Karen was concerned.  "You don't have to spend time with her, Elise."

"I know," I assured her.  "But if I-I'm going to b-b-beat i-it, I have to tr-try."

"Only if you're sure," Serge said, finishing the argument for me.

I paused and decided to attempt an explanation.  "I w-wouldn't have been a-afraid of this b-before."

Karen's response was begrudging.  "I did tell you we wanted you to find a way to have as normal a life as possible, didn't I?"

I nodded.

"If you think it will help, then I'm happy to be proven wrong.  But you have to send her away if it gets too much for you to take."

"Yes," I agreed, although I doubted I could even if I wanted to.

"Th-thanks," I told her.

"No need to thank me, Elise," Karen said.

"For trying t-to pro-protect me."

"How could I do anything else?" she asked me and I suspected she was smiling from the sound of her voice.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I hid in my room as waves of anxiety rolled over me pulling me this way and that, but I forced myself not to spend all my time cowering in the corner.

Instead, I popped in my earbuds and listened to my two melancholy songs and picked up the new phone I had barely touched since Sean had brought it to me.

I was excited, but the curse was not pleased with the happiness I could slightly feel.  I shivered.

I ignored the text notifications and the curse as best I could and turned on the screen.  I punched in the passcode I found on the sticky note in the box; my fingers tingled unpleasantly each time I touched the screen.

I had apparently missed two calls from dad's home phone, two from his new cell and one from Matthias and there were also six texts waiting for my attention.

I ignored the calls.  I did not want to talk to them yet, but they were understandably concerned.  I realized I was going to have to make myself keep in regular contact with my old pack so that they would not waste more time and energy worrying than they had to.

I went into my text messages and read through them.  All were from my father, except one from Moramay from his phone.  Even if she had not put her name I could have guessed it was from her, because even in troubled text format her personality shone through whereas all the texts from my father were serious and worried.

His reaction to my situation was understandable but it made me feel terribly guilty.  The curse stabbed me with its agreement.  I had caused so much trouble to all the packs and I definitely deserved to suffer.

I bit my lip and turned my attention to creating a suitable response to my father.

Hi dad, i'm settling in.  No need to worry everyone here has been really supportive.  I'm working hard to fight the cu

My fingers slowed midway through the sentence until I could not make myself continue, so I changed the last sentence entirely.

Hi dad, i'm settling in.  No need to worry everyone here has been really supportive.  I'm doing what i can manage

The message was hardly perfect, but I couldn't bring myself to care.  I hit send with my numb fingers before dropping the phone on the bed beside me.  As I lay back on my pillow to wait for Jodi to return, the phone chimed that I already got a response.

Tentatively, I picked up the phone, punched the passcode and went to messages.

Glad to hear, honey.  Your dad's out catching up on pack matters right now, but I'll make sure he sees this when he gets home.  Did you get my note? - Moramay

I punched a response and ignored the curse's distaste of my mild fondness.

Yeah it was funny.  Reminds me of home

Moramay's response was nearly instantaneous.

I'm glad.  I tried to get everything you needed for the next little while.

Then a few seconds later another text came in.

Let me know if I missed anything you need.  I tried to cover everything I could think of, like sandals in case we have an unusually warm spring, winter stuff in case we get a late April blizzard.

I responded.

Yeah thanks

Past the music playing in my headphones there came a knock on the door.

"Y-yes?" I asked.

The sound of Serge's voice sent a jolt through me.  "Jodi's here."

I swallowed hard.  "O-okay," I called back.

Another text pinged and I cringed.

We'll be coming for a visit next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I quickly responded.

Sounds great.  Gonna go watch a movie now later

I dropped the phone on the bed and scurried for the door.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

Jodi was already in the living room and Serge was nowhere to be seen when I came down the hall.

"Do you care what we watch?" she asked me.

"No," I said honestly as I carefully made my way to the couch across from her while avoiding her direction with my gaze.

A minute later a sitcom I had had heard of, but had not yet watched was playing on the large screen of Serge's television.  I watched the screen for a minute, before my attention was drawn by her voice. 

"Want some popcorn?" she asked.

"S-sure," I said quickly.  She handed me a bowl and I managed to grab it without looking.

I took a bite and tried to decide if it even tasted good to me anymore.  If I really concentrated, I could still sort of appreciate the buttery salty flavour.  I half smiled and the curse assaulted me.

After the icy chills receded a bit, I tried to look over at the pack member across from me.  As per usual, I could not make my eyes focus on the face of one of my pack members, but I could see she was wearing jeans and a black shirt.  She laughed occasionally and seemed relaxed.

I was not sure if it was because of her mannerisms, or because she held a lower status in the pack than Serge or Karen, but I felt relatively relaxed myself.  The periodic ice of the curse still affected me, but seemed somehow more tolerable.

I did not really know anything about Jodi, or why she had decided to suggest we do this, whether out of pity or curiosity.  Regardless, she was not making the curse much worse than I felt while hiding in my room and at least this activity gave me a feeling of bittersweet normalcy, so long as I did not focus on the feeling enough to aggravate the curse.

I let myself relax back into the couch and watched the show.  I could even appreciate some of the funny lines, but it was like my body had forgotten how to laugh.

Still, I comparatively enjoyed myself during the couple of hours we watched.  She would occasionally say something or make a comment and I would do my best to respond like I normally would have.

"I've got to get going, I've got to get up for work tomorrow," she told me, rising from the couch.  She gathered her things, picked up her bowl, and set it on the counter as she made her way to the door.

I thought I might have felt disappointment somewhere under the chains of fear.  I got up off the couch, picked up my own almost empty bowl, and trailed behind her.

"We can do this again, maybe next Friday?" she suggested.

"I-I'd like that," I managed.

"Bye, Elise," she said.  The door shut behind her.

I put my bowl on the counter by the sink and slipped off to my room.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I woke the next morning with my heart beating with the fear of dreams beyond my memory.  I forced myself to climb out of the safety of my bed.

I thought about what Doctor Fischer had said about taking care of myself and decided to go for a run before I got ready for the day.

I pulled a robe on over my pyjamas and made my way out of my room.  I found Karen in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Elise," she said.

"G-good morning," I lied back to her.  "I, um, I thought maybe I would..."

I could tell I had her attention and the cold fear made me regret having started talking at all.

"Yes?" she prompted.

"I might, er, exercise.  Y-you know, like D-Doctor F-F-Fischer...?"

"That's an excellent idea, Elise.  Would you like breakfast first?"

I nodded.  It was easier to simply agree than to decide.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

It took Karen only a few minutes to make me some breakfast.  I ate it as fast as I could manage.

Karen asked conversationally, "Are you going to go for a run to exercise?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to try going by yourself?"

I swallowed hard and forced myself to nod.  As always, the curse made me want to cower in my room for the rest of the day, but I was going to fight that inclination.

"That's good," Karen said.  She paused.  "I should let you know, I'm not going to be here tomorrow or Sunday morning, so Serge is going to help you out, okay?"

I honestly could not say if it was actually better or worse.  Less pack members around but more contact with my leader?  Both options seemed terrible in their own way.

But Karen needed time off of caring for me, so I tried to force the smile I did not feel along with my nod.

I finished the last couple of bites.  Karen swept away my plate.

I pushed myself up with a shaky, "See y-you soon."

"Have a good time," Karen responded as I made my way to the door.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

I likely looked ridiculous creeping away from Serge's house for the woods still only dressed in my pyjamas and housecoat, but I could not see the point of forcing myself through the excruciating torture of getting ready only to need another shower when I got back inside.

I went into the tree line and forced myself to remove my clothing in the morning chill.  It would have been easier to shift in my room, but then I would need assistance to get out of the house so the small discomfort was worth avoiding troubling them.  I left my clothing in the same place I had when I went for a run with Karen.

I let the magic shift my cells from human to werewolf until I was covered with my own warm winter fur and the cold was no longer a problem.

The curse seemed unsure of how much it should punish me.  I was further from my false pack than normal, but not too far.  I had really tried not to inconvenience them, but running might be a pleasant experience and we just could not have that.  It seemed to settle somewhere in the middle and I simply felt an anxious haze.

Forcing myself to ignore my magic inspired feelings, I lifted myself onto my toes and I began to run, careful to keep my range shallower than the previous day.  I had no desire to experience the crippling panic of being too far from my leader again so soon.

Like the previous day, the freedom of the run seemed enough to slightly diminish my constant magic fear.  I threw myself into what I was doing, thinking only of the thrill of speed and the forest around me as I dodged my way around obstacles in my path.

I ran hard, until my heart was pounding for once from exertion rather than fear.  I reluctantly made my way back and redressed in my pyjamas before making my way back to Serge's house.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *

The rest of my day was uneventful after my run.  I hid in my room and listened to music and forced myself to go through the photographs again and again.

Karen interrupted me only once before lunch to give me my prescription.  In the afternoon I texted my father a couple of times, I organized my possessions and I tried reading one of the books Moramay had sent, although I kept getting interrupted by the nagging punishments of the curse.

I ate an anxious supper again with Serge and Karen.  Before she left, Karen left me her number in case I needed her while she was gone.

Finally, I went for one more run and then at last I allowed myself to hide under my covers for the night.

* *  *   *   *   *   *  * *