Jay bit his lip, feeling a sting of pain melt across the surface like butter in a hot pan. He wondered why, until he felt the small split in the skin running right down the middle, leaving a metallic tang at the tip of his tongue. Answered the question. He sighed, and made a note to go and drink something. It's what he got for being dehydrated.

Staying well watered was the last thing on his mind for the last few hours.

Ninjago City Pride was happening next week, and he wanted nothing more than to attend, especially since the last few years had been delayed or outright cancelled due to various disasters or public meltdowns - of which the country had no shortage it seemed.

It wasn't a problem at face value, attending the parade for free and paying a small fee to enter the festival sorts at the end, and travel was no issue either.

The only catch was discovery. A chance that the other ninja would find out against his will, via a slip of the tongue or invasive questions - Jay never had been good under pressure. It could happen so easily, notice him slipping away to the event, then they'd ask why he was going. He could say he was just an ally but, he didn't know if Kai would accept that explanation.

There were still occasional problems across the city that kept popping up, and who knew when he would be called into action, especially taking his luck into account. The whole thing was risky, very risky, yet he'd never been to a pride before. Weren't exactly many opportunities out in the desert, or during the years and years of training and fighting against adversaries. Problem after problem had sucked the summer from under his feet too many times.

Even if he could attend once, one single time then never again, that would be enough. To know what it felt like to be surrounded by other people exactly like him.

But what would he wear? He spent most of his time in his ninja suit, and didn't own many other clothes due to a mixture of finance and necessity. The suit was nice, but he couldn't wear it, since he didn't really want to be recognised. His other clothes mainly consisted of baggy t-shirts, jeans and hoodies. Nothing very flattering.

He'd just wear the least scruffy ones. There aught to be loads of others dressed like that, it wasn't a fashion show, nobody would judge him - or hopefully they wouldn't.

Why did such simple things have to end up so complicated after being broken down step by step?

"... uhm... Jay?" Lloyd asked, "are you alright?"

Oh, that was right. Everyone was eating dinner together. He squeezed his eyes closed and snapped back into reality, abandoning his train of thought, though slotting it away for easy access later.

"O-Oh, yeah, sorry."

"You were glaring at your plate."

"Was I? I don't know. Zoned out."

Other folks around the table shrugged it off and carried on eating. It was Kai's night to cook, so it wasn't too bad. It was at very least edible, unlike Cole's disgusting attempts at 'cuisine'.

Jay ate up too. He hadn't indulged in lunch, simply because he forgot to. Concentration while training was good, though too much of it evidently was not.

Hard to not sink into the feeling, it was good stress relief, hitting dummies as hard as he could, letting out all his frustration and anger out as physical movements. Fists colliding with various surfaces slowly becoming numb, drowning all the chaotic ideas out. Despite what anyone would think, he often felt calmer while fighting than anytime else, simply no room for any of the complicated shit that clogged up day to day life like trash in a stream.

To both joy and dismay - mostly joy - there hadn't been much crime fighting to do at the time being. So all he had was training.

Jay finished first, a rarity due to Cole's almost unbeatable appetite, and offered to do the washing up. Nobody really stuck around - not surprisingly, washing up wasn't very exciting to watch - so he was able to be alone with his thoughts again. Blessing and a curse.

He'd made up his mind. Pride was a must, he was going no matter what. Running an errand for a friend was a good enough excuse, or going out to the comic book store, or... something. Anything. Even if it was a lie.

- and if anybody found out, he'd say he was an ally. Loads of allies at Pride, it wasn't far fetched. Crossing fingers Kai would see sense and drop it.

The whole plan slowly took shape and formed into an easy mental list. Wear a t-shirt and a hoodie, with his best blue denim jeans, and comfy trainers - actual parade was quite a distance, didn't want blisters on his heels. The festival afterwards was also full of stalls - so take a bit of money - and ear plugs just in case the music was all over the place and too loud. Always had sensitive ears, ever since he was a kid.

Jay hoped he would be able to bare it for a while despite that. He wasn't much of a dancer, but he could still listen, and enjoy.

The last couple plates had some stubborn marks that took some scrubbing to lift, and the sheer volume of washing up after six people was never a quick job, but after a while the tap stopped running and every item used for the evening meal was squeaky clean on the draining board.

Repetitive work, great to get lost in. Good to think things through during.

With his mind made up, he felt a lot less uptight and much more free.

Various noises of excitement from the gaming room around the corner caught his attention, drawing him to the decided evening hangout spot. The rest of the guys were playing the same fighting game they'd been grinding at for years, always trying to one up each other. Ever since they were kids. It was nostalgic.

Nya stood in the corner, watching, looking as if she wanted to join in. Jay knew what was going on from previous private conversations they'd shared. She often felt too awkward to slide into the activity without an invitation.

He sighed, then had an idea.

"I claim next game!"

Crouching down and watching Kai and Zane battle it out on screen told him all he needed to know, he was still way better than either of them. Not even bragging, he recognised it was a little unfair to have spent hours and hours of individual time practicing against the cpu while the rest of them only played as a group.

"Alright! Winner fights Jay next!" Kai shouted, immediately going back to smashing the attack button so hard Jay was afraid the controller would break - it wouldn't be the first time.

"I accept your challenge!" Zane replied with equal gusto, employing a much more strategical and deliberate play style.

Cole and Lloyd yelled out unhelpful instructions the whole time, chanting like fans in an audience, cringing when someone got stuck in a hit loop and laughing whenever Kai pulled one of his concentration faces that never ceased to amuse.

Eventually, Kai won with a complex combo - that he achieved utterly by accident - and Zane surrendered his remote to Jay, who sat down gleefully.

"So who gets a turn after this?"

Lloyd shot his hand up, but, Jay had other ideas.

"What about... the loser swaps with Nya."

"... Nya?"

Jay looked at her, smiling at the surprised but pleased look on her face.

"What? Me?" She asked.

"Yeah. You never play with us, but you always look like you want to. Why not? To be honest, I bet you'll destroy Kai."

"Oh really, Bluebell? Well I'm about to beat you then beat her, so you'd better get ready to wipe that smile off your face."

Kai smirked - only half serious, and spent minimal time choosing his character.

Ironically, Kai was the one who was humiliated, as he had forgotten that Jay had spent many a night perfecting all the combos and techniques in existence for this game, and won the match in little under a minute. Reluctantly, he handed the remote to Nya, and got ready to watch.

"... so... how do I play?"

"Well, that button is your main attack, that button is to dodge, that one is to parry, that one is your secondary attack..." Jay continued explaining, pointing to each button on the remote in her hands, repeating until she'd logged it all in her head.

Once he had finished, he suggested a character and started the match.

"Well, since you haven't played before, I'll go easy on you."

"Sure thing, Blue boy." Nya smiled, and began to attack.

The four onlookers steadily grew in enthusiasm as Nya proved herself to be something of a natural, and drew the match - with some difficulty - on her first try.

"... uh... how?" Jay asked, "It took me a whole day to figure out that move."

"I copied what you were doing, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just good at games." She replied, a victorious grin across her flushed cheeks.

"... thank fuck, someone that can beat Jay! He's had free reign of this damn game since we first met!" Cole chattered, diving forward and scooping up Jay's remote under the cover of praise.

"I think a fight for the title is in order." Zane stated, and Jay shrugged, actually impressed.

"You guys should've asked me to play sooner. Do you have any idea how annoying it was, to watch you five play games and just leave me out? All because I'm a girl too."

"Huh? It wasn't because you're a girl."

"Oh really? Why not then?"

Kai didn't bother retorting, feeling a little guilty.

"Well whatever, thank you Jay." she sighed, a hint of affection at the end along with his name.

Their eyes met and Jay's cheeks flushed.

"Oh no. They're making gooey eyes at each other." Lloyd groaned sarcastically, "Get out lovebirds! Make faces somewhere else!"

Nya rolled her eyes and walked with Jay out onto the deck. The sunset was in full swing, sky covered in orange and pink in waves and layers, like a painting.

She lent on his shoulder, and Jay felt his heart start thundering in his chest, as it always did without fail. She had a way of doing that.

"Jay, you know you can trust me with anything, right?"

"Yeah, the same with me for you."

She nodded, taking her head off his shoulder and making eye contact.

"- and you know that I care about you a lot, and... I can notice when you're upset."

"Mmh hmm."

His heart was still beating, but no longer because of happiness. More fear. These kinds of alluding statements never sat well with him, twisting up every organ into a massive knot.

"Something's been bothering you lately. You're eating less, being less sociable... I... I want to know what's wrong, so I can help you out if I can."

Jay could feel the unsteady panic rising in his lungs. Volatile and cruel, ready to erupt at any second if he wasn't careful and calmly kept it fizzling instead of exploding.

This would be the perfect moment to tell her. It would be simple, not of his own fruition, two words, it would be out into the air in a second.

'I'm trans.'

But none of it passed through his lips. It was like his vocal chords weren't obeying him, following someone else's orders to stay firmly still when it came to his identity.

Instead, employing a half truth to fill the empty space.

"... it's, well... nothing has happened recently. You know, bad guys. There's been so few incidents recently. It's making me uneasy. I feel like something big is coming."

Nya nodded, seemingly convinced. His statement wasn't actually a lie, so he didn't carry any of the telltale signs of lying. Signs he'd never been able to hide.

"We all are. Sensei says that it's only paranoia, and to relax, but, I know how you feel."

She rocked onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. He loved it when she did that. It made him feel taller.

"Nya... I... I... like you a lot."

She smiled, suppressing a giggle.

"Aren't we past that stage by now?" She asked. Jay shrugged, blushing.

She took his hands in her own.

"Jay, I love you."

She then kissed him again, on the lips this time, softly, so soft he could almost forget they were standing out in the cold.

It sent him into a happy daze, and he gave her a tight hug. Wow, he was so lucky to have her in his life.

"Now, I want to go back in there and win every round against Kai in that game!" She laughed, "I hate how cocky he gets when all he really does is button mash."

She lead him back inside, her hand in his. Jay had a couple of turns again, and Nya, just as she wished, beat Kai quite easily, then went on to kick everybody else's characters to the curb as well, though didn't manage to get more than a draw or a soft loss against Jay.

"I will beat you one day. I bet I will." She yawned, stretching her arms, ready to go to bed.

"Probably." Jay said.

Social chatting died out, fatigue taking over, and one by one, everybody went to bed. Jay lay awake for a while after taking off his binder, staring at the slats holding up the mattress above. Today might've ended very differently, if he had told Nya the truth about what was really bothering him. Secretly thanked whatever internal impulse stopped it.

He wasn't ready.

One day, one day he would tell her. Tell everybody.

Just not today.