Nine days have passed since we were back on that rooftop, smoking cigarettes and eating junk food, letting the time pass us by.

We had nearly stayed up there like the first night, but the snow soon started to fall again, and we didn't want to take the risk of getting ill.

We didn't go back to the apartment until late though. We drove around town, only getting out for a stroll around the park which wasn't needed, but Ethan suggested so. It was beautiful, the snow was catching on the bare branches of the trees. I felt like I was living in a movie, but the ugly feeling of my broken heart always brought me back to reality.

That was a whole nine days ago, it's finally the New Year.

Ethan and I celebrated the night our own way, we got a bottle of vodka and played drinking games to pass the time as we rang in the New Year. It was fun, but we hardly got drunk, just harmlessly tipsy.

That night was the first time since New York we kissed more than just in an affectionate, soft kind of way. That night we fell into a heated makeout session, so close to something sexual happening but with the alcohol and everything that's happened recently, Ethan respectfully stopped before it did.

I was disappointed but he never let that dull on me too long because he made the worst knock, knock joke I've ever heard, making me fall into laughter with him.

It's been fourteen days since I last saw my friends – it's been fourteen days yet it has felt like months have passed. Months since Ethan and I went to New York, but it's truly only been fourteen days.

I'm so glad to know we'll all be back today.

I know for sure that Lauren is here, she turned up last night and has even been shopping for the dorm, and it's honestly been killing me not to go see her, but everyone thinks I'm in New Haven so I simply haven't. I know if I did, I'd have to explain why I'm back early and I'm not prepared to lie further.

Felix has been sworn to secrecy, he knew before Ethan and I went to New York that I wasn't going home. He didn't question it, he never does and I'm so thankful.

It's hard to keep lying, but I know I couldn't just tell them all that I stayed with Ethan, my boyfriend who I weren't even with officially when he invited me, instead of a home that I've always loved going back to. It just wouldn't make sense, and I'm not ready to speak more on the matter as to why I didn't go home. Whatever home is anyway.

Felix has been amazing, he knows both Ethan and I struggled during the holiday, so he's been an extra pain in the ass to Ethan, and extra nice to me. I've loved it.

The plan was always for me to go back to the dorm, celebrate with my friends alone, but I wanted to bring Ethan with me, and there really was no question about it when I saw Felix was bored.

I was going to take my car, park it back up at the dorm for the rest of eternity, but as soon as we got in, Felix wouldn't stop complaining about how cold and small it is. So, that's how I'm driving us all back in Ethan's beautiful Mercedes.

I had to collect my tiny little car the other day in case anyone came back early as well as some extra clothes which explains why it was at Ethan's in the first place. I really love my car, but after driving Ethan's, it felt so weird.

"Felix, I'm on the verge of stopping and kicking you out." I bite back, my anger not at bay anymore.

"She's feisty." Felix says to Ethan, who only bites his lip to stop the laughter.

I don't know why he's so dedicated into pissing me off but it's working and I'm letting him get to me – it's the stupidest things too like calling me Chest which is his new favorite nickname for me. Ethan whacked him for that one, but now he's just letting it happen. I'm easily aggravated and I'm due on next week, so if I strangle him at one point, that's my excuse.

"Chest, don't be mad at me." He speaks in a sad tone, and when I check the mirror he's wearing a pout on his face.

"Shut up, mop-head." I mutter, rolling my eyes as I focus on the road.

"That's a violation, you're making fun of my hair!" He exclaims making me groan.

"And one would say you're making fun of my lack of boobs." I say with a shrug.

"I'm not, you have a great rack." He mutters.

"Shut the fuck up!" Ethan turns in his seat to face him.

"So, you can talk about her boobs but I can't?" Felix asks Ethan seriously.

"I'm her boyfriend, she allows me to talk about her boobs." Ethan states.

"I'm not allowing any of you to talk about my boobs, so both of you, sit and shut the fuck up because you're distracting me." I bite out, annoyed at the traffic also. It usually takes ten minutes to get to the dorm from Ethan's place, but it's already been thirteen. The roads are full, most likely people heading back to college.

It's Friday, and break isn't truly over until Sunday – we only come back a couple days earlier so we can celebrate the holiday we missed together – but I guess people have the same idea, getting in a few parties before classes start back up on Monday.

Thankfully they both shut up, sitting like scolded children which they are, whilst I drive the remainder of the way, drowning out any complaints with 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana, head bopping and humming slightly, in my own little world as I sing along with Kurt Cobain.

You look at me and probably assume I listen to Harry Styles – not that I didn't love him and his music during the period of time when I weren't speaking with Ethan – however rock will always be my top genre to listen to. But I have to admit there is a few Harry Styles songs that I still listen to now, Only Angel, Woman, She and Kiwi have been on my driving playlist ever since.

I tricked Ethan into liking him also when Kiwi came on during our drive back home from New York, and he soon caught onto the lyrics and what they meant. I mean, the lyric 'hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet'? It's not that hard to figure out what it actually means, and he full-on added it to a sex playlist, not that we have one or listen to music when we're doing things anyway. But he made one and added it nonetheless.

The drive takes another five minutes, me tapping my fingers aggressively against the wheel and honking my horn only twice in that time, but finally I'm pulling into the dorm parking lot, smiling when I see all of my friends' cars.

Of course Felix complains about the stairs which has just become more and more normal for me, and most times I forget we even have a broken elevator. Ethan just hit him upside his head and told him to keep walking making me laugh.

When we reach my level, the halls somewhat empty, only a couple people here, I grab my keys, and Felix hides around the corner in attempt to surprise everyone which I don't think work.

Once I unlock and open the door, Lauren is already up and running over to me, but when she sees Ethan, she frowns and hits my shoulder.

"You went to see your boyfriend before me! How dare you, you bitch?!" She scolds, and I laugh, pulling her into a hug, stumbling around slightly at the brutal force.

"I've missed you too." More than she'll ever know.

"I've missed you more, but you're still a bitch." She mutters against my shoulder.

"Where's my hug?" Felix is the one to ask that, and Lauren freezes in my hold.

"Why's he here?" She whispers not at all quietly, pulling away from me.

"Nice to see you too, now do I get my hug?" Felix playfully pouts at her.

"In your dreams." She smiles, resting her hand on her hip.

I widen my eyes at Ethan, gesturing over my shoulder, to leave them alone to catch up, and he follows me into the dorm, tucking his arm around my waist, his fingers circling just above where his tattoo is on me – our secret for the time being. When I walk in, I see Hanna asleep, laid on the beanbag, and Matt is in the kitchen, stirring a pot of food.

"You look as beautiful as always." Matt says with a smile, coming over to me. I smile at his statement because I do look better than I have done recently since I've put effort into my appearance. I'm wearing some ripped black skinny jeans, a white dressy shirt with cuffed sleeves, and some basic makeup, my facial piercing making an appearance also.

"What happened to the pink hair?" I blurt out in realization, running my fingers through the dirty blonde. He re-dyed the pink several times over the last three months, and it really started to suit him.

"Thought I'd stick with something a little natural, look good?" He asks, a smile on his face.

"Of course, but you look weirdly handsome, what the fuck?" I say with a laugh, and he scowls at me before pulling me in for a hug.

"Missed you, munchkin." He mutters, rubbing my back.

"I've missed you too." I whisper.

It's been two weeks, and I've craved these hugs so much. I've missed everyone.

"I've missed you as well Ethan, you've become one of us now." Matt says, a playful glint in his eyes as he approaches Ethan into a hug. "Just hug me back, it won't be the end of the world."

I laugh as I witness one of the most awkward hugs I'm sure has ever took place. Matt is just a little bit shorter than Ethan, not by much, and his head is tucked into Ethan's neck like he's hugging a teddy bear whereas Ethan's arms are just out straight – he looks like he's rather be anywhere else but here right now.

"This is torturous for me to even watch." I snort, walking past them and into the living room, ready to wake the sleeping beauty up. "Hanna!"

Yelling probably isn't the kindest thing, but it worked and she's scowling up at me.

"Do you mind?" Hanna rubs her eyes, and I smile as I move her leg, getting on the beanbag with her.

"I've missed you." I say, and she groans, hiding her head into my neck as she wraps her leg over mine – apparently I'm always the little spoon.

"Why did you have to wake me up?" She whispers.

"Because we're all here now." I say and she opens her eyes, her frown never lifting as she sees everyone spill into the living room.

"Fuck my life. I wanted more sleep, I haven't slept properly all break, with Sally screaming all night." She groans, and a pinch a guilt eats at me for waking her up. "But thank you, I didn't exactly want your boyfriend and floppy guy to see me asleep."

"Floppy guy?" I question.

"His hair, it's the only way I can describe it." She mutters.

Hanna's not wrong, but I kind of love Felix's hair, it suits him long.

As she wakes up, I stay cuddled up with her on the beanbag as a random conversation starts up – Ethan's sat in the corner of the sofa, his legs stretched out with the amount of space he's got, his eyes constantly on mine, silently begging me to join him, and every so often he'll pout and gesture his head over.

"I need to pee; can you get up please?" Hanna whispers to me in a soft voice, and I hum, struggling to get up for a second before I finally do, and I grab her hand to help her up. "Thank you."

Like he's been silently asking, I join Ethan on the sofa, sitting in the little nook at his side, so my ass is on the sofa and my legs are laid over his, so this way we're both comfortable.

"Finally." He murmurs close to my left ear, pressing a kiss below it.

"You're clingy." I whisper with a little chuckle.

"Can't survive without you it seems." He makes me smile, my heart swarming with the familiar feeling that has been at the back of my mind ever since I admitted it to myself nine days ago.

I love him, as in I really am in love him. The feelings I have developed towards Ethan have been so foreign, a feeling that I never even thought I was capable of. I thought I knew what love was, I really thought I did, I thought I felt it with Chris all those years ago. I believed until Ethan that, that was love – but there's a difference between love, loving someone, caring for someone, and actually being in love with someone; someone you're totally and utterly captivated with.

Those feelings I felt with Chris, I felt for Ethan as soon as I met him, it was a feeling of attraction, a feeling of liking someone. But the feeling only grew from there, a new feeling developed that I never even knew existed, and it was hard to even wrap my head around it.

I want to tell Ethan, I want to scream it from the rooftop that I love him, that I'm in love for the first ever time. But, there's a part of me that's pushing the whole feeling away. I'm so terrified that if I tell him, he won't feel the same for me. I see how much he cares for me; these last two weeks alone have proved that to that part of me that's so stubborn to see it.

I'm so scared of getting hurt again – nothing good ever comes of loving someone. I loved Chris; he cheated on me. I loved my mom; she's no longer here. I loved my dad; he was quick to shut the door, abuse and manipulate me.

Love is always short-term. It's why I don't think I could ever admit this out loud.

I know that I love him, and that's all that matters.

"So, why the blonde hair?" Lauren asks Matt, shamelessly chewing on a popsicle. I have two things wrong with this, that it's January, and that she's biting on the thing. It's hurting my teeth watching her.

We talk about random things among ourselves as Matt goes back in the kitchen, heating up the food that Lauren cooked last night on FaceTime with everyone, me not included because my phone was sadly on silent. Lauren sent Felix to work, setting the dining table that we have and never use near the kitchen, them bickering back and forth whether the fork goes on the right or left side. Hanna nearly fell asleep in this time but was soon woke up with the loud yell of Matt calling everyone over for dinner.

We all collected our plates, and for the first time ever, we filled out the table. Matt popped open a bottle of champagne, a Christmas gift he got from one of his family members, and we all raised a toast to the New Year before digging into our meals.

That's how we all fell into the familiar conversation that we always have when we see each other again, catching up over the holiday, going around in table order.

"So, am I going first?" Matt asks, us all agreeing with mixed hums and nods of our heads. "Okay, well honestly it was boring. I dyed my hair just before Christmas, it going a little wrong so I had to bleach it again and tone, but I think it turned out okay. Christmas day was a little uneventful, but I went to church, and it honestly felt like I was getting burned. I'm not even joking."

Laughter fills the room, and he's staring at all of us in disbelief.

"Fuck you guys." He mutters under his breath. "Ugh, Hanna you go next."

"Well as you all know baby Sal was born a couple days before Christmas, and it's been hell since. I mean, she just cries constantly, and I've had around two hours sleep combined throughout the break. I am really considering booking that vasectomy appointment for my father, you know? If they tell me they're having another child this year, I'm going to have a breakdown." Hanna rambles before downing the glass of champagne and continuing. "I mean, the baby is cute and I love her and everything, but so fucking loud guys. Just don't have children – sleep is so much better."

"So, you didn't enjoy the break at all?" Felix asks and she shakes her head, shrugging her shoulders.

"Mine was better than I expected." Lauren says, and I raise my brows in surprise, usually she hates going home. "I mean, my parents finally dropped the whole arranged marriage idea, which is good, so I won't be getting emails from impending and really nice Korean boys – honestly it breaks me to let them down. Um, Christmas was nice, very overwhelming and over the top with my whole family though. I did a lot of touristy things' taking photos and staying out as much as I could."

"Seems nice, can you take me next time?" Matt asks, and she nods, returning the smile he gave her.

"Who's next?" Hanna asks.

"Me!" Felix exclaims, swallowing the food he had in his mouth. "My brother had me working for the half of it which was stupid since half the time no one came in. Christmas was nice, spent it with my brother, his wife and kids, also this idiot called Ethan. Ooh, I got some new sneakers."

Felix literally pulls out his chair and lifts up his leg so his foot is inches away from Lauren's face to show everyone, and Lauren blinks slowly before she turns to him.

"Do you want your leg chopped off?" Lauren grits out, and I purse my lips in amusement, and his eyes go wide, putting his leg down. "Yeah, didn't think so."

"Anyway, angry bitch aside, I had a good time." Felix rushes out before jumping up from the table, Lauren chasing after him with a knife.

"I don't want to deal with a bloody murder today." Hanna sighs, holding her head as we watch the two run around like children.

These are my friends.

"Do I wait for them or...?" Ethan trails off, an amused smile on his face.

"Just carry on, leave them to it." Matt dismisses them, us all quite literally ignoring the fact that Lauren is chasing Felix around the dorm with a knife.

"Okay, well it was nice, I kinda needed the break from college and work, so it was chill. I got another tattoo though." Ethan briefly answers, lifting his white t-shirt sleeves up slightly so Hanna and Matt can kind of get a glimpse of it. My Virgo sign very clear on his wrist, but he's got so many tattoo's that I don't think anyone will pick up on it.

"Wait, that's so good." Hanna says, smiling and for the first time, seeming genuinely interested for the first time.

"Yeah, my buddy Mason, he's done every single one of my tattoos, I won't go to anyone else." Ethan says, looking down at the tattoo himself.

"Give me his number later, I'm wanting one but I've not really looked into it for places around here." She says, and he nods giving her a smile as he pulls down his sleeve to the original place.

It's come down to me, and I'm dreading it.

"So, Frankie how was your Christmas?" Matt asks, and the answer is in one word – heartbreaking.

"Really good." I start, ready to lie my ass off until it's convincing enough. "My sister, she's just turned six months old, so she was more alert than the last time I saw her. My parents are good. I met up with some old friends. Christmas was nice, just relaxing. Overall I was happy to be back at home."

It killed me to lie, lie about my family that's quite literally a broken mess, to lie about how happy I was, how nice it was to be with my parents and friends again. I know I was brash on the details, but I was quick to get everything out, and thankfully no one picked up on it.

It killed me though. My heart was breaking. A knot was in my throat as I spoke. It was much easier to lie before when I was lying to everyone, when I had it all buried away, but now, now it just breaks me.

~~~~~

A/N

GUYS! THE LAST CHAPTER IS NEXT, I'VE NEARLY FINISHED MY SECOND BOOK, WTF!

This chapter compared to my most recent ones seems short, quite rushed but I got in everything that I needed to, and I hope it's okay. It's not the best, but honestly I'm eager to finish this book.

Life update: It's 1AM and I'm at work in the morning, I just want to write though which is so bad because I've hardly slept lately. My motivation is always alive through the night though.

Question of the chapter:

What would you change about yourself? My natural hair color to ginger like the rest of my family.

I hope this chapter was okay!

ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT GUYS, I LOVE YOU ALL!

Thank you for reading! Please comment your thoughts, vote by pressing the little star, and if you want, you can follow me too. Xx

3554 words!

~B