What has me waking this early on this cold Christmas day morning , isn't the smell of freshly baked cookies, my parents soft voices as they shake me awake, it's the scream of pure terror coming from Ethan beside me.

It has me jolting awake, my heart dropping to my stomach, and I'm quick to check on him, sitting up, cupping his face with both hands. He's tossing ever so slight, his face screwed up, muttering incoherent words over and over again.

"Hey, it's okay. Ethan, it's Francesca. You're okay. Wake up for me, baby." I say, trying to keep my voice steady as I project it loud enough, and he chokes on a sob, making my heart break. "Ethan, come on."

I've never been on the other end of this before, I don't know how to help or anything. How do you even wake someone up from a nightmare?

"Baby, come on, you're okay, you're safe with me. Ethan, wake up." I beg, shaking him slightly, but he's still in his torturous state. "Ethan, please wake up!"

I'm wary of the other people in this apartment as well as the fact it being Christmas day morning, so I'm trying to keep my voice low, but I'm terrified, trying to get him out of this. I know how horrific nightmares are, and you just want someone to save you from it, wake you, just anyone.

There's a knock on the door, and I let out a sigh of relief but I get up, ignoring the distant, nearly faint pain, as well as the outfit I'm currently wearing (a white tank top, and some grey joggers of Ethan's), and swing it open, revealing Scar.

"Is he having a nightmare?" He asks, and I nod, letting him.

"I can't wake him up. What shall I do?" I whisper, pushing my hair out of the way.

"He's going to be okay. Can you go get a bottle of water, an ice pack, and put the kettle on? Try to keep quiet though." He asks, his voice low. I really don't want to leave him right now, but I comply.

"How are you going to wake him up?" I ask wearily, and he hesitates, looking at me.

"He's aware of these nightmares, no one can get through to him, and he asks me to do this – I'm not doing this because I want to." He checks, and I frown, ready for him to continue. "I have to hit him."

"You can't hit him; he's having a nightmare?!" I hiss lowly.

"A nightmare that he won't come out of until he's ready. None of us want this to continue on longer than it already has. Go in the kitchen, I promise, he'll be fine – he's a boxer, I'm not going to hit him hard. His face will still be intact for you." He says with a little smile, and I just turn around, walking away because I know I never will.

The first thing I do is put the kettle on before I open the fridge/freezer, grabbing a bottle of water and then an ice pack. When I turn back around, Felix is walking out of his bedroom, his shorts hanging low on his hips as he rubs his eyes, pushing back his hair before he notices me.

"Nightmare?" He whispers, and I nod, gulping down the knot in my throat. "He'll be okay."

"How long does it usually take?" I ask.

"Not long, the first hit doesn't affect him, and Scar hates doing it, so just wait a minute." He says, and I look over his shoulder towards Ethan's bedroom.

My heart breaks when I'm suddenly hearing broken sobs, and I'm racing towards the door, seeing him sat up, Scar sat at the edge of the bed, holding the back of his neck to keep him upright.

"Hey." I whisper, and his eyes reach mine, broken and tearful.

"Fran." Scar gestures for me to come in, and I take steady steps, like I'm approaching a spooked horse, but I seriously don't want to freak him out.

Ethan's staring into space, his eyes now fixated on the door behind me, his breathing labored, tears streaming from his eyes when I join him on the bed.

"He's going to be like this for a while." Scar tells me quietly, and I blink up at him, a tear falling from cheek. "He's going to be okay though, don't worry. Usually I stay in here, but I think he'd prefer you to lay with him instead of me."

"The ice?" I question, holding the pack as well as a bottle of water.

"Press it to his cheek bone, I only hit him there." He mutters, sounding guilty as he looks away, standing up. "He's awake, he's just out of it – just talk to him."

I exhale deeply, watching Scar hesitate slightly at the door, but he gives a little forced smile before he shuts it, leaving us alone. Only now, do I glance over to my left, checking the time on the digital clock that's stood on his bedside table. Three-thirty-five in the morning.

It's heartbreaking how overnight this has happened, things have changed so quickly. We had woke up together yesterday morning, very early – which isn't surprising considering we went back to bed as soon as we got out of that bath, the night before – and then we celebrated Christmas Eve with his family; baking, doing arts and crafts with Kurt and Stevie, watching countless Christmas movies in a row, and then family games – I had to sit out of twister but it was still fun to watch.

His arm hardly ever left its position around my waist, his face full of joy. I never sensed any distress throughout the whole night, I truly believe he had fun which is why it's so heartbreaking that this has happened. I never expected this when he had told me about breakdowns and nightmares surrounding Christmas day. I didn't expect it would be like this at all.

"Hey, Ethan, they've gone now. Can you lay down with me?" I ask in a soft tone, and he blinks, still looking ahead, before turning towards me. "Please? I'd love it if you'd lay with me."

I keep my voice low, careful and soft. I've never had to act like this around him, he's never been this vulnerable, and I'm unaware of how I should act, so I'm just trying to do what I would like in this position.

After a few seconds, he lies down, so his head is resting on my shoulder, and I thread my fingers through his head, a gentle hum leaving his lips.

"I have some ice, can I put it on your cheek?" I ask, my hand that is still holding the ice pack becoming numb from how cold it is.

"Yeah." His voice is croaky, incredibly broken.

I'm careful, not trying to shock him when I bring the blue box of frozen ice down to his skin, he jolts slightly, but then sighs as I continue to run my fingers through his hair.

"I'm here if you need to talk, but silence is good too." I whisper, and I take his answer when I get no response back.

For the next hour, we're laid like this, both of us awake, in total silence. The only sound that I hear are our shared breathing and occasionally his little sobs. Every single one, breaking my heart.

His head lays heavy on my body, and for a while I was left to believe he had fallen back to sleep, until now when he looks up at me, his eyes full of vulnerability.

"Did I scare you?" Is the first thing he asks.

"You didn't. I was scared for you though." I correct him before he starts to feel guilty.

"I'm okay." He says, and I run my fingers through his hair yet again. "Thank you for holding me."

"You're welcome, you have soft hair." I say and a little chuckle escapes his lips, making me smile.

There's silence for a few seconds before he begins to talk again.

"It was a memory, one of the worst ones I have from when I was in my last care home. It was like I was thirteen all over again." He says, his emerald eyes still piercing into mine as he speaks. "I really believed that the nightmare wouldn't happen because you were here. I thought because I had fun last night, that it wouldn't. That nightmare reoccurs every single year, I don't know why but it does."

"Hey, you're okay, you're here with me and it's over." I hush, stroking his face and he closes his eyes, nodding slightly. "If it's too hard for you to be here today, we can do something else."

"I'm holding on – by now I would have left and drank a bottle of whisky already. I'm really thankful you're here." He whispers, opening his eyes again.

"How are you, truly, no bullshit?" I ask, my eyebrows knitted together.

"I'm okay now, just feeling distant, not myself. I'll be back to teasing you in an hour or two." He says in a monotone voice, yet he chuckles at his latter sentence. "Now close your eyes. Rest."

"Are you going to be okay?" I check, looking down at him in his sleepy state.

"Yeah, it'll only happen that once." He seems sure of himself.

"Okay, good." I say.

"Oh, and Merry Christmas, Francesca Salatino." He murmurs, and my heart warms at the sentence that left his lips so foreign like.

"Merry Christmas, Ethan Kane." I whisper back, running my fingers through his hair yet again.

~~

I'm waking hours later, it still incredibly early at the ripe time of five-thirty AM, Ethan's head still laid on me, only now his hand is subconsciously groping my right boob, his hand quite literally slipped under my tank top. I smile at the sight, taking a mental image of this exact moment.

"You're staring." He mumbles, and I press my lips together as I freeze. I was so sure he was still asleep.

"You're touching my tit." I'm quick to retort, making him look up at me, and I smile, letting him know I'm okay with it when his face washes with hesitation.

"Huh, I guess I am." He squeezes it, rolling my nipple between his fingers, and I whimper, caught off guard. A coy grin comes to his face, and I glare at him. "Sensitive?"

"Your family live here, behave." I mutter.

"Doesn't make much difference. I'd fuck you all night long, not giving one fuck if they heard." He's mumbling again, his chin rested on my chest as he looks up at me. I don't know how he can say these things so casually, and it always surprises me. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Nope, I'm just imagining when I finally have your cock down my throat." I say coming up with the first thing that pops in my head, smiling when I see his jaw drop, clearly not expecting that. He's gaping at me. "Close your mouth, you'll catch fly's."

"I don't like your teasing behavior." He mutters, rolling over to his side of the bed, finally letting me breathe, but honestly I didn't mind him being close. "My boner was painful enough before you printed that vision in my mind."

"Want me to help you?" I ask with a sweet tone, the smile matching it.

"I don't trust your intentions right now." He squints his eyes at me.

"Smart choice." I smile over at him, and he grabs hold of my left hand, intertwining our fingers. He swings them in the air for a few seconds, having me giggling at how random he is. And then he turns towards me, a soft look in his eyes.

"How are you feeling, darling?" His voice is no longer teasing or playful, it's serious.

My throat tightens when it really dawns on me what day it is. I was so wrapped up in everything with Ethan in the early hours of this morning, that it didn't truly hit me that it was in fact Christmas.

"Um, right now I'm okay. But I won't lie; I'm terrified for today, and how I'll react. I don't know if I'll be able to cope seeing everyone happy, unwrapping presents. It's killing me now, just thinking about it." I whisper, gulping down a breath of air. "I hate being so self-involved, I feel awful."

"I'll remind you again, we don't have to do this. And in this situation, you were incredibly selfless by accepting the invite to be here with me in the first place." He says, and I nod, a tear escaping and he brushes it from my cheek before it truly falls.

"Even if we end up doing our own thing or not, I want to go somewhere, light a candle or something later for her." I'm hesitant, not sure if it's a good idea or not.

"That sounds perfect, Francesca. She would be proud of you, you know?" My heart stops, the knot in my throat expanding, and I shake away the tears that are falling. "Hey shh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I'm just emotional. I'm trying not think about it today, but it's all I can." I whisper, and then choke out a little laugh in realization. "I'm supposed to be supporting you, not the other way around."

"Fuck me and my problems." He rolls his eyes.

"Your feelings are still valid as well for today. We're doing this together." I say with a sniffle, and he nods, tightening his hold around my hand. "We're really quite the pair."

Ethan only hums in response, smiling over at me. The next second the door is being swung open, and he's immediately grabbing a pillow from behind his head, to cover his crotch. I'm making sure my tank top is situated because they're truly deadly things, but I'm A-Okay.

"Kane, Frankie!" Stevie squeals, her and Kurt's excitement filling the room, and I quickly wipe away the tears that were once on my cheeks.

"Santa came!" Kurt whisper yells, loudly.

"Really? What did you ask for?" I ask, smiling at the little boy in his blue Christmas pajama's.

"A drone." He says quietly like it's a massive secret, his eyes wide – and mine do exactly that. This little guy wants a drone? I remember getting one doll for Christmas, a few accessories and being totally over the moon. I kind of envy his taste though.

"Go wake your mommy and daddy, and we'll find out together, yeah?" I keep my enthusiasm up, and he nods his head excitedly.

"Stevie, you too, and shut the door. We'll be there as soon as you can count to one-hundred." Ethan bargains, and they start counting out loud as they exit the room, a skip in their step. Ethan looks over at me with an unsure smile. "Still okay?"

"Yeah. Can they even count to one-hundred?" I ask, laughing slightly as I briefly hear them counting.

"Not too sure, so we shouldn't risk it." He says, jumping up from his laid position to his feet, wobbling slightly before turning to me impressed. "That was cool, don't deny it."

I fall into laughter as he walks over to me, placing his feet at each side of my waist, looking down at me with a wide grin. I don't have a clue what he's doing until he's lifting my arms, and he's tickling underneath my armpits. I'm squealing at the top of my lungs, not able to help the laughter that falls from my lips, happy tears brimming in my eyelids.

"Ethan, I swear to God! Stop it, not on his son's birthday!" I squeal and he immediately stops, bursting into laughter at my words. I then laugh when I realize what I just said.

"Where the fuck did you come from?" He wonders, and I shrug, smiling at him. He exhales happily before jumping and falling back on his ass next to me, always aware of where my legs are.

"Did- what the- how secure is your bed?" I blurt out, in surprise that he's just jumped on it like a fucking trampoline.

"Oh yeah, it's secure." He smirks at me, and I whine at his perverted mind, not that I haven't missed it though. I really have. "Laughter is the best medicine, now that we've had a little dose, we can go."

I slip out of the bed, letting my hair out of the bun, slipping the hair tie on my wrist before I grab one of Ethan's hoodies that I've been wearing lately, that's hanging on the back of the door. As soon as my head is through the hole, Ethan's arms snake around my waist and I'm whining when I can't pull it down, stuck.

"Ethan, are you okay?" I check, my voice soft, and he hums close to my ear. "Well, fuck off then."

"You're feisty." He mutters, stepping out of my embrace, but I'm thankful when he's helping me pull the hoodie down at the back. I can finally see again, and he's spinning me around. "You look beautiful."

"You look pretty." I return the compliment, and his face drops, his jaw ticking at the name of adoration.

"Shut up. Pee before we go." He points to his bathroom, and I frown at him. "Francesca, if we have to leave, there will be no bathrooms, go now."

At least he's prepared for the worst to happen.

After eventually doing my business in the bathroom, I come out to see Ethan waiting at the bottom of his bed for me. He sends me a gentle smile, standing and reaching for my hand, which I happily take as we walk out into the open-plan apartment.

"Merry Christmas guys." Felix greets, sat to my left on the sofa, a Santa hat sitting happily atop his head. This massive grey corner sofa is so big that it take up the majority of the room in here, them being two corners to the sofa, it being in a 'U' shape instead of the usual 'L'.

"Good morning and Merry Christmas everyone." I smile, and I glance back at Ethan who is silent, stood in place, a frown on his face, and I'm quick to cup his jaw, bringing him back to me. "Hey, you good?"

"Yeah, sorry." He blinks, his focus back.

He forces a smile, making sure the grip on my hand never weakens as we make our way over to the sofa, getting comfy in one of the corners, nearest to Felix. There's a blanket draped over the edge, so I pull that over us, settling into his side.

"Can we open them now, please, pretty please?" Stevie's got her bottom lip out, pleading with her parents for Christmas morning to start.

"Of course, get stuck in guys, but appreciate what Santa got you, yes?" Scar raises his brow at the twins, both of them nodding along before immediately ripping into their first present each.

"You good?" I check in with Ethan, and he nods, kissing the side of my head.

For Ethan, this is so unfamiliar to him and he's watching everyone, observing whilst frowning also. It's a lot for him. He's never celebrated Christmas. Only now, he is for the first time, and I can't even begin to imagine how much is running through his head. It must be hard – this is what he has never had.

For me, I'm okay, I'm focusing on everyone else around me but myself, but it hurts. It hurts more than I imagined it would. I'm keeping it at a bay though, and every time I have the urge to cry, I direct my focus on the kids – their smiles and excitement helping me through it.

As the presents went around, Ethan became more and more familiar to it, making conversations with Felix, and at one point, got on the floor with the twins to see what they had got. It warmed my heart to see him like this.

That's how now, he's sat in front of me, his back lent up against the sofa as my feet dangle over his shoulders. He's made a sexual innuendo already, which I scolded him for, especially since kids are present. But we're both comfortable.

"How many gifts are there left?" Felix groans, lying back, so his body is laid across the sofa, his head on the seat next to me. He's tired, I mean, I don't blame him, it's only just passed six in the morning.

"Two!" Stevie yells, and he rolls his eyes out of their eyesight.

"Come on, liven up." I tap his cheek, and he glares up at me. "I regret calling you nice."

"Who to?" He asks and I gesture my head down to Ethan. "Oh."

Ethan suddenly puts a lot of pressure with his fingers on the bridge of my foot, a little moan escaping me, and I press my lips together, breathing through my nose as I keep my anger at bay. He's done this a couple times now, but I thought he learnt not to when I subconsciously kicked him the last time.

"Kane, mate, as much as I like Frankie, she's like a sister to me, I don't want to see this shit." Felix is keeping his voice unusually quiet for once when he talks.

"I'm massaging her foot." Ethan frowns at him innocently. "You got a foot fetish, bro? I certainly haven't."

"Okay, shut up, both of you. They're still unwrapping presents." I break their impending argument up, as I watch the twins open their last gift each.

Stevie unwraps hers first, the pink princess wrapping paper falling to the floor, her excited squeals filling everyone's ears at the gift in front of her. Everything is like it's moving in slow-motion, my heart dropping as my emotions that I momentarily pushed away, surface.

At the age of ten-years-old, I so desperately wanted a doll's house for Christmas. I always thought I was too old for it, that I would probably get picked on if anyone knew. But I got one on Christmas morning. My mom only told me how exactly, last year when we were laughing over old stories – she had gone to visit her parents who she hadn't seen in twenty years, and to her benefit they weren't in. So, she climbed the railing into her old bedroom, and stole her doll house back. It was basically still new, and she only had to buy a few extra furniture pieces for me. It's something I still have, it's in the corner of my room in New Haven. I know my dad, as much as he hates me, would never break it or get rid of it because of how much it meant to my mom.

Seeing the beautiful pink doll house in front of Stevie is bringing back memories – memories of when I was ten-year's-old, memories of only last year when me and my mom were sat in the living room just like this when she told me the tale. They're beautiful memories, but so incredibly painful now.

"Francesca, are you okay, sweetheart?" Maria's calm voice is what pulls me out of my thoughts, and Ethan's quick to spin around to check on me. He's cupping my face, wiping the escaped tears from my cheeks.

"You want to go?" He whispers and I only nod, gulping down the knot in my throat. He turns back around to the worried faces of Scar and Maria. Thankfully the kids are just engrossed in their new presents. "She's okay. We're going somewhere for the day – is everyone good without us?"

When Ethan speaks, his voice is void of emotion, he's straight to the point, and I feel the guilt from being the reason behind us leaving. He was doing so good today too, and I've just ruined it all.

"Of course but keep your phone on. I want to know you're okay." Scar says, and Ethan gives him a smile, a very small smile but I still see it.

Without disrupting the kids at all since they were in their own little world, we leave, only stopping to grab our coats from the hook on his bedroom door.

The cold winter air envelopes us as soon as we slip out of the back door, it locking itself behind us as we make the walk around the building to the parking lot, it still been quite dark out. It would have been easier if we had just used the front door, but it's all locked up for the holiday.

"I have something planned." He turns to me, stopping in the middle of the parking lot, his car meters away from us, and I raise my brows in surprise. "I had a feeling that at least one of us wouldn't make it through the day, my money was on me to be honest. Anyway, I've got a friend, I just need to ring him and he'll open up for us."

"It's really early, Ethan." I say with a little laugh, the knot in my throat loosening as we ease into normal conversation – leaving Christmas behind us. "Like it's still dark."

"He won't mind, he's up at this time anyway." He says, and I frown at him.

"I'm so confused." I really am.

"What I have planned will take quite a while, but it doesn't correlate to Christmas whatsoever. You may be bored, but I'll make sure there will be good music." He bargains, and I squint my eyes, ready for him to continue. "I'm getting a tattoo."

"You're getting a tattoo, another one?" I ask, and he nods with a smile. "Why?"

"Always was gonna, thought I might as well fill this time. If you don't want to, I can go a different day on my own-" He's talking, but I shut him up with a kiss. It's short, barely a second before my heals are back on the ground.

"I want to, it's a perfect idea." I smile.

"Really?" He checks, a smile forming on his face.

"Yeah, it'll pass the time. And I also want to see if you're secretly a big baby." I tease, and the smile drops, his hands snaking down to my waist. "If you pick me up, I will whack you."

He chuckles devilishly before he's throwing me over his shoulder, landing a slap on my ass.

"Ethan!" I squeal as he begins to walk. "Ethan, I swear to God, put me down, I can walk."

"I don't think I can understand, you know being a baby and everything." He muses, and I groan, my eyes only seeing the snow behind us. Even with his teasing behavior like this, he's still thinking of me, making sure my thighs aren't touching him at all – they're not painful anymore, just occasionally sore.

Thankfully when we get to his car, he places me safely onto the ground before handing me the key, smiling like an idiot, whereas I just scowl at him. I take the key, ignoring him as I get in the driver's seat. I'm not annoyed, I'm not feeling anything but happiness because he distracted me, even if it was for less than a minute, but I don't want to feed into him and his ego.

"So, where are we going?" I ask, keeping my smile hidden.

"Dragon Ink – it's around twenty minutes away from here." He says, the name sounding familiar but I have no clue where it is. "I'll direct you, just take a left out of the exit."

Ethan then calls who I'm guessing is his friend, them talking for less than a minute before his attention is on me, and every so often he would point which way I should go, and this continues until we arrive there.

He checks in quickly with me to see if I'm okay, which I am, before we get out of the car and we're then walking towards the tattoo shop. The outside and window display is a deep red color, photos of previous designs, and I smile when I notice one of Ethan's is on there, the roses that spiral his wrist.

"His name is Mason, really talented – I won't go to anyone else." He adds, and I smile up at him. "He was training when I met him, he did my first tattoo, it's a little stick man somewhere on my left bicep."

"I've seen that, always wondered why because it's so random." I say with a little chuckle.

"Yeah, well now you know, there's literally no other reason behind it." He drapes his right arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his side before he pushes the door open.

"What are you getting this time?" I wonder, and he presses his finger to my lips.

"Secrets, darling." He smiles, leading us into the tattoo parlor.

It's very dark, my eyes needing to adjust from the bright snowy light outside, and I'm smiling when everything comes into focus. A4 pictures of more designs are littering the painted black walls, a black leather sofa is against the far wall, this room only being small, a hallway to the right. There's neon light fixtures hung, a large one that vertically spells 'tattoo' in red leant up against the desk, where a heavily tattooed young woman sits, doodling on a sketch pad.

"Hey Nicole, which room's Mason in?" Ethan asks, greeting the woman.

"Good morning, Kane, who's the little one?" Nicole gestures to me, a smirk on her face as she leans on the desk, and I'm scowling on the inside. No one's ever called me 'the little one', it's always Lauren.

"My girlfriend, Francesca. Room?" He asks, and I'm frowning up at him at his blunt tone.

"Two." She answers, sending me a little wave when we leave, him pulling me down the hallway.

"Ethan, why do you have to be so rude?" I ask, keeping my voice low.

"She was hitting on you." He mutters, and I laugh under my breath. Jealous motherfucker.

"I look awful, I doubt she was hitting on me." I say, and he raises his brows at me.

"You look beautiful, and she definitely was." He answers, not letting me argue on it before he's opening the door with the number two on. "Mason, hi."

"Hey Kane, how you doing?" Mason greets him, his arms tatted up as well as part of his neck. A gentle smile is worn on his face, and I'm guessing he's just a couple years older than us.

It's becoming more and more apparent that I literally am the only one who calls him Ethan, everyone else calling him by his last name, Kane, and it's never going to sound right or register in my brain.

"We're good, how are you?" He asks, seeming genuinely interested.

"Good – I'm glad you rang, Rick's been pissing me off all morning, woke the dogs up at five AM like they're fucking children." Mason rambles, rolling his eyes, and I'm frowning in confusion because I have no context whatsoever. "Oh hi, excuse me and my horrible manors, you must be Francesca, right?"

"Yeah, you can call me Frankie though." I smile.

"It's nice to meet you. If you're confused, Rick's my fiancé, but he could soon be my ex if he carries on treating the dogs like children." He forces a grin on his face making me laugh.

"Rick is actually nicer than him." Ethan whispers close to my ear.

"Remember who's holding the needle bud." Mason warns him, and Ethan only rolls his eyes. "Now, tell me what you want doing today."

"The lion and the chains we were talking about on my right shoulder? But with the word Nirvana in there somewhere also?" He asks, and my eyes widen at his request. Nirvana. The morning we spent together when he called me his nirvana replays in my mind, and my heart warms yet drops again when I realize what he just said.

"Ethan." I whisper, and he chuckles as he pulls his t-shit above his head. Oh Lord. Is the point of this to distract me enough? Funny. I'm not going to let it.

"Oh, and also a Virgo sign." He says, sitting down on the black leather bed/seat, and I swear my eyes are about to pop out of my head.

"You're not being serious right now." I say, grasping his hands in mine.

"Deadly. Now, a deal's a deal, is it not?" He asks, and I frown at his words.

The deal. The deal that we made whilst I was half asleep nearly three months ago, does he mean?

"The deal was for you to get your nipple pierced and I would get another tattoo. Not a tattoo for a tattoo. That's child play with you." I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

"So, if I get my nipple pierced, you'll get the tattoo?" He asks in a casual tone.

"You- what?" I blurt out, staring at him like he's lost his mind. He must have had an aneurysm if he thinks I'm getting a tattoo right now.

"Mason, you'll do the piercing won't you?" Ethan looks up at him, and all Mason does is smile evilly.

"This is going to be fun." Mason claps his hands together, Ethan's eyes widening, like he's dreading and most likely regretting this. He doesn't let that bother him though, he passes me his shirt and lies down.

"Are you serious? Ethan, please think this through." I urge, maybe because I don't want to get a tattoo right this second without any liquid courage. Yeah it's definitely that.

"Baby, I'm getting it either way." He says, I'm guessing he's referring to the tattoo.

"I don't know what I want for my tattoo. If I'm getting your sign, I might as well think about something else whilst we're here." I say, the nerves spiraling around my body. I don't mind it whilst it's happening, I just get worked up beforehand.

"So, we're doing this?" He asks with a smile.

"Yeah, okay, we're doing this. Um, Mason, can you tattoo me a word in Italian as well some roses, also a Scorpio sign somewhere else?" I ask cautiously, and Ethan raises his brows at me.

"Yeah, can you write it down at one point?" Mason asks me, and I nod with a smile.

"What are you getting?" Ethan asks, and I press my finger to his lips.

"Secrets, darling." I repeat the same thing he told me, a cheeky smile on my face.

"We're doing the piercing first. Sit tight buddy." Mason says, and Ethan grabs my hand making me burst into a fit of giggles. This is going to be fun.

"I've had both of mine done, the first one doesn't even hurt that much, and you're not getting your second. Just don't overthink it." I say, and he glares at me playfully. I'm lying to him, it killed me, but I really want him to get it done.

"Yeah dude, listen to your girlfriend." Mason mutters, giving me a little smile.

"Why am I doing this again?" Ethan asks no one but himself, closing his eyes.

"Do the left one." I say to Mason.

"Why the left?" Ethan asks, worry in his eyes.

"Because I lay on your right side." I say like he should know that already. I don't know why, but I always sleep on that side.

"Tattoo's going on my right shoulder." He argues.

"Just get the left one done." I say, rolling my eyes quickly and he lets out a breathy laugh before it's cut off with a sharp gasp.

"What the fuck!?" He blurts out and I fall into a fit of laughter.

"It's the ice, chill out dude." Mason says, trying and failing to hide his amusement.

"You guys are horrible." Ethan mutters, glaring at both of us.

"You're making me get another tattoo, two in fact." I say, looking down at him.

"You don't have to if you really don't want to." He reminds me, and I know that but I'm kind of stuck on the idea of having them. I came up with the main idea in seconds, and now I love it.

"I'm good." I whisper, grimacing slightly when I see the needle, and that makes Ethan look, so I'm quickly catching his face. "Don't you dare. Look at me."

"Don't make that face then." He mutters, then suddenly biting down on his lip, so much that it starts to bleed, and when I look down, the needle is already through his nipple. Mason really doesn't mess around, does he?

"Don't move." Mason demands, and Ethan's glaring up at him.

"Was it that painful?" I swipe my finger over his lips, collecting the blood from them.

"It was a walk in the park, you know, just a needle going through your nipple." Ethan bites back sarcastically, having me giggling.

"You don't want to know what a Prince Albert piercing is then." Mason says, only I know exactly what it is.

"I don't even have a penis, and when I was told and shown photos of it, it had my metaphorical penis hurting." I say and Mason hums, nodding.

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" Ethan asks, dancing his eyes between us.

"Do you want to be scarred for life?" I ask, and he hesitates before nodding. "It's a piercing that actually goes in your penis, not the foreskin."

"Oh my god, who would want that?" He whispers, frowning and then screwing his face up even imagining it. "I can't even imagine what it'd look like."

"You don't want to; you'll never look at a dick the same again." Mason warns him, and I nod, grimacing thinking back to when Hanna showed me a picture. "I remember searching it up with Rick, for fun, but it was not at all fun. It's awful."

Through this conversation, Mason has fit a silver bar through Ethan's nipple, and it actually looks good, really sore and red, but good, nonetheless.

"You happy?" Ethan asks me, and I nod, smiling widely at him.

"Okay, who's getting what tattoo first?" Mason asks, taking a seat on a stool, sketch book in hand.

We were in this room for hours, from just before seven AM to one PM. We were all talking, listening to music, Nicole came in, bringing food for us all, she even stayed for a chat. I learnt she was in fact hitting on me, not that I minded, I was actually very happy with that. The time went by fast.

Mason drew up a few designs for me including the roses and words I wrote down, and it was hard to pick one because I loved them all, so he said he'd surprise me. It stung at first but it faded soon enough, me getting used to it and Ethan was fairly surprised at how okay I was. I made him sit on the opposite side of me, so he couldn't look since I wanted to keep it secret, I want to see his first initial response.

My two tattoo's took two hours overall, maybe a little more than that, the first one taking an hour and half, the second only taking half an hour. Mason cleaned them up, wrapped them and made sure I was okay since I was very quiet throughout. Then Ethan took my place on the bed, and for the next four hours, Mason was working on his right shoulder, and I just watched, totally fascinated in the detail he was putting in. He really is an amazing artist.

"Right, you're done. Where's the Virgo sign going?" Mason asks him whilst cleaning him up, and Ethan looks over at me for an answer, but I don't know, so I shrug with a little smile.

"Okay, um, right wrist." Ethan says, and I frown in confusion. All of his tattoos are on his left side, so I just assumed he'd get it slipped in somewhere where there's space. Whereas on his right side, he's just got the new shoulder tattoo, but then it's totally bare.

"You sure?" Mason asks, and Ethan nods with certainty.

Mason wraps the first tattoo up before starting on the next one, it taking around the same amount of time as mine, not long at all. Out of the tattoo's I've gotten, the wrist has always been more painful, so I don't make a joke when I see him flinch at parts. But it's over as soon as it really begins, and Mason is wrapping it up.

"Do I finally get to see your tattoo yet?" Ethan asks, smirking over at me.

"I haven't even seen it yet." I say, standing as nerves run through me. I'm nervous to see how it turned out.

"You want to check your shoulder out too?" Mason asks Ethan, and he's smiling with a nod.

One of the walls in here is covered by a vast mirror, so Mason gestures us over to it, and starts to peel back the wrap on Ethan's shoulder so he can see his first. A massive grin breaks out on his face, a small gasp leaving his mouth as he steps forward to have a good look.

It's truly a masterpiece – a lion, heavy chains hanging from around its neck and paws, the detail is truly unbelievable. Dark clouds are surrounding it, like it's jumping out of Ethan's skin, escaping. Underneath, the shading of the clouds become light, making them look like light is shining through, 'nirvana' in a cursive font sits among them.

"Fuck." Ethan's speechless, and I'm just smiling at his reaction, taking in how in love he is with the art.

"Glad you like it bud; I'm taking a photo of this one." He says, looking proud of himself as he should be.

"It's amazing." I comment, and Ethan looks over at me, the smile never dropping.

"Thank you, Mason, I really appreciate it." Ethan finally speaks, and Mason's tapping him on the other shoulder, giving him a gentle smile.

"Are you ready to see yours?" Mason asks me, and I'm hesitant before nodding.

I lift my tank top up slightly, still wearing what I went to sleep in last night; this and Ethan's grey joggers but I'm comfortable which is all that matter. Mason's delicate with his hands when he unwraps the tattoo that covers my right ribcage.

The moment I got the scar from the accident, I hated it, it was a daily reminder of what happened. I wanted to cover it at all costs, so I always knew I'd get a tattoo to do so. The scar is two inches wide, only small but to me it's massive – I wanted the tattoo to be bigger than it. Mason has done exactly that. There's several shaded roses, different sizes, the words 'smeraldo' in a beautiful cursive font intertwined with it, the detail amazing, beautiful.

I'm bringing my hands up to my face, stepping forward like Ethan had, to take a good look at it, and I'm wiping away emotional tears, happy ones.

"What does it mean?" Ethan murmurs close to my ear, and I look up at him, staring into his eyes.

"Emerald." I whisper, and a gentle smile turns up on his lips. "Your emerald eyes."

"Really?" He asks, and I nod slightly. As soon as I do, he's cupping my jaw and lowering his lips on mine, leaving a light yet meaningful kiss. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you, Mason, I love it so much." I say, my voice slightly croaky.

"I'm glad you do, sweetheart." Mason smiles, happy with our reactions.

Mason takes his photos before wrapping them back up, and only now do I put my coat back on, my rib and hip burning slightly but I don't actually mind the pain. I had gotten his Scorpio sign tattooed on my right hip, I don't have a reason why I chose that spot, but I guess it's fitting with the fact his arm is always around my waist.

Ethan's wincing slightly when he pulls his coat on, and he's smiling over at me as he grabs his wallet, my heart sinking when I realize that my dad drained my bank account. He's quick to realize, and pull me into him, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"One of your Christmas presents." He tells me, and I'm quick to frown at his words.

"Ethan, you can't buy my tattoo – I'll pay you back when I get the money." I tell him as a promise because I will, I'd never let him pay for this. I hate people buying me things, even the little things.

"It's your main present. I had this planned, did I not?" He smirks at me.

"You're joking." I mutter, not believing this, and he shakes his head. "It's too much!"

"It's not. He charges me fifty dollars an hour, you were in the chair just over two. It's not too much, and even if it was, I'm paying." He says, and I groan at his stubbornness. "Just say thank you."

"I am thankful, incredibly thankful and I really appreciate it. But it's a lot, Ethan." I whisper, and he's kissing me again, shutting me up. I groan at the brutal force, quickly pulling away to complain.

"Shut up and let me pay." He smiles sweetly.

I'm not winning this.

"Let's just call it two-fifty?" Mason shrugs, smiling at us both from his seat.

"You sure, you already give me the discount?" Ethan checks with him, counting the notes in hand. I'm never going to get used to that.

"Yeah, you rang at the right time, and usually I wouldn't even have any business until the New Year." He responds as he stands, and I feel bad for the guy because it must be hard owning your own business.

"Three-hundred. Here." Ethan slaps the cash in his hand, a smile coming from Mason. "Treat your fiancé, he puts up with a lot."

"I'll cut the discount in a second." He warns him, only for Ethan to bring him in for a hug. "Thanks for coming in. It was nice to see you again. Don't be so much of a stranger."

"I expect you at the gym in the New Year then?" Ethan teases, pulling away from him, and Mason's smile drops. "That's what I thought."

"It was nice to meet you, Frankie. I hope to see you in here again." Mason says, changing the conversation up and away from the gym, as we all head towards the door.

"Yeah, maybe not in a while though. But it was really nice to meet you." I say, thankful that he's made me comfortable. It's the first time I've been around a man that I don't know since that night at the club, and it's made me feel more confident about moving forward.

"Stay out of trouble you two. Have a good rest of your day, whatever you may do." Mason says as we exit the room, him holding the door open when we do.

"You too, have a good Christmas. Don't kill Mick." Ethan says with a little laugh.

"No promises." Mason rolls his eyes.

"Thank you again." I say.

"No worries, I was happy to do it." He says, making me realize how much he really does adore his work.

I'm on a little adrenaline high as we leave the building, smiling at the new ink on both of our bodies, the sky is now white yet the sun is spilling down on us.

"Okay, it's still fairly early, so shall we find a store that's open, get some snacks and drinks, and drive somewhere?" He suggests, grasping my hand in his.

"Yeah, sounds good." I say with a little nod of my head.

I'm really glad we're doing our own thing like we planned we would do, it's refreshing, taking my mind off of everything. I always knew the holidays would be hard without my mom, but it's completely crushed me, and honestly surprised me. I had pushed away all my grief, everything, and it all hit me at the worse time. The incident happened just over five months ago, but I'm dealing with it like it happened only days ago.

I'm driving around for a while until we see a store with its 'open' light on, so I pull over, Ethan jumping out to see if it is, and when he doesn't come back, I'm only assuming so. I'm mindlessly scrolling through my phone whilst I wait, avoiding social media at all means, and sending a few texts wishing people a Merry Christmas.

Then the passenger door opens making me jump from the suddenness, and Ethan's passing me the bag whilst he gets situated.

"What did you get?" I ask, answering my own question when I peak into the bag. Various amounts of snacks, soda, water, a large candle as well as some tea lights, a lighter, and... cigarettes? "I'm a little confused as to why you got cigarettes. I've never seen you smoke."

"They calm me down, so I thought I should buy them just in case." He mutters as if he's embarrassed or something, and I wish he wasn't around me. "I'm hoping to stay sober, we're not sticking with the original plan – get drunk or high, so I got soda and cigarettes. At least there's still nicotine, right?"

"That's fine by me, and you're right, they're good to calm you down. Where are we going?" I ask, switching up the conversation in case he doesn't want to continue it.

"I know it's stupid since it's where all this got worse, but can we got to the garages?" He murmurs, and I'm frowning at him as I process what he's saying. "Wanna make more memories with you."

"Then of course we can, but will it make you... will you be okay?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah, I have you; you keep me grounded." He simply answers before looking out of the window, and I take that as my sign to step on the pedal and go.

I remember like it was yesterday the way to the garages at the other end of New Jersey, it's quite confusing too, but I remember. It was one of my favorite nights we had together as friends; we shared amazing food, we had fun. It was the night he opened up to me, only slightly but I've held those little pieces of his past to my heart, never let them go. We stayed up on top of those garages all night despite me having work in the morning, it was one my favorite nights I've ever had.

I'm pulling in the same way as I did the last, parking with no care in the world because there's simply no one to tell you, you can't. He was quiet the whole drive, and at one point I really thought this was bad idea, but as he turns to me with a smile, I realize he's okay, he's still here with me.

"You think I still need to bounce on the ceiling to make sure it doesn't go through for you?" He asks.

"No, I'd rather you not." I say with a little chuckle, him opening the door as soon as I take the keys out of the ignition.

I'm a little sore as I get out of the car from the fresh tattoo's, the pain from my thighs hardly there anymore which I'm glad about. It makes me feel less guilty about what I did.

I follow close behind him, and even though I said not to, he goes up first, jumping on the roof. He's lucky that it's still as secure as the last time he did it, grinning like a Cheshire cat like he just proved a point before he sits down.

"You're an idiot." I crawl onto the roof, still weary of it, joining him as I take a seat next to him.

"Yeah I know, but you're the idiots boyfriend, so that also makes you an idiot." He says, and I stifle a laugh as I grab a bottle of water from the bag between us. He grabs the packet of cigs, taking the film off quickly, grabbing one out. "Want one?"

"Yeah, why the hell not?" I respond with a chuckle, and he hands me one as well as the lighter.

Balancing the cigarette between my lips, I cup my hands around it, making a shield from the wind, finally getting it to light. I suck in the smoke, letting it consume my lungs, closing my eyes when I feel the slight effect before I'm placing it between my index and middle finger.

"Here." I pass him the lighter, seeing him staring at me. "What?"

"You're incredibly hot, you do realize that?" He blurts out, and I laugh, dropping my head on his shoulder. "You are, I'm speaking no lies."

"Hmm, so are you." I say, bringing the cig back up to my lips.

"How's the tattoo?" He asks, lighting his own cig much easier than mine did.

"I'm really happy with it. It's just a little sore." I smile, looking ahead at our beautiful view of the city.

"You deserve happiness." He says, lying his head on top of mine that's resting on his left shoulder.

"So do you, Ethan." I whisper.

"One day." He nods against my shoulder.

"Yeah, one day we will." I agree.

We're in silence for a while, finishing our cigs off together, the only noise being the sound of the very few cars on the road. It's a peaceful silence, a type of silence I've craved lately.

"Want to light the candle?" He whispers, reminding me that he did indeed buy one as well as a few small ones.

"Um, yeah. Can you do it?" I ask, lifting up from him.

"You sure?" He checks.

"Yeah." I nod, feeling the emotions start to rise.

He opens the bag again, grabbing the basic big candle, peeling the plastic wrapping, before he passes me it, so I'm now holding it. He looks at me to check if I'm definitely sure, and I nod for him to go ahead, and so he carefully lights the wick. I'm sucking in my bottom lip as I gently place it down in front of us, leaving some space because I don't exactly want to get burnt.

"I wanna say something, but I don't know where to start." I whisper, and Ethan wraps his arm around me, letting my head fall on his shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, Francine." He starts, and I look up at him, my tears starting again. "I wish I met you, but I met your daughter, she's pretty cute, but incredibly teasing."

"Shut up." I chuckle, chocking on a little sob, before I begin to speak to the candle, trying not to overthink it. "So, mommy, it's the first Christmas without you. It's harder than I thought. I miss you, like a lot. I hope you're doing okay, that you're at peace – it's one of my biggest worries, but I tell myself you are. I wish you were here; you could have met Ethan. But like he said, he met me."

"Yeah, my life has never been better." He adds, a smile coming to his face as he wipes my tears.

"See, he's good to me." I say, earning a chuckle from Ethan. "I'm missing you the most today. I miss your laugh, your red nails, your smile, you singing with dad. I miss everything about you. Uh, I freaked out earlier because of a doll house, sounds stupid, right? I just missed ours-"

I'm breaking down all over again, Ethan's arms wrapping around my body, pulling me into his chest as he kisses the top of my head,

"Hey, shh." He whispers.

"I miss her, Ethan." I admit through a sob.

"I know, baby. I know you do." He murmurs.

I don't try to talk to the candle again, he continues to hold me like this for a while, hushing me and peppering little kisses to the top of my head, calming me down. He made sure I was okay – not that I was, but he knew that anyway – before he made the move to talk again, a much lighter topic; my friends and what they're up to right now.

He knows exactly what to say to bring me back, to distract my mind.

I think I'm in love with him.

~~~~~

A/N

SHE FINALLY ADMITTED HER FEELINGS TO HERSELF!

This is by far one of the longest chapters I've ever wrote... nearly 10K words! I love it though, and even though I could have split it, I really didn't want to. If you love long chapters, you're welcome. If you don't, I'm sorry.

I loved writing this chapter, this has been the chapter I've looked forward to for quite a while. I'm really happy with how I described the tattoo's because I had a picture in my mind and didn't quite know how I was to get it across. I hope it was good enough. Descriptions are always hard to portray.

I'm so close to finishing this book, and so many times whilst writing this, I had to stop because it honestly felt like the end. It's not finishing just yet, two more chapters!

Life update: I got my date through for my student day at college (a tester day basically where I'll meet my tutors and fellow students) and I'm really excited for that. I'm at work again today, but I hope you liked the double update.

Question of the chapter:

What time do you wake up on Christmas day?

Growing up with older brothers, it was always before 5AM because they would wake us up. Now they moved out, me and my sister are much older it's later, like I woke up last year at 9AM.

I hope this chapter was okay!

I love you all, only two chapters left!

Thank you for reading! Please comment your thoughts, vote by pressing the little star, and if you want, you can follow me too. Xx

9453 words!

~B