23. The Entry Book

I have to say, stories of child abuse are particularly hard to come by, and I am glad to see that such social issues are being portrayed on Wattpad in order to raise awareness. The cover was fantastic! So I really must applaud the author on that. 

When I first looked at the title, I assumed it to be a book in the 'Random' genre, but understood the meaning when I read the first chapter. It certainly was thought-out beforehand, and once again, I was pleased with it. 

However, I did have some concerns. The opening line of the first chapter was too informal, and did not set the right tone for the rest of the book. Such sensitive topics must be handled with care, and should not just blatantly be out there in a way that makes it seem almost normal. Instead of starting with 'There are bruises on my body again', (not the exact words), the book could have started with something like, "I flinch as I flex my arm, the dark bruises providing evidence of the beating I just received. And yet, the sad part is that I am used to them." 

This brings me to a hole in the first chapter that I noticed. The chapter begins with the MC covered in bruises, but she later says that her father is always successful in getting the bruises to go after he finishes beating her. 

Additionally, the style is very blunt, and needs to have a bit more of imagery and emotion in it other than angst. The MC is obviously sick of the way she has been treated, and seemingly does not care for the world anymore. But there should be more. Abused children feel a series of emotions that range from self-doubt to anger and utter sadness. Those need to show as well.

One more thing that caught my attention was the unnecessary repetition of the word 'teacher'. I suggest using Mr. or Mrs. Something instead. 

But overall, good effort. With a little bit of tweaking, I am sure your story will be great. 

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