Written by StephanieProchaska

Sam was dragged into the bottomless pit, wondering how it had all gone so wrong. He hadn't even wanted to be captain— he'd only taken the job because the last captain got scurvy and had to be tossed overboard. Now that Sam thought about it, how was he feeling? Was he tired lately? Achy? How were his teeth? He guessed he felt a touch overburdened, but he'd thought that was from all the captaining he'd been doing. At least it didn't look like he'd be doing much of that anymore; he'd drown in diamonds instead. He guessed it beat scurvy.

He wondered how far down a bottomless pit really went. At least Cuddy wouldn't be able to ask incessant questions about it. It seemed like forever before he felt anything other than the crushing, sharp diamonds. Then, he felt lightheaded. His fingers and toes tingled. The next thing he knew, the diamonds were falling away, and he could breathe again.

He sat up in the dirt. The rest of the crew was lying there, looking mostly unscathed. Sam checked his pockets and was relieved to find them still brimming with diamonds. And there seemed to be several that had fallen down his shirt. Actually, he might have even more now than before.

"Great plan." Cuddy sneered.

"You're rich, aren't you?" Sam shrugged.

"Pickles!" the cabin boy yelled worriedly. Did the bird actually follow them?

"Where are we?" Finn asked.

Sam looked around. He didn't want to admit it, but he had no idea. Though, he guessed that was obvious to his crewmen by now.

They seemed to be in the middle of some type of arena. Rows of seats stretched away from him, and a semi-open roof showed the azure sky overhead. Sam looked up, noticing that everyone seemed to be wearing large pointy hats. Those he could see in the front rows were wearing matching robes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the forty-third Melee-mania!" someone announced. Sam turned and saw a man wearing an ornate robe with gold trim and the obligatory conical hat standing on a kind of podium at the edge of the stadium.

"The what?" Cuddy asked. "Who are these people? Where are we?"

No one answered him. Instead, they were focused on the man at the podium.

"You all know the rules— each participant gets fifty points for every incapacitated combatant. You have one hour. Good luck to all our brave volunteers!"

"We didn't volunteer!" Sam shouted. But the crowd was roaring, and no one paid him any attention.

The spokesman waved his wand, sending a spark up into the sky. Once it was overhead, it burst into a blinding sphere.

"What the—?" Sam started. Then, he was slammed into the ground.

A giant of a man had tackled him. Robes ragged and hat askew, he was reaching desperately into a pocket, trying to get a wand of his own out of the folds of cloth. Sam decided to help him out. He grabbed the man's wrist with one hand and the wand with his other. He yanked it towards him as hard as he could. Apparently, his foe hadn't expected that, and Sam was able to get the wand from him before leaping to his feet.

"No— please!" the man said, holding his hands up in front of his face.

"Not so brave now, are we?" Sam mused.

Unfortunately, he had no idea how to actually use a wand; he'd never believed in magic. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try. He waved it quickly, pointing it at the man. The man let out a squeak before disappearing in a puff of smoke. When the haze cleared, a small rat started running frantically towards the arena wall.

"Fifty points to the scruffy brunet man!" thundered through the sky. Sam guessed that was him.

He looked around and was just in time to see Finn launching at someone with his cutlass. He looked like he was doing fine; where was the kid?

Sam found the small cabin boy running across the far end, a gangly woman with wild hair and a maniacal laugh skipping after him.

She raised her wand, and Sam knew he'd never make it in time. He raised his hand, trying his luck with the wand again. He missed. Twice. In desperation, he flicked his wrist as hard as he could. A cloud of smoke enveloped the woman, spreading out to engulf the kid. Sam's heart almost stopped. He waited until the cloud cleared, dreading what he'd done. When it did, he saw a confused deer looking frantically around.

And the boy? Sam was relieved to see he seemed fine— aside from the antlers that had sprouted from his head. As soon as the boy spotted Sam, he rushed over. When he did, Sam saw his ears were also rather deer-like.

"Have to get that fixed later." Sam mumbled.

"Time's up!" the disembodied voice boomed.

Sam looked around. His crew seemed relatively unhurt. They huddled together, not trusting the remaining "volunteers".

"And now, the grand finale! Our most terrifying monster yet! Survive the blitz of this barbarous beast, if you can!"

There was a blinding light. Then, sitting in the middle of the arena, was a small, pink bunny.

Screams rang out on the arena floor. Cuddy snorted. Sam just stared.

The bunny bounced happily towards the fleeing crowd. With each hop, the ground shook. When it got within ten feet, it opened its tiny mouth. Flame burst forth, scorching three wizards. The cabin boy screamed, jumping behind Sam.

The bunny continued bounding around the floor, wreaking havoc as the wizards tried to get out. But apparently, the doors were magically sealed. The bunny made short work of the few remaining wizards before turning back towards Sam and his crew.

It hopped closer and closer. Sam wasn't sure if his legs were shaking or if it was just the ground tremors.

The bunny opened his mouth. This was it. Then, something green fluttered down, landing lightly on the bunny's head.

"Pickles!" the cabin boy shouted gleefully.

The bunny looked up. Seeing the parrot, it let out a cry and bounded off in the opposite direction.