more like a diss chapter lol

anyways, let's take a break from my rants for now and look at this movie "review" of bungo stray dogs' first movie, dead apple.

firstly... ok, good, some more truths about atsushi was revealed at the end, and it wasn't about dazai (*cough* i'm looking at you, first 6 episodes of season two *cough*).

now we get to the bad points, which is most probably my favorite. wow, this is why my life doesn't get better.

1) again, there is the repetitive "you are a good for nothing" scene in jinko's head. definitely sucks; way too overused for me. idk if they want to highlight a particular word or whatever in that part, but man, come on. haunting me in the series isn't enough, it follows me to the movie as well?

2) atsushi's eyes were way too large at the beginning of the movie. what, he went all shoujo now? like, bigger than kyouka's kinda big.

3) ranpo is a genius. couldn't he have solved the whole thing? (ok, attack me on this one)

4) they didn't tell us who killed the guy kunikida and tanizaki were supposed to meet before the fog broke out. i mean, it's a minor detail that can go overlooked, but i'm curious about whoever went. i don't think um, shit i forgot his name way too soon... we'll call him crystal guy (i mean the white haired guy with red eyes who owns the fog ability). anyways, i don't think crystal guy has any men or whatsoever that would go ahead and murder a government kid at his beck and call. secondly, neither does dostoyevsky and dazai. the first two indeed aren't the type to go to the frontlines to dirty their hands with blood, but it seriously remains unconfirmed bc dazai can just stab a guy and go away without spilling the beans at a point in time. but did he do it? that's the point. we were never told.

5) atsushi kept
a) saying names (e.g. kyouka-chan, kunikida-san, dazai-san)
b) yelling his shit out

6) they didn't even ask where tanizaki was when they saw kunikida on the ground. also, how didn't the glasses guy die of blood loss, like, that was a literal gunshot. you mean he staunched the bleeding with some magic he did without getting his clothes disheveled? is he that proper? like, also, how did he even take the bullet out without getting his clothes off? haaah? there wasn't even any bulge, traces of bandage, or handkerchief, or anything, that would let us see he had patched himself up.

7) how come the office was so messy, yet ranpo was literally unharmed? yes, he doesn't have an ability so no one would be out to kill him. but how the frick did he stay safe while the others were fighting? what, yosano managed to heal him and her ability waited for her to chill the fuck out before inviting her on a duel outside? they let him escape to a base thing, and their abilities didn't attack the detective at all? maybe he hid before all the commotion, but they should atleast tell us. also, how the actual fuck is he alive despite the fact that kunikida's ability literally bombed the whole place? another one, why did he not call out to the people who went to the agency if he was there all along? and how did they not notice him, if ever he was in plain sight?

8) lying alongside #7, how the hell did the others get outside? yes, maybe they were out doing their shit as well, but who the hell destroyed the office, then? well, maybe it was fukuzawa and his ability, but then again, we go back to the ranpo question. moving on, where did he escape, if that was the case? he properly opened doors and his ability let him? maybe, because he's a proper person, but really tho? no traces of struggle on the hallways either, and the outside of the building looked way clean.

9) the secret compartment and code for the guns was way too simple. what if someone accidentally punched the wall two times, or if an impact akin to that of punching collided against the wall, same repetition? indeed, it was for emergency, but where tf are the spare bullets?

10) the anime was moving too slowly. literally moving too slowly, no plot thing here. they spoke, walked and acted slowly.

11) how come atsushi and kyouka's abilities let them explore before attacking them, yet the fog was already starting before they even woke up?

12) why did the normal disappear in the fog, anyways? explanation please???

13) the three crooks at the high-rise were closing their eyes too much i noticed it. like, dude, does closing tour eyes while smiling cunningly WHILE talking with deep shit meanings make you cool in the anime world? people would literally laugh at you if close your eyes for no reason irl. is it a symbol of "utter trust" that they use when deceiving people so they can make them believe so? in that case, it's too predictable, then. is it because they are too relaxed in their atmosphere? also, who the fuck puts the silver knives into the apples everytime one of them appeared in the room? dostoyevsky was literally out of range; how did he toss that knife without making any sound or what? and how come there's miraculously an extra set of white clothes for dazai who kinda just used hair gel as a sign of "teaming up"? whaaat?

14) how did all of crystal guy's ability crystals get into a half-ruined high-rise in yokohama when he's not really from there? like, how the fuck did the building just have a perfect library to store those crystals? you mean, it's actually his hideout? but man, i thought he wasn't from yokohama (2)? did he transport that shit? with what, workmen? did he build it? what??? and what kind of elaborate fucking apparatus was that, anyways? the fog producer, was that it? how did it GET TO YOKOHAMA WHEN HE AIN'T EVEN FROM THERE

15) no one explained properly why all the abilities kinda just blew up into a giant-ass circle when they merged with dazai's ability. and why the fuck it turned into a dragon. it's just confusing; what the hell is it, a form that the abilities take on when fused? but that's not all of the abilities, is it? also, how the fuuuck did dostoyevsky not fall, along with the tower, when it transformed?

16) the people were like, "no one has every defeated their abilities yet", but the characters in the movie kinda just did? i mean, are they really that op, or for the sake of the movie, or because they have friends (akutagawa didn't have that when he got back rashomon oops) who helped them, or is it because the other ability-users who got victimezed were way too stupid? or did they just exaggerate, like every anime ever?

17) how come ango's headquarters was still able to pick up tech shit and was not yet destroyed despite the commotion

18) which friends did chuuya refer to when he said they were all dead, died in whatever happened? and how the hell did he get to the special ops with his ability, literally unscathed? you mean he didn't fight? or did he have time to go get a bath and a change of clothes and an instant-injury-healing-potion somewhere in the mafia headquarters? or did crystal guy give him the special treatment and didn't take his graviteeth away? *gravity manipulation.  or was he that op that he didn't get a single scratch fighting his ability when "FIGHTING YOUR OWN ABILITY AND DEFEATING THEM IS IMPOSSIBLE"? duuude, there wasn't even any dirt on him, not one rip and tear in his suit.

19) why didn't the three (aku, kyouka, jinko) just battle their abilities in that street, then, if they were planning to do so, anyways, after going through a passageway secret thingy? to have time to talk and rest, most likely, but the result was literally just more unanswered questions and a showing-off of kyouka and akutagawa's mafia stuff knowledge. scriptwriters, really?

20) so dazai called crystal guy over to yokohama to help him alleviate his boredom? like, boy, none of that would have happened if he didn't do it. you mean he somehow knew his comrades would defeat the evil guy, or did he plan to take the crystal guy from the inside? when did he team up with fyodor? call? secret message? hm??? WAS DAZAI THE FUCKING SCRIPT-WRITER BECAUSE TO ME, IT SEEMS LIKE ABSOLUTE BULSHIT. maybe that, or my personal grudge against dazai still hasn't... settled... itself.

21) they got their abilities back way too easily. what happened to yosano and the others, tho? how did they get theirs back? no clips shown. it was just fighting.

22) why did the ball of abilities take dazai? was he really snow white and the dragon was his evil stepmother?

23) chuuya got too much screen time. he defeated the fucking dragon despite the way people told him of its horrific dangers and all that shit, and that he could die, etc etc, JUST BY SHOVING A FUCKING BUILDING INTO ITS MOUTH AND LETTING IT IMPLODE. that was a really quick battle, too. i mean, if the dragon was that powerful so as to let the people literally cower like it was some ill goddamn omen, then even his insane mode wouldn't have been able to take it down that easily. i've got nothing against him defeating that creature, but to me, it looked way too easy and quickly, considering the dragon's forces. maybe it was just the opening act for crystal guy's one-man-showdown? hmmm?

24) for the last time, bungo stray dogs, no one wants to see akutagawa's magical girl transformation.

25) sushi took way too long to get his ability back. like, dude, those were happening while the others were battling, right? then he should already have been there the instant crystal guy transformed as well, or maybe a few seconds after that. not after a few fight minutes crystal guy spent bonding with the two kids. and again, at the nick of time, at that, like a typical anime scene. wow, if only irl was like that.

26) why was akutagawa the only one who didn't get a tragic backstory flashback drama??? like dude, literally nothing is known of him yet, save for that one certain flashback in the anime during the times dazai was still training him. the manga had a special chapter for him, though, revealing his slums kid background, but other than that, nothing else. even chuuya got his special movie with dazai... wait, so that means this isn't the first movie, then? ok fuck my life. anyways, even mori gets his fair share of a backstory. why not aku?

27) the tiger thing in atsushi's psychological world was definitely a clip from episode 1 lol

28) at what point of the anime did the movie even happen? after season 2, before season 2, somewhere between season 1, or what?

29) there was definitely much soukoku fanservice on that one part. you know what i mean; what the hell was that position anyways? animators, ples. not everyone wants some yaoi at a serious moment. ok, sorry, maybe innocent people wouldn't see what's wrong with it. i kinda just gave myself away, oops, tee-hee. why were the two of them so peaceful with each other at that time, anyways? maybe bc chuuya was way too exhausted to talk back, or dazai was too caught up in the situation that he didn't retain his silly exterior. also, i thought corruption rendered chuuya braindead to those around him? how come he still had the intention to punch dazai, or get into the dragon, or whatever?

30) crystal guy's physical state was also unclear. so... was he a ghost, or a zombie, or what? what was the skull, anyways? That was his skull, right? how come he still has his physical body? i might just be dumb, but honestly, i was utterly stupefied by this. so was he a walking lump of carrion who happened to look normal, or was he a specter? how the fuck did he transfom into that magi character at the end, anyways? like, boi, too much to explain. you mean, he has a physical body, but then, he dissolved and wrapped itself around that damaged skull again? how did he lose his memories, anyways? and where did fyodor get the information about this occurence from, anyways? he said he would "tell you later" but then it never happened. really?

31) how was atsushi and crystal guy standing together in the same image? i thought atsushi was in his own mind and crystal guy was someplace else? so, is he really a ghost, then? and if he was a zombie, how the fuck would he not notice himself rotting? H O W  IN THE WORLD DOES HIS BODY WORK

32) it was kinda too easy for them to defeat transformed crystal guy. i thought he couldn't die? how come he did after a few punches and shit? and that kinda fight? he exhausted his power or sth? or was it because he found "salvation"? or did he "surrender to the futility of what he has been doing til now"? seriously, though, i hope things get the fuck clearer because the opponents looked intimidating, but were not actually that powerful. either that or i'm just used to way too much shonen battles that involve multiple episodes, or dying all over again (hello tokyo ghoul), or intense magic battles that plant holes in your body and cause you to power up (hello magi).

33) sushi defeated the guy way too easily. end of explanation. wasn't even exhausted. i understand the lack of scratches and injuries bc healing abilities, but why in the world was he, along with the other two, too clean after the battle? oh, you mean free shower in the fog?

34) dawn was too quick to come. the sun shone way too fast, not even giving the sky a time to adjust, or the sun to rise gradually as it always does. and why the fuck was it exactly after the fight, anyways? i'm still not over the fact that it kinda just turned to morning, though. no warnings at all.

35) HOW COME AKU, JINKO AND KYOUKA WERE NOT EXHAUSTED LIKE RLLY?

36) how did the poison not yet consume dazai during his unconscious phase? you mean it was too slow-acting, and he faked his sleep to show crystal guy and fyodor the poison worked? you mean the antidote worked the instant chuuya punched him? it didn't even take seven minutes (which is, apparently, the average time it would take for whatever you intake to enter your system) and yet he was already able to "heal" from POISON that rendered him unconscious? how, even, did he not die of blood loss? and where was the blood and the knife when he finally got out of the dragon? i'm still way too confused about the way antidotes and poisons work in the world of bungo stray dogs. what kind of poison doesn't kill a person in like 10 minutes or so after literally weakening him in less than a minute earlier that day? and what kind of antidote heals a poison that has most likely already spread thru ur whole system, without even getting to your digestive? oh, wait, did the antidote just nullify the fucking poison like his ability does? haha, what an amazing explanation we got there. definitely. yes, the guy has amazing vitality, but seriously?

37) another dazai thing, where did he get his magical change of clothes at the end? and how did the bleeding stopppppppppppppppoodjbebwdjbxbwwjbc

38) how did the armed detective agency members somehoe get there at the same time, considering their different locations? you mean they met up somewhere, but as i said, it's impossible for people who were apart to just kinda get there way too fast on foot, right after the fog went away. the interval was too short, and if they had to rendezvous or recuperate or contact each other, it would not have been that speedy.

39) in the special ops office at the end, where the hell were the other workers, anyways? why was it only ango and the blue-haired "chick" in the headquarters piling up reports upon reports when they had too much work to do? are the other guys slackers or sth, or assholes, or does ango want himself some solo time with a potential girlfriend? what. the. fuck? they did a good job maintaining the cracked wall, but that's another loophole. the rest of the city was already fixed. but the wall of an important place which is actually really hazardous of a disaster, has not been mended yet? good thinking, animators.

40) atsushi and kyouka didn't close the door. rude kids.

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ok so... wow, it's exactly 40. maybe some of my banters were repetitive, but seriously, this proves how much they have to work on the movie. why was it so short, anyways? like, if you're going to make it short, make sure the thing isn't too complicated. did they rush it because the fans were way too eager? did they rush it because of rheir lack of a budget? it haunts me to this hour, and i've finished the movie an hour and a half earlier. perfect time to forget crystal guy's name.