Serge's POV

I could hear her laughter.  I knew I should stay put and keep making my way through the piles of work I had managed to accrue in a mere handful of inattentive days.  I knew I should just stay out of sight, but the sound called to me like a siren song.

I told myself a short break might help me concentrate.  I got up, left my office, and slipped quietly down the hall, hoping not to disturb her.

Elise was in my living room.  She and her friend were sitting on one of the couches.  They had a console hooked up to my television and there were a pile of snacks on the coffee table. It looked like a long lost scene from my childhood before training to be the leader and then the leadership itself consumed most of my time.

Still, I was not surprised at the scene before me.  Nicholas had called and let me know that Matthias was coming to visit for the day.  Although it had been phrased as a request, it had been a clear demand.  Since the incident, Nicholas had been filled with understandable cold fury whenever I spoke to him.

I gave my consent, because I thought spending a relaxing day with her friend might help her feel more comfortable.  I had no wish to deny her anything.

Plus, the added bonus was I could keep avoiding her on Karen's day off without leaving her all alone to fend for herself.

Yet, for some irrational reason, I had left my work to come and see what she was doing.

I could tell she had not yet noticed I was nearby, because she looked relaxed and natural as she punched away at the controller in her hand, focused on the screen.  She did not look afraid; I could see no shaking.  Was she having a moment of respite from what I had done to her?

I watched as she jumped up and playfully punched Matthias with a tap so light he probably barely even felt it.

"You jerk!" she accused with a teasing smile.

He shrugged and laughed at her.

"Okay, again," she demanded, but she smiled wider despite her loss.

"Want to play another game instead?" he offered.

"Hell no, I'm going to k-kick your butt at this one fair and square."

"How many consecutive losses before you give up?" he asked.

She playfully smacked him again before flopping back down on the couch beside him.  "I'll n-never give up."

I felt something dark and wrong in my gut, something that I had no business feeling. 

I did not like how close she was sitting to him; I did not like her laughing with him.  I brushed away the clawing emotions that I had no right to feel.

"Ugh, what if I just let you win?" He teased.

Her pretty face took on a look of mock horror.  "You better not...". Her words trailed off.

I understood she had noticed I was there, because she was almost looking in my direction now, but not quite.

"Sorry," I said.

Matthias' gaze swung to me and he glowered at me threateningly.  I ignored him and looked at Elise.

"Didn't mean to interrupt.  I'm just heading outside for a bit," I lied.  I felt out of place even though they were on my couch using my television in my home.

I made my way outside, but it was not like I could truly leave.  If I went too far away she would feel it.  That one day that she and Karen had gone a touch too far had confirmed what I and my thrall had instinctively known to be true and what everyone had understood from the old stories.

I supposed that the distance restriction had not been a hindrance to past leaders who had legitimately used the curse on someone who deserved it.  Would I have cared if my absence had torture a traitor or a sadistic criminal?

I doubted it.  I would have spent every day at the pack offices like normal rather than working isolated at home and they would have spent their time locked up, or working for the pack.

But she did not deserve additional suffering, so I went into the tree line and stripped off my clothing.  I transformed into my wolf form and I ran hard through the trees.

Instead of ranging over my land as I once would have, I ran in circles around my home as I had been doing every day since she had been here, like she also did when she went out and ran in her wolf form.

I missed seeing my territory, but I had no one to blame but myself for the situation.  This small suffering was nothing considering what her life had been reduced to.

After I wore off some of my frustrated energy, I found a comfortable spot and lay down.  I did not want to go back just yet.

But an honest part of me pointed out I was lying to myself.  I absolutely wanted to return.

I wanted to return and drive her supposed friend out of my house and off my land and most importantly away from her.  I did not like how close they were, or how he looked at her.

They called each other friends, but he would have to be both blind and stupid not to appreciate her more than that.  It would be imminently satisfying to send him running back to Nicholas' territory in defeat.

But I was not going to do that.  My own unforgivable impulsive action had removed any chance for me to have the sort of claim on her in which she might decide to freely choose me.  My own actions had ensured that she could never be free to be with me, only free without me.

I would simply continue to ignore the nagging thoughts which had infected my mind, but it was difficult.  She was a beautiful creature and it clearly was deeper than appearance alone.  In the rare moments when she was not cowering and shaking, I could see her fire.  When I looked at the love and devotion she inspired in those who knew her, the truth was obvious to me.

She was the last person who should have been inflicted with the thrall curse.

Now, my responsibility was to do what I could to keep her safe until someone hopefully found a way to free her that would not doom our territories to the will of the eastern king.

Then I could finally stand aside while she found a way to live her life.

I knew that; I understood that, but my mind could not help but wander into the murky realm of what might have been.

What if things had been different?  There had been so many other opportunities to meet her before that fateful day.

I had been invited to her father's wedding to his second wife.  It had been what, three, four years ago?

I had dismissed the invitation outright.  It had been too soon after I had lost my parents and I had been reeling with all the new responsibility of taking over the pack and trying to shore up our defenses.  I had not had time for frivolity.

But if I had gone, what would I have seen?  She would have been sixteen, seventeen then, surely already as beautiful as she was today.  There was no way I would not have noticed her and there was no way I would have forgotten her, even if my responsibilities kept me away.

Or what if I had not let them?  What if I had been there and spoke to her?  Asked her to dance?  Could I have charmed her?

Probably not.  Karen had always told me I was too dour for my age, but I could not help myself.

But perhaps I could have and maybe she would be here with me now, in another capacity entirely.

There had been other possible opportunities: the occasional meetings between the packs, the even more rare instances of socializing that I had always refused.  What if she had walked by me in the hall in her father's offices after a meeting?  What if I had simply accepted an invitation to eat at her home after one?  What if I had extended one even once?

Even if I had never had a chance to see her wolf form, I would have recognized her scent.  Even if I had gone in for the kill, or tried to use the curse, I would have stopped.  I could have stopped, surely.

I was not so evil and twisted that I would knowingly do that to the innocent daughter of an ally, was I?

I truly hoped not, but I was no longer certain.

Because in the few days since I had become the monster who had cursed her into submission, she had invaded my waking thoughts and even my slumber.

My dreams were not of her in this cursed thrall state, though.  They were of her as a free woman, as a free wolf, haunting me with visions of her doing normal things, of her being with me in a way that I knew I had no right to want after what I had done to her.

I could manage to lie to myself most of the time when I was awake, but my dreams revealed my falsehood.

It was perhaps another facet of punishment for my sin.  Besides destroying the peace of the Trifecta, I had destroyed my own chance at personal peace.

The only consolation left for me now was to find a way to defeat the eastern wolves.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

Eventually, I made my way back to my house.  Elise and Matthias were no longer in the living room, but when I listened I could hear their voices coming from outside on the back deck.

The weather was unseasonably warm for April, so I imagined they wanted to enjoy the first bout of fair weather we had gotten after the long winter.  I could not blame them.  The snow was still half on the ground, but it was melting remarkably fast.

I walked to the refrigerator and pulled out the casserole Karen had insisted on making for today.  I set it into the heating oven and went back to my office.

When the timer went off, I went and took it out and placed it on the stove top.  Then I walked to the back door and opened it.

Elise stiffened nervously.  Matthias looked at me accusingly.

"Karen left a casserole.  Help yourselves.  I'm going to eat in my office, just don't mention it to Karen," I said.

"Why?" Matthias asked.  I was beginning to tire of his attitude, even though I understood from where it stemmed.

Karen was convinced that I should at least eat supper with Elise to give her more of a comfortable family atmosphere while in my house.  I thought it pointless torture, but I had given Karen a project and I had to let her make her attempt.

But tonight, I was going to take a break before I lost my temper on the aggravating intruder.

I did not bother to answer her irritating friend's question.  If he tattled on me, next time I would simply sit right at the table with Matthias and Elise and I knew he would not like that.

I let the door swing shut hard behind me, the only obvious sign of my endless frustrations.  I scooped up a large serving for myself and retreated from the kitchen into the sanctuary of my office.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *