i'm actually getting real lazy to write at the fucking moment, but eh, i'll do it because i have nothing better to do. i'm too lazy to attend practice, i'm too lazy to go take a bath, i'm too fucking tired to do anything as of now, but i have to get the fuck up and pretend to function as a normal human being for the sake of all the work i had to put up with up to now. the work of pretending to be human--//kicked because i am making no longer human references but fuck it's so tru i can't even

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DAY XIX - FIVE FUCKING ITEMS YOU LUST AFTER

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hmmm... i don't really have any specific item in mind that i desperately want to have, but... ok then, let's do this.

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√ one: i would love to have a whole fucking walk-in closet containing nothing but trench coats, vests, formal shirts, neckties, slacks, black stockings, walking shorts, and boots. screw having a computer, i need this whole goddamned closet, and i want to wear shit like this everyday of my life no matter what people tell me. also, this place is a tropical country, and you rarely see people in coats in a tropical country (because it's warm as hell). but even so, i will not let environmental factors affect my desired behavior and preferences in regards to clothing. fuck you all-- i mean-- yeah, sometimes i do get the mood to just slip into modern clothes because of the comfort they can provide, but really, i'm more on the coats and boots thing. call me old-fashioned or some other shit you would want to, but i wouldn't care because i know i'm not the only one among my generation lmao. also, tokoyami is the same. fooking birb.

ok it's not his birthday today, but i liked the picture so it's here.

√ two: eyeliner i guess. i mean, ever since i've been around people who do makeup like it's a walk in the park, i've been feeling a growing obsession towards liquid eyeliner application. especially because i love doing shit that makes your eyes look better or something. i don't work well with shades and blending, so i just kinda began to toy with eyeliner one time, until voila, i discovered that i love applying this shit. i gues it's probably because it's similar to drawing anime eyes (which, without shame, i would admit i love to do lmao), or probably because i'm just too set on augmenting my revolting face lol. either way, liquid eyeliners are one thing on my list that i always want to have. also, include bandages and those earrings that look like piercings. ok, i know, i might seem like i'm returning to my emo phase with my black nail polish and all but eh. i'm a tokoyami--//kicked//

*gaspu* he knows how to eyeliner? oh well, i'm not surprised anymore. this fucking kid can do pretty much anything.

√ three: art materials sound promising. i don't really spend as much time in drawing anymore as i did before, but i really would love the idea of actually having decent art tools and not a fucking number 2 mongol pencil and exam grade eraser. i have oil pastels, but i bought them only for the sake of one of my science projects, and that was a rush purchase, so of course i didn't have any money to buy the ones with more colors. i only have 12, and reminder i suck at using colors, especially those that can get messy. like oil pastels. also, the idea of having watercolor pencils can be really nice. i want to experiment on my art, and not just stick to whatever gel pens allow me to. i want to go to a greater side of art, and i can't do that without having any more equipment than my current ones. i've been trying digital, but i don't get along with it, so i decided to stick to traditional art and expand my views on it. unfortunately, i can't, because the money i save up goes to shit i don't even remember spending it on. i know, i'm just really bad with budgeting my shit but oh well.

just putting this here because it's absolutely one of the things i can never draw (flowers end up looking like maneaters or some shit, i swear you wouldn't wanna set your sights on them)

√ four: a house of my own, be it an apartment or a simple, small cottage. i'm fine with any of those. i'll pay my bills and shit, i'll work, i'll drop the idea of cosplay, i'll stop buying books all the fucking time, anything, just so i can go back to living absolutely alone (like during the time my grandmother and aunt weren't here yet). i don't know, it's not the desire to have the house all to yourself and dance around the fucking kitchen at 4 am that makes me wanna have my own place. i dunno, it just feels more private, secluded, and absolutely more peaceful. it's not like i'm this antisocial little shit who wants to be isolated in a hut in the forest, okay? i just somehow want to stop living around people so that, after another long day of pretending to be like them, i wouldn't have to deal with another flurry of human aura and emotions in my quiet space. also, who wants to fucking stay in a place where every speck of dust on the radio is blamed on you? ew, speaking of, i just heard my name again and another cupboard slam and some other shit that sounded like breaking glass. ew ew ew can i like, soundproof my room?

secret world of arrietty because why not

√ lastly: money. money is the answer. money is the solution. money is god. screw friendship and cheesy, pretentious, farcical comradery (that was redundant af ik). screw your bff bracelets and birthday gifts, because who cares about solving your problems when you don't even help yourself if i have money? i know, this just got disgusting as fuck because i'm openly announcing how greedy i actually am, but what? it's not wrong to want EVERYTHING when you've been living your whole life deprived of even relaxation, is it? and also, i can afford all those coats, all those fucking cosmetics, all those art materials, all those books, and even that house, if i get supplied with 900 000 euros everyday, right? if i get enough money, i'll be more influential than your local bitch who has connections with the school factions. if i have enough gold, i can just go get away and start a life at a better environment that can maximize the potentials everyone has been telling me i actually fucking have. i know, it's probably an act of overestimating myself, but i'm aware, really, and i'm doing this because it's about time to stop seeing myself as the most downgraded lunatic. anyways, money is literally god in modern society, so i'm practically good with it.

lawless because greed, even though he doesn't have the qualifications to br considered "greedy". the irony lmao

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i'm aware your views of me has been changed greatly once more as you read my extreme want for money, and that i've been viewing shit negatively until now, which caused me to have such a mindset. but eh, i'll just be honest. no one knows me irl anyways, and who would even care to hand me over to the authorities or some shit? i might be exaggerating on the authorities part just because of something like this, but believe me. i've seen shit.

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T a g g i n g . . .

no one for now because that just got a lot darker.

here, have a picture of deku to cleanse your minds.

hmmm yes, very refreshing, indeed.

and i have a funny pictute of deku right here. just a sec--

i mean, it's a look what you made me do reference. and it's just really funny hahaha