Shisui opens his eyes to the white ceiling above him and the sun in his eyes. A cold breeze blows through the open window, awakening the stagnant nerves on his cheek. He stares unblinking at the room that surrounds him. The clock on the nightstand reads noon.

[Name] is already gone.

He feels nothing. 

But to keep up appearances, Shisui slaps on a smile and slips out of bed. He tricks his mind into thinking it's happy, that everything that's happened so far is perfectly fine and not mindfucking him. 

"What wacky adventures await me today? Haha," he mumbles to himself as he opens his closet. The new clothes [Name] bought him line the closet. He glosses over the wardrobe. His smile falters, none of it was his style. Shisui forces a bigger grin and closes the closet door.

"Pajamas, it is!" He laughs and leaves the room. At the same time Shisui leaves, Mackenzie steps into the hallway from [Name's] room.

Again, his grin wavers. This woman before him is real, and according to [Name], he shouldn't be.

Be nice! Be nice! BE NICE! 

He sports a gentler smile, better than the manic one he wore a minute earlier.

"Hey," he says with a slight wave.

"You're finally up, you must've been tired," Mackenzie says with a nervous laugh. She knows Shisui is wary of her, so she tries to be even friendlier than usual. She takes one look at his glassy eyes and shudders visibly. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine."

There's a long silence between them, but neither one can look away from the other. For a second, the reality before him melts away, turning grey and muddied.

He feels nothing.

"You should probably eat something."

Mackenzie's voice brings him out of his disconnected moment. He nods, as if it were an order from the third Hokage himself.

"Right."

Without a second more, Shisui climbs down the stairs. Laughter reaches his ears as he steps into the threshold of the living room. Itachi, Sasuke, and Madara all looked like they were enjoying themselves.

How? He wonders. How can they easily toss away their old life? Their friends, family, lovers?

 He watches Itachi smile, something he hasn't seen in such a long time. How could they...? When it's so hard for me?

...

As much as Shisui tries to hide his uncomfortable waves of emotion, Itachi notices it. He picks up on every fake smile, the dark shadow that looms behind his already dark eyes, the circles beneath his eyes from long nights; he notices it all.

And he understands it all as well. He's been there before. In his past life and now. He knows the signs.

So when Madara leaves to go meditate, and Sasuke leaves to make lunch, Itachi sits next to Shisui on the floor and lets out a long sigh.

"So, how long are you going to pretend everything's okay?" Itachi mumbles under the volume of the TV.

Shisui doesn't give him a moment's gaze. His eyes lock on to the swaying trees outside, thinking of where [Name] could be and when would she return.

"You're pretending too." Shisui's words are harsh, but it contradicts the soft way he says it. "We're all pretending."

Itachi shrugs, a faint chuckle in his lips. "Not as much as you." He continues, pushing his wild hair back. "At least [Name] is helping us out. She tells us that communicating will bring us closer together, and that we don't have to go through this existential crisis alone. With you, however, you've been hiding your pain from us, all of us. So we can't help unless we know what's wrong. [Name] says it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes."

Shisui cracks a lopsided smile. "Thanks for the speech professor Itachi."

They laugh together. Although laughter alludes to joy, there is only a thin layer of happiness coating the underlying sadness beneath it. The laugh comes from the gut but it's the pain in the chest that booms soundlessly through the room. And finally, tears fall.

The bubble of happiness pops, allowing the sorrow to spread, and a sob, a horrid sound of a man crying, rips the friendly atmosphere and Shisui covers his face in shame.

There's nothing beautiful about the way his tears fall, his eyes puff, and his cheeks redden. The release of his desolation is ugly, and wild like a yellow teethed beast gnashing at its last sliver of life. His sobs show how hard he's trying to survive, but it's difficult when everything he knew is a lie, he's not supposed to be real.

And that's what tears him apart the most. The life left behind, everything he made and everything he was, his title, his personality, his personhood, it's all fabricated by some person of this world, of the real world.

How unfortunate.

How sad and utterly pitiful.

And just as it started, it ended with a laugh.

Shisui throws his head back and laughs. The droplets on his eyelashes fall to the sides of his face. A smile breaks loose, and it's ugly, but real.

And that's how he feels in this moment.

Ugly. But real.

...

[Name] returns home, pain in her feet, and a cold air following behind her. The boys, as usual, meet her at the door. She sees Shisui first, and her eyes nearly pop from her skull.

"Oh, my God!" She rushes up to him, cupping his tear-stained face. His puffy eyes held so much happiness, but he looked awful. "Are you... Are you okay?"

He nods, allowing her to wipe the wetness from his face with her cold fingers.

"I missed you so much, I'm so glad you're home," he mumbles and embraces her, gradually skimming the chill from her clothes. With her knuckles, she rolls up and down his spine, comforting him the best she could.

"No, what happened? Did Madara say something mean?"

Madara crosses his arms and scoffs. "Why does it have to be me? I didn't do anything to that crybaby."

[Name] grits her teeth and gently pushes away from Shisui, who holds her hand instead.

"Look here, you old soggy bastard! I will personally whoop your ass if-"

Shisui squeezes her hand, bringing her attention back to him. "Madara had nothing to do with it." He clears his throat and pulls her closer. "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you in private."

[Name] turns soft at his request. "Of course."

She greets everyone else, hand still clinging to Shisui. He finds small comfort in her hold. "Can one of you start dinner, please?"

"I'll do it!" Mackenzie volunteers, for she's already in the kitchen. "But I'll need help."

[Name] instructs Sasuke and Itachi—who were both reluctant—to help Mackenzie. Madara left on his own to read the newspaper like the old man he is.

[Name] and Shisui are left alone in the foyer, still holding hands. Without a second thought, Shisui leads [Name] upstairs and to his room. The door closes for privacy.

"Oh, Shisui," she says, placing a hand on his back. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine, really. I released it all," Shisui says as he slides into bed. He pulls the blankets up to his chin and beams a bright smile at her.

[Name] smiles back, but the concern doesn't leave. She slips off her work shoes and her work jacket, allowing them to hit the floor. Shisui doesn't like the mess, but forgets all about it once she climbs beneath the blankets with him.

They're face to face. Beneath blankets. Sharing heat.

"Is it one of those existential crises?" She mumbles.

"Yeah." There's a crack in his voice.

His eyes don't meet her's, even though his view is eighty percent [Name].

"What's the matter? Specifically?"

[Name] lifts her hand and moves aside some fallen curls from his face.

He clears his throat, adjusting the volume of his voice. "The fact that I'm not real."

[Name] smiles, cupping his cheeks. "Well, you are now, and you don't know how many girls and guys adore you."

Shisui ponders if [Name] adores him also. The thought comes and goes with a chuckle. "Yeah. Well then, I'm also freaking out cause I... I killed myself."

[Name] nods. "Well, Itachi died twice and so did Madara, Sasuke didn't have an arm-"

"I didn't have eyes, and now I do."

"Think of it this way. Your old life is gone, yes, but this," she says, and grips his hands beneath the blankets. "This is real, and it's your second chance. It's your new life, so live it."

Shisui bites his lip as tears form in his eyes.

"You can do this, Shisui. I know you can," she whispers.

His body begins to shake, and instinctively, he buries his face into her collarbones so she wouldn't see his tears.

His new life.

His new life with [Name].

...

A/N: Shisui is a sweet baby boy. Protect him at all costs.