"I promise I didn't roofie you."

Jeongguk doesn't respond to the bartender, he keeps his eyes focused on his drink as a million things rushed through his head.

"I can get you something different." The bartender says when he doesn't respond.

"How much?" Jeongguk asks instead of acknowledging him, pulling his wallet out.

"Don't worry about it." The man smiles as he takes the glass from the bar.

Jeongguk sighs as he stands, walking out of the bar before aimlessly wondering around the streets of the city. He pulls his phone out to check for any messages from Taehyung, silently cursing himself. Even when he didn't want to he couldn't help but fucking care.

He wishes he could just stop caring.

His phone rings after a while, his mother's number showing up on the screen before he answers. "Too late."

"Shut up," She says on the other line. "Where the hell are you? You can't call me fifteen times back to back then not answer any of my calls or texts."

"I needed you to talk me down but I already talked myself down." Jeongguk says kicking at some loose gravel as he walks.

"If you needed someone to talk you down you should've called your sponsor." His mom says. "What's got you upset? Taehyung again?"

"It's always Taehyung isn't it?"

"Fair."

Jeongguk sighs. "I told him I relapsed."

"Why?" Mrs. Jeon asks. "I thought you said it was better if he didn't know."

"Monica called and he picked up the phone. I had to tell him." The ravenette says. "He freaked out, just like I expected him to. Then I freaked out and we both were freaking out."

"You fought in front of the kids?" His mother asks in concern.

"No, we were upstairs." Jeongguk says. "But they saw me leave. I'm going back I just need a break."

"I understand, you can take a break, Jeongguk." Mrs. Jeon says. "Where are you?"

"I went to that bar I used to go to all the time." Jeongguk sighs. "I didn't drink, but I wanted to. I wanted to really fucking bad."

"I'm glad you didn't." His mom chuckles.

"My head is killing me," The ravenette complains, running his fingers through his hair. "I wish you were here."

"I could fly you out for the week."

"I can't leave, Taehyung might need me."

Mrs. Jeon hums in understanding. "Are you going back tonight?"

    "No, I can't take Taehyung's judgement." Jeongguk says shaking his head. "I don't know why he has to make me feel like this, ma. I keep telling myself it's my fault and that he has every right to be upset but that's not the case this time. I don't think I did anything wrong. Besides the drug test thing, but people get out of drug tests all the time."

    "You didn't do anything wrong. Addiction is a powerful thing, Jeongguk, and relapses can be triggered by anything. Even after years of sobriety." Mrs. Jeon says. "Taehyung should be supporting your recovery, not tearing you down. Which he's done numerous times."

    "I don't get how I can love him so much and it feels like he doesn't love me at all sometimes..."

They both fall silent for a moment, Jeongguk's thoughts traveling back to the time in his life when his addiction was at its worst...before he even met Taehyung.

~past...~

    "Why are you doing this, ma?"

    "You're becoming someone I know you don't want to be."

Jeongguk groans in frustration as he fidgets standing at his mom's desk. "You always read too far into shit, you know that?"

His mom shrugs, returning her attention to her work. "I'm only worrying, as any mother would."

    "If you're worried then help me out, ma." Jeongguk says leaning forward on her desk to get her attention. "Get me four bars just for tonight. I'll pay you back tomorrow, I just have to make some stuff happen first."

    "We're not doing this tonight, Jeongguk~"

    "Why are you being such a bitch!?" Jeongguk snaps, slamming his fist against the desk. "You can get whatever you want when you want but you can't do this one thing for me? I'm not even asking for a lot!"

    "First, yelling in my face isn't going to get you anywhere closer to where you want to be." Mrs. Jeon says with a stern expression. "And second, I'm getting help. You should too."

    "You sound so fucking stupid. Going to AA meetings twice a week isn't getting help." Jeongguk says narrowing his eyes. "You'll be back on again in a week, tops."

    "It's a start." His mom says. "I'm looking into rehab I just haven't found a good center."

    "I don't fucking care about you going to rehab." Jeongguk spits, pushing away from her desk and pacing a few steps. "I just need something for tonight, ma. Just so I can go to sleep, please? I won't ask again, I swear."

    "You always say that, and we find ourselves right back here." Mrs. Jeon says looking up at him. "It's never going to stop if I keep helping you, Jeongguk."

    "If don't help me I'll just find someone that will." Jeongguk says, his words rolling off his tongue like a threat. "I really don't want to have to find someone else, ma."

Mrs. Jeon sighs, looking at her son and wondering how she managed to steer him so wrong. "What do you want?"

    "Anything at this point." The ravenette says, his eyes literally lighting up when he realizes his mom is giving in.

    "I'll see what I can do." She says standing up. "Next time you come to me like this, I'm not helping you. You need to get help, Jeongguk."

    "Alright, ma, I heard you." Jeongguk says impatiently. "I'll think about it."

    "I want you to think about it seriously." Mrs. Jeon says. "I don't want to lose you to this."

Mrs. Jeon sees through Jeongguk's agitated stature for a moment and she sees fear in his eyes. She knows well what he's feeling, what he's thinking.

He doesn't want to die chasing a high that he'd never catch up to, no matter how much he dopes himself up.

    "Yeah, I just need four bars to get through the night." He repeats, the addict in him still choosing drugs over his well-being. He keeps telling himself he didn't care. He keeps telling himself that people die every day, and that he'd die happy if this killed him. But even he knew he was just trying to psycho himself out.

In all honesty, he was terrified to die.

    "Gguk?"

~present...~

    "Jeongguk?"

    "Yeah, ma?"

    "Relapsing is normal, you don't have anything to be ashamed of. You did the right thing by getting help as soon as you did, and I'm proud of you for that."

Jeongguk nods even though his mother can't see him, releasing a tense breath as an unfamiliar emotion stirred in his chest. "Thank you, ma."

    "I love you, okay? Text me when you're in for the night so that I know you're okay."

    "I will, I love you too."

Jeongguk ends the call as he gets back to his car. He contemplates going home and have an actual conversation with Taehyung. One that doesn't include yelling.

But he tells himself that space would be healthy for them, for the night at least.

~the next afternoon...~

"I'm home, guys!"

Jeongguk stands from the couch when he hears Taehyung come in. The brunette walking into the living with a confused expression before he sees him. "Your dad came and got them. He's bringing them back tonight."

"Okay," Taehyung nods, a sigh leaving his lips. "I was worried about you all night, Jeongguk."

"I was worried about you too." Jeongguk admits. "But I needed time to think about things."

Taehyung nods again, staying silent for Jeongguk to continue.

"Come sit down." Jeongguk says gesturing to the couch. "How's the baby?"

"Fine." Taehyung says sitting down across from him. "What were you thinking about?"

"Everything...us, mostly." Jeongguk says. "Can I be honest?"

"Yes," The brunette says. "Of course."

"I don't like the way you treat me, Taehyung." Jeongguk says honestly. "I always ignore it and just move on every time we argue or something but I can't keep doing that. You make me feel horrible about myself."

    "I'm sorry, Jeongguk~"

    "I know I've given you reasons not to trust me, but haven't I given you more reasons to trust me than to not?" Jeongguk asks. "We've been together for over five years now."

    "I do trust you."

    "No you don't. You keep saying you do but then you act suspicious of me all the time."

Taehyung sighs. "I try to trust you, Jeongguk. I just don't like when you keep things from me. It never ends well."

    "I don't keep things from you." Jeongguk says. "Since we've gotten back together I've told you everything. If anything happens in my life you're the first to know. Because I know if I don't tell you first you'll think I'm hiding something. Which you think anyway."

    "I don't want anything to go wrong again."

    "Nothing has gone wrong, Taehyung. And nothing will."

Taehyung nods, looking at his hands. "I'm really sorry, Jeongguk. I don't mean to be an asshole."

    "I know, but it has to stop if we're going to stay together." Jeongguk says. "I want you to trust me, regardless of mistakes that I've made in the past. We've both made mistakes, Tae, some worse than others but still mistakes."

    "Okay," Taehyung says looking up at Jeongguk. "I'm going to do better, Gguk, I promise. I know I haven't been fair to you and I'm sorry. I want us to work, I really do."

    "I do too," Jeongguk says, sighing softly as he takes Taehyung's hand in his.

"I'm sorry if I haven't thanked you enough for everything you've done for me and Jaein. You don't understand how grateful I am for you, Jeongguk." Taehyung says squeezing his hand gently. "I love you. I don't know what'd I do without you."

"I love you too, you know I love you." Jeongguk says. "And you don't have to thank me for anything, nothing I've done was a favor."

Taehyung nods. "I don't think you're a bad guy. You're a good person, and you have a kind heart. That's what I love about you. I hate that I ever made you think or feel otherwise."

"Thank you, Taehyung." The ravenette says looking down at their intertwined fingers.

"I understand if you still need time." Taehyung says making up look up again.

    "You know I can't stay away from you." Jeongguk smiles. "I couldn't even sleep worrying about you."

Taehyung chuckles. "We didn't get much sleep here either. I let them stay home from school with Mrs. Seo."

    "I made them upset didn't I?" Jeongguk asks, his smile faltering. "Hanjae cried when I got here earlier."

    "Him and Jaein were pretty upset, Jaehyung was too but he held it together pretty well." Taehyung nods. "I don't think they've ever really seen us arguing, not to that extent."

Jeongguk sighs, guilt swelling in his chest. "I feel bad~"

    "It's not your fault, Jeongguk. It's mine." Taehyung says before he can finish. "I shouldn't have gotten upset about your relapse. Addiction is such a complicated thing, and it's scary, but it doesn't make you a bad person. You're my Jeongguk, regardless of anything. And I'm proud of you for going to rehab before it got bad. That's not a decision most people in that situation would've made."

    "I'm your Jeongguk?" Jeongguk asks, his eyes glinting as his smile widens.

    "Yes, always," Taehyung says stroking Jeongguk's dark hair fondly. "My Jeongguk."

    "My Taehyung," Jeongguk smiles as he pulls Taehyung closer, putting his arm around his waist. "I love you so much sometimes I think I'm going insane. Only you do that to me."

    "I love you too, Gguk," The brunette says pouting in admiration. "More than anything, I love you."

    "More than anything," Jeongguk repeats, his voice low as he leans closer to Taehyung, closing the space between them in a tender kiss.

    "More than anything..."