After I had run out of the theatre in tears, I didn't know where to go next. I didn't feel like being around people, especially considering what a mess I was at the moment, both in appearance and in mind. I just needed some time on my own. As I walked through the city, I saw things that reminded me of the boys. The street corner where I had first met Lucio, the cable car where I had first met Cosimo, and Caffè e Dolci, where I had first met Amedeo. Usually, they would fill me with happy memories of the unique meetings of three of my very good friends, but now they just filled with me sadness and grief. It felt like I was mourning a loss. In a way, I was; the loss of our friendship. Things could never be the same now that I knew their true feelings for me. 

Despite the memories that were attached there, I decided to go to the park near Little Italy. I sat under the same big tree that Lucio and I sat under once. The memories of that day kept coming back to me. As I thought about how much fun I had with him that day, I felt tears well back up in my eyes. I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them, and bent over, crying into my knees. I sniffled, trying to stop crying and regain my composure. I frowned at how I was acting, wiping the tears from my eyes in a hurry. I couldn't fall apart like this. I needed to really think about what I would do. The next move was mine. If anyone could save our friendship, it would have to be me. 

While I was busy thinking and also crying, my phone was buzzing like crazy in my purse. I glanced at the screen to see that they were all individual texts from either Cosimo, Amedeo, or Lucio. I scanned the first few words of the texts that popped up on my lock screen. 

Cosimo: I'm sorry Daniela, you are so....

Amedeo: I regret so much forcing you to...

Lucio: Daniela, I'm sorry...

I couldn't bear to even look at their names. I hurriedly turned off my phone, shoving it back in my purse. I couldn't deal with them all right now. What would I even say to them? I wasn't even sure of how I felt and, until I figured that out, I couldn't answer any of their confessions. How did I really feel? Did I truly love any of them like how they loved me? Was it Lucio that I really loved? If I did choose one of them to love in return, would I hurt the others badly and destroy our friendship for good? 

Thoughts like these and more ran through my mind. It felt like I was going insane. I lied down on the grass, looking up at the clear, blue sky above me. A stray tear escaped from my eye and slid down the side of my face, watering the grass next to me. I closed my eyes, more tears falling down my face and onto the grass. If I had known how attached I was going to get to these men and how it would all be taken away from me in just one afternoon, I don't know if I would ever have gone into the auditorium that day. I could have gone through each day in blissful ignorance, not knowing their true feelings for me, and everything could have stayed the same. 

I frowned. As I thought about it, I realized how that would have been incredibly selfish of me. I had no idea how long they had felt this way, but for them to be so frantic like this, clambering over each other just to confess to me, it must have been burdening them so much. I would've wanted them to come to me with anything, and this situation was no different. I just didn't know it was going to hurt my heart so much to have to choose between them. I loved them all so much in different ways and I would never dream of hurting any of them. But with this, it felt like I had no choice. 

I sat up from the ground, hugging my knees close to me once more. I glanced back at my phone, nestled safely in my purse. I knew I couldn't ignore them eternally. I really had to think about this, about what my answer to them could be. I decided to think about each one of the boys, seeing what my honest feelings towards them all were. 

I thought first of Cosimo. I thought of how much I had appreciated his lively energy, his humor, and his silly personality. I thought of how he had flustered me so with his charming personality, not to mention the flirtatious gestures and pickup lines he had said to me so often. Before, I had thought them all to be jokes. Now, I wondered how many of those times he was flirting with me for real. I recalled when we had gone to the Ghirardelli Store, how he had shared the intimate details of his life and the loss of his mother with me, how I had encouraged him that day and had seen such a different side to him. I felt like we had grown closer that day and really bonded. I remembered the night when he whisked me off into the city to ride the cable car again. Now that I recalled all that he had said, I couldn't believe how blatantly obvious his feelings for me were. I was so dense, but I just didn't think it was possible for him to like me in that way. I don't know if I felt this way because nobody had really been interested in me like that before, or if it was because deep down, I knew I really didn't love him like that. The angry look on his face and the urgency of his words at the theatre scared me today, in a way I didn't think Cosimo could scare me. It was such a different side to him, and I didn't like it. Even so, I still felt terrible that when he confessed to me, I didn't feel those feelings back towards him. It wasn't him that I loved. 

Next, I thought of Amedeo. Sweet, shy, and sensitive Amedeo. I thought of our first meeting at Caffè e Dolci, how he was so quiet and reserved, but how he was also quite conversational and charming when he warmed up to you. I remembered his unique smile that reminded me of a movie star. Now, whenever I thought of that smile, I felt sad that I had not seen it lately, and all because of me. I remembered how he bared his heart and soul to me when he trusted me with the stories about his nonno and his passing. I remembered how he waited outside the theatre when his nonno died and how he had cried into my arms. I felt so many things for him that day, and our relationship had strengthened. I was flattered that I could be someone he could trust. I recalled how he would always say the sweetest things to me that sounded like they came from a book of poetry. I thought of how he moved me with his voice and with his emotion. I never would have guessed that same emotion that once enraptured me during his performances would now make me feel so terrible. What made me feel even more terrible was, as he confessed to me, I knew I didn't feel the same way towards him. I couldn't bear to see him any more despondent than he already was. He seemed so desperate for me in that moment, and it was frightening how fragile he seemed to be without me. Still, it also wasn't him that I loved. 

Finally, there was Lucio. I couldn't quite describe Lucio. To me, he was the one out of the group that stood out to me the most. He was the one who was always doing nice things for me and for others, regardless of how small or grand they were and even if they went unnoticed by others. He had always encouraged me to sing and to follow my dreams, even going so far as to say that he would move to Italy for me. I remembered all the time we had spent together and the memories we had made. I remembered how we had first met the same day I met both Cosimo and Amedeo for the first time, but how I remembered him the most at the end of the day. I recalled how I was thoroughly enchanted and entranced by his voice. I had never heard anybody sing quite like him. He was so talented, so strong, and so controlled. Along with that, there was an undiscernible quality to his voice that moved me to tears. I had heard many great singers before, including Cosimo and Amedeo, but I had never been moved so much as I was when I heard Lucio sing. I remembered our day together at the park, when he asked me out just the two of us. I smiled, remembering how he was always so considerate of me, how he tried the octopus salad for me, and how we bonded over our shared hopes and dreams. I couldn't even count all the times he had said something that made my day better or that made me blush or made butterflies fly around in my stomach. He was so different from anyone else that I had ever known. 

And that was it. My eyes widened as I realized my true feelings in such clarity that I had never seen before. When I thought of all three of the boys, the one that always stuck out in my mind was Lucio. Lucio was the one that I always looked forward to seeing the most at rehearsals, Lucio was the one who I looked forward to receiving phone calls and texts from, and Lucio was the one I always hoped was at the door when there was knocking. He was the one I found myself thinking about throughout the day with such fondness. He was the one who made my heart pound but at the same time made me feel comfortable, secure, and safe. When he confessed to me in the theatre, he was the only one that didn't make me feel anxious in the way he confessed. He didn't scare me, he didn't pressure me, it just felt right, like that was what I wished would happen. I now wished so much that I would have leapt into his arms and told him how I felt the same way. It was so clear and apparent to me now. 

Lucio. It was always Lucio. Lucio was the one I truly loved. 

I covered my mouth with my hand in surprise. There was no doubt in my mind about this revelation. And that was what scared me so. What could I do now that I knew I loved Lucio and Lucio loved me? There was still Cosimo and Amedeo that had confessed to me as well. Could I break their hearts by going with Lucio? What would happen to our friendship? Surely, we couldn't continue to be friends. That thought scared me more than denying my heart the love I truly felt. 

I felt such a sense of disappointment wash over me as I realized I couldn't possibly tell Lucio of my true feelings for him without simultaneously hurting Cosimo and Amedeo. I regretted falling for Lucio. I regretted the dumb feelings in my heart that I felt for Lucio. I regretted all the times I had thought of him in that way, how my heart had raced for him when we practiced our duet together, and how I thought even for a second that this relationship could've been possible. I couldn't help but laugh in desperation to myself. I probably looked crazy to all the people around me, crying and laughing to myself. But how stupid I was to think that I could follow my heart and forget all about our friendship and also my lifelong dreams of being a singer. I needed to focus on what really mattered - my goals. 

So why did this put such a damper on my heart? Once again, I thought of Lucio. I regretted loving him, but I couldn't deny that I did. I looked back at my phone, which was still buzzing with texts. I could love him, but I didn't have to tell him I loved him. I didn't know how or if things would go all the way back to normal with the guys, but I resolved in my mind to just focus on the showcase from here on out. Lucio and I would have contact with each other through our duet, and that was all. I couldn't help but still feel sad for the boys. Hopefully we could all get past this. But for now, I knew things would be tense. While I was lost in my thoughts and reassuring myself of my new determination to focus solely on the showcase and getting to Italy, I felt drops of water on my skin. I looked up and saw that rainclouds had made their way across the once clear skies. It started raining almost immediately. I couldn't help but laugh at how the weather was perfectly matching my mood. I stood up from the grass and started making my way back home, picking up the pace as it started raining harder.  

Even though I made my resolve to focus only on singing, I still couldn't deny that every time I thought of Lucio, I would have that same tugging on my heart.