthias.  "Never mind, I-I should probably g-go now.  You'll have to play with Ernie."

Matthias' jaw clenched, but he did not argue.  Ernie, never one to read the room, looked pleased with my suggestion.

"You wait here," Matthias told his cousin with a dark look.  Ernie apparently decided not to antagonize Matthias further, maybe he had figured out the situation.

Matthias helped me gather my things and we made our way down to the front door.

"I'll walk you out," he offered.

"Thanks," I agreed as I pulled on my jacket.

I heard a chorus of farewells as I was leaving and I tried not to appear half-hearted in my responses.

Matthias and I walked towards Serge's truck.  I looked as close to Serge as I could.  From my peripheral vision I could see he was reclined in his seat and perusing a paper in his hands.

"You could ask him for more time," Matthias pointed out.  He frowned at his own suggestion.  I knew the idea of asking Serge for anything grated on his nerves.

"It's not really h-h-him, it's the c-curse and the c-c-curse doesn't give," I reminded him as we reached the truck.  "Happy birthday, Matt," I said with as much fervour as I could manage past the combined cold of the air and the curse.

"Thanks," he responded with about as much enthusiasm as I felt.

I gave him a hug and he returned it stiffly.  He was so warm he drove the ever present shivers away while I held him.  I released him and the cold flooded back in.  "See you s-soon."

He nodded.  "I'll come see you next chance I get," he promised.

I pulled open the door and climbed into the truck.  I waved at my friend and watched the frown between his eyes soften marginally.

Serge started the truck and the engine hummed to life.  "Did you have a good time?"

"I d-did.  Th-thanks S-S-S..."

"You're welcome, Elise."

I watched my best friend shrinking into the distance behind us as we drove away.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

We returned to Serge's home and ate canned soup for supper.  Instead of retreating to my room I tried to help in my unhelpful way.

The rest of the night was uneventful.  I slept my restless sleep and woke to a cloudy Sunday.  I managed through my morning routine alone with Serge until Karen came in the afternoon.  I was both relieved and nervous at her presence.

Then Monday came, marking my second full week as a thrall.  I was gaining ground, but the curse was quick to rush over my skin and sweep through my bones as punishment for my mild hopefulness.

The rest of the week stretched into the next and the next, marking my third and fourth full weeks as a slave to the curse.  April gave way to the beginning of May and I forced myself to continue to follow my schedule and take care of myself. I ran through the forest, I recorded my experiences, talked to Doctor Alexi, I studied the pictures, I texted my family, I spent time with Denizen or whomever had come to visit me.  I pretended that the puppet I now inhabited was myself in a desperate effort to hold onto she who I remembered.

The consistency of my schedule was interrupted by two more attacks of the eastern wolves during those weeks, rendering me shaking and incapable of doing anything for myself for hours after Serge returned.

But still, I recovered.

The low hum of constant anxiety was starting to almost feel normal.  I still felt fear over little things like brushing my teeth and leaving my room, but they were more of the ever present anxious background buzz than the sharp spikes they had once been.  I was still afraid of everything, but with each little victory the curse became marginally more manageable.

I was not sure if I was winning my war, but at least I was not losing ground to my enemy.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *