December 23, 2027, Stark Tower
Four years after the victory over Thanos

When winter came to the city you were convinced that it would be another Christmas that you would spend alone in Stark Tower for a company having only one little Christmas tree, a fireplace, a bottle of Whisky, and a book. Since Tony's death, there were no more rollicking balls and parties in the tower. No one wanted to organize them because the memory of Stark always being at the center of attention and circulating among the guests was too painful and difficult to overcome. Stark Tower continued to function. Under Fury's command, the remainder of the "heroes" were sent on different missions to various corners of the world, and the tower's research zone functioned vigorously. From time to time supervised by Banner and, of course, Pepper herself. Only you remained as a permanent resident of the tower. The rest either went back to their families or found their own place unable to endure the empty corridors and silence everywhere any longer. In recent months, your only conversation companion has been your own reflection in the mirror and F.R.I.D.A.Y., an artificial intelligence invented by Stark years ago. The tower was also frequently visited by Wanda, Happy, and Morgan, but for some reason, instead of spending some time with them, you preferred to disappear into the garden, lab, the training room or find some activity on other floors.

This year, however, was supposed to be different. One day Pepper came to the tower along with Morgan and Wanda asking for "help" in organizing Christmas in Stark Tower as it used to be. Although helping out later meant more or less that you had to work hard while they were watching, you still wouldn't change the decision you made by agreeing to participate in this "project". For the first time in 9 years, it was supposed to be a Christmas that you would spend together as it was years ago even though, unfortunately, some of you were no longer here.

"Auntie? Y/N!" The loud shout of the little girl stuck in your brain like a bullet bringing you back to earth. Before you looked at the girl you looked around and realized that you were standing on the terrace, and small piles of snow have already gathered on your head and shoulders.

"Sorry Morgan, I was overthinking." You apologized to the girl immediately taking her in your arms and going back inside. You didn't see yourself waking up tomorrow morning with the news that Morgan is sick and Pepper has to take care of her. "What's up?"

"I wish AJ and Cass would come by now." She moaned while holding you tightly by the neck. It was understandable that a girl her age must be bored alone surrounded by three busy adults.

"You're bored huh? Only girls are around, and each one is older and more grumpy."

"She would get along with Pietro. She wouldn't even have time to say she was bored." Wanda laughed remembering her brother. You had no doubt, about that. Pietro Maximoff would be a great companion for children's games.

"No doubts." You laughed too and the memory of the blond man's face flashed in front of your eyes when he was teasing Clint, and then all you heard was a series of shots and silence. You admired Wanda for being able to remember her brother so calmly after what happened. You never dared to mention Pietro in her presence because of the fear of bringing back painful memories. "Oh, I hear the elevator which means guests! Go and say hello." You called out, putting the girl to the ground, who immediately, after feeling the ground under her feet, rushed towards the elevator, from which Sara and Sam came out at the same moment, followed by the youngest Wilson's. There was no one else in the elevator but you knew he would come. He had to come.

After greeting the newcomers you headed to the kitchen together with Sara to put the treats she brought in the refrigerator and started preparing the first batch of gingerbreads. Fortunately, you prepared the cake a few days in before, but you almost forgot about it in the rush of Christmas duties.

You were supposed to prepare this Christmas together with Pepper and Wanda, but somehow it turned out, that you were the only one to decorate the ENTIRE tower and garden. Pepper and Wanda materialized in Stark Tower only two days earlier to start preparations in the kitchen. You didn't even want to ask where they were before and what stopped them from coming and helping you. It was a moment when you thanked providence for the serum you received, which allowed you to embrace it all and survive even though the circumstances in which it was given to you were definitely not the pleasant parts of your life.

~**~

"Y/N." The familiar voice made you immediately turn in the direction from which it came only to see his smiling owner heading in your direction. As if by instinct, Morgan stopped pulling you by the sleeve and watched in fascination as new energy entered you in the blink of an eye and the face is lit with a real wide smile. Completely forgetting about your previous activity, you took off your apron and almost run straight toward him.

"James. Good to finally see you." You said as you hung around his neck. His strong arms immediately wrapped around your waist and lifted you slightly into the air.

"You too. Did you miss me?" He asked pulling back just enough to look into your eyes.

"Noooo... not at all." You said not very convincingly pretending to be serious.

"Liar." He noticed right away.

"Of course, she's lying! Since you left, she has been grumbling so much that it was impossible to stand it anymore! Once I thought Barnes was grumpy, she was a thousand times worse!" Wanda exclaimed, appearing on the stairs leading to the living room.

"Hey, that's a betrayal!" You called out pretending to be offended, but there was a smile on your face. No matter how hard you tried you had to admit that Wanda was right. Since Bucky's departure to Europe, you couldn't find a place for yourself. The first month wasn't the worst but the next months were pure hell. Your distraction caused by the lack of any news from the boys led you to clean up the WHOLE Stark Tower floor by floor and go through the garden like a hurricane. Admittedly, it wasn't a destructive activity because, aside from a few trinkets, nothing was damaged, but you knew it was a better idea than reaching for alcohol or, worse, a gun. You had to do something to stay on those right tracks. When Wanda came down one day to see what you were doing she couldn't believe her eyes. The garden had never looked like this before. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find even a single splintered blade of grass or twig, and everything in the garden was either repainted or had undergone a major renovation. There were even new benches and a gazebo, and even a small tree house designed for Morgan. The house looked rather inconspicuous from the outside but inside was something that won the little girl's heart like nothing else. You saw how this little girl missed her father and often watched the same video recorded by Tony over and over again. You decided to do something with it and spent several hundred hours of your time. Maybe it could have been done faster but you weren't very familiar with the newest technologies at Stark's disposal. With the help of F.R.I.D.A.Y., various recordings, and Tony's designs, after many unsuccessful attempts, you managed to create a fully functioning hologram of a genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist and converted all the recordings so that when Morgan turned on the device in the tree house, the entire space would turn into an image from the recording, such as a living room or a laboratory. Then, the young girl could watch her father as he worked, cooked, drove, or just sat on the couch.

"Since even Wanda complains it must have been pretty bad. I didn't know you would miss me so much." He laughed looking you straight in the eyes. You were sure that if you could drown in them it would have already happened.

"Oh well! You went with Bird to another continent, hooked up with Walker, pulled Zemo out from jail, and yet who knows where Sharon co-opted you. And to top it all off, you didn't say a word for two months!

"What did you just call me?!" Sam cried out from the opposite end of the room.

"Quiet Bird there is a dialogue going on here!" You called out to him glancing at the man. Your conversation became the main attraction because everyone took their seats and listened carefully laughing from time to time. "Are you surprised? You're the one to worry about. Anyway, I've been doing this almost all my life, you should be used to it by now." You added back focusing all your attention on the brunette.

"Y/N wanted to fly to you already!" Pepper exclaimed.

"You're kidding." Bucky laughed slightly sure that Pepper was joking, but when he saw your face and a gaze that was wandering somewhere behind his back he realized that it wasn't a joke. He burst into a loud laugh that filled the whole room. How much you missed that sound. "Really?"

"Indeed it might have happened..." You admitted smiling shyly. Suddenly the sound of bells reached your ears and you both looked up in surprise. Morgan was standing on a chair holding in her hands a broom on the end of which was tied a mistletoe that hung perfectly above you.

"Kid..." You said warningly but without anger. You knew perfectly well what the others thought about your relationship with Bucky.

"Mistletoe, which means..."

"Time for a kiss!" Sam exclaimed delightedly like a small child. For a while, you stared at each other having a silent conversation on how to work this out. This wasn't something that was going to happen for the first time. You've kissed before while playing truth or dare or on missions when working undercover, but there was always a strange feeling and a certain need to make sure the other person didn't mind. Even the shadow of a doubt made things clear.

James gently placed his hand on your cheek and leaned in to kiss you when the smell of smoke reached your lungs. You immediately returned to the earth.

"My cookies!" You called out and rushed out to the kitchen with the momentum of passing the stove through slippery socks and the polished floor. You grabbed a towel and opened the oven hiding from the cloud of black smoke that billowed out of it.

"Wanda terrace!" You ordered, taking out a baking tray with which you went outside as quickly as possible. One thing was certain. Those cookies were no longer good to eat.

"Are you alright?" Wanda asked when, standing on the balcony, you started coughing.

"Yeah, I inhaled some smoke. I'll be fine soon. "You said waving your hand dismissively. "Let's leave it here, for now, I'll clean it up later."

"So there will be no cookies then?" Bucky asked making big eyes like a cat from Shrek.

"There will be but later. Wanda will make them with the kids." You said looking around the kitchen. You weren't going to touch it again this year and you swore to yourself that next time you would bake them yourself earlier than the day before Christmas. "Your fault." You added while poking him in the chest with your finger.

"Mine?" He asked surprised.

"Yes. When YOU came I forgot about them."

"It's not my fault that I make you forget the whole world. But now that you're no longer baking anything I can guarantee you that you will forget. Just say the word." He said coming closer. You felt his warm breath on your cheek and the gentle touch of his hand on your waist.

"Guys have mercy! Go get yourself a room! There are children here!" Sam called out, disgusted but amused, looking at you meaningfully. A quick glance at the kids was enough to tell that they were fascinated by your conversation.

"Bird is right. There are too many eyes here."

"Since when you don't like the public?" He asked teasingly pulling you closer. You pushed him away with a laugh but didn't let go of his hand. Bucky took his bag and together you moved upstairs sending Wilson innocent glances.

"I love to annoy him." You said with a laugh as you walked down the corridor toward your rooms.

"Welcome to the club."

"Do you remember the way to your room?" You asked. You knew what kind of answer you would hear but you also wanted to tease him. After all, he dared to leave for almost six months and only call you three times.

"You're insulting me." He said and pulled you by the hand almost running, moving into the room. Before you had time to realize you were in the room... your room. Bucky threw his bag into the corner of the room and fell on the bed dragging you behind him and making you squeal in surprise while landing on the man's chest.

"I meant YOUR room"

"I know but yours is nicer... and warmer." He muttered while putting one of the pillows lying on the bed under his head.

"Why do I get the feeling that I won't get rid of you from here?" You asked while laying comfortably on his chest. Somehow you didn't want to get up from him. James only muttered and smiled meaningfully reassuring you that from now on you have a roommate, or at least until you manage to get rid of him from your room. "Bird won't let us live." You remarked not caring about it. You and Bucky are already used to the perpetual interest from Falcon.

"Nothing new. Comfortable?" He asked glancing at you.

"Mhm..." You muttered with a slight smile. The gentle touch and coolness of the metal on your waist were perfectly felt through the thin shirt you were wearing. For the first time since leaving for the Czech Republic, Bucky felt at peace. He had you by his side. The only person with whom he could simply be himself, James Barnes, not White Wolf, not Sergeant of the 107th, and especially not a Winter Soldier. Despite all these years, he still couldn't comprehend how you did it. You knew about all the terrible things he had done as a Winter Soldier, some of them you had even seen with your own eyes. You were about to become his victim at some point, and yet you never looked at him with hatred. You never looked at him as the horrible Winter Soldier, the monster and murderer everyone thought he was. Even Steve once looked at him that way. He remembered it. That one moment when that little boy, then already Captain America, looked at him as if he were a monster.

That extraordinarily pleasant moment was interrupted by the sound of the phone forcing you to get up from the brunette.

"Y/L/N I'm listening." You muttered unenthusiastically into the phone. Strange business calls the day before Christmas wasn't at the top of your dream list.

"Y/L/N I have a task for you." You heard the familiar voice you dreamed of hearing during Sam and Bucky's trip to the Czech Republic and told you to go join them. That, unfortunately, never happened.

"No way Fury." You said firmly before he even had time to go into details. You saw, out of the corner of your eye, how Bucky sat down on the bed and looked at you carefully.

"What the hell is this supposed to mean?"

"No means no, Fury. Do you want me to tell you that in Spanish? It's Christmas, boys just came back from the Czech Republic, and I'm on vacation so find someone else. I waited six months for you to send me somewhere. You didn't do it and now I can't."

"Y/N but..."

"I refuse to accept the assignment, Fury. If it doesn't suit you I'll accept the dismissal by email. Merry Christmas." You said after which you hung up turning off the phone. You sighed deeply while glancing at the calendar. If the case isn't suffering from urgency then Fury will try to contact you right after Christmas, and with any luck after the New Year's Eve. You didn't believe Nicholas would be able to kick you out just like that. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, together with Barnes you were needed especially after he had already lost one super soldier, Iron Man, and many others.

"What did he want?"

"He had an assignment for me."

"Details?"

"No, he didn't have time for that. I didn't even want to listen to them since I refused to accept the assignment anyway." You explained by sitting down on the bed next to him. Before either of you had time to say anything again Morgan rushed into the room chased by the two youngest Wilsons. Before you had time to realize it Morgan bumped right into your legs and as a result, she landed on the carpet on her butt.

"Auntie? Sorry, we were playing and I didn't pay attention to where I was running." She explained picking herself up from the floor with the help of Bucky who extended his hand toward her, so she could pull herself up. When the girl realized who was sitting next to you a small diabolic smile appeared on her face, so similar to the look on Tony's face when he was making some unholy insinuations, confirming your belief that the girl had already worked out the scenario of what was going on here. To this entire situation, Wanda entered the room immediately laughing.

"I don't know what happened here, but let's go for dinner, Pepper is already setting food on the table." She announced after which she and the youngest left the room, leaving the two of you alone again.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay in your room?" You asked hopefully. If even Wanda reacted with immediate laughter it meant that it was bad.

"You won't get rid of me so easily sunshine." He said kissing you quickly on the cheek and turning off the light pulling you towards the dining room.

When you reached the room everyone was already seated at the table, and to the pleasant surprise of the newcomers, there were no salads on the table that Wanda and Pepper had been preparing for some time even with the persistence of a maniac for every dinner, only burgers and pizza. Besides, let's face the truth. Preparing Christmas Eve for so many people in a place like this, neither you, nor Wanda, and especially Pepper, who also had a daughter to take care of, had the strength or patience to cook for the other days, especially since neither of you knew exactly when the others would show up and who would eventually arrive. In the end, the older part of the team showed up, not counting the youngsters Morgan, Cass, AJ... and of course Wanda, who was the youngest. Steven, Thor and Clint with their families were not going to join until the next day, as well as May and Spider-boy with his friends. You weren't excited about the appearance of so many new characters, and while Barton's family and May weren't new to you and you didn't have any special objections to inviting them, the vision of Spider-boy with his girlfriend and best friend who's always talking and touching everything filled you with almost incomprehensible optimism and delight. Unfortunately, you couldn't do much about it. The teenager as Stark's favorite and Morgan's 'big brother' was almost an honorary guest and you couldn't do anything about it.

~**~

"What are we doing now? We're bored!" AJ groaned standing in the middle of the room. After lunch, you all stayed in the dining room mainly discussing Wilson and Barnes' mission with interest and disbelief listening to the story of how Bucky helped Helmut Zemo to escape from prison and how Sharon appeared out of nowhere. The simple mention of that blond woman, makes my blood boil. No one could drive you mad as much as Sharon Carter, and the fact that she was related to Peggy and she was also a Rogers' mistress didn't help at all. You didn't have a great love for Steve's true love but you respected Peggy and were grateful for what she had done for the boys after the events from '42. Peggy was one of the very few people who knew that you were also "celebrating" your 100+th birthday already. You didn't like to talk about it, especially with people you didn't trust. Even the slightest shadow of a doubt ruled out potential candidates for accessing your past. You learned to live with what had happened, but what was there, was meant for the knowledge of only a few. Stark and Fury tried to convince you to go to therapy. Ineffective. Admittedly, it had recently flashed through your mind when Buck mentioned his visits to a psychologist, but you doubted you would be ready to let a stranger in on that information. The biggest and almost the only effect of the events of the many past years has been your trust issues. If someone wanted to get close to you, they had to spend an incredibly large amount of time and energy to convince you. Things were a little different with Barnes, whom you have known since you were a kid.

"Why don't we see a movie?" Wanda suggested snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Why not. Go pick something and I'll make hot chocolate." You said getting up from the table and heading to the kitchen. You saw the children running from shelf to shelf looking for an interesting Christmas movie and you laughed in your mind. It was a nice break from the usual empty hallways.

After half an hour or so, everything was ready. With a tray full of mugs of hot chocolate, you joined those gathered in the living room. After laying out all the mugs, you were about to take a seat next to the kids on the couch when you felt a firm grip on your shoulder, and in a split second, you landed in an armchair on James' lap. His hands immediately wrapped around your waist securing you from falling and not letting you move away. You decided not to even comment on it, you threw the man a meaningful look as he smiled widely and handed you your mug of chocolate.

"Well since everyone is already comfortably seated..." Pepper started glancing at you with a playful smile. "Then let's start the movie."

"Do the others have this chocolate too?" Barnes whispered from over a mug of chocolate, in which alcohol could be felt, looking at you meaningfully with a smile wandering across his face.

"No, this version is only for super soldiers." You replied, dipping your lips into the warm drink. "Lick yourself you have a mustache from cream." You added while holding back a snort of laughter. Bucky stuck out his tongue and painfully slowly licked the cream all the time staring intensely at you. You hid your face in the mug of chocolate regretting that alcohol doesn't work on you, and looked away thanking providence that you could blame your blush on the warm drink.

The kids opted for the classics to start by choosing The Grinch, followed by The Christmas Chronicle. About halfway through the second half of the movie when most people were already asleep, obviously on the couch, you got up from your seat and went looking for Bucky. The man had left about half an hour earlier just after the end of the first part of The Christmas Chronicle and never returned. Without a word, you left the room unnoticed by anyone. One by one you checked all the corridors and rooms without encountering even the slightest trace of Barnes when it suddenly flashed upon you. The stairwell. It was a place whose only user was you. Since there were traces of people left in the building taking the elevator to your floor you always used the stairs. The small moving room caused too much discomfort especially when you had to ride it alone.

You weren't wrong. After climbing a few floors, you found Bucky leaning against one of the walls with his head down.

"Buck? What happened?"

"Y/N? Sorry I didn't hear you coming. Did you forget something from the lab?" He asked as if nothing ever happened, trying to hide from you that something was bothering him. He didn't look you in the eye. He knew that if he did you would guess right away that something was wrong, at least he could try.

"No."

"So what are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you. James, what is going on?" You asked worriedly standing right in front of him. The touch of your warm hand on his metal forearm made him shiver. Your hand slowly glided down gently brushing against the metal until finally, your grip became tighter when you grabbed his hand and began to gently stroke the top of it with your thumb. It was so unreal. Bucky was still disgusted with that part of his body himself even though it was no longer the same arm that HYDRA had equipped him with. So much death and pain he had caused with it... meanwhile, you acted as if you didn't know about it at all, as if you hadn't seen it with your own eyes. The gentle, warm, and firm touch was something Bucky never expected to experience.

A deep sigh left his lungs before he finally gained the courage to speak up.

"It's this movie, Y/N. Everyone seems to be in the right place, except me. Since Steve passed away...he was the last person I could think of as a part of my family." He admitted. "They didn't even notice I was gone."

"I did. James, I know Steve's death is difficult for you. It hurts me too, after all, I still remember him as a skinny little boy who used to get in fights in every alley in the city... but he's not coming back, not this time. I know that here we are far from what you had in common with Rogers but we at least have this. It's not perfect, there's no need to fool ourselves. Each of them has their own family but at least there's as much as there is." You said carefully running your free hand through the brunet's hair. "I want you to remember that no matter what has happened or will happen I am and will be here for you and only you. I know that I'm not Steve but we agree on one thing. You are all I have." You said confidently in your words like never before. You gently ran your hand over Bucky's bearded cheek making him close his eyes in pleasure and snuggle more into your warm touch. "I'm here for you James. Always."

Bucky didn't answer, and the corridor fell into a deafening but not awkward silence. When he opened his eyes again and looked at you your knees almost bent. The blue irises were like a landscape full of emotions still shining through the tears that had appeared earlier. Bucky gently touched your cheek with his right hand then leaned in and kissed you. The kiss was careful and unsure as if he was afraid of your reaction. You had to admit that you were surprised by his behavior, but you didn't have the slightest intention of stopping him. After a few seconds of shock, you returned the kiss pulling James even closer with your right hand confidently pressing his left hand to your waist wandering your fingers over it and memorizing every detail. You knew that James was still unsure about his left arm, even though it was no longer the same as it used to be. Your confident movement made the man growl with satisfaction deepening the kiss and pulling you as close as possible. When the brunette's tongue ran over your lips asking for permission to enter, you granted it without a moment's hesitation. The kiss was certain and sweet. Each of you wanted to save this moment for as long as possible.

"Promise you will never leave me." He whispered in between kisses. He didn't expect to ever gather the courage to do such a thing, and when it happened he didn't even think about what to do next.

"Never James, I promise." You replied by throwing your arms around his neck and wrapping your legs around his hips. His hands immediately landed on your thighs, securing you from a possible fall before you were pinned against the wall. When you were finally forced to pull away from each other by the lack of air, you didn't move even a millimeter away from each other. Bucky leaned his forehead against yours, and you gently stroked his cheek with your other hand while playing with his hair. You were both panting heavily as if you had just run a marathon.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I shouldn't-" he began when it hit him what had just happened and what he had done without your permission. "I-I don't know what got into me, after all, you might haven't wanted it, and I forced you. I could have hurt you... please tell me I didn't hurt you."

"Woah James, calm down." You spoke up when you saw him begin to shake and lose himself in what he was saying, you saw panic and fear in his eyes. You were afraid that if it lasted another moment he would have a panic attack. "Look at me. You didn't do anything wrong and you didn't force me to do anything, you hear me? Don't worry about something like that."

"But you..."

You didn't let him finish once again connecting your lips. A deeply satisfied murmur came from Barnes chest in response to the caress. You were so busy with each other that neither of you noticed Morgan who walked right in on you on her way to the lab. The girl hid behind the railing and watched you for a moment then, giggling, ran back into the living room.

You returned to the room moments before the end of the second part of the film, and to your surprise, EVERYONE was asleep. Not wanting to make a fuss and arouse suspicion, you decided to take your seats and, at least for these last minutes, pretend to be asleep. James took off his jacket making himself comfortable on the armchair, and you got rid of your shoes to lie down on the couch but apparently, your partner had another plan.

Miraculously, you managed to hold back a squeak when Barnes caught you around the waist at the last moment and pulled you back onto the armchair on his lap. Again.

"Next time you could ask you know? We were supposed to not arouse suspicion." You pointed out while looking at him meaningfully.

"And we don't arouse. There is no room on the couch." He whispered in your ear, putting his jacket on the only vacant spot on the couch and reaching for the blanket hanging on the backrest with which he covered you after a moment.

"You're incredible." You laughed quietly which he commented only with a smile and a wink. Without saying anything more you fixed yourself in his lap and, resting your head on his shoulder, closed your eyes while being gifted with another long, sweet kiss on the temple.

~**~

The movie had finished a long time ago when everyone finally decided to get up from the couch and go to bed. Those who were gathered debated for a while whether to wake you up because it appeared that your plan to pretend to sleep had backfired and you were both snoring at your best. After a short debate, the rest of them concluded that it would be better to wake you up because as over 100-year-old grandparents, you might not get up from that chair in the morning, even as super soldiers. The task of waking you up was taken on by Pepper, which surprisingly didn't take long because after just a few tries you opened your eyes.

"Y/N."

"Hmm... what is it?" You mumbled out trying to understand what was going on.

"The movie ended and everyone went to bed. We decided it would be better to wake you up so you wouldn't sleep in the chair." She explained glancing at the still-sleeping Barnes.

"Yeah, thanks. You can go to sleep now, I'll wake him up." You said smiling slightly and removing the warm blanket from you which caused a gust of cool air to sweep over your body and Barnes arms tightened tighter around your waist. You laughed along with Pepper after which the woman went to her room and you thought for a while about some alternative ways to wake Bucky up. Since everyone had rooms on another floor and the chance of someone catching you was practically zero...

"FRIDAY."

"Yes Mrs. Y/N? How can I help you?"

"Please turn off the cameras on this floor." You ordered, deciding to keep the remnants of caution anyway. After all, you weren't the only one who knew how to turn on a surveillance video.

"Yes ma'am."

When you made sure all the cameras were off you pressed your lips to James's neck slowly tracing your way along his jaw to his mouth. When your lips finally met he murmured in delight and his hand slowly moved up your back stopping at the nape of your neck.

"Am I dreaming?"

"Nightmares tend to end when you wake up. Get up, everyone has already gone to their rooms." You said curling up on his lap trying to get out of his embrace and stretch your legs.

"Doll, stop wriggling." he hissed. You looked at him questioningly not understanding what he had in mind, but after a while you got it, and a playful smile came out on your face.

"Is something wrong?" You asked innocently turning towards him and wriggling even more. "Are you feeling well?" You added seeing the man's face turn red and his breathing becomes deep and heavy. Leaning on his shoulders, you raised yourself to your knees and sat on top of him, wanting to look straight at him. That was too much. Barnes hands instantly found their way to your waist gripping you tightly and not allowing you to make even the slightest movement. Before you had time to realize Bucky was already walking into the room with you slung over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. You knew there was no point in even trying to fight him, and you couldn't scream anyway because everyone was already asleep, so by the lack of other options you just rested your chin on your hand propped against his back and meekly let yourself be carried into the room and thrown on the bed. To your surprise, Bucky instead of joining you reached for his bag.

"Buck? What are you doing?" You asked puzzled, sitting down on the bed.

"I'm going to my room."

"But why?" You asked again not understanding anything. Just a few hours earlier you were sure that no force would make him leave your room.

"It will be better this way." He said with a crooked smile kissing you on the forehead. "Good night princess."

"Good night James." You replied barely conscious as you watched the man leave the room and close the door behind him. You wondered if it was your fault. Whether you had gone too far.

Wandering with your thoughts around recent events and still feeling his large hands and soft lips on you, you turned on the water in the bathtub, praying that the warm bath would allow you to relax and get rid of the lust that had built up in you some time ago and didn't allow you to think rationally.

~**~

You were snapped out of your thoughts by a scream barely heard from behind the soundproofed walls. You knew perfectly well what was happening. Without thinking for a second, you dropped the book and, throwing your bathrobe over you, ran out of the bedroom a second later rushing into the room at the end of the hall. Bucky was sitting covered in sweat on the floor tangled in a blanket, panting heavily. Without a word, you knelt beside him and pulled him close in a tight hug. You could feel his whole body shaking.

"Easy James, it was just a nightmare. I'm here, you're safe." You said quietly and calmly feeling his tears seeping through your bathrobe. For a long moment, you sat in silence, patiently waiting for Bucky to calm down.

"Are you okay?"

"N-No, not really." He said in a trembling voice snuggling tighter into your chest. You corrected your embrace and, kissing the top of his head, resting your chin on it, gently swaying with him.

"Why are you sleeping on the floor again, and for god's sake why is it so cold in here?" You asked calmly only after a long while when you considered that he might already be able to answer you.

"I don't know. I just... don't know Y/N." He groaned, not knowing what he was supposed to tell you.

"Okay, get up. Let's get out of this prosecutorial." You ordered, lifting yourself off the floor all the while remaining in physical contact with him.

"Where?"

"To my room. Tonight you're sleeping with me."

"But..."

"No discussion. Either you sleep with me there or I sleep with you here in this cold room, on the floor. You choose." You replied knowing well that Bucky would never let you sleep in such conditions again.

"Fine." He sighed and, taking his bag, allowed himself to be led out of the room by the hand. Already in the corridor, you could feel the obvious temperature difference. Neither of you knew why the window was open. You didn't remember opening it before they arrived, and Bucky didn't even remember walking near it at all. Already in your room when he stood in full view you began to worry. He was still wearing his jacket and heavy military boots as if he was preparing that at any moment he might be attacked, and when he put his bag down on the floor and stood in the middle of your room with his head lowered without even looking at you, you were already quite confused about what was going on. He looked like a living pile of misery.

You slowly approached him without making any quick moves at first so as not to accidentally scare him. It was the first time you saw him like this. Yes, after missions he came back tired, sometimes if you managed to make him comfortable and if possible prevent him from having nightmares he could sleep the whole next day after returning, he was also already broken after Steve died, but to be so insecure and withdrawn in front of you was something completely new.

"James? What's going on?" You asked gently reaching out your hand toward him but nothing else. You wanted him to decide for himself if he was comfortable with your touch. Fortunately, after a moment's hesitation, he grabbed your hand gently squeezing it.

"I-I'm terrified, Y/N. I thought we eliminated HYDRA a long time ago, that it was safe and this nightmare was over. Besides, what happened today... I-I don't want to lose you. And if there is any chance that by keeping myself at a distance I can keep you safe then I will."

You could see the vulnerability in his eyes, the tears running down his cheeks. Even in the darkness, you could see the shame painted on his face and hear it in his cracking voice.

"You don't have to be ashamed, James." You said, reaching out and sliding your hand through Bucky's hair.

"Thank you YN. I didn't expect... any of this."

You gave him a warm and encouraging smile, still gently playing with his hair.

"James... listen to me carefully. Keeping each other at a distance won't help with anything. Remember, that I'm one of their projects too, and if they want to find me, they will, and they won't need you to do it. Besides, by doing so we only put ourselves in more danger. And what happened today... I liked it James and I know you did too." You said calmly standing behind him and carefully slipping the jacket off his shoulders.

"Y-Y/N... what are you doing?" He asked with a hint of panic and uncertainty in his voice.

"Nothing scary. Just relax. Breathe James."

When his jacket landed on a nearby armchair you faced him again taking his face in your hands and gently kissing first his forehead and then his cheeks until you finally reached his lips. The kiss was as gentle as the touch of a butterfly's wings. Your hands slid down slowly beginning to unbutton the buttons of his shirt at the same time as your lips moved to his neck leaving wet marks there.

"Y/N..."

"Tell me you're not okay with it and I will stop." You muttered while finishing unbuttoning the shirt you immediately removed from him. Your movements were slow and gentle. It was supposed to be a pleasure, you didn't want to scare him or force him to do anything.

You decided to leave the blue t-shirt under the shirt for now. Baby steps. Bucky stood in front of you almost motionless uncertain what he should do. He didn't expect to find himself in a situation like this, not with you. For a long time, he had wanted to tell you but never gathered the courage, the thought that you didn't look at him the way he looked at you made him keep it to himself. Besides, you deserved someone better.

Tears once again trickled down his cheeks. After what he had done... how many people he had killed and hurt he should be treated like a monster, and maybe he should even end it himself somehow, meanwhile, he was standing in the middle of your warm and cozy room experiencing care, pleasure, tenderness, and love he had never even dreamed of.

"James, what's wrong?" You asked suddenly frightened seeing tears streaming down his cheeks. You cupped his face in your hands, your thumbs wiping away the tears. "Did I go too far?"

"Why...? Why are you doing this? You should hate me, the death of all those people is my fault! Why don't you treat me like the monster that I am?! Why are you so worried about me?"

"You're not a monster and if necessary I'll remind you that every day even till the end of the world. What happened was HYDRA's fault and not yours. They forced you to do it and created the Winter Soldier. None of what happened was your fault, you're not a monster."

"Why are you doing this? Why don't you behave like others?"

"Because I love you, you idiot! You're everything I have, and for god's sake stop thinking you're a monster. I don't know anyone more caring, loving, and loyal than you."

For a moment the world stood still. For a long time, you wanted to tell him but couldn't gather the courage, at this one particular moment seeing him crying and close to breaking down in the middle of your room you couldn't wait any longer. This time your heart took control and before your brain had time to process what had just happened, James already knew. Bucky couldn't believe his ears. He needed a long moment looking at you in complete shock to realize what you had just said.

"Please say something." You asked when the silence was prolonged and the seed of uncertainty was already the size of a large rock.

"I love you, doll." He confessed after which he leaned in to kiss you. When your lips met again that day the burden that each of you had carried for the past years finally fell from your shoulders. There was no doubt that the road you both had to go through to get to this place was very long and unpleasant, but you finally made it. Together.

You could feel his hands beginning to tremble, all his muscles tensed, and the kiss became more and more chaotic. Something was wrong. You carefully broke the kiss not wanting him to draw the wrong conclusion and looked into his eyes again grabbing his hand firmly with the other sinking into his hair.

"James, what is going on? You're shaking."

"I'm sorry Y/N... it's because of this nightmare. I can't put myself together." he replied. He didn't want to tell you again what he dreamed of. He knew he could do it but he didn't want to bring back your memories as well.

"Hey calm down, you're safe here. You need to relax a little, you're as tense as a string." You said calmly running your hands over his tense shoulders. You leaned forward and went back with your lips to the same place where you had previously finished caressing him. Bucky murmured reassuring you that you're not doing something that would cause him any pain. "Let me take care of you." You asked lightly squeezing his shoulders.

"Okay..."

"Come with me." You ordered gently leading him by the hands to the bathroom where a bathtub filled with warm water was already waiting for you. While preparing a hot bath you didn't expect to have company, but you didn't complain about this change. You saw James slowly begin to calm down. His body was still tense but his hands slowly stopped shaking. When the two of you kissed again the kiss was gentle and passionate but you could still sense fear, anxiety, and insecurity in it. You carefully slid your hands under the blue t-shirt, causing shivers to run up his body, and slowly glided them upward lifting the fabric until finally, the t-shirt landed on the floor. You stepped back and looked at his arm all covered with scars. It hurt you in your heart. You couldn't even imagine what he must have felt. You carefully touched the place where his skin melted with the metal and ran your fingertips over it slowly. You had never seen him so vulnerable as in this moment. The terrifying Winter Soldier was gone, the feisty Sergeant Barnes of the '40s was gone, and a frightened, distrustful, and insecure pile of nerves with beautiful steel blue frightened eyes appeared. You leaned over and began to place gentle kisses on long-scarred wounds. You didn't ask, you were sure that the scars weren't the result of surgery. You knew perfectly well how much he hated what HYDRA had done to him, and even if the arm was no longer the same, the scars remained as did the insecurity about that part of his body.

"Y/N..."

"Shh... relax. I won't hurt you." you whispered.

"I know, I'm afraid I'll hurt you. This hand..."

"James, look at me." you requested. "Don't be afraid, you won't hurt me.

"How do you know that? How can you be so sure?" he asked, not understanding how you got so much confidence.

"Because I trust you. You should do it too, trust yourself."

Only after a long moment, you felt his hands carefully grasping your hips. Seemingly a simple gesture, but you knew how much it cost him, and you were proud of his little victory.

"May I?" You asked calmly grabbing the hem of his pants. Bucky nodded but didn't say a word.

"James..."

"Y-yes, you can."

Probably if someone had ever seen you then they couldn't believe their eyes, two adults behaving worse than teenagers. The truth was that those years together in HYDRA had changed both of you, and neither of you, even if you wanted to, could behave differently. Trauma that remained wouldn't allow you to do so. You crossed a line, and neither of you could even imagine doing it the way the youth of those times did by simply throwing yourselves at one another and ending up in bed without caring at all about each other's feelings.

You unbuckled his belt and carefully slipped his pants down leaving his underwear in place. You didn't want to do everything at once. First, you had to take care of his comfort and return of self-confidence. The spicy sex had to wait even though you'd be lying if you said you didn't want it. His hands finally slipped under your robe but he hesitated not knowing if you wanted him to continue.

"You can take it off me if you want." You said calmly allowing him to slide the fabric off your shoulders thus causing you both left only in your underwear. Bucky moved closer and leaned in placing lazy hot kisses on your neck until he found your sweet spot. A quiet moan of delight came from your throat when he lightly nibbled the skin at that spot. Before you had time to notice Bucky had thrown your legs over his hips and, all the time holding you secure, he carefully stepped into the bathtub filled with warm water, careful not to accidentally slip. When he finally sank into the warm water up to the neck, you sat on top of him with your arms around him and gently ran your hands from his belly over his sides and chest to his shoulders, watching as his muscles slowly relaxed.

James closed his eyes and pulled you closer laying your head on his left shoulder hugging you tightly around your waist. He ran his hand over the top of your breasts a few times still hidden behind the black lace bra but didn't dare ask you to take it off. Not today. That day he just wanted to have you close, hold you in his arms, listen to your warm, calm voice when you assured him that he is safe and you will never leave him alone, and believe that maybe there is still hope for him to live a normal life.

~**~

Those two hours you spent together in the bath were full of the most simple closeness and caressing. You didn't go any further even though you both wanted to. After getting out of the tub and drying off, you changed into your red plaid pajamas while pressing something into James hands that was originally supposed to be part of his gift but you finagled, packing something else in the box. When he left the bathroom he looked at you angrily but a smile was wandering on his lips, while you couldn't help but laugh and the wide smile that appeared on your face at the sight of a hundred-plus pound super soldier with a bionic arm wearing a navy blue T-shirt with an angry Santa on a Harley and red pants with gingerbread trim.

"This is officially my best-spent money this year." you laughed. "Come here, big boy." You added while sticking your hands out towards him like a little child. Bucky, smiling, came up to you and, drawing you closer, placed a gentle kiss full of love and tenderness on your lips.

"Thank you." He whispered with a slight smile, as joyful sparks danced in his beautiful blue eyes. Your heart softened at the sight.

"You're welcome." You replied kissing him again. "Let's go to bed, it's very late."

James only nodded and released you from his embrace laying down comfortably on your bed. Almost instinctively you clung to his right side covering the two of you with a blanket right after he lay down turning off the lamp in the process. The only source of light was the small Christmas tree lights hanging on the bookshelf, but neither of you wanted to get up to turn them off so you decided to just leave them on.

"Emm... James?"

"Yes princess?" He mumbled glancing at you. His large hand slowly glided from your shoulder along your waist and back making you shiver.

"What do you have on your hand?" You asked carefully lifting yourself and reaching for his bionic arm which... glowed. Barnes also looked amazed by what he saw, but when you took a closer look at the glowing dots you burst out laughing uncontrollably almost falling off the bed. You were saved from a hard landing, of course, by Bucky who managed to catch you and pull you back onto the bed before gravity managed to defeat you.

"What is so funny huh?"

"When did you put your jacket back on?" You asked trying to control yourself at least a little. You were already having trouble getting air.

"When we left the living room." He announced after a moment's thought still not understanding what was going on.

"It seems that the kids and Sam got you. Pepper recently told me that she bought Morgan glow-in-the-dark markers." You explained with a laugh staring at the bionic arm of the super soldier now covered with different colored stars and hearts shining in the dark.

"I'm going to kill him. Please tell me it's going to wash off."

"Emm... you know what, someday it probably will, but I'll just remind you that we're after an almost two-hour hot bath." You said wondering how come neither of you noticed it earlier. In the dark, the pattern was perfectly visible but in full light, there was practically no chance to see it. "But don't worry! It suits you!" You said with a laugh at which he fluffed you with his eyes but after a moment he sighed and also laughed drawing you back to him.

"Can I choke him in the morning?"

"Nah... that too simple? Be more creative." You joked feeling blissful peace when darkness began to swallow you up.

TO BE CONTINUED