"Julia, thanks for the ride." I open the back door of the car.

"Bye, guys. See you later."

"Bye, mom. See you later." Paul opens that front one.

We are in the courtyard, on time: the bell has not yet rung and all the students are waiting to enter.

Lucas comes toward us. "Paul, come we have to show the others that you passed the Test."

"Martha, would you give me the Walkman? So I can show it to the boys."

"Be careful not to show it around too much." I rummage through the bag. "Remember, I'm still on detention: the principal was going to give it back to me today."

"Okay, I won't get caught. I'll show it to them on the fly."

Here, the Walkman. "And be sure not to break it!"

"I won't even let them touch it."

I hand it over to him. Hopefully no one will notice. If the principal saw them with the Walkman, though, he would blame them. Maybe, that would be even better. No, what am I saying? No one has to pay for the things I did.

There are Karol and Miriam in the crowd. Maybe I should go talk to them. Yesterday, I went too far, however, Karol also treated me badly. She should be the one to apologize to me. Miriam saw me. What should I do?

She exchanges a few words with Karol and comes in my direction, smiling. I pick up the phone and look at the screen.

"Martha!"

I look up. "Hi, how are you doing?"

"Fine. I wanted to say I'm sorry about yesterday."

"You had nothing to do with it."

"I know, however, I can't see Karol like that." She turns around and Karol is with her arms folded.

"Yesterday, maybe we both went too far, however, she was meddling too much."

"Martha, Karol has known you since you were ten years old, or maybe before that.... She was just afraid you would get into trouble."

"I had made a promise to Paul. I couldn't say anything, and she insisted."

"She insisted because she loves you."

"She made me feel like a fool. I neither want to turn my back on my dreams because of a boy, nor do I want to please others."

Miriam looks around. "I have known you for three years, I have learned something about you. Sometimes, you get too carried away by some situations."

"Don't you get involved now, too."

"No, wait. I don't want to argue. I just want to tell you that you need to reflect on some things you do."

"I've been reflecting, reflecting, reflecting all my life. And this way of doing things, what has it brought me?"

"I don't know."

"I'll tell you: nothing."

"And so, now, what would you like to do? Behave impulsively all the time?"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't!"

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm tired of thinking about how to behave all the time: if I feel like doing something, I do it, if not, I don't."

"Fair enough, but you can't do everything you feel like doing. Some actions are more stupid than others."

That's true. I shouldn't have taken that Walkman, however, I felt so good last night.

"You are right! Some actions are more stupid than others. But have you ever tried to do something different from what you would normally do? Have you ever tried not being predictable and doing an action that no one would expect you to do?"

"No, because I wouldn't feel comfortable."

"I feel sorry for you. But sometimes, getting out of the comfort zone is good for you!"

"Getting out of the comfort zone is not doing whatever you want."

"These choices I've made are choices that made me feel good. If I hadn't had the courage to make them, now I would have missed out on a lot of things, a lot of emotions..."

"I agree that doing things different than usual helps you experience new things. And that's fine. But when these new things, they bring you trouble.... I'm sorry, but it's better to take a step back."

"What trouble? Nothing has happened to me!"

Miriam is silent, wanting to tell me something, but she is holding back. I can feel it.

In fact, taking the cigarette to the bathroom was not a great idea. It made me seize the Walkman. It has to be said, though, that Jasmine invited me to her party. If I had not taken that cigarette, I would never have been invited. And still, I felt cool for a moment. It's more than okay.

"Martha, I don't want to argue with you. But did you see that, to do those girls a favor, you found yourself in the principal's office?"

"Do you know I'm going to Jasmine's start of the school year party?"

"Martha, you were going to be suspended!"

"In the end, he didn't suspend me. So, it went well, didn't it?"

Miriam frowns. "Why are you thinking like that? I don't recognize you anymore."

"Because you grow up. I reason that way because I'm becoming a better person. I'm getting to kno-"

"Better people?"

"No, I didn't mean that. I meant popular people."

"And why would that be an improvement?"

"Because I got tired of being anonymous. Since I got that cigarette, people know who I am. People greet me and respect me."

"You always said you never liked being the center of attention."

"Yes, I do, but it's different now. I think I can get used to something like this."

Miriam glances at Karol and sighs. "I understand. I'm happy for you. I'm glad you're okay. Just be careful, you understand?"

"Yes, I will be careful."

"Are we forever friends?" She raises her little finger and stretches it toward me.

I smile. I raise it too and squeeze it with mine. "We are forever friends."
We hug each other. It's good that we've cleared up.

"Martha, your Walkman. I did. It never fell out." Shit, it's Paul.

Miriam separates from me. "The Walkman?"

"Yes, today was the last day of detention. Good thing."

"That's true, but we haven't entered school yet. How did you get it?"

She is not stupid. She has noticed. I have to come up with something.

"The principal summoned me earlier to return it to me."

"You are lying."

"No, I'm not lying."

"Swear to me!"

"I swear!" I don't want to lie to her, but I have to. If I told her the truth, she would not approve.

She shakes her head. "I didn't think you were such a liar."

"I'm not a liar."

She widens her eyes. "Karol and I arrived before you did. We saw you come with Paul's mother's car."

Oh, crap. I thought they came later. Now, I've made it big.

"This has something to do with the Test, doesn't it?"

Paul interjects. "No, it has nothing to do with the Tes-"

"Shut up, you! I'm talking to Martha."

"Don't talk to him like that."

"Martha, answer me. Does it have anything to do with the Test?"

"Yes, so what?"

I read the disdain in her face. She looks disappointed, but I don't care. Why do they have to judge me this way? Are they my friends or not? Shouldn't they support me in the things I do? They are only good at spouting judgment.

Miriam has her arms folded. "Karol is right. You will never change!" She turns and walks away.

Driiin. The bell is ringing: classes begin.

Lucas approaches. "Martha, are you coming with us or not?"

Wow! She said my name right.

"Yes, let's go."

I am sorry that my best friends are behaving this way. I have always supported them. Now what? Why do they want to deprive me of the new me? An improved version of myself who will not only be able to fulfill her dreams, but also manage this new life.

I am sure that doing what I am doing is the right choice. I am sure that nothing bad will happen to me.