script: Spongepedia

Squidward: Good evening and welcome to the 1st annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show. Sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, because no one else would give it a home. (Patrick laughs) Thank you. Our next act is living proof that nepotism is alive and well. (Patrick laughs) Thank You! Put your fins together for... (Patrick laughs) Put your... (Patrick laughs) Put... (Patrick laughs) (Snarls) Pearl. (crowd claps as curtain rises for Pearl, dressed in cheerleader uniform)

Pearl: Give me a K-R-U! (jumps up and down on the stage causing the crowd to fly up and down with her) Give me an S-T-Y! (jumps up and down again) Krusty Krab! (jumps up and down) Krusty Krab! (jumps up and down) Krusty Krab! (jumps up and down. Krusty Krab floor is destroyed) Pearl: Thank you! Thank you, thank you! (Squidward closes curtain. He walks back out on the stage)

Squidward: And now, poetry. (walks backstage but peeks his head through the curtain) By Gary. (curtain opens. Gary is on a stool)

Gary: Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

(audience applauds as curtain opens revealing Plankton in a magician costume and a sign that says 'The Amazing Plankton!!!')

Plankton: I, the amazing Plankton, with the use of prestidigitation... (turns his wand into flowers) …will make a Krabby Patty disappear before your very eyes. (throw the flowers aside) First, I’ll need a volunteer from the audience. (jumps onto a table and grabs the krabby patty from the customer. Runs toward the door but Mr. Krabs stops Plankton)

Mr. Krabs: Nice try. Your act’s over, bub. (grabs the patty)

Plankton: You may win this time. She-hah-kazeek! (he claps his hands and ignites into a puff of smoke. The smoke clears and he is completely charred) Well, this stinks. (he walks off and it booed.)

(bunch of spot lights gleam around Krusty Krab)

Squidward: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. We’ve saved the best for last. Put your hands together for the incomparable (In-cumpare -able) Squidward! ('Squidward Live' words blink in pink and green lights. Curtain opens and the background is a canyon. Squidward dances with birds. Then the lights go dark and music is techno as Squidward dances weird.)

Crowd #1: What the? (Scene cuts to Squidward dancing, then cuts to the salad bar, the crowds run through the salad bar, throws tomatoes at him and they boos.)

Squidward: You bottom feeders! You don’t even know talent!

Crowd: No talent! No talent! No talent! (curtain closes, crown continues booing as SpongeBob walks out and mops up the tomatoes. Crowd gets interested in this and applauds at him)

Crowd: (Start cheering and whistling)

Squidward: They want an encore! (pushes SpongeBob away) Stand aside, SpongeBob! (Squidward jumps out and the crowd grows silent. He goes backstage and SpongeBob comes back out and crowd cheers again. Squidward jumps out again and the crowd grows silent again. Squidward goes backstage and grabs SpongeBob. Then shows the crowd SpongeBob and they cheer. Puts his own head through the curtain and crowd goes silent. SpongeBob's arm gets a cheer but Squidward's doesn't. SpongeBob's leg is shown then curtain rises and SpongeBob is mopping. Curtain closes then opens to reveal Squidward mopping and the crowd goes silent. Squidward frowns but then smiles wierd as he keeps mopping but crowd is silent. Someone in the crowd throws a tomato and SpongeBob sweeps it up as the crowd cheers. Audience throws flowers at Spongebob)