My father left me to clean up what he called a "mess." He told me to take the pig and burn it. I just can't bring myself to do it. The basement looks like nothing ever happened, except for my tears being everywhere causing me to have to dry the table again.

After I finish cleaning, I take the pig and kiss it on top of its head to let it know it's okay now, even though it's dead. I like to believe in heaven and God, even if I was never taught how to.

I cleaned all the blood of the pig and take it outside to bury it knowing it's against my father's wishes. I dig the hole in our backyard as fast as I can and bury it, while my father is asleep on the couch yet again.

I find a beautiful flower and place it over the dead pigs body then make a cross out of sticks to put by its grave. I go back inside knowing when my father wakes I'll receive punishment. I just don't understand how someone can do something like that and not want to kill themselves. When I do just from watching it.

I lay on bed thinking about how I have nothing to lose. People talk about heaven sometimes at school and they make it sound so beautiful and so welcoming. That's all I want.

With tears streaming down my face for the millionth time, I go to bathroom and pick of my razor and lock the bathroom door. I break it so I just have the blades. I put the blades up to my wrist, thinking how this will all be over soon. How I'll finally have peace and no pain.

I press down hard, and blood comes through the cut, then I stop. I think about how if I do this, he'll sense that he won and possibly move to a different kid and do the same things. If I do this I'm just as bad as him.

I hide my razor under my bathroom sink and try to get sleep before morning. Not being able to sleep after hours of trying, I get up and get ready for even though it's only three in the morning.

Not in the mood to eat breakfast, I take a shower and put on clothes, my outfit consisting of a hoodie, sweatpants, and my white Nike Air Forces. Then finish getting ready. I apply my makeup carefully over my face, so the bruises aren't noticeable.

I write on a sticky note the same thing as always, "At school, -Adilynne." I walk by my sleeping father and the loud television and head out the door.

Before I go to school I decide to take a run. I run around the block at least 20 times then find myself walking up to Austin's door. I don't know why considering its only four thirty a.m.

I decide against knocking on the door and start making the almost hour walk to school and wait for school to start.

*****

When the bell rang, marking the start of school, I was the only one there and I was fine with it. I climbed the three flights of stairs to the freshman level, and went to the bathroom.

I walk into my homeroom and see a male teacher that's probably a little taller than Austin. He has tan skin, short brown hair, he's  muscular, has small soft hazel eyes, and seems to be about in his late 30s.

When I look in someone's eyes I can usually see if their hurting, mentally at least. His eyes seem sad, as he puts on a smile and greets me. I feel like we all do that these day though.

"Hey I don't think I've seen your face yet, what's your name?" He asks me.

"Adilynne, " I swear he froze for a second when I said that then continued to shake my hand.

He looked down at his blue clip board and flipped through pages till he found my name.

"Adilynne Marie, nice to meet you."

"You too Mr.," I started and glanced around the room for his name.

"Mr. Ross," he said catching on.

"Mr. Ross," I repeated and took a seat at the back of the class.

A minute later Austin came in, with exhaustion covering his face, and wearing the same basic outfit as me, a hoodie, sweatpants, and Nike Air Forces.

He spotted me in the back and his face out up but before he could walk over to me, the teacher greeted him like he did with me.

"I don't remember your face either," Mr. Ross said.

"Oh, yeah," he started rubbing the back of his neck.

"You see I had th-this emer-emergency, with my uh... Dog, and I uh couldn't make it last w-week," he finished, noticeably making it up causing me to burst out in laughter.

He glared at me, as the teacher back and forth between us.

"Anyways nice meeting you Mr.," He said searching the room like I did for his name.

" Mr.Ross, " Mr.Ross said to him.

"Right, Mr. Ross," he repeated.

"You kids really need to look at your schedule sometime it might do you some good, " he said giving us another fake but yet bright smile.

Austin walked over to me and took a seat right beside me. The chairs were metal and uncomfortable, the walls were white with grey floors, there was both a chalk board and a dry erase board, and of course a teacher's desk in the corner. The classroom also contained a few fake plants that made it feel more safe, and at home for most people, I guess.

"Really, a dog as your excuse, " I run my fingers through my hair and give him a smile, a real smile this time.

"Would a tampon have been a better excuse," he jokingly whispered to me.

"Nope but now I would like to meet this dog of yours, " I said while attempting to fix his hair, since it look like he didn't brush it at all.