Purple hearts

Half whole

As I look into your eyes

In the middle of the empty square

Imagining it's dark and stars are around but it's just a grey day, ordinary. buts it's not, there's you.

Swinging around the black lamppost as you stare at me with your purple eyes

Is this love or is it hate

When you take my hand and wrap your arms around  me to dance, it's as if it's love.

I almost think it's love

But then when I turn away and get nervous, frustrated at my reactions, I feel it's hate.

Not for you, but ... Maybe for me

Why did I react that way

But you don't take it personal as you walk away with a swing in your step. as you smile each time you watch me.

But I regret

But.

I shouldn't.

There it is.

I shouldn't

It isn't love or hate

It's both, we need a balance of both of everything.

But love is the main thing

Hate just comes and goes while love is always there.

Always. Even if we don't know it.

But I didn't know it.

Or rather, you didn't know it and I didn't want it..

But, I wanted it.

So, no regrets.

To your purple eyes and simple cheeks, to the sun so bright that the grey clouds decided to come so abruptly.

To those purple eyes that I thought hurt me but really, it wasn't you at all.

And look, the sun has come out

And it's blue again.

It's a miracle this sun.

So beautiful

You are

The piazza is empty and there's only you, the sun is out as I recall these memories. I've never been here before but I can easily imagine you in it.

It's been dark all day, a grey gloom surrounded the city. Grey eyes sucked into my chest and took my soul. But suddenly, I think of you as I step into a new place, a beautiful place.

The sun then forms. It kisses my lips, reaches my cheeks, and pets my hair. My matted hair isn't so sticky under it's touch. For I imagine it's you.

All day long its been raining and one confused complicated thought about you brings out the blue when I imagine your eyes. Your purple eyes. The way they swirled in confused questions, mixed with the turquoise hues that transformed to violet and pink, and then connected with your dark pupil.

You.

You are.

You with your purple eyes

Who left me for nothing, under the rain, who always laughed as I dismissed in shame.

You who always wished for my kiss and received no- thang.

You received nothing

No - thang.

I didn't say I loved you, and neither did you.

We didn't say it for what it was.

It was hatred in fact.

It was a balance of both.

Both grey days and blue nights.

Candle dinners and dance parties which only you danced too. It was empty and you dragged me along with it.

But, it's transforming.  I'm realizing now, it was never the way it was supposed to be.

I'm realizing now that I wasn't the problem and we weren't meant to be.

We

A balance of both

Not only you

Or me

But we

Why didn't we say it as it was?

Why did we lie?

Why did you run and leave me to hide, remembering randomly your purple eyes and smile as you danced and waved for me to smile back.

I smiled

But I never did too.

We weren't meant to be. we simply weren't.

You see.

I see it now, it was love.

But I realize now, it wasn't enough.

Your purple eyes, though starry and brilliant, full of light and possibility. as they challenged me with smirks and invited me with laughs, they were nothing for me. Nothing to me, I have nothing to them.... it gave no-thang to me. It was no-thang.

So, I suppose it wasn't for us.

Purple eyes under starry nights with your cap on and your leather coat.

But I realize now, things I expected them to be, can turn out differently in the end and that's okay... that's okay too

Unexpected it seems, but it's necessary you see.

For purple eyes weren't enough for me, but it was necessary. Necessary for me. To realize, somethings aren't meant to be and it's possible for change to occur. Change to occur. And twists to take place.

I thought it would end a fairytale.

I thought I'd write a poem with words of pain and loss and how I hated you when you lost {me}

Under angry pale moonlights.

But you see, after a pause and reflect, a new ending comes out.

And the ending is, it never ends ....