It's a drag to see you drag your fingers through your hair. Drag

To see you take a drag from your cigarette. Drag

Smiling, not realizing you're dragging me along with you. Drag.

Wearing a wig to have some fun. Pretty pink but ugly face. Drag.

You smile and make me feel less yet I want to feel more. Waiting for you to make me feel that way. Drag

Wishing and hoping for the best. Watching your brown eyes that mirror mine but you're too afraid to watch me grow. Drag.

You look through me and then look away. Taking a drag of that cigarette, hand through wavy brown hair, a memory, a flash of the past but then when I look back at you you're bald again. Drag.

I look away. Drag.

You try to hide. Drag.

Handsome. Drag.

Old but you look young. Drag.

I love you. Drag

You're beautiful in my eyes no matter what.     Drag.

Even if you may scare me, or if I don't know what to say to you, I can't wait to see you. The image of us driving in your car, a wind blazing between our seats and a smile on each of our lips, listening to your voice as it follows the radio. I want that. Drag.

I remember when it seemed easier. When I remembered it to be natural but even then, I knew too. I couldn't ignore it or pretend. I've always been a clever one. I've always listened.          Drag

Drag

Drag

Watched you dance in your black wigs, added moustaches, sing with strong yet shaky voice, acted with a curved back for your wolf character and wished to be up there with you. Drag

Watched you take another drag out of that cigarette like it was your last hope, your only option as if that was keeping you together and wished it wasn't like that. Drag

Watched you play pretend and hide your affection as your tired eyes looked away and I wished I could see the excitement in them instead. I wished to see you look happy to see me and not just say it. Drag.

I remember when you were young, when I was young and thinking we were meant to be, that you were the only one for me.

Swimming to catch up to you.

Playing a game to spend with you.

Staying silent cause that's what I was used to when I was around men.

Wish that I would feel different with this one.

I didn't

But you were different

All the while.

I want to always be with you...

It seems you don't want to.. though.

A sad smile on my lips at the thought of that. Thinking I'm not enough at that. Wishing you were different than that. Hoping you will change for that. For me. Drag.

Drag

Drag

Drag

Tears take my eyes

Do they take yours.

You used to fly but now I do

What about that?

What are you going to do about that?

Will you fly with me?
Or are you going to stay down there?

Am I not enough for you to change?

But I do remember those days, times when your smile reached your eyes and I felt it was the real you. And I'd forget about all the disappointment, crashed cars and discarded cigarette butts, and I would see you. I would see the man I always wanted. See the way you loved me and I would feel seen.

I would call you and you would be happy that I called you.

It wouldn't be a drag.

I would call you and you would want to be called.

I would talk and you'd want to be talked to.

I would listen and you'd want to be listened to.

And I could be listened too.

Times where I missed your hug and knew you missed my hug too.

When you gave me the attention that he never could, you gave me exactly what he could never give, you loved me exactly how I imagined it to be even when I wasn't expecting anything.

It would be a surprise and I couldn't stop smiling and I would feel enough.

... Despite being embarrassed for my never ending checky smile. I was never ending grateful too.

And I would have you all to myself.

But it's all a drag because you still hide. You still drag.

You still don't take it in. Drag.

Don't hold me. Drag.

Try to move away. Drag

Don't want to listen. Drag.

Are afraid so I become afraid. Drag.

You say you notice me but I feel seen differently not seen. Drag.

I'm older and you're scared. Drag

Married to a new woman now, I'm not the little girl anymore. Drag

Off the ship, in your top house. Drag.

Damaged heart and fixed brain. Drag.

Drained out in your hometown but I've moved away. Drag.

Do you still see me as a little girl?

No, you don't.

You're not stupid.. but you look away and don't say the truth to my face. Drag.

Big girl and that's scary.

Men.

Pff.

Just say it out load already.

There's nothing wrong with me. Why do you make me feel like there is?

Why do you make excuses when I ask you.

When you don't smile and act like you're smiling. Tired when you could also just show up.

Could you just take your lips off that cigar. Could you just take that last drag and be it. A drag. Drag. Drag. Drag. After the other but I feel I'm the drag.

I'm the drag for feeling hurt..

I'm the drag for reacting.

I'm the drag for growing older.

I'm the drag for not taking a drag.

I'm the drag even though you love that I am this drag.

Come on, love. Don't make me feel like a drag.

What a drag