Thirteen: no one to trust
Not edited :)
The morning air was cold and thick, his breath forming soft clouds that sat weightless. A hot cup of black coffee rested in both his hands, keeping the cold at bay. His eyes would dart up every now and then, just checking, scouting for any movement. He'd been there all night, barely slept and utterly exhausted. The night draw on for what felt like years. He was on edge, nervous, anxious, even terrified. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, what he wanted. What he had to do to pay back his seeming endless debt.
He didn't know how it happened. It started off as a little bet. Just one for the celebration of him getting his job at the photography place. He never meant for it to get this far, get this dangerous. He's now to deep, to far in the reapers net to get himself out. He was scared. Afraid and he had only himself to blame.
Why was he so stupid? Why was he so pathetic.
Jimin didn't even know. He couldn't know. He could never find out about this or he'd be so ashamed. He couldn't let Jimin down. Not him. Never him. Jimin meant the world to him. He was his everything, his life, his best friend, his soulmate. Even if Jimin didn't know himself he was all he had. He didn't really have much family, not around here at least. He moved here when Jimin got into university. It might seem a bit much him moving just because of his friend. But Jimin was more than just a friend to him, so much more than that. It broke him he couldn't tell Jimin about the danger he's got himself in. But he was doing this to protect him, to ensure Jimin was never in danger.
What you don't know can't hurt you, right? Least that what he tells himself to make him feel better about all this.
Lights blare ahead. Blinding him for a mere moment before they flick off as the car drives in parking in front of his.
It was quiet where they were. No one around to hear him scream or hear anything for that matter. If he had his way they'd meet in a cafe, maybe a nice bar, somewhere with lots and lots of witnesses. But of course he doesn't decide where they meet or when. He's just told and must show up or he's fucked himself even more.
He didn't know what to do. Does he get out? Does he stay? The answer is made clear when the drivers door opens. A large, well built man steps out, moving directly to the back door and opening it. The large man holds the door open as a tall, slender man climbs out. He walks in front of his car, leaning on the bonnet. His knuckles appeared to have ageing bruises on them, all with many healing colours. He wore a few large, expensive looking rings. But that wasn't what caught his eyes. It was the big, lethal looking gun resting in his right hand.
"Come on TaeTae, I don't have all night." The deep force of the man who holds his life in his hands speaks.
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His eyes ached, feeling crusty as he slowly opened them being greeted by the bright glistening sun. He groans, body stiff from his rough sleep. It's been like that every day since. Sleepless nights combined with nightmares of the man coming back. Coming back to finish the job and finally kill him. These days he doesn't think that's a bad thing. Death might at least cure him of his depression and misery.
He begrudgingly climbs out of bed, dragging his feet to the bathroom. He glanced at himself in the mirror. Daunting as ever. He looked half dead. Thick bags under his eyes, pale complexion with sunken cheeks. He barley eats anymore, he doesn't even remember the last time he's properly eating. If the man didn't come back to finish him off he was sure he'd do it to himself the way he's going.
He wanted to get better. So so badly. He just couldn't. It was so much harder than people think. There was no magic switch that could just wash away all his emotions and feelings. No one could take away his pain, no one could fix him and put him back together like he once was. That Jimin was gone. Never to return. What was left was this. This shell of a man always looking over his shoulder, scared of his own shadow.
"Fuck! I hate you! I fucking hate you!" Jimin screams at himself, eyes glaring at his reflection with utter disgust.
He hated himself. He hated everything about himself now. Every little thing. Everyday he seemed to find new things to hate about himself. He never realised how many flaws he had.
The shower turns on, water spitting out before the power kicks in and it starts streaming. Getting out of his smelly clothes he jumps in. His bruises were healing well, he supposed that was something. Some of them he couldn't even notice now. But what he does notice is his ribs beginning to protrude. He was slowly becoming a skeleton, nothing but skin and bone. His arms had shrunk and his thighs definitely had. He could tell by the fact some of his pants now wouldn't stay up without a belt.
He was weathering away before his very eyes and there was nothing he could do about it.
The shower was nice. The warm water running down his rough skin felt so good. Relieving his aching muscles and stiff body.
After his shower he gets changed, picking something that still fits him somewhat. He quickly places his ear against his bedroom door, checking if he could hear Tae walking around yet. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see him yet. He wasn't going to try avoiding him he just simply going to not see him by accident. Once checking the coast is clear he opens his door. Silently but swiftly he walks towards the front door. Grabbing his keys, helmet and his bike he's opening the door. When he does he begins to hear Tae's door opening.
"Jimin is that you?" He calls out from down the hall still sounding groggy from sleep.
"Umm yeah! I'm just heading out." Jimin yells back, rushing to shut the door before Tae can say more.
Jimin power walks down the steps, going as fast as he can before Tae the babysitter comes out and starts integrating him as to where he is going. When he gets to the bottom he hops on his bike, peddling away without a glance back.
The turn out was a little less than last time, a few sits empty that weren't the first time he came. He wasn't sure why. Maybe busy? Maybe forgot? It wasn't like he wanted to be here. The people were nice enough and he made some friends but he wasn't sure if this was really helping him, if this was even for him. A familiar face walks through the door, eyes beaming when they land on Jimin.
"Jimin! Hey!" Youngjae comes bumbling in, grin so wide on that cheery face of his.
"Hey." Jimin does a small wave back, not quite as enthusiastic as he was.
Youngjae's takes a seat beside him, still smiling and giddy as ever. Jimin admired that. He really did. It was nice to see that someone has come out the other side still happy. Still himself. He wished he could do that, just be happy. Maybe it's just not meant to be for him. He never really was a overly happy person before all this. Maybe in some fucked up way this was a lesson to him. He should've been happier before. Been happy with his life because you never know what may happen to you that will take away your happiness.
"How you doing?" Youngjae breaks him from his cruel train of thought.
"I'm okay I guess. Nothing really has changed. Still the same miserable man as last time." Jimin makes a tortured laugh, trying to make a joke of his misery. By the lack of response he takes it didn't go well.
Everyone begins taking their sets, cheap free coffee in their hands.
"Welcome everybody, thanks for all coming." Amelia the women who runs the class says. "So, how's everyone doing? Would anyone like to share?"
There's silence, everyone dreading having to be the first to speak up. Before he knew what happened he began to speak.
"I would." Jimin puts his hand up, ensure how the sharing thing went.
"Go ahead Jimin, nice to see you again." She smiles, her smile felt so gentle and warming.
Jimin gulps, glancing to Youngjae who was giving him a reassuring look. He suddenly felt nervous, palms sweating as his heartbeat sped.
"Hi, umm my names Jimin." He said with not much confidence.
"Hi Jimin." The group repeat back to him.
"So, I don't really know where to start. I'm still new at this whole sharing thing. So I apologise if I'm a little chaotic." Jimin runs his trembling fingers through his hair, hoping no one noticed his shaking hands.
"Six nights ago a man broke into my house and raped me. Well, he didn't just rape me he took pictures too and then two nights ago stuck them on my front door." It oddly felt liberating to say it out load in front of everyone. Felt good because he knew everyone hear could understand.
"It's been hard, real fucking hard. Oh shit sorry!" Jimin wasn't sure if he was allowed to swear and it just slipped out. But no one seemed bothered, everyone seemed to be invested in him. Be invested in what he was saying to even care.
"All I seem to do is cry and push those away who care about me and are just trying to help. The cop on my case is doing so much for me. In fact he's the reason I'm here actually. But I don't know what good he's doing when he's accusing my best friend of doing this to me. It's making me question myself you know? Like am I a bad guy for thinking my best friend could do this just because one man suggested it. I know it couldn't be him, I know Tae and he wouldn't do this but no one knows where he was the night I was raped. So, I guess he's a good suspect as any right now." Jimin wasn't sure if he should be talking to his group about this but since no one has stopped him he supposed it was okay.
"What do you believe?" Amelia asks in the soft tone, kindness in her eyes.
"I honestly don't know anymore. I have no idea who I can trust. Everyone in my life seems to be a suspect and it's making me paranoid to the point where I can't sleep and I could barely to start with. I just want to stop feeling this way. All I seem to know now is sadness and misery. You know, I've lost four kilos already?" Jimin's chest felt so tight, like someone was pressing down on it with all their weight.
"Sometimes I just think how much better off I'd be if he had just killed me that night. I mean he had a gun, he could've anytime he wanted but he didn't. Instead he just broke me and left me to put back the pieces he took." Those words sat in the air heavy, no one knew what to say to that. He wasn't suicidal at all, just felt that if he did die it would be more of a relief than anything else.
Was that bad? It wasn't like he was going to go out and buy a gun and do it himself. He knew he could never pull the trigger, as much as death would be a relief he could never do it. His life sucked, he hated himself and his body but not enough for that. Maybe someday maybe not. All he knew was that he didn't know what he had to live for anymore. Being raped took away far more than anyone could ever imagine. It took away your identity, your soul, your life, everything you knew and loved about yourself was gone.
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Jungkook didn't know what it was about this case, why it got stuck under his skin like it did. Maybe it was the fact he knew Jimin was a good kid. Someone who never deserved this. Or maybe it was because he saw himself in that broken boy. He knew Jimin must've been a great guy before all this. Sometimes he could see it when Jimin would let his hard, protective facade down. It was nice getting to see that side even if it was for a brief moment.
He never meant to upset him last night by accusing his best friend. It simply was that something didn't quite sit right with him when it came to the man Taehyung. There was something about him he didn't believe. Regardless of whether Taehyung did it or not he definitely was hiding something. And it was his mission to find out what because no doubt it had something to do with Jimin's assault.
"Have you got anything from the partial?" Jungkook opens the door to a very small, dark room with one small man stuck to his computer.
"No. Doesn't appear to be on any database we have. But before you ask, yes I have open the search wider so we may still have a chance." Yoongi gives him a brief glance before returning to his work.
Jungkook wasn't to happy with that answer, he had slight hope they'd get something from that. It was really all they had and that was substantial at best. They'd need a confession either way as the man didn't leave any dna at the scene and nothing was found from Jimin's rape kit. It was so hard to solve a case when there were no leads of witnesses. Jimin's description of the man was basic at best. He couldn't exactly ask him more questions about it as he doubted he'd even want to see him after last night.
He hasn't told anyone but he was starting to care about the man. He didn't want to. He knew it was wrong. He was just working a case and couldn't allow himself to get attached. Especially with a man he knew would never ever return his feelings. One thing he knew about Jimin was he is one tough man to try win over. Plus he knew it was inappropriate seeing what he's gone through. And anyway not like he could do anything about his feelings until he was no longer one of his cases. This is what gave him even more reason to solve this case. If not for Jimin for his own selfish reasons that he was yet to accept.
Love had always been enigma to him, seeming to be just out of reach. As a bi man he found it rather hard in the dating scene. Most of the girlfriends he had never understood he wasn't gay and didn't constantly have dick on his mind. His last girlfriend for some bazaar reason always believed he wanted to fuck a guy. Always worried the second she would leave him alone he'd go find some random dick to fulfil his gay needs.
He was over girls thinking because he also liked men that meant they needed to do more or explore things neither of them wanted. The number of times he's walked into his bedroom to find his girlfriend with a strap on ready and waiting. That's not what he wanted. He didn't want his girlfriend to think fucking him with a plastic dick would help keep him happy. It didn't because that didn't turn him on. If he wanted to be fucked he'd have started dating a guy. When he was with a girl he wanted to focus on her. He liked pleasing his partner, getting under their skin in a good way and have them begging by the end.
He was a lover not a fighter. Sex was intimidate to him and he liked to savour it for as long as possible. He had to admit it been awhile. Since his last breakup he decided to take a break from the dating scene. It got a little much for him, the girls he seemed to land became to intense. He understood he was a good looking man and his partner would get a little jealous or worried but some of his past girlfriends were next level. Men were easier, far easier. It was mainly just two bros hanging with the occasional blow job and amazing sex. Men were less complicated and didn't really care to much.
He thought maybe that's why he was so entranced by Jimin because he was yearning for someone. He had decided last breakup his next partner would probably be a man. And then there comes a sweet, good looking, charming man who pops into his life in the body of Jimin. It wasn't exactly the love story anybody would hope seeing as he's the cop working Jimin's assault case. Not exactly something you tell the grandkids when they ask how you met. It was a tough situation he was dealing with. He had plenty more cases he could be working on with a lot more evidence and secured convictions. But there's something about Jimin he can't shake off, he has to keep on this until he gets somewhere. He couldn't just give up like he knew Jimin was beginning too.
He could see it in his eyes, in his body language that Jimin was killing himself emotionally. Leaving him nothing but emptiness to fill that growing void. He couldn't let Jimin just become another unsolved case. Another victim stuck in the system forever not knowing who did this. He knows so many people he's let down, who are just stuck in limbo of not knowing. He still gets calls every now and then from parents, family and friends wanting to know if he's found anything new. Those phone calls never get any easier when he has to tell them no. In fact it gets harder when he hears the crush in their voice when a small bit of their dwindling hope dies.
He didn't want Jimin to become just another stat. He couldn't let that happen to him when he knew he barley had any hope left. If he didn't solve this case he was scared what might happen to Jimin.
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So sorry it's been awhile! Thank you for everyone for being so patient! It's been a crazy time! Hope everyone is well and staying safe ❤️🥰
Love you all x
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