TW: Self harm and suicidal thoughts and tendencies plus a hint of depression and mentions of actual suicide attempts

I bang my head against the wall of the girls bathroom stall. It was the perfect place to hurt myself, nobody goes to the bathroom during recess. You're worthless, you're stupid, you shouldn't even be allowed to BREATH!!! You are nothing but dirt.I start biting my hands and arms. You deserve to hurt. You deserve horrible things.

I start climbing onto the bathroom stall walls using the toilet as a makeshift ladder. My body was half way across before giving out on me as I fall down back into my stall almost banging my head on the toilet. Teachers were all out luckily. Tears streamed down my face, the face I despised. Not because I thought I was ugly, but because it was attached to me. You can't even do THAT right. Tug on your hair! Scratch your eyes out! BREAK YOUR NOSE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF OXYGEN!!! I sobbed and sobbed for the rest of recess.

Nobody ever noticed the bruises on my head, the clumps of hair I was missing, the scratch marks on my arms. Nobody ever noticed despite how obvious it was. I committed self harm for years, starting as young as eight. I would hurt myself every day. For some twisted reason I thought I deserved pain. I thought I deserved to die...

If I hadn't stopped, I would not be here today. So if you're considering self harm, suicide even, it's not worth it. It has taken me years of struggling, of fighting, to be able to say I'm worth the oxygen. You are worth the oxygen.

I know telling you the same things you've been told all the time won't help, things like "It'll get better." I know it feels like hell, I'd even say it is hell. But this hell isn't forever. Latch onto any moment that reminds you living is worth it! Because you'll need it in the long run. You can fight it though. Sure you'll still hurt sometimes, you might even want to break your nose again. Sadly your nose, like you, is too strong to break.