Hello Fam :)

So, I started writing this a week back. The initial idea was about a mild PTSD but so many things have happened since then. Suicides, the tension at the border, the dying of the Army people, and somehow it all had an effect on this part.

This is also based on my conversation with one of my classmates who hails from Jammu. 

Happy Reading...

Nandini woke up to a scream. She looked beside her and found Manik, her husband, whimpering in his sleep. There were sweat beads across his forehead as he muttered a constant 'no' in his sleep repeatedly. She wrapped her arms around him and took him into her arms. Once his subconscious mind felt the presence of another person beside him, he clutched her hand with both of his to his heart.

"It's over. It's over. You are safe", she muttered over his head.

It took another fifteen minutes when his breathing came to normal but he didn't loosen up his hold on her hand. Nandini stroked his hair until he drifted to a peaceful sleep again. This was the third time that night. Since the time Manik came back from his camp, it has been an everyday affair. Neither could she get him to speak about what has happened back there nor could she help him in getting some peace.

XXX

When Nandini came back to the living room after making herself a coffee in the morning, she found Manik leaning back on the couch, his eyes closed. She sat beside him, careful enough not to startle him. He opened up his eyes and she sighed. It was impossible to sneak up on him and it only got worse after his camp.

"Good morning", she said, softly.

It took him a moment to answer her back and when he did, it didn't have his usual cheerfulness. It never did nowadays. Manik was a morning person. His day started with a burst of energy. It broke her heart to see him now.

"Did I wake you up again?", he asked, his voice low. Instead of waiting for her to answer, Manik spoke again. "How many times?"

"Manik, it doesn't matter", she told him.

He sighed.

"I will get you some coffee", she said and went to the kitchen.

The kitchen was the place she used to gather her emotions because Manik hardly stepped into the kitchen. He had far many experiences of setting up the fire, literally, to ever try again. It also gave her time to think without any interruption. After giving him a steaming cup of coffee, Nandini got ready for work. Manik was still sitting in the same position, sipping his coffee. She was sure it had turned cold but she didn't think it had registered in her husband's mind yet. Shaking her head, Nandini went to stand in front of him.

"Breakfast is kept on the table. Lunch is in the kitchen. Heat it before you sit down to eat. I will be late for an hour today. I have to set the pre-board question paper of the tenth class. Will you call me if you need anything?", she said.

He didn't respond.

Nandini palmed his cheek to bring him back from his thoughts. "Take care of yourself for me, please", she asked. This time she got a nod in response and she dropped a kiss on his head. He smiled. It was forced but it gave her hope.

XXX

Nandini was a science teacher at the Army Public school, not far from her home. On top of everything going on with Manik, she wanted to quit her job as she didn't want to let him go away from her sight even for a moment but neither was it healthy for him nor could she keep her sanity without coming to school every day. She loved her job and teaching the kids. They helped her forget every painful memory however temporary it maybe. To bring Manik back to his normal self, she needed to keep herself from losing her mind.

One thing she hated about being a teacher was to set the question papers. For a person who has appeared in numerous exams, she hated her students to go through the same pressure. Today was the last day to submit her paper and Nandini took the liberty to ask her students to do their work as she worked on hers. Even after skipping her lunch, she submitted it just before the last bell of the school. She was happy to go back to Manik early. Her plans were quashed when she found Cabir Dhawan at her school gate.

She frowned as he waved at her. "I told you, you can't come to my school", she hissed.

"I am sorry. Manik would be at home and I don't know where else to find you. You were ignoring my calls", he informed.

She sighed and leaned back against the tree. "It means, I don't want to talk to you", she muttered.

"You know I would have given you all the space you needed but I have pressure from my officers. The Army wants to know Manik's decision", he explained.

"Manik hardly talks to me nowadays, Cabir, and you want me to ask him what the next big decision about his life is. I don't even know how to ask him the question. He is so lost. He is often slipping into his thoughts and it's taking him at least a few minutes to realize where he is. I am scared to leave him at home alone. I have never felt more helpless in my life", she ranted.

Nandini never needed a filter while talking to Cabir. He was her best friend even before he joined the Army and met Manik. The boys had hit it off instantly and became friends during the training. It was also through Cabir that Nandini met Manik before Manik charmed his way to her heart and they got married.

He pulled her into a hug. She didn't realize she needed one until now. "I don't know if Manik would want to see me now. I might be his friend but we have spent the majority of the time wearing our uniforms when we were together", he explained.

She knew it was half a lie. Cabir was so rubbish at emotional talks that he would end up crying halfway into the conversation due to which he actively avoided them. He must have heard her broken laugh because he pushed her a bit to glare at her.

"Don't even dare to speak your mind", he warned, raising a finger.

She couldn't hold back her laughter. He smiled with her.

"Please try to talk to Manik", he told again and this time she agreed. "We will convince him to see a therapist if this doesn't work. I will call you tomorrow. Would that be okay?"

She nodded. Tomorrow was Sunday which means she could be there with her husband without the school screaming at the back of her mind. After taking a leave from her best friend, on her way to home, Nandini prepared herself for her upcoming conversation with Manik.

XXX

Manik was watching the news when Nandini went home. She peeked at the headline when he didn't acknowledge her presence. It was something about a Jawan being killed in shelling near the LOC at Kashmir. She sighed and took a seat beside him.

"Do you know him?", she asked.

Manik shook his head. "Only the injured ones", he replied.

She pulled him into a hug and rubbed soothing circles on his back. "It's okay", she whispered. Manik didn't return the hug but the way he pressed his head more into her shoulder, Nandini didn't know if he was seeking comfort or if it was purely voluntary and out of habit. Stretching her hand, she switched off the television. Manik broke the hug and frowned at her. "How was your day? What did you do?", she asked him.

Even if Manik never answered her, she made sure to ask him about his day in the hope that he would at least open up to her. As he pondered on the question, Nandini went to the kitchen to get herself some water. She noticed the food untouched and took a breath before marching towards her husband. "Manik, why didn't you have your food?", she asked.

He stared at his feet. "I had an apple", he muttered.

"Manik, you can't survive on one single apple throughout the day. Or are you trying to starve yourself to death?", she asked, this time slightly raising her voice. It must be the wrong thing because Manik flinched.

"I wasn't hungry", he whispered.

Nandini knelt down in front of him and held his hands in hers. "Manik, you promised me you would take care of yourself. How can I concentrate on my work if I am constantly worried about you hurting yourself?", she asked and sighed. It was time to up her game. She gave him time to open up and if it didn't work, she needed to force it out of him. She wouldn't be leaving her husband alone for an indefinite time, not when he needed her the most but still refused to seek her out. "I met Cabir today", she told and she knew she got his attention. "Your two weeks' leave is coming to an end and you need to make your decision, Manik. The Army is ready to extend your leave if you want to but they need you to answer them."

"You know my answer already. I have given them in writing. What more do they need from me?", he said.

Nandini sighed and stood up. "Retirement isn't an option, Manik. Everyone knows that's an emotional decision", she said.

"If you don't respect my decision, why do you even ask me? Do whatever you want to do", he muttered quietly and left to their room. He returned back within a minute pulling his hoodie above his head.

"Are you going somewhere?", she asked.

"Walk", he replied. He halted when he reached the door, his hand at the doorknob. "I slept the whole day to avoid sleeping at night. You don't have to wake up in the middle of the night because of me and don't wait for me. I am taking the spare key", he said. It was the most he had talked in a while.

She heard the door click as she stood there in the middle of their empty living room.

XXX

Nandini drifted to sleep on the couch as she waited for Manik. She woke up to a disturbance and saw a figure walking through the dark. "Manik?", she called, her voice hoarse from sleep.

He switched on the light and looked anywhere except her. "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you."

He was shifting his weight from one foot to another and Nandini noticed his left hand at his back. "What happened to your hand?", she asked.

He shook her head and chuckled. Even though it was refreshing, she felt it was forced. "Nothing. I am fine."

Nandini frowned and that's when her eyes drifted to the floor where he was standing. There were bloodstains on the surface. She bit her lip to refrain herself from commenting and went to get the first aid kit. Manik was washing his hand by the time she returned again. She pulled him, ignoring the deer caught in headlights look on his face, and made him sit on the couch. After cleaning the wound and applying the ointment, she wrapped it around with the bandage.

"Manik", she called him. She wanted to be strong for him and hated it when her voice shook. She ignored it in favor of her husband. "Are these self harm injuries?", she asked. She didn't believe it herself because she knew her husband was passionately against any self-harm but post his camp in Jammu, she wasn't so sure and Nandini didn't want to take her chances.

He stared at her, the disbelief written all over his face. He opened his mouth but closed it and freed his hand from hers. "No", he said faintly.

She sighed. "I am sorry", she muttered.

"Are you crying?", he asked, surprising her.

She didn't realize she was crying until he brushed the tears from her eyes. "I am sorry", she said again, this time for an entirely different reason.

"Nandini", he whispered.

"I am scared. I don't know what to do anymore. Please talk to me, Manik. If you don't want to do that with me, talk to someone else. Anyone you love. Just let it out", she pleaded.

The tears were running continuously now, probably because they knew Manik only responded to them. Suddenly there were hands around her, wrapping her in a loose embrace and Nandini clutched it as if her life depended on it. It must have because when Manik tightened the hug, she felt her strength returning and her urge to fight for her love getting stronger.

They didn't speak a word but she felt closer to him the first time since he returned home.

XXX

When Nandini woke up the next day, she panicked on not finding Manik beside her. She must have been exhausted because she didn't remember waking up in the middle of the night or even going to bed. Throwing the covers, she searched for him all around the house and every empty room just increased her worry until she heard the noises from the kitchen. She almost ran in that direction and found Manik working on something.

"What are you doing?", she asked. Because her husband never entered the kitchen.

"Trying not to set the kitchen on fire", he replied without taking his eyes off the plate before him. Shuffling around for a moment, he turned around and offered her the plate. "I fixed you breakfast", he told. It was a simple toast and butter and a few slices of bananas but Was that a smile on his face?

"You don't have to do that, Manik", she told.

"I know", said Manik, "I wanted to. I never realized I was hurting you in my haste to go away from my life."

She tugged his arm. "Just because I shed some tears, you don't have to force yourself to open up to me, Manik. I understand if you need someone else..."

He put his hand over her mouth to stop her but took his hand away. It hurt her to realize how unsure Manik was around her. "You said", he started, putting the plate on the counter and leaning back, "you would want me to talk to someone I love."

She nodded but didn't interrupt. Manik was carefully treading his words.

"Did I make you believe that I don't love you?", he asked quietly.

She cupped his face and forced him to look at her. "Not everything is your fault, Manik. If someone is sad, if someone is feeling bad or if someone is hurt, if you haven't harmed them directly, it isn't your fault. You can't control people's feelings for you."

"Did I lose you already?", he asked. She had never seen him so scared ever before.

"You would never lose me", she told firmly and let it sink in his head.

Manik shook his head and removed her hands from his face. He turned towards the plate. "Let's have breakfast first. It's my first time."

"Are you stalling the process?"

"I didn't want to talk till yesterday", he confessed before taking a deep breath. "I just need a few minutes to process the things."

XXX

They sat in the balcony of their room, leaning against the wall, side by side.

"When I joined the Army, it was more for protecting the people. I do love my country but I had always felt for people, people who are vulnerable and get hurt due to ideas of another. Bomb blasts, killing, hijacks and so many more. No common man has signed up to go out on a day only to get stuck in between an attack and die. I thought I would help in protecting the borders", he said.

"And you have been doing that for years, Manik", assured Nandini.

Manik shook his head. He chuckled, silent hollow. "I thought so too but", he turned to her and grabbed her hands as if desperate to make her believe him. "Nandini, they don't trust us. They think all the chaos, all the firing near the border is because of us. It has become an everyday issue for the Government that they just read and turn the page over. The kids don't know when their school would be closed and they have to be locked up in their houses. The elders have no idea if they would return back alive after their work and we can't even do anything. Because we have to follow what the government asks us to do."

Manik took a deep breath and pulled his knees to his chest before resting his chin on them. "We were sitting on the ground after a search operation. We were informed about a group of unknown men hiding inside a hotel room. The owner called us because, since the day they had checked in, they hardly left the room. He got suspicious and we acted. It took us a good one hour to hold them down and take into our custody.

"And when we returned back, we got a stink eye from the locals. Our surprise attacks surprised them too. It does every time. The Army just announces that we lost a few soldiers, a few locals but what about them? They have always been living with fear and death looming over their heads."

Manik closed his eyes as he leaned back, his head on the wall behind him. Nandini waited for him to continue. She didn't touch him as she was unsure if that would be welcome at this point in time.

"I met someone there. He came to India during partition and half of his relatives still lived on the other side of the border. They don't talk now or visit each other because if he would take a step in their land, he would be termed as a terrorist. Yet, his own country doesn't let him live in peace here. They have to prove themselves time and again that they were Indians and not working against the country. He told us, hundreds of families would have been happy if we weren't there wearing our 'costumes' and strolled on the roads as if we own them."

It was wrong. It was so wrong, thought Nandini but she let him continue because he needed to let it all out so that he could think from a different point of view.

When there's something affecting you inside your head and if you are keeping locked inside it, you are the victim and you are the Judge. You become the lawyer to defend it against the you who have caused it. And when all the power is given to one single entity, it would always end up in a disaster.

Manik wouldn't be a disaster if she has any say in it. Manik would be a fighter she knew him to be and she would make sure he doesn't lose himself in the shaded corners of his head.

She was brought back to the present when Manik started speaking again. "I love you", he blurted out, looking straight at her. It felt pained as if he was forcing himself to say that.

"Manik", she tried to interrupt but he continued as if she didn't speak at all.

"I love you so much. You are my closest person, the one I keep on speed dial, the one I turn to every time I have doubt on. After every camp, even if the war gets over on the field, it still stays inside us but we keep our heads high, finish our duties and boast about being the real men, carrying the burden of our nation. And when I come home, when I come to you, I let the world shut down in favor of you because you are the only peace I know. My parents never understood my choice, my cousins made fun of me because I am a stuck up military person with a meager income compared to their high paying jobs but you? You accept me wholeheartedly with all my moods and hold me through all our fights. You are my family. You are the sanity I hold on to and I lost you on that day after the firing when that man asked me, how could I spend my life happily with my family after ruining theirs", he explained.

Nandini felt at peace after understanding the point where it had all emerged out. It was easy now because now she had only her Manik to deal with and he couldn't be worse than her students. After all, she dealt with students appearing for boards and feeling as if they have lost all their knowledge worth ten to twelve years just a day before exams, thinking running away from home or dying would be better than taking the exams. She just needed to chalk out a plan to make Manik realize he was being stupid to think he was responsible for every decision her country and the government has taken since partition during the Independence.

He laughed softly. "It still rings in my head, their voices. They have been constant in my dreams and I couldn't sleep at night", he confessed.

Nandini entwined their fingers when she felt he wouldn't talk any further. The wistful look on his face twisted her heart. He looked at their hands as if he couldn't have that ever again. Stupid selfless Army people and their stupid selfless sacrifices, she repeated in her mind and when Manik tried to withdraw his hand, she held it just tighter. "Can we have an illusion that we deserve each other for some more time, please?", she asked.

She felt Manik stiffen because it was one thing to feel you don't deserve anything good and it's entirely different when someone says you don't deserve the same good thing. It hurts more but Nandini wanted to make an illusion that she wasn't disagreeing with him. Manik nodded and stopped struggling to remove his hand.

"Let's take a nap?", she suggested. "I am just so tired."

He nodded and stood up without a protest. If Manik held his hand out for her after that, she didn't point it out. Going inside, Nandini got into the covers and tugged his hand. "Help me sleep? I wouldn't be able to sleep properly if you weren't beside me", she told.

He nodded again and slid beside her. If he wasn't so tired, he would have recognized her way of manipulating him so that he could sleep because Manik might neglect taking care of himself but when it came to her, he would always be extra careful and made sure she was happy, healthy and well-rested. Like she said, stupid selfless Army people.

XXX

After Manik drifted into sleep, Nandini quit her pretend-sleep and slipped out of the bed. She grabbed her mobile and left the door open incase Manik needed her. In the living room, she first called her principal to ask for a leave for two weeks. She had completed the syllabus and had submitted the question papers of the first pre boards. For the next one, she took permission to work from home and promised to submit it on time. It wasn't very difficult. She then called her best friend and asked if he could manage to extend Manik's leave by two more weeks.

"Is it one of 'I don't know what to do, so let's postpone' leave or 'I think I figured something, let's bring Manik back' leave?", asked Cabir because he was horrible.

"If you know me well enough, I wouldn't have to answer you", she told him.

"In that case, I will appear on the door with a large pizza box and you would cook me your special biryani", he said. Like she said, horrible.

"I should have killed you years back when you removed the rubber band from my hair and spilled mud all over my uniform", she told.

He laughed out loud and hung up the phone. Nandini rolled her eyes and grinned. She didn't know about biryani but a chocolate cake could do wonders on the moods of selfless Army people.

XXX

Manik chuckled when after dinner, Nandini brought the chocolate cake for him. "What are you doing?", he asked, smiling at her.

"What? I was craving it", told Nandini. She hoped her face was innocent enough.

"It isn't part of your illusion?", he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Manik, are you accusing me of betraying chocolate cake?", she asked. Stupid selfless intellectual Army people.

Manik dropped the topic to enjoy the chocolate cake in silence.

"So, what happened to your hand?", asked Nandini.

He glanced down at the hand, flexing it and shrugged his shoulders. "Just an accident. I didn't do it deliberately. I guess I shouldn't be absent-minded while walking on the road."

"True. I shouldn't accuse you of self-harm too. I am sorry", she told.

"I don't blame you. I pushed you away and...", he trailed off and smiled at her. "Anyways, it doesn't matter. Can I go for a walk? I can't sleep at night."

"You did sleep in the morning, Manik", she told, "let's give it a try."

He shook his head and smiled at her. "I just need some fresh air." On his way out, Manik did hug her and cupped her face a moment later. "Thank you for making me talk. I am fine now."

Nandini closed her eyes and shook her head. Talking it out wasn't the only issue, she needed to erase his doubts on the job he loved the most.

XXX

It was two days since they started working on their 'illusion'. Manik was happy but she knew he was acting around. Meanwhile, she took the time to complete her school work and mailed it to her principal. Then she chose a nice movie and asked Manik to watch it with her. The film having an Army backdrop was pure coincidence.

Nandini noticed his leg bouncing, his hand twitching throughout the movie. She entwined their fingers during the initial titles to prevent any storming out. "They have been to Pakistan and the minister gets all the credits", she pointed out after the movie.

Manik snorted. "It's nothing. You should have listened to them when they order us around through phones and video calls to arrest some terrorists or calm down the enemy troops. They throw statements and tweets against them and we pay the consequences. You think we don't want peace? Do you think we crave war every time we look at a person of the opposite country, soldier, or civilian? And in the middle of the war, they order us to stop it because they have had 'talks' with them. Who do you think has to answer the civilians?", he explained.

Nandini squeezed his hand. She didn't know how to comfort him.

"A martyr gets recognized after he sacrifices his life but the ones who play with their lives and put themselves on the front line for their country and people are easily forgotten every day. Do we have to die to be called heroes when all they do while we are living is to mock us?"

"I hate politics", she muttered to herself before wrapping her hands around him. Manik leaned into the hug which was at least comforting to her.

XXX

Nandini returned from the market and announced her presence to her husband. He didn't respond. When Nandini went to the living room, she saw Manik pacing to and fro. He seemed restless. That's when the news drew her attention. Army men being killed at LAC.

"Nandini", he whispered.

Nandini rushed to him and cupped his face. "Manik, breath with me", she told him and took deep breaths to show him until he followed her. "Do you know them?", she asked once he had calmed down enough to answer.

"They haven't released their names yet. I don't know. I have friends, batchmates. Even if they weren't, they are all my people, Nandini. We all wear the same uniform and work for the same country", he argued.

The news changed to the mother of a colonel who was crying bitterly. Their whole family was crying. Nandini felt Manik shaking, listening to them. He protested when Nandini tried to switch off the television so she muted the volume.

"It's okay, Manik. They knew what they were signing up for when they were sending their children to borders. Not everyone would be wise enough to keep them safe with them, right?", she said. She knew she was being cruel and mentally apologized a hundred times to all the brave men of her country.

Manik broke the hug and walked to their room without a word. Nandini switched off the television and called Cabir. "Anyone you know?", she asked.

He sighed. "Not yet but I don't know. The tension at the border is increasing", he told. "We might be shifted to the borders soon. Anyways, how is Manik?"

"Shaken, of course", she replied. She heard a crash. "Cabir, I will call you later." She hung up the phone and rushed to their room. A glass frame of their phot was shattered and Manik was picking the pieces. He looked panicked when she entered the room.

"I promise I didn't break it intentionally", he said rushed.

She held his hands to stop him. "Manik, it's okay. It happens."

"I am not lying", he told again.

"I know. Just an accident, yeah? I know", she squeezed his hand and pulled him to the bed. "Let me clear this out while you try to get your breathing under control." He would hurt himself with his already trembling hands.

"Are you angry?", she asked him after cleaning the room.

"No one deserves to die", he muttered.

"And no one deserves to carry out the burden of the whole nation alone on their shoulders", she said and smiled at him in assurance that they were fine before letting him ponder on her words.

XXX

"I am not taking the whole nation's burden on myself", told Manik.

Nandini was working in the kitchen. After their conversation, Manik went into his shell but instead of finding the defeated look on his face, she felt him thinking. Hence, she let him be and busied herself while also making sure he wasn't drifting away too much.

She abandoned her work and turned around to face him. "No, but you are letting people make you believe that you are responsible for every bad thing that happened to them."

"Nandini?", he frowned.

"I saw you twitching, Manik, when you saw soldiers dying at borders even when you don't know them. You were angry when Jawans were killed in Jammu even when they aren't posted in your regime. Your mind, your body, and your whole heart belong there with the Army protecting the country. Yet, you sign up for voluntary retirement because someone said something", she told.

"Aren't we responsible for havocing their lives?", he asked.

He looked so scared and pained while asking her the question that Nandini wanted to wrap her hands around him. Instead, she gripped the counter and leaned back for the support.

"Manik, tell me one thing. If that person was so affected by the Army and the regular fights, why didn't he try going somewhere? It's more than seventy years since he came to India and yet he didn't want to leave that place. Why?", she asked.

Manik shrugged. "Maybe because that's as close to his family as he could be."

"Exactly. It's his choice to stay amidst regular violence. And yeah, there are of course hundreds of people indirectly affected by the shelling at the border who don't have a choice than to stay there but Manik, it isn't your fault or the fault of any of the person who has signed in for protecting their country.

"Would you be happy quitting the violence and allowing the enemies into our country? What would become of people inside the country? And I am not talking about one or two countries whose leaders always politicize every small issue. There are terrorists who play for just fun. They don't care about their lives until they are taking the lives of a thousand of others along with them. You are fighting against them.

"Just because you are standing at the borders wearing your uniforms, millions of people are breathing peacefully. They might boast whatever they want, deep down everyone knows the soldiers, whatever wing of defence they are part of, are the real heroes. When the government falls down, a new government stands up. But when the military falls down, the country is destroyed. You are the saviors, Manik."

She took a step and another until she reached him. Taking his hand into hers, she stroked his cheek lovingly. "Manik, you can't satisfy every single person every time. The government who is elected by the people aren't capable of doing that. But if there's anyone who deserves peace and a few family moments, it's you. However much you argue, you deserve a home to come to. I am not forcing you to take back your retirement or go to the border right away. If you are quitting Army, I would support you if you are doing it for the right reason. Not because someone made you believe you are a bunch of homicidal people. Think about where your heart belongs to."

He nodded and returned to his room. She didn't follow him, giving him the time he required. When the one thing you have been believing all your life is shaken, you question your life, your choices, and yourself. Manik is at that point and if he needs answers, Nandini would make sure he gets them. Not the ones he wants to hear but the ones he needs to hear.

It was late at night when Nandini woke up feeling thirsty, she found the bed vacant beside her. She drank some water and went to the living room. Manik was fast asleep on the couch. Shaking her head, she went to the cupboard and grabbed a blanket to wrap him.

He held her wrist when she turned to leave. Manik was half asleep and she didn't know if he was fully conscious or not. "Did you never miss me when I am away from you?", he asked.

Nandini knelt down beside him and rested her chin on his upper arm. "Always. Always wished you were there with me and we could go to dates or holidays but you know what keeps me going? The fact that a thousand women spend their happy moments with their husbands because you are doing your duty at the border. I feel so proud of you."

He tugged her upwards and shifts on the couch to make room for her. He then pulls her and wraps her in his embrace. "Don't leave me ever", he mumbles into her hair.

Nandini drops a kiss on his heart and snuggles more into him in answer. Silly Army people.

XXX

Nandini and Manik were sipping their evening tea. Manik still had one week of his leave left. He had his nightmares, though not regular. It might take some more time but Manik wasn't pushing her away which she was very grateful for. Whenever he had another question, he used to find her. Otherwise, they either bantered around or enjoyed comfortable silences. He even shared some of his conversations from his camps. Today was different as he hardly spoke since he woke up. There was a cyclone warning and the temperature had cooled down, making it easy to enjoy the evening breeze from their balcony.

Her attention was drawn by her husband when he let out a long sigh. "I was stupid", he said.

"Yeah?", she asked, hiding the tease behind the rim of her coffee mug.

Ignoring her, he let out another sigh. "I couldn't stay calm at home when my country is at risk. I need to go back but I have submitted the retirement papers. It's over now."

"Ah, Manik, I might want you to meet someone before that", she told and texted her best friend. When Manik asked her what she refused to answer.

Half an hour later, when Nandini answered the doorbell of her home, as promised, Cabir was grinning in front of the door with boxes of pizzas in his hand. "Your pizzas", he told, "my biryani, please."

Nandini slapped his head. "I never promised you."

He pulled her into a hug. "I am proud of you. Where is my Manik?"

She took him to the living room where Manik was flipping the television channels with a frown on his head.

"I thought the emotional parts were over", he hissed and waved at Manik when he looked at the noise. "Hi, Manik."

"Cabir, I am sorry", said Manik.

Nandini smirked when her best friend squirmed unable to proceed with the conversation. She took a slice of the pizza, passed one of the boxes between the two men, and leaned back to enjoy the show.

Men were awkward at emotional talks, Army men were even worse. Between obeying their senior officers and fighting the battles, the most heartfelt conversation they have was thumping each other's back.

Nandini waited till she had one more slice before rescuing them. "Cabir, Manik wants to talk about his retirement papers." He blinked at her husband, assuring him.

"Is there any possibility of withdrawing my retirement?", asked Manik.

Cabir raised an eyebrow. "You think you would pull back from a defence force whenever you want to and then ask to rejoin? The Army doesn't work this way and you should know that, Manik."

"I know", said Manik, running his fingers in his hair, frustrated. "I tried telling this to Nandini and she isn't listening to me."

Nandini rolled her eyes. "Cabir?" The idiot was trying hard not to laugh. Of course, the Army doesn't work this way.

"The Army might not work this way, Manik, but the mighty Cabir knows how to twist the rules to get his work done", said her best friend, smirking.

She didn't comment, didn't say a word to stop him because all the credit goes to him and his quick planning.

"What?", asked Manik, confused.

Just to create suspense, Cabir smirked mysteriously until Nandini threw a cushion at him.

"Major Manik Malhotra, your retirement papers haven't been submitted to the office yet. They got misplaced on our way from Kashmir to Mumbai", said Cabir.

Manik shook his head. "I guessed you would do something like this. I have submitted a soft copy to the Colonel. It's okay, Cabir. At least, you tried to stop me."

"I am trying to help this idiot and he is finding ways to contradict me", complained Cabir.

Nandini chuckled and walked to sit beside Manik. She took his hand into hers. "You are still a part of our country's defence system. The only papers Cabir submitted was your leave, not the retirement and your Colonel is part of the play."

Manik took a moment to let all the new information sink into his head before glaring at Cabir. "You played a game out of my emotions."

"Exactly. It was a stupid decision based on your momentary emotions. I knew you would be fine once you had your talk with Nandini. The Colonel felt the same. Hence, we hatched up this plan. The two weeks of holidays were a bluff too. I took your leave for a month. You didn't even read before you signed them", explained Cabir, satisfied with his work. "All I now need is a deal. I want all the freedom to punch you in the face if at all you are taking such stupid decision again."

Nandini wrapped her arm around his. "Say yes, Manik and if he lays a finger on you, I would beat him in front of my school students." When Manik burst out laughing, Nandini winked at her best friend.

"Documents without my consent?", muttered Manik, shaking his head after some time.

Cabir raised his hands up. "I asked permission from the very legal love of your life. So, not guilty."

Nandini smiled at her husband, sweet and shy, and offered him pizzas. He stomped his foot and sulked for half an hour during which both the best friends ignored him for more pizzas. Finally, Manik sighed, wrapped his hands around Nandini, and kissed her, ignoring Cabir's presence completely. "Thank you", he muttered into her hair.

XXX

The city was hit with a cyclone and Manik's leave got extended by another week. They were the happiest as they spent their entire time enjoying each other's presence. During the last week, Nandini resumed her job too. One fine day when she was at school, Manik planned a candlelight dinner date at home with his self-cooked food. It was the most special day for her. and

He talked to his officer too, apologized for taking decisions in haste, and got his rejoining date confirmed.

When the day finally arrived, Nandini helped Manik in packing the bags. "I packed the biryani for both you and Cabir. Have it with him. I don't want to have another call about my supposed betrayal to him", she told.

She felt Manik hugging her from behind. "You know that things are getting serious at the border right now?", he asked her softly.

Nandini turned in his arms and pecked his cheek. "If you are coming in your uniform, I will listen to you share your experiences. If you are returning wrapped up in National colors, I will keep you forever alive in my memories."

He smiled at her, all teary-eyed, taking her in a soulful kiss. "I love you", he whispered against her forehead.

If Nandini broke down in their living room after Manik left the home, no one was there to inform him.

XXX

War is just a small incident and the lives of the warriors change forever. The war wouldn't ever leave us without leaving long-lasting effects on everyone related. Great is a country that triumphs in a war but greater are the soldiers who willingly choose a path to protect their country and its people. The defence personnel of our country is one of them. You encounter one of them, you salute them, you respect them, there is no other way.

The bell rang and Nandini concluded the class after giving them the homework. It was the last period. She went to the staff room, kept her books in the cupboard before leaving school. She was typing a message to Manik. It was a week since she got the last message. Normally, she wouldn't worry herself as she knew the weak networks but this time she had to when the messages refused to get delivered.

Wouldn't you acknowledge your defence personnel?

She whipped her head in the direction of the voice and found Manik standing against a tree. Cabir was beside him, grinning. She launched herself into her husband's arms as he spun her around. The students were already gone and if there were a few teachers, she didn't really care. Her husband was back to her and was laughing without the care in the world. Nothing else mattered.

Soon they had to come out of their happy bubble as Cabir threw dried leaves on them. She glared at him.

"You didn't complain if he goes all romantic with you but I just visit you, purely on official purpose, and I get is 'Cabir, you can't come to school', eh?", he whined.

Nandini rolled her eyes and hugged him too. "How are you?", she asked him.

Hours later, wrapped in Manik's embrace, she let his voice wash over her while her heart gripped his presence beside her, warm and safe.

Till now I have written about all the Army stuff, guys being heroes fighting the wars but what after that? Because when the war dies down, it still remains and the warriors are always affected. I hope you liked it.

Meet you with a new chapter and a new story. Suggestions and ideas are always welcome. :)