Weeks passed, and as they did, Jay and Kai's relationship slowly went back to normal.

It started with occasional exchanges of words. "Are you finished with that?", "Yeah go ahead." or "Can you pass the salt?", "Sure." being two decent examples.

They had both come to terms with the fact that things would be tense and stressful for everybody on the Bounty until they started getting along again, so had anonymously - yet synchronously - decided to suck it up and be civil again.

The other inhabitants were clearly pleased that the gloomy hue had lifted itself from the ship. They felt free to talk again, knowing that Kai and Jay would join in.

Jay realised that things were back to normal, on a regular day in the game room.

He was fighting Cole on one of their many PvP battle games, and won the match with a very complex combo.

"Jeez! Nice move dude!" Kai exclaimed happily, prodding Cole's arm to rub in his defeat.

Jay didn't really know how to respond. It was such a casual, friendly thing to say, a sentence of which he hadn't heard from Kai for quite a while. It was... nice.

He wasn't complaining.

Kai may have been an extremely bigoted person, with certain political views that drove Jay up the wall, but he was a friend. A brother. If he could keep things civil with him, he would.

And who knew. Maybe, with some time - or a lot of time - Kai could realise the error of his ways and start reconsidering his opinions on the community. Everybody deserved a chance to prove themselves.

So, with that overwhelmingly optimistic thought in mind, Jay set out to treat Kai as he always had treated him. A best friend and a member of his non-biological family.

And for a good long while, things were finally good.

---

Things were bad. Really bad.

Jay felt nauseous as he read through an article that described the recent incident.

A devoted member of none other than Dei Noctis had attacked a trans man in an alleyway, while he was on his way home. Crazy with ambition and a deep hatred for the so called 'impure' members of society, the attacker brought out a knife and brutally stabbed his victim to death.

Jay's immediate impulse was to rush to his friends and tell them about this horrific crime. Surely they would take this incident seriously. It was different from the others. It wasn't a mass rally, or instances of violence in the street. This was murder.

Angry, evil, bloodthirsty murder.

But... he knew that they would do what they always did.

'It will die down Jay. Stop worrying.'

But it wasn't going to die down. Why couldn't they see that?

But, already knowing that he would simply be brushed to the side, Jay decided to keep his worries to himself.

A few minutes after his internal decision, Nya called for him to come to the dining room for dinner. He walked slowly, after having to drag himself out of bed.

Unfortunately, his plan of keeping to himself hardly worked out. The moment he sat at the table, the others could sense that something was bothering him.

"Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Cole laughed, trying to make light of his concerns.

Kai gave Cole a look.

"Well yeah. He's seen you."

Cole glared at him.

"Oi! For your information, I'm not a ghost anymore! Do you can just shut your-"

"Guys! C'mon! Chill out!" Lloyd exclaimed, bringing the two of them to a halt.

"Anyway. As I was saying, before Kai made a very rUDE joke, are you ok Jay?" Cole carried on. Jay didn't really know how to reply without setting off Kai again.

"... I'm fine."

"Well, now we know you aren't. Because 'Are you ok?' is a yes or no question."

Jay sighed, resting back in his chair.

"You guys won't take it seriously." He stated, knowing it to be true.

"C'mon, give us a bit more credit than that!" Nya added.

Jay sighed again, clenching his fists.

"... wait. Is this about those Rei Noctif people again?" Kai groaned.

"Dei Noctis, and yes. Actually. Because one of their members just killed somebody!" Jay replied, already aggravated.

"... really?"

Nya, for once, seemed legitimately worried. Thank god. Finally. Somebody was listening.

It was sad that it took a death for that to happen, though.

"Yeah. A... a young man was killed on his way home. Stabbed to death."

Jay tactfully excluded the use of the adjective 'trans'.

"How do you know it wasn't just a regular old mad person? Stabbings do happen occasionally." Kai argued.

"Because they had the Dei Noctis simple on their chest. And, their victim wasn't random."

Kai cocked his head, almost condescendingly.

"Oh really? In what way?"

Jay bit his lip. He had been doing so well with Kai, and now, in the span of a few minutes, their relationship was falling apart once more.

He was asking though. He couldn't exactly blank him completely.

So with a disappointed breath, and a weight above his heart, Jay answered him.

"... The victim was trans."

Kai let out a very loud groan, rolling his eyes.

"For f*cks sake Jay, do not start this crap again."

"You asked! What was I supposed to do?"

"Realise that maybe it wasn't a stupid cult scheme and just a regular stabbing incident!"

"Well guess what Kai! It wasn't a regular incident, BECAUSE THE 'STUPID CULT' PERSON CUT THE WORDS 'DEI NOCTIS' INTO THE POOR GUY'S CHEST!"

Jay only realised that he had stood up and pretty much screamed his sentence at Kai's face when he saw the reactions of the people around the room. Shocked. Confused. Scared even.

What...

What the hell was he doing?

Embarrassed and fearful of his own actions, Jay quickly exited the room.

"J-Jay! Don't go! You haven't eaten anything!" Nya spoke after him, but he didn't listen to her. If anything, he walked faster.

"Ugh. Let him go. Who cares if he misses one meal for being a d*ckhead."

"But... he hadn't eaten all day..."

---

Jay moodily trudged back to his and Nya's room.

Kai may have been being a massive douche, but... he pretty much screamed in his face. And he didn't even realise.

He didn't know that his irritability had become so severe... enough to completely lose control like that...

It was scary. He was scared.

Jay collapsed back into the bed, feeling sick to the stomach.

Why... why the hell was all this stuff happening to him?

---

A couple of days later, despite Nya's begging, Jay still hadn't eaten anything. He simply wasn't hungry, or motivated enough to go and eat.

On top of that, leaving the room meant possibly running into Kai.

To prevent that possibility, Jay had only left to use the bathroom and take a shower each day.

The others were worried.

Of course they were. Their good friend Jay was neglecting his health, both socially and physically.

Sick of the circle of anger and resentment, Nya went to talk to Kai.

"... hey." She whispered, upon entering the shared room.

"Hey Nya. Did you need something?"

She closed the door and went to sat next to him on his bunk.

"... I'm just gonna come out and say it. You need to apologise to Jay."

"Are you kidding me? He screamed in my face!"

"... he had been really irritable lately, and... he really is worried about this cult stuff going on. If they've started to kill people-"

"Nya, it's not a scheme. Of course I'm not glad somebody died, but, it's not as complicated as he's making it."

Nya sighed, fiddling with her thumbs.

"... and... you need to rethink your stance on trans people. There really is nothing wrong with them."

Kai leaned back, resting against the wall.

"I just... I don't get it Nya. Every single person I've met... they've been the gender they were born as. And... how can that change? If you're a girl... you're a girl. I don't understand how that can change? That's... just... stupid. If you're a girl you're a girl. If you're a boy you're a boy. It's just the way things are."

"It's not... they've done a lot of tests. It's scientifically proven."

"How?"

"I... I don't know. I just know that it has been."

"Great. Some amazing proof you have there."

Nya gritted her teeth.

"Kai, I'm trying to have a civil conversation here. If you get smarmy and sarcastic I will slap you."

"Fine fine, calm down! I just think that... if you can't actually tell me how, why should I believe it?"

She took another deep breath, calming down.

"... even if you don't understand... how does it effect you? Does it really impact your life that much? To use different pronouns for somebody, or a different name? To give them basic respect?"

Kai was silent at that. He didn't really have a comeback of any kind.

"... will you go and apologise to Jay?"

"... I don't know. Maybe. If he doesn't yell at me again, because that really p*ssed me off last time."

---

Cole and Zane were working on a new training bot concept. They were hoping to deliver it to Jay, and if he had the spare parts, he could maybe make it. Since the old one was getting a bit old and clunky, a new design was due.

Zane had done most of the logical work and technicalities, while Cole was more on the design side, giving the quick sketch Zane had made the occasional artistic flare.

"... woah. It looks great!" Cole grinned, very chuffed by their creation.

"Shall we show Jay the design, so that he can consider it?" Zane suggested. Cole nodded, confident.

"... wait. We should probably draw it out again, larger. This small one is really detailed but... putting myself in Jay's shoes, it would be hard to work from."

"... you are right. Let's go and find a larger piece of paper."

On their way around the ship, searching through various cupboards, they bumped into Kai. He seemed to take a moment to even realise he had collided with them. He had obviously been very deep in thought.

"... oh! Hey guys... I didn't see you there."

"S'ok. Don't worry about it."

The atmosphere quickly became awkward, so Kai blurted out something else to fill the silence.

"... uhm... what's... that, you've got there?"

"Oh, we just, well, Zane designed a new training bot since our current one is getting a bit crap."

"... lemme guess. Looking for Jay? Because, you do know that his room is back the way you came, right?" Kai stated.

"We're gonna make it bigger so it's easier to look at."

"Oh. Ok."

The conversation sort of trailed off. Design and mechanics weren't Kai's area of expertise nor interest.

"... Good luck, I guess." He shrugged, continuing down the corridor.

Zane and Cole exchanged a look.

"... was it just me... or... did he seem a little bit out of it?"

"I do not know. Perhaps he was slightly off."

They continued their search, not thinking much of Kai's airy behaviour.

A search which was in vain.

There seemed to be no spare paper anywhere on the ship.

"This is ridiculous! Doesn't Sensei have a stash of parchment somewhere, or something?"

"I do believe he keeps his ink and parchment in a supply cupboard somewhere on the ship."

"Jeez Zane, mind mentioning that at the start next time? You know, before we've already searched the whole bloody place?"

"I apologise."

Zane found the room in no time, and pulled it open. The door was stiff, and hard to breach. As if somebody had closed it tightly on purpose.

"Ahhh. There we go. Piles and piles of it."

Cole ducked inside and started fishing around for a decent piece, when he... noticed something. An unorthodox box at the back of the room. Usually, it would bring no attention to itself, but... in a small room full of nothing but ink bottles and sheets of parchment, it looked incredibly out of place.

"... wait a sec, Zane. I think I've found something cool."

Zane sighed.

"Last time you said that, all you actually found was a stale pizza crust and an empty tin of baked beans."

"That is not the same as this! That was just an old box of stuff I found in our room! This is different."

He reached forward and grabbed it, lifting it out of the room with ease and into the well lit corridor.

Cole had completely forgotten about the whole training bot fiasco. Something pinned him to this box, screaming for him to open it.

Even so, a tiny voice kept repeating 'This could be private property. This could be someone's private stuff'.

Despite that, his curiosity got the better of him, and he lifted the flimsy cardboard flaps away, revealing the contents inside.

...

In a second...

All...

His curiosity...

Disappeared...

He regretted opening the box. He regretted it. The tiny voice was right. He should have listened.

"... what is it Cole? Is it interesting?" Zane asked, bending down to take a look.

Unlike his friend, he did not stay speechless. Frozen with guilt and confusion.

"... o... oh... oh... oh dear..." was all he could really manage, though.

Even looking at the very top of the box told stories that the two boys knew were secret. Would have been secret. Weren't anymore.

An opened packet of sanitary towels.

A wooden picture frame holding a picture of a much younger Jay - no mistaking that grin - but... different.

Old boxes that would have contained testosterone shots.

A spare binder.

A birth certificate. An old one.

Cole gently lifted it out of the box, smoothing it out and reading it with steady eyes.

Most of it wasn't surprising at all. Jay's birthday, his parents, stuff like that. But... the name.

Sophie Walker.

... Jay's name wasn't Sophie. But... it seemed... it was once... in the past.

Millions of questions arose at once.

Why were all of these things here? What did they mean? Why were they hidden? Where were they from? How did they come to be?

There was only one answer.

Jay was Trans.

Cole and Zane exchanged a look.

"... we can't let Kai find this." Was the very first thing that went through his head, "we can't let him. For Jay's sake."

Zane nodded.

"I agree. Quick, put it back. We can talk to Jay later."

But in a cruel twist of fate, at that very moment, the one and only Kai Smith strolled down the hallway, gaining immediate curiosity at the box on the floor.

Cole quickly shoved it behind his crouched body, obscuring it from view, but not before Kai had caught a glimpse.

"Uh... what's that?" He asked.

"Nothing!" Cole responded, far too quickly.

"... yes. It is nothing. You can go back to what you were doing, Kai." Zane backed up, but it was too late.

"I was gonna go and see Jay, but, he's not in this room. Now, all I wanna know is what you're hiding from me."

"I said, it's nothing."

"If it's nothing, why did you hide it from me, huh?"

"Kai, you can't see it!"

"Stop being a d*ckhead Cole!"

Zane stood up and stepped towards the red ninja, placing a calm and steady hand on his shoulder.

"Trust me, Kai. It would be better for everybody if you simply turned around and forgot about this." he spoke, keeping his voice devoid of any fear, anger or worry.

Kai was almost convinced for a second, but he was angry about being excluded, and, confused to how looking at some stupid box would be so awful?

Maybe he wouldn't have cared if they hadn't made such a big deal about it. But they were hiding it.

From him.

So he jerked Zane's hand off his shoulder, and walked past him.

"Let me see." He commanded, his words full of spite and... Cole noticed a hint of upset.

He didn't want to move aside, but, Kai was going to find out anyway. Now he knew the box existed - and was so determined to discover it's contents - Cole knew that he wouldn't stop until he was able to get a look.

It might as well happen without violence. So, he stood up, and moved to the side, giving Kai an easy path.

"... thank you."

Kai crouched down, satisfied with Cole's pacifistic reaction, and started to look through it.

Zane kept a close eye on his body, his face, for anything that would indicate his thoughts as he examined each item.

It was confusion at first, obviously. Just alike the previous two, Kai had known Jay as a cis guy for years, and had never truly entertained the belief that he was anything different. Of course this newfound information confused him.

But, after a minute or so, the only emotion that Zane could read... unfortunately... was anger.

Kai quite abruptly stood up.

"... what... what the f*ck! What in the ever loving f*ck?!"

"Kai, I swear to god if you treat Jay any differently for this then I'll-" Cole started, but was quickly interrupted.

"You'll what? Come on! What will you do?! Tell me off? Jay... Jay's a... f*cking girl? And he - I mean - she, I guess! She never told us!"

"Don't call him she! I don't completely understand it either, but unlike you, I obviously respect people!"

Zane stepped between them, worried that a fight would break out. It was the perfect situation for one. Tense atmosphere, argument.

"Stop! We need to talk about this calmly. Cole is right, Jay has made it very clear in the past that he is a boy and uses male pro-"

"I don't give a flying f*ck Zane!"

Another person joined the commotion when Nya heard the hustle and bustle, and came to check it out.

"... hey... what's going on?" she questioned.

Cole opened his mouth to say something, but Kai beat him to it.

"What's up is that your boyfriend's been lying to us! But I guess I should say girlfriend now huh?"

Nya's eyes filled up with confusion.

"... what...? Jay's not a girl..."

"Oh really?"

Kai crouched back down and grabbed the birth certificate out of the box, shoving it at his sister's face.

"Well then, take a look at this! 'Name: Sophie Walker'. Sophie. Sophie Walker."

Nya took it from his hands and stared at it in disbelief.

"Kai, stop! You're being horrid! Jay is our friend!"

"Oops! I don't know anybody called Jay, I do know a Sophie though!" Kai mocked, the sarcasm in his voice making the people around him feel sick.

Guilt was crushing Cole like a mountain of bricks. Why didn't he just leave the box alone? Then none of this would be happening. Jay's secret would still be a secret, and he wouldn't have to deal with Kai's awful transphobia, or at least not directed towards him.

He felt absolutely terrible.

"You know what? We're missing a very important person to have in this conversation."

"Kai, don't you dare... he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve any of this, I swear-"

"OH JAAAAAY! JAY, WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE. IT'S IMPORTANT!"

Cole had to use all his mental strength to hold himself back from pushing Kai to the floor and knocking his lights out.

Jay didn't deserve this. He was a good guy, who looked out for others and felt empathy and sympathy and was generally a great person to have around.

But no matter how much he didn't deserve it... he was going to get it.

There was no way to save him from the pain he would soon have to endure.

---

Jay had started feeling stuffy in his and Nya's room, so had decided to go out on a little walk. Just a couple of times around the deck, nothing too extreme. Just enough to get some fresh air.

The day was a pretty cold one, so he had thrown on a quick jacket and scarf before going on his very quick venture.

The wind was cooling and rushed through his curly hair, mother nature's natural comb. He took a deep breath in, and out.

It had taken a lot of effort to even leave his bed that day.

After maybe ten minutes of mindless wandering around the deck, his ears started to get cold, so Jay stepped back inside, breathing into his hands to warm them up. Winter was coming fast. Faster than he had realised.

He had planned to just go back to his room, but, out of nowhere, Kai yelled for him.

"OH JAAAAAY! JAY, WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE. IT'S IMPORTANT!"

He was taken aback, do doubt. He thought that Kai was still annoyed with him, so, why would he be eager to see him in person?

Jay theorised that he had set up some scheme to make fun of him, or something. His voice did sound rather mocking and rude.

He almost ignored him and went back to bed, but, out of a lack of things to do, Jay moodily trudged his way towards Kai's location.

He turned a few corners, then saw him. Or... them.

Everybody on the ship was there, excluding Lloyd and Sensei. Sensei was out doing whatever, and Lloyd was listening to music in his room, so neither of them could easily know that such a gathering had happened.

The next thing he noticed was their faces. Kai looked... furious. Had he done something wrong?

On top of that, Nya looked close to tears, devastated. Cole's expression was a contorted mixture of guilt, worry and anger, while Zane's was full of worry alone.

"... Jesus... what's going on?" He asked, flabbergasted and wondering what he had possibly done to cause all this.

But...

... then...

... he noticed the third thing.

His box.

His box of stuff, lying on the floor in the middle of the group. Some objects overturned, obviously examined in detail.

And... Nya.

Nya was holding his old birth certificate.

The one with his deadname on it.

Jay's eyes widened in shock. In fear. In absolute emotional turmoil. Small tears started rolling down his pale cheeks, and he didn't even notice. He was so... so scared... horrified.

"... Jay! I... I'm so sorry! I didn't know what it was, I... I shouldn't have looked!" Cole exclaimed. Kai gritted his teeth.

"You have a lot of things to explain, Jay. Or... it would be right to call you Sophie, wouldn't it?"

He hadn't been referred to as that for... years...

Jay felt all the telltale signs. A tight throat, stopping him from breathing right. His whole body started shaking, his eyes darted around the hall, desperately searching out any source of hope. Panic. Panic panic panic panic.

Because they all knew now. His secret was out.

They all knew.

They all knew.

They all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew they all knew thEy aLL kNew tHeY aLL knEW thEy ALL knEW thEY ALL KNEW THEY ALL KNEW THEY ALL KNEW THEY ALL KNEW THEY ALL KNEW THEY ALL KNEW.

They all...

... knew...

Nobody of decency blamed him when he stumbled backwards a few paces, before sprinting down the corridor away from them.

Nobody followed him immediately, but when they did strive to find him, it was hardly a chore.

All they had to do was listen.

Jay had locked himself in the bathroom, and was making an incredible racket.

The panic attack his fearful mind had thrown him into was arguably the worst he had ever experienced. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't speak. All he could do was cry.

Nobody could get through to him. He wouldn't have been able to hear them over the heartbeat he felt in his ears.

Way too fast. Dangerously fast.

Ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum.

His dead name echoed around his head. The name that had once tortured him daily was back.

A billion questions and thoughts all at once.

But a single one was prominent in the endless, screeching sea.

The question of whether life was worth, this torturing, screaming mass of pain.

Jay had to work hard to give himself an answer, since he was trying to answer to many already.

But he managed it.

And the answer was simple.

Was life worth all this? This pain? Suffering? Loss?

At that moment - to Jay at least - ...

Life wasn't worth anything.