First off, I must say that I am not a Fan-fiction person. Nevertheless, I accepted your request because of how interesting your cover and blurb were. 

I feel as though your book has a lot of potential, and will do well if you make little fixes here and there.

Upon reading the first chapter, I noticed that the first paragraph itself has sentences phrased very oddly that leaves a reader feeling quite confused, as though you are trying a bit too hard to have an opening that is exciting. My advice to you is that you should give it a bit of thought and come up with a better opening sentence to the story so as to entice readers.  

Secondly, I noticed that some of your adjectives are being repeated way too many times throughout the chapter. That could cause readers to get bored and scroll past, missing some important bits. 

However, I must say that the plot line of the first chapter was certainly as exciting as a mystery book should be and was very thrilling indeed. Your thought process is certainly very good. 

I do have one more suggestion though. Since this book is about Carrie, a protagonist in a horror film, try moving it from the genre of 'Mystery/Thriller' to 'Paranormal" as it will suit the book better. 

Best of luck with your writing!

Final Rating: 6/10