Theo~

"No!" I scream at the memory slowly dissipating only as tangible as fog, shooting straight up and smacking my head on a branch. I blink open my eyes and see a startled Arwin standing over me with her hands still on my shoulders from shaking me awake.

"Calm down Theo," she soothes me, "What's wrong? You've been yelling 'Stephen' for the past three minutes."

"Oh my gosh, I killed him." I say, just now admitting to myself that I actually did it.

"What?" she inquires shocked, "Wait, you killed who--you killed someone?"

"Yes." I whisper ashamed.

"Theo, how did--who did you kill?"

"Stephen."

"Stephen who? Who's Stephen?"

"My step father."

"You're step fa--wait, you had a step father?"

"Yes, well no, my ex step father. He wasn't with us very long; he beat my mom."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's it?"

"Well what do you want me to say?" she asks exasperated, "Nice to know you killed your ex step father that I didn't even know you had?"

"Well no, but..."

"But what?"

"I don't know."

We sit in silence for what feels like forever, each if us staring off, not looking at each other. Me, because I am ashamed, and her, probably because she now sees me as a murderer. 

"When?" she asks startling me out of my trance.

"When what?"

"When did you kill him. Why did you kill him. When was he living with you... "

"Well," I say starting with the easiest question first, "He lived with us for three days after they got married when I was 13. Then he almost beat my mom to death so we kicked him out. I told the police and they had him taken away from us. I killed him last night...I don't know why. When we left to go to your house he was across the street about to come for us. He was released from prison a week ago and he was coming to hurt my mom for turning him in. I couldn't let him see us leaving. I couldn't let him tell on us. I couldn't let him get to my mom or my siblings. I couldn't let him do it again, Arwin." I say begging for her forgiveness on the brink of tears. "I guess I...I don't know. I was so mad at him, furious at what he had done. I just couldn't stop..." I trail off, the tears now silently sliding down my face, making little muddy streams in the dirt coating my face from sleeping on the ground.

"Theo," she says making her way over to me, "It's okay."

"No it's not." I manage out, "I killed him Arwin. I killed somebody. I'm a murderer."

"Shhh."

"Arwin..."

"No Theo."

"But I killed him."

"He was going I hurt your family."

"I don't know that."

"But I do."

"How?"

"Theo, just trust me."

"But I--"

"It's fine. Nothing you can do will ever change the core of who you are. Nothing will ever change how I see you. Nothing will ever get in the way of this."

"This?"

"Yes."

"And what exactly is this?"

"Whatever you want it to be."

Whatever I want it to be. Whatever I want...

"Astrid, do you..." I start but don't have the courage to finish.

"Do I what?"

"Never mind."

"No, what?"

"Just forget it."

"Okay."

I only now realize how close we are. Whatever I want it to be...Huddled on the ground together, her comforting me when it should be the other way around. Her father was just taken and here I am, finally ridden of the one person I hate most.  No longer living in fear that he will come back for us.

"We should probably get going." she says.

"Yeah, we need to wake the others."

"Yeah, I mean we should." she says, both of us stalling for time, neither of us wanting to move. "Theo..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll make it?"

"To the compound?"

"Yeah."

"Of course we're going to make it." I say as I shove her in the shoulder. "I'm taking us there."

"Oh shut up," she laughs, finally lightening the mood, "Let's go get them up."

I get up, stretching my sore muscles, and then reach down to help her up.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

xxx

It's late before we finally stop to eat. It's been eight hours of non-stop shuffling through brush land and forest. There is not a single one of us who has not fallen or gotten scraped against some form of unfriendly plant life.

"I'm sooo hungry!" Xander exclaims.

"Shhh!" the rest of us unanimously chorus.

"Sorry." he whispers back.

"Remember what we said about being quiet, or is that even in your vocabulary?" Saliah sasses back.

"Oh shut up," Adrian retorts, "You haven't stopped talking since we left, you were even talking in your sleep!"

"Yeah Adrian, well you didn't have to walk with Sam the whole time! You'd be talking to drown him out too!"

"Everybody quiet down!" My mom yells. We all stop shell-shocked and look at her with wide eyes. My mom has never raised her voice before. "I know we haven't had a lot of sleep, and we're all tired, and hungry, and sick of being stuck with each other, but there's no reason to be down each other's throats about it. Just calm down, and use that energy to help me get dinner together. Do we have an agreement?"

"Yes ma'am." we say in unison.

"Good. Well then, don't just stand there, come help me."

"Well," I say to Arwin, "This should be interesting. Saliah working?"

We both burst out laughing, which soon turns into quieted snickers after getting glares from the rest of our families. Dinner is pretty uneventful with little I no conversation; we're all to busy eating our food. We clean up and set up for the night even though it's still light out. It's going to be an early morning, so we might as well turn in early. Arwin comes over to where my blankets are laid out, all her stuff in tow.

"Mind if I sleep by you?" she asks.

Do I mind? "No, of course not." I say, scooting my blankets closer to the tree.

"Thanks. I'm not sleeping between Saliah and Sam again...Saliah talks in her sleep and I woke up with Sam on top I me in the middle of the night." she explains.

"That doesn't sound fun." I laugh.

"No." she says chuckling along.

I watch her as she lays her stuff out, and notice that she has plenty of room on the other side, but chooses to put her blankets closer to mine.

"Goodnight, Theo." she says after she lays down on her blanket

"Goodnight, Arwin."

I flip over and watch the sun on its way down to the horizon, the sky changing from blue to orange, and can't help but feel that it's a metaphor to life. So short, changing shades as the years go on. Shades of happiness, sadness, gain, and loss. The blending of different colors into the sky, as different people blend in and out of your life, but when it's all over, when the sun has finally set, when God calls you home, whatever place that may be, when your time is up, the sky turns dark. The colors and people fade out, the world turns cold, just as a body does after the heart stops beating and the brain stops commanding. But in the morning, the sun will rise, a new day awaits, and the world continues on without you. Sure, people close to you will remember for a while, but in the end, everyone forgets. It's almost like you never even existed...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I finally updated...I didn't have cell service for two weeks so sorry! well, what did you think of it? the man across the street was Theo's ex-step father? whaaat? and he killed him? double plot twist!

hope you all have a wonderful week!