I trudged down the hall after Doctor Alexi and into one of the back bedrooms.  The bed was pushed up against the wall and had a number of papers spread across it.

There were two chairs and she sat in one and I sat in the other while I waited for her to indicate what I should be doing.

She picked up a clipboard.  "So, Elise, tell me exactly what happened, from the very moment of the curse until this moment."

I paused and began describing what I had experienced as evenly as I could, although the curse was insistent on stabbing at me when I said the wrong thing. She took quiet notes and made humming sounds, occasionally stopping me to ask for further clarification.

Finally, Doctor Alexi picked apart my story from every possible angle.  The curse had assaulted me so repeatedly that it had almost become a low hum of fear that I that I did my best to ignore while I stuttered out responses.

Doctor Alexi was relentless.  She would not let me stop without properly answering.  I felt tortured and drained by the time she was done with wringing every scrap of subjective data out of me.

I could have left at any time.  She was neither my master, nor a member of the pack to which I was enthralled and I did not have to obey her in the slightest.  If I had gone to my father and complained, he would have put a stop to my suffering at once.

The curse had been pushing me to leave.  I could feel it almost as if it consciously did not want to be removed.  I fought the obsessive desire to flee and I tried to remind the magic that my master wanted me to do this, but it remained unconvinced.

Still, I stayed where I was and answered all her questions until she was satisfied.

She was scanning her notes silently.  I could see them from where I was still shaking in my chair, but they looked like unfathomable hieroglyphs to me.

They apparently meant something to her, though.  After long moments of silence she muttered under her breath.  "Surely there are laws governing magic.  Just because we haven't clearly defined them yet doesn't mean that they aren't there..."

The ice of the curse gnawed at the nape of my neck.  I tried to ignore the feeling while she continued muttering to herself.

Besides the magic fear, I felt awkward just sitting there.  I wondered if I should just leave or interrupt her and ask if she was finished with me.  I sensed she would not be pleased if I chose the latter option and broke her train of thought.

"Determine the parameters..."

I decided to sneak away, but at that exact moment she snapped her eyes to me.  "In all the old stories I heard, the person inflicted with the curse felt overwhelming guilt."

I shrugged.

"From the scant information that has been gathered, other thralls wallow in their shame at what they did wrong."

I considered.  "I-I know I was stupid for sneaking off to the f-fight," I agreed.

"You know, but your guilt is little more than an afterthought.  I think there's something here."

"Wh-what?"  The curse was not happy in the slightest and I shook with terror not truly my own.

"I don't know.  Did you not hear my explanation that I'm not carrying around a magic bag of answers earlier?"

"I h-heard."

"Every book and movie has some scientist wandering around who just has the exact right configuration of experience and information just waiting to be put together like pieces of a puzzle."

I nodded and she fixed me with a hard stare.  "Real life isn't like that.  Usually there are no explanations, often time runs out, and ultimately there are no happy endings.  I told your father that, but he pulled that rank bullshit on me.  I almost told him to go straight to hell, but I decided it I might as well use the opportunity to visit mom and the rest."

She turned back to her notes with an angry expression.

I considered her rant for a long moment and tried to think of what to say.  "I know I-I'm probably going to be a thr-thrall for the r-rest of my life," I told her quietly.  "I d-don't w-want to be, but I don't think I'll be fr-free any time soon.  That's why I'm f-fighting i-i-it myself."

She looked at me.  I saw a flash of sympathy cross her severe face so quickly I was not completely certain I had not imagined it.  Of course, I would never have imagined anything so bizarre as softness in Doctor Alexi's expression so it must have been real.

Doctor Alexi turned back to her notes and her eyes wandered around the page seemingly at random.

Finally, she looked at me again.  "Perhaps the difference between you and past thralls is that the curse is typically put on in a very intentional way.  It's possible it's different upon you because of the fear you were feeling when it happened, or due to Serge's emotions as he realized what he was doing, or perhaps it's down to the fact that you did not commit a terrible trespass that deserved such overwhelming punishment.  Even Serge understood that in the moment he cursed you, and certainly you both experienced a great deal of fear at the time of the incident."

I nodded. It was true for my part.

Doctor Alexi slapped down her pen down hard enough that I was startled.

"I'll try to help you, Elise.  I was due a sabbatical anyway.  Just don't get your hopes up, because there's almost certainly nothing that I can do."

"I w-won't," I agreed.  It was an easy promise to make.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I was given a journal in which I was supposed to record everything that happened to me in minute detail.  I carried it out of the back bedroom in my trembling fingers, nervous about what had happened outside Doctor Alexi's makeshift office while I had been sequestered.

I felt a moment of sweet relief before the curse overwhelmed it when I walked back into the living room and did not find my father at Serge's throat.

Doctor Alexi and I took our previous spots.  Everyone had more refreshments pressed on them by Missus Lindale.

There was vague conversation all around me while I simply waited for it all to be over.

"I've always preferred the hard sciences where rules actually have meaning.  I've never had the patience for psychology, or worse, sociology.  You can try to manage humans down into categories of subjects, but they're damn hard to keep in place, always an exception to every rule.  It's like herding cats.  And I hate cats. A more pointless and vindictive creature has never existed," Doctor Alexi opined in a conversation I had not been properly following.

I was even more relieved when it was time to leave.  I hugged my father and Moramay.  Serge shook hands with Doctor Alexi as I could guess from context and movement in the corner of my eye.  Karen thanked Missus Lindale for her hospitality.

Finally I was back in my winter gear with the envelope in my pocket and we were out in the snow, driving away from my family and the pack of my origins once again.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

The drive home seemed shorter than the drive out, perhaps because we had accomplished our purpose.

I was glad when we saw Serge's home, because even bundled in my jacket, mitts, and tuque and with the truck heater turned to max, the winter's last grip and the agitated curse combined to make me feel the chill down to my bones.

I meekly followed Serge and Karen back into the house.  Denizen met us at the door with his orange gold eyes gleaming and his tail shaking.

Karen offered me a late lunch since we had missed our regular time, but I had been forced to eat so much by the spritely old woman that I did not think it was necessary.  Instead I fetched a blanket and a book from my room and curled up in what was becoming my spot on the couch.  Denizen came and lent me his heat again and I stayed that way until supper.

After supper, I considered going for a run, but I decided to stay in the warmth of the house.  I hid in my room, did my usual tasks and forced myself to chronicle my experiences for Doctor Alexi.  I was glad when it was late enough to reasonably go to bed.

Lying under my covers, I recalled the envelope Moramay had handed me with a start.

I could not possibly sleep now.

I got out of bed and crept across the floor to my closet.  I located my jacket and pulled the envelope from its forgotten place in my pocket.

I went back to bed and opened the flap.  Inside was a couple of ordinary sheets of lined paper.

I unfolded them and turned them upright.  I recognized Matthias' messy scrawl immediately.  I smiled at the memory.  He could print neatly if he wanted, but he had never had the patience much to the consternation of our teachers.

Elise,

I decided to write to you.  Actually it was my mom's idea.  I was not going to listen, because as soon as she suggested it the twins got annoying.  You know how they get?  Still, after everyone was asleep I decided to actually write, 'cause maybe mom is right that it might help you and Nick can't get mad about you running up the bill over a note, now can he?

And no, before you worry, I'm not missing sleep.  I slept in because I did the rounds last night.  I've got another shift in three hours.  I still like doing the late shifts the best.  There's something about the forest at night that makes me feel calm.  In the winter it's perfectly still and we're not far enough into spring for that to have changed, although the smell of the thaw is constantly in my nose, even after that blizzard.

I probably have that wet dog smell you hate so much.  Have you ever considered how weird it is that you transform into a wolf, but hate the smell when you're human?  Probably, since you overthink everything.  That's okay, that's who you are and I apparently like it because otherwise, why would we have hung out together so long?

I mean, it hasn't always been our moms pressuring us to play together, right?  Not that I didn't like playing with you anyways when we were kids.  Remember the stuff we used to play, like when you dragged me through that pony phase?  I still have rainbow haired horse nightmares, just so you know. Haha

Remember how you'd always force my toys to talk and you'd get mad when I would make it more interesting by attacking your dinosaurs or whatever in our games?  I still don't get your love of reptiles, but dinosaurs are cool.  I guess we at least had that in common.

Or, remember when we pranked our brothers by switching their stuff between houses?  I still can't believe how long it took them to catch on to that.  Isaac was pissed off at me for a year after that, but it was worth it.

So I guess this letter is sort of terrible, but who even writes letters these days?  I probably should be happy that you don't have a bunch of superior letters to compare it to.

It's probably hard for you to write right now, so don't feel like you have to respond or anything.  I'll find a way to get this to you somehow.  Don't mention it to my sisters.  Or my brothers.  I beg you.  You know how frigging annoying they can be.

Maybe I'll give this to Moramay later.  She can be trusted and if it's out of the house none of them can sniff it out.

Matt

Relief and almost an absence of fear washed through me while reading Matthias' words.  The memories almost could overwhelm the crushing fear and I almost could have wept with relief. I read it three more times before I tucked the letter into the bedside table along with the one from Moramay.  I flicked off the light and then slept through the night.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I woke with my heart pounding and the realization that it was starting to feel normal.  I put my hand on my chest.  I wondered if the constant stress of terror was going to wear down my body in time.

I shook off the legitimate worry since I could not change it.  I peeked out my window into the frozen forest beyond.

Yeah, nope.

The sun was out, but it still looked unpleasantly cold.

Not leaving the house today unless someone orders me to, I decided with a little prick of magic fear.

Maybe with time the curse might learn to have a sense of humour.

Not likely.  It stabbed me with another prickle of cold.

I got ready for the day and went through the regular motions of the morning, excepting the run.  Though I did not leave the house, I could see through the large living room window that the sun was working its magic.  There were streams of water running off the roof and mingling with the huge sloppy icy puddles in dips on the yard.

The one upside to April storms was that the results were quite temporary.

I decided I might not bother running at all this weekend.  My wolf form could handle it, but the scent of wet dog would cling to me even in my human form.

My day was uneventful until Jodi showed up that night.  "Want to watch again?" she asked me when Serge opened the door for her.

"Uh, s-sure," I agreed.  I thought about my pile of new pictures and wondered which person she was.  I would try to narrow it down later.  For now I would eat popcorn, watch a mindless television show and try to pretend that I was still normal.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

Author's Note:

If you're a cat lover, don't hate me!

Alexi's opinion is Alexi's opinion. She's intelligent enough to reason out the effects of her words, but empathy gets in the way of her matter of fact way of operating. She's not a psychopath, but she may have mild sociopathic tendencies...

Of course, I ask you, can cats complain about mild sociopathic tendencies without being hypocrites?

Personally, I actually think cats are allergen encrusted balls of delightful attitude. I like them, but far away from my overreactive immune system.

Doctor Alexi is called "Doctor" because she had a doctorate, not because she's a medical doctor, in case anyone was confused.

Thanks for reading! 😁