Squeezing the last box in the backseat of my father's old silver Ford Focus, I let out a sigh, slamming the door shut behind it. The last box. One step closer to leaving this little town.

From working up a sweat, I wipe the moisture from atop my forehead and let out a harsh breath. It is so warm today; too warm to be lifting boxes.

My snacks are on my passenger seat, my keys are in the ignition; this is it, I'm finally leaving.

Staring back at the tattered brick house that I have called my home for the last fifteen years of my life, I feel an array of mixed emotions. That one night two months ago changed everything. This house now feels strange, it feels so unfamiliar, it pains me. It's just some bricks with some familiar decor, not the loving home I grew up in.

The sudden sound of stones turning knocks me from my senses, and I look up to see my father approaching with my ten-week-old sister, Emma in his arms. He shifts on his feet, lulling her to sleep, "So, are you done? Ready for school?"

"Yeah, I think I've got everything," I murmur, rocking on my heels. His eyes lower to my feet, them narrowing at the action. I clear my throat, flashing him a forced smile. "Okay, I'm gonna head off before I hit traffic. Can you send me pictures of Emma, please?"

"If I remember to, yes," he responds.

I fight the urge to let out a sigh, "Goodbye, Dad."

With that, I press a kiss to Emma's forehead, closing my eyes, savouring this goodbye. She's going to be so much bigger the next time I see her. I always knew she would be the hardest to say goodbye to, "See you later, little one."

My eyes start to brim with tears and a lump forms in my throat, so I force a smile and climb into my car, shutting the door behind me. I let out a shaky breath, before looking back and I only just catch the sight of the front door to our family home shutting.

With the turn of my keys in the ignition, the engine starts and 'Graceland Too' by Phoebe Bridgers begins to play through the aux. God, you're one sick fuck today. Another shaky breath laced with trapped emotions escapes before I check my mirrors and pull out of the driveway, not turning back.

My dream college, the one I put years of hard work into getting into, is only ten minutes down the road. I remember the morning I found out like it was yesterday; I sat at my breakfast table full of hope, only for my dreams to crumble in seconds by one thin letter. My second choice, though, was less than hopeful, I believed I would never get a scholarship after the first set back, but here I am travelling the four hour journey for my second year. Not too far away, not too close. I wouldn't change it for the world now; I met my best friends there.

I'm really looking forward to being back at college; to see my friends again, forget everything that was this summer. Living in a house full of hatred and sorrows doesn't help your mental state, not when it's not in the best place anyway.

I'm feeling okay now, I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful to leave everything in the past. There are so many secrets I've been keeping to myself. So many unknown answers. The best way for me to deal with what happened is to not deal with it at all. I'm scared of what will come from it if I do. I'm dealing with so many demons alone, but I know that no one can help until I help myself, and I'm not capable of that. Not yet anyway.

∞

My college is a wonderful institute, it really is and I love it, but the traffic around here is dreadful. I should have gotten here earlier, but I didn't, and here we are waiting. Lectures don't start up until next week, something I'm grateful for, though.

"Come on," I mutter, tapping my fingertips on the top of my steering wheel impatiently. I'm not even that far from my dorm, I can see the black door to my building from here.

It doesn't help that I'm suffocating from the heat in this car. Even though it's September now, it's still warm. My AC broke around a year ago and I haven't had a chance to fix it yet, nor have I had the money to. The windows are down, though, but when there's no breeze, it's doing nothing.

Once I've eventually parked outside my dorm, I remember the amount of stuff I brought with me this year, meaning I need to go back and forth a couple times to take it up to our place on the third floor.

I turn my music down before I take my keys out of the ignition. I open my door and get out, stretching out my legs which will benefit from the walk up the stairs.

Looking around my surroundings, I smile having somehow forgotten how beautiful this campus is. I sigh, staring up at my building. I'm happy to be back here. I'm happy to finally see my friends after more than three months away from them.

Successfully, nothing falls from the trunk of my car when I grab the first of my boxes. Thinking this was going to go smoothly, I am quickly humbled when I realise the elevator is still broken, so in this sticky, hot weather I brace the stairs.

Once outside my dorm, I push the handle down and kick the door open where I'm met with the three gorgeous faces of my friends. A feeling greets me, something I can only describe is similar to peace. I'm so happy and relieved to see them again.

Lauren is sitting on the beanbag with a book and as soon as she sees me, she opens her arms with an excited shriek before standing up. Hanna is in the kitchen, a spatula in her mouth when she peeps around the corner. And finally, Matt - his hair once green, now pink - is walking out of our room with a bright smile on his face.

"You're back!" Matt yells, coming over to me. I laugh, putting my few boxes on the floor before they all collectively envelope me into a bone-crushing hug, making my jaw clench and I cringe into it.

"I've missed you all, too," I just about muster.

They all finally let me go and I let out an exaggerated breath. Lauren grins at me, "Frankie, you're back. You look amazing!"

"You really do," Hanna agrees with her as she walks back into the kitchen to finish whatever she was baking.

Intrigued, I step into the kitchen and shake my head when I see exactly what she's doing, "First day and you're already making pot brownies?"

"Mhm, of course," she mumbles, licking the spatula again. I shake my head with a laugh. Yeah, I definitely missed it here.

Leaving Hanna to her baking and Lauren to her book, I turn to Matt with a sheepish smile. I know he can't resist me.

"I don't have a choice, do I?" he asks.

"No, not really, sorry, babe," I tap his shoulder with a tight smile.

"Ugh, fine. At least be honest about how many boxes you have, because these girls are nightmares."

I wince, "Around five... big ones."

"I hate you, so fucking much. Let's go," he grabs my hand, before quickly stopping in his tracks. He turns around and points at Lauren, "Can you please take the boxes we bring up through to our room?"

She nods, going back to her book. Matt and I leave the dorm and he drapes his arm over my shoulder, pulling me close, "So, babes, how was your summer?"

This is where I pull out my acting skills, "It was amazing. I got to spend time with Emma, she's two-month-old now, believe it or not. This being said it was never really quiet. It was nice to be back with my family. Sucked to leave them all this morning, though, you know?"

I hate lying. Especially to the people I love and care about most. It's just too hard to admit the truth.

Matt nods along, "Fun, fun. So, no partying or anything? You spent your entire summer with your family?" he chuckles sceptically.

"Of course I partied. Mostly with Abby, but she left for college a couple weeks ago." This isn't a lie. I did party. At the beginning anyway.

"Any guys?" he asks with a pout, looking hopeful.

"A meaningless hookup. Lasted a couple minutes. Didn't finish. You know, the usual."

He smiles weakly, squeezing my shoulder, "One day, you will have great sex. That is a promise," I give him an unconvinced look. If it hasn't happened yet, and I'm twenty, I don't think it ever will. "Or not."

"Shut up, Pinkie. What's with it anyway? I mean, I'm not... hating it, it's actually quite cool, but why?" I wonder, and he chuckles, shaking out his floppy hair.

"I thought it was red and I was led to believe it was; Liam thought it would be hilarious to swap the bottles inside without telling me."

"Ooh, who is this Liam you speak of?" I smirk up at him. His cheeks rise with a blush, and I slap his arm in excitement, "Oh my God, tell me!"

Yeah, I've missed this.

∞

After catching up with them, I eventually found solace in my bedroom and started to organise my stuff. Hung up on the wall alongside my bed I have my tapestry, on the wall above my headboard I have a Led Zeppelin poster and I also strung some fairy lights around the room. My once white sheets are now dark grey, and are customed with several fluffy blankets.

Matt, not so discreetly, begged me to give him one, so I caved into his pouty face and threw him the pink one to match his hair. He was more than happy.

"Looks perfect, don't you think?" My smile is wide.

Hanna pounces on my bed, and sighs, "And comfy."

"Oh, yeah, I brought a mattress topper with me." I tell her, and she mouths an "oh" before smiling at the ceiling.

"These are pretty!" she points, staring in amazement.

"Are you high?"

"No, I've only licked the mixture." She's high.

"Why are you even baking this early, anyways?" I wonder, sitting cross-legged on Matt's bed. Our beds are next to each other, only a window seat separating them.

"My mama's pregnant again. Can you believe that shit?" she grabs a pillow, tucking it under her chin as she hugs it close.

"How many siblings is that now?"

"Too fucking many. I don't even know all of their names at this point. I swear to God - if I believed in him, that is - my parents are crazy. You know I despise the creatures. I don't know why you would willingly put your body through all of that shit, to get something like me out of it," she rambles, "We're only disappointments to society."

"I mean... yeah, true," I agree.

She sighs, lying down on her front, "Now, please tell me your summer was at least okay?"

"You could say that, yeah," I then proceeded to relay all of the lies I told Matt.

~~~~~

A/N

First chapter is done!!!

I'm really happy with how it turned out. And I'm so excited to be writing this finally. I have so many ideas, and I just can't wait for this new project.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you did, please vote, comment, share and follow me if you really want to! xx

~ B