Ash

We were back in the library where we'd left things in a bit of a mess before lunch. Several letters lay scattered across floor in front of the sofa and others rested on the cushions. It hadn't been the best place to work from an ergonomic point of view, but even if it would have been smarter to sit by a desk, I'd been foolish enough to stay. There was a fair chance I would pay for it tomorrow with some new mysterious pain between my shoulder blades.

Before I fell into the couch trap a second time, I collected the pile of letters Raven foolishly trusted me with and made my way to the desk by the window. The piece of paper on top reminded me of the promise I'd made earlier. "I'll try to find our family tree. I'm sure I made one at school back in the days."

Raven nodded from where he stood by the shelves, running his fingers along the worn spines. He tipped his chin and searched for a book on a shelf he could barely touch. When he reached for it, balancing on the tips of his toes, I had to stop myself from offering assistance. I wanted to stand behind him—feel his body relaxing back against me as I stretched around him to grab the book. It was time to leave before that stupid shit happened. Also, he seemed distracted enough that I could slip away unnoticed.

I had no idea where Mum had stowed my old school work. It had to be somewhere as she'd had the habit of hoarding whatever she felt was necessary to preserve for future generations. That is, almost everything. Most of her old rubbish had been brought down to a storage room beneath the house, but I couldn't remember seeing any boxes with my name on them.

Discarding the idea to go down there and get lost, I headed for my childhood playroom instead. Mum had never wanted me to play where I slept, so she'd coerced Dad to refurbish one of the old rooms in the servant's quarters. By then, we'd cut down the staff and had more than enough bedrooms to spare.

I stole some cake in the kitchen, because how could I not when James had placed it on the stove, still warm and ready to be devoured, then I passed a few more doors until I reached the right room. Considering how far off they'd chosen to place it, it was easy to think my parents had wanted me out of the way. Fortunately, the servants had been much more fun to play with.

It smelled a bit rank as I opened the door. Clearly Mads had told the truth when she said the cleaners were slacking. I had a team that came once a week these days rather than an in-house staff. It was more than enough to have my friends on the premises. Mads had moved in shortly after a bad break up, at first just to stay afloat for a while, but she'd stayed on and decided that she would transform the neglected garden into something wonderful—her words. Randy had simply never left once I'd inherited.

There were no curtains, no fashionable rug. The walls were filled with posters and a stack of old records remained where I'd placed it more than two decades ago. It was eerily familiar even if I hadn't been down here in ages. Layers of dust had settled on every available surface. Otherwise the room was surprisingly neat.

Stuck by memories, I strode to the closet, opening it with mild trepidation. They're all here. I smiled at the sight of the toys I'd hidden away once I'd reached my teens. A fluffy monkey with overly long arms and legs stared at me with his glassy brown eyes.

"Hello there, Monk. I haven't seen you in years."

"So you're talking to a fake monkey, Ash? I knew you'd gone off the rails, but this?" Randy laughed from the doorway.

Recovering from the slight shock of having him creep up on me so easily, I joined in. "Shut up. This is Monk. He's been locked away for almost thirty years, so don't be so heartless."

Randy pointed at the plate I'd left on the sideboard. "You stole some of the cake? James will kill you."

"Of course I stole some of the cake. It was right there, tempting me to have it."

"Talking of tempting," Randy countered.

"What?"

"You're still not over this thing with the new guy. I know the signs, Ash. You need to get laid, preferably with someone else. Why don't we go to London for the weekend?"

I took a deep breath. Randy was right. Considering how close I'd been to walk straight across that invisible line just a few minutes ago, I definitely needed to get let off some steam. "Tomorrow then?"

Randy lit up in a broad grin. "I knew you wouldn't be hard to convince, but this was almost too easy. What's going on, really?"

"Nothing."

"Right." He didn't sound convinced at all. "So what are you doing in here? I haven't seen this door open in ages, that's why I had to check. Thought I might catch a burglar red-handed."

"I have to find something I made in school years ago." I felt strangely reluctant to tell him exactly what it was I wanted to find. Randy would no doubt think I'd gone insane for real.

"What for?" He ate some of the cake I'd left untouched, meaning that the words came out slightly garbled.

"None of your business."

"Hah, when you say it like that, I'm making it my business. So what is it? Let me guess, it has to do with the new task you've given yourself. Don't think I missed that little snippet of information over lunch."

"Fine. I'm trying to figure out which one of my ancestors wrote some weird letters. I thought it would be easier if I had the family tree in front of me."

"You're really serious about this?" Randy's face said it all. This was not my usual behaviour, and he knew it.

"Well, I might as well do something with my time while I'm on vacation from the mess my parents left behind."

"If you say so." Randy knew better than to bitch when I'd mentioned my parents. "So no progress since we last talked?"

I instantly thought of Raven, but there was no way Randy had meant to ask about that. "The lawyers are still at work. I can't do much at the moment. They'll send me papers to review as soon as they've found something useful."

"Well, then we have more than enough time to enjoy the pleasures of London. Why don't we leave tonight instead? Make it a long weekend."

"Let me think about it." It was the safer option for sure. The longer I lingered, the more frustrated I would get. At the same time, I wanted to stay, and that was the scariest part.

"Fine, but let me know as soon as you've decided." He ate more of the cake and winked. "This is delicious. I'm taking it with me." Which of course he did, the bastard.

Still holding Monk in my hands, I walked toward the book case. There was a free spot available which seemed like the perfect resting place for an old toy who had been my best friend for years. Then, I went back to searching.

****

The library was soaked in afternoon sunlight as I returned from my search. "I found it."

Raven started, almost jumping from the chair by the window. He ran his fingers through his hair, a gesture I couldn't remember seeing before. "Great. That's good. So, have you found a likely candidate?"

"Nope, I went straight here once I found it. Thought we could look at it together." I rolled out the massive paper across the floor, since it wouldn't fit on the desk.

Raven folded his legs and sat down beside it in one fluid motion. He wore one of his dark turtlenecks again together with a pair of slim fit jeans, but this time he looked more like a dancer than some spindly creature.

He peered over the bad handwriting of a lazy nine-year old. "This is nice, but unless he's in your part of the lineage, we won't get anything out of this."

"Well it's a starting point, correct?"

"Sure." He trailed the paper with his index finger. "Here's someone who was born in 1790, which would put him at thirty years old when these letters were written. Charles Demalier, married to Louisa Witherton, parents to Richard Demalier born in 1818."

Randy definitely had a point. I was far too focused on Raven's hands as he did that circular motion across the pad of his thumb to actually listen to what he said. I read the names again. "So, Louisa shouldn't be our elusive K, at least."

"No, and they had a child before the dates of these letters. It's possible he had an affair."

"How very scandalous," I said without much force.

Raven chuckled. "It was far more common than you might want to believe. These were often arranged marriages, loveless sometimes."

"Well yes, that tradition hasn't been dead for very long." I thought about my parents. They certainly hadn't loved each other.

Raven studied me beneath his ridiculously long lashes. "Marriages out of love is a rather recent development. Often they were forged to secure lineage, property, money or safety."

I had to change the topic. Discussions about marriage always made me antsy. "So, was this enough or should I look for a family tree that wasn't drawn by a nine-year old?"

"This is a good start, but we might want to know if Charles had any siblings. Perhaps another gentleman stayed at the house for some time."

"Maybe, but we had several properties back then if I'm not mistaken. Perhaps our secretive D. lived somewhere else."

Raven pressed his palm against his forehead in a tired gesture. "Of course, why didn't I think of that? That makes much more sense." He eyed me with apparent frustration. "I've been trying to find a solid inventory but everything seems awfully scattered, mentioning rooms that are seemingly not in the house. Now I see they're from different houses. God, I am stupid."

"Nah, it's my fault. I should have told you."

Raven appeared to agree but said nothing. As the silence continued, I thought about London again—about leaving him here to give both of us some space. I definitely needed it, but I didn't want it.

I braced myself to say it—to simply rip off the Band-Aid and be done with it. Once done, I would have no more reason to stay and torture myself with indecision. "I'm going to London tonight. I'll be gone over the weekend."

"Tonight?" He tugged at his long sleeves. Was that a sign of discomfort?

"I think so, yes."

"Well, drive safely. I'll be sure to make some progress before you are back."

I tried to smooth over the situation with a candid smile. "I'm not proving to be a very reliable worker. I might have some time next week if we're lucky, otherwise you can always get Mads to help you if you can coax her to stay inside for a day."

Finally, he relaxed his shoulders. "I'm not sure that's possible. She rather loves that garden."

"That she does."

Raven rose from the floor and backed away, leaving me to roll back the paper. The sound was startlingly loud in the silence.

This is for the best.

I kept that mantra going in my head until I stood by the doorway, looking back over my shoulder. "I'll see you Monday, then."

"Yes, have fun in London."

The way my stomach sank told me that I might not be able to keep that promise.

A/N okay, so this is likely the last of the fast updates for now. I hope you've enjoyed them :) I say that knowing I just amped up the angst level again. oops. If you still like it, don't forget to show me some love. This story is still such a baby <3

xoxo