(Warning. This chapter contains bad language.)

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Jay paced back and fourth across the Bridge, wringing his hands and trying his very hardest to not completely break down.

Rain splattered across the windows all around him, adding a constant distraction to his already messy head-state. It wasn't helpful.

There were already so many thoughts screaming their way around his brain... the least the weather could do was calm down slightly and give him enough space to think.

But the weather didn't seem to feel very compassionate that day.

It was relentless, and Jay eventually gave up, collapsing into one of the chairs around the large table.

He rested his head in his hands.

The universe truly hated him, didn't it?

Could anything go right for him? Anything at all?

The last few weeks had been stuffed full of bad news and terrible events, one after another, arguably increasing in severity over time. It was getting overwhelming.

This recent addition wasn't doing anything to help.

Lung damage.

Actual. Lung damage.

Zane had used too many scientific terms when explaining to keep track of, but Jay certainly knew the basics of the respiratory organ, so could catch the gist of the issues.

There was scar tissue, and some parts were working less well, to put it simply.

And he had no idea how it could have happened. Not a single inkling of reason for the news.

His childhood hadn't been a violent one. His parents were the furthest thing from abusive. He had obviously had his fair share of injuries in his occupation as a ninja, but, nothing severe enough to cause such a thing.

It was... jarring to say the least. All of a sudden having it dumped on you that one of your most vital organs was in disrepair, on top of a whole array of other stresses, this was the last thing he needed.

But it wasn't exactly something he could ignore.

However, that wasn't the truly terrible part. Yes, having this happen wasn't good in the slightest. It was anxiety-inducing, scary, and added an unwanted element of uncertainty and danger into his already dangerous life.

But... as Zane said, it would be very easy to deal with...

If it wasn't for his binder.

The one thing keeping him from daily chest dysphoria. The single item that saved him from daily self-hatred, lack of self confidence, helped with so many of the things he hated to deal with, and... now... he was being told that he had to remove it.

It was damaging his body.

Of course, he knew that before. He had been wearing it for far far too long, and the crushing feeling around his ribs wasn't any more comfortable at all, though, he never realised it was this serious.

Was it possible, that his unhealthy and excessive use of it had... partially caused this? Made it worse?

If he hadn't been wearing it for days on end, would he have been able to safely keep wearing it?

The proposition did nothing to calm his nerves. Just the possibility that he had screwed himself over yet again was not something he wanted to think about, or spend time pondering on in any way.

Crazy speculations started whizzing around, and Jay began to catastrophize beyond his own control.

Disastrous consequences, every worse outcome possible, worries and tenseness and his throat began to feel tighter and tighter and...

Perhaps, Kai's arrival at that moment, soaked from the rain and panting from a clear rush... was a bit of a blessing.

Jay's head darted up at the noise, and they uncomfortably locked eyes for a few moments.

And everything stood still, rain still beating down on the ship.

Kai opened his lips to say something, but Jay cut him off before he could get any more than a syllable out.

"Kai, I've had a bad enough day already. I don't need any of your stupid bullsh*t on top of everything else, alright?"

"... I was just gonna ask you what the f*ck was wrong, Jesus, calm the f*ck down Soph- I... I mean, Jay."

He corrected himself just in time, but not before Jay had sent him an extremely dirty look that could have burned through brick.

"Since when have you cared about me, huh?"

All his anxieties and recent worrying were coming out in anger, and Jay knew it, but nor did he give a damn.

"Since when have you not wanted me to care? Would you rather I not ask?! It's like my f*cking presence p*sses you off at this point!"

Jay groaned and sat up straight in his chair.

"... and why do you think that is, Kai?"

They stared each other down for a little longer, clenching fists, wondering whether to instigate a proper argument or calm down. Either seemed possible at that point.

Jay though, took the more pacifist route, and forced himself to return his voice to a neutral state.

"... look... I'll tell you what's gone on, if you tell me why you've been out in the rain when it's getting late."

Kai seemed disgruntled, and thought about it, working out whether it was a fair deal or not.

Apparently he decided that it was, because he slid into the chair opposite to Jay, and made himself comfortable, pulling off his soaking wet coat and hanging it on the back.

"... go on then." He said.

"You first." Jay replied.

Kai sighed, but didn't show any further displeasure than that.

"... the guy I saved in the rubble at the mall... I went to see how he was doing. Just wanted to make sure he was ok."

Jay raised an eyebrow.

"And why do you care so much about this one guy?"

"You asked what and I told you what. Why wasn't part of the deal. Come on, your turn."

Jay broke eye contact and stared down at the table, linking his fingers together to create a ball, then pulling them apart and repeating.

"... Zane was suspicious of something, did a scan and it turns out I have lung damage and I'm gonna have to stop wearing my b-binder."

His voice wobbled on the last word, and he bit his lip. Showing any sort of weakness was the last thing he wanted to do in front of Kai.

Kai's expression was blank.

"... the f*ck is a binder?" He finally spoke.

Jay had been trying his hardest to stop getting effected by Kai's behaviours. He was rude, and disrespectful, and disgustingly transphobic. Removing all care for the things he said and thought was clearly what was best right now but... the fact that he jumped straight past the lung damage part, and straight to the binder? That hurt.

That hurt a lot.

"... you... you're kidding right now, right?"

"No? F*cking hell, I don't know what a bloody binder is so I'm asking, is that so terrible?"

"Lung damage, Kai! I have lung damage! Permanent. F*cking. Lung. Damage!"

Kai began to look sheepish, realising his mistake, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Jay rested his head in his hands again.

"... a binder... is what I use... to flatten my chest, so I don't have visible... you know what's. There, if that's all you care about, then there you go. Now you know."

The tension in the room was at an all time high, but somehow, it was different to other times. Other times were full of anger and bitterness, but... now?

Now Jay just felt sad. Sad and tired. Sad and tired and increasingly frustrated.

"... I didn't mean it like tha-"

"Well it came across like that. Whatever. Go and do your stupid hair gel again or whatever."

He didn't move.

"... what?"

"... is your binder making it worse or something?"

"... yes... it is. Why are you still here?"

Kai took one last big breath, and asked a final question.

"... so why don't you just f*cking take it off? It's a bit damn stupid to get all stressy over something so-"

Jay shot to his feet, slamming his palms down on the table. That was the last straw.

He couldn't keep it in anymore.

"LOOK IT UP, KAI! IF YOU'RE SO F*CKING INTERESTED, LOOK IT UP AND EDUCATE YOURSELF FOR ONCE! I'M NOT SENSEI. I'M NOT YOUR F*CKING TEACHER!"

With that, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door on the way, leaving Kai a paralysed mess at the table.

... but...

... look up what ...?

He didn't know which words to put in. He didn't even know the full question he was trying to answer.

At a loss of what else to do, Kai rose to his feet, grimacing at the sensation of cold wet cloth against his skin, and made his way to his sister's room.

When he knocked on the door, she opened it within a few seconds, and he could see her trying to hide her surprise.

"... Kai?"

"Hi Nya... uhm... can I come in?"

"... sure... just, try not to get anything wet."

He stepped inside and the comforting smell of incense filled his nose. It put him at ease.

"... I'm not even gonna bother asking why you're soaked."

"You've probably already figured out why."

"I have. Now, what did you do to annoy Jay this time?"

He blinked, clearly confused.

Nya sat on the side of her bed and crossed her arms.

"I could hear him yelling at you."

"... I just asked him a question."

"And what was the question?"

"... wh.... I... I uh..."

He trailed off, letting his gaze slip away from Nya and down to the floor.

"... it won't make sense unless I say everything else too."

"I have time."

"No, you, don't get it. He might wanna tell you himself."

"Kai, you've come in here, dripping wet and now you're saying that you're gonna leave without telling me anything?"

He gritted his teeth, then forced it out of his lips, in a low, yet clear whisper.

"... Jay has lung damage, his 'binder' is making it worse and I don't get why he won't just take it off."

Nya was quiet for a few seconds.

"... lung damage?"

"I don't know either. It's just what he told me."

She stood up and grabbed a towel from one of her hangers, and handed it to her brother, who thanked her and began to dry off.

"Did Jay ever explain dysphoria to you?" She asked, after getting him to sit down and relax his shoulders.

"I think so. But I don't get what that has to do with-"

He cut off, realising that it had everything to do with Jay's binder, and let out a growl of frustration.

"... f*ck."

"... answered your own question?"

"... yeah. Jeez, why am I like this?"

He turned to her, a multitude of emotions running across his face one by one.

"Surely, this, dysphoria thing, can't be all that bad? He said it was awful but, come on. How bad can it be?"

"I'm not trans, Kai. How am I supposed to know? All I know is that is something people really struggle with. Nobody would get surgery to fix something unless it was a serious problem."

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. A headache had been developing all day, and this seemed to have broken the barrier. It came crashing down on her skull like an avalanche.

"... I'm gonna go and talk to Zane. Stay here, I won't be long."

"But-"

"Kai, I won't be long. Please."

He nodded, and she left.

Leaving Kai alone with his own thoughts.

Surprisingly, there weren't many coherent ones. For such a complex situation - over- emotional and very volatile - the red ninja was oddly calm. Was he so used to this by now that it didn't even effect him anymore?

Jay got angry with him, he got angry with Jay. The process repeated.

He'd lost a friend, though that was hard to accept.

He'd accepted it now.

Anything positive he'd had with him was long gone, and maybe... just maybe... it would be better for the both of them if they just stopped talking altogether.

Kai felt like he didn't know wrong from right anymore.

It was scary.

He was scared.