Seonghwa shivered, fondness sparking in his chest. "Say it again," he whispered, his eyes lingering on Hongjoong's lips.

"What? Sorry?" Hongjoong's brows furrowed. Seonghwa shook his head.

"No," he sounded breathless, but he couldn't find the will to care. Warmth spread through his stomach as he saw understanding light up his mate's features.

"Oh," Hongjoong said, sounding just as breathless as Seonghwa. "My love."

___________________________________________

Seonghwa

Seonghwa stared down at his hands, head bowed, tears soaking through his loose pajama pants. Slender fingers clenching together caged in his knees.

It had been two hours since Hongjoong had come home and they had argued. Seonghwa's chest ached terribly, constricting around his lungs like the jaw of a python. His stomach churned with an unshakeable dread.

It had been an hour since he had ventured down the hallway to their room. Hongjoong hadn't been there. Seonghwa heard him in the bathroom. However, when he tried to open the door, it was locked.

Hongjoong never locked the door.

Seonghwa's stomach dropped. His heart stumbled before working itself into a frenzy. He jiggled the handle. Hongjoong shouted at him to go away.

Time had slipped away from him while he begged his mate to open the door, to let him in. Hongjoong remained infuriatingly adamant even as he vomited over and over again. Every pleading word was met with fierce opposition and punctuated by loud retching that could be heard through the door.

It had been quiet for a while now. The door had rattled when Hongjoong thumped down against, but that was the last sound from inside the bathroom. Seonghwa didn't know what was wrong or what he should do. No one had ever prepared him for if his mate locked him out while throwing his guts up. Although, if he was a better mate, maybe Hongjoong wouldn't have locked him out. His stomach twisted itself into knots at the thought.

A small whimper escaped him, "Hongjoong."

Only his pounding heart responded. The thunderous beat drummed an anxious rhythm against his ribcage. Seonghwa whimpered, drawing his knees tighter against his chest. The silence pressed in on Seonghwa, popping and fizzling in his ears.

"Hongjoong."

Not even the rustle of clothing could be heard.

Seonghwa startled violently as the jingling ringtone Hongjoong had never changed on his phone blared loudly from their bedroom.

Seonghwa sniffled, pushed himself up and walked towards their room. His eyes lingered on the bathroom door, ears straining to catch any sign of movement, as he paused in the doorway to their room, but there was nothing. He entered their bedroom reluctantly and picked up Hongjoong's phone which had been thrown haphazardly onto the bed. He glowered at the screen.

Spite had his finger hovering over the screen, ready to decline the call, but his gut urged him to answer. On the last ring, he accepted the call.

"Why are you calling my mate?" he asked, voice dangerously low, not bothering with polite formalities.

Eden took a moment to respond. "Why do you have Hongjoong's phone?"

"What do you mean why? He's my mate."

"That doesn't explain anything. You two aren't on good terms, so it doesn't make sense for you to be answering his phone. Put him on," Eden's tone matched Seonghwa's own. Whether his annoyance was at Seonghwa for answering the phone or Seonghwa's lack of respect, he didn't know, nor did he care.

"I can't," Seonghwa said.

"Why not?" Eden growled. The hair on the back of Seonghwa's neck and arms rose and his stomach churned. The proud part of him that knew his status as Hongjoong's mate placed him higher than Eden wanted to snarl at the alpha for taking that tone with him, but the other, more instinctual part of him wanted to cower. That part of him usually didn't react to an alpha anymore, not unless he was going into heat or he was alone around a lot of alphas. He dismissed the instinct. He determined that it was logical considering he felt threatened by Eden because why wouldn't Hongjoong want to leave him for an alpha who he speaks so highly of?

Seonghwa swallowed down both his pride and the instinct to bare his neck before replying. "He's in the bathroom."

"Oh," a breathy puff of air sounded in Seonghwa's ear. "Well, I guess we can talk until he comes out then." Seonghwa's eyes narrowed at Eden's suddenly cheery tone. It was so at odds with his growl from before.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no. I don't want to talk to you and Hongjoong probably won't be out for a while," Seonghwa's words lost their bite the moment his mate's name tumbled passed his lips.

Eden's voice was tentative as he responded, easily picking up that something wasn't right from the strange shift in Seonghwa's tone. "Is he okay?

Seonghwa debated whether or not to tell Eden the truth. His gut instinct again urged him to tell Eden. He frowned.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?" Eden's tone sharpened. "What happened?"

"He's- Well he locked himself in the bathroom and I think he passed out after throwing up for ages." Seonghwa's voice trembled as he spoke.

"Shit."

Seonghwa's heart dropped and his eyes filled with tears again. His mate wasn't well and he didn't know what to do, but worst of all, Eden seemed to know exactly what was happening. No wonder Hongjoong liked him so much.

"Alright, I'll be right over. Just stay by the door and keep trying to get a response from him. Call me if anything changes." And with those final words, Eden hung up. Seonghwa pulled the phone from his ear and blinked down blearily at the screen.

A million thoughts raced through his head as he returned to the bathroom door, but one stood out, the question repeating over and over; Is it my fault? A whisper in the back of his mind said yes.

~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~

By the time Eden knocked on the door, Seonghwa was struggling to breathe. His heart was beating furiously in his ears and his entire body was trembling. His mind was racing, every thought appearing and vanishing in an instant. He didn't know what to do. He was so useless. He couldn't help his mate. He didn't even know what was wrong with his mate.

Banging on the front door jarred Seonghwa out of his spiraling thoughts. His heart skipped a beat as his mind screeched to a jarring halt. Eden. His mind helpfully supplied after a few fearful and confused seconds. Eden is here. He stood slowly, knees groaning and cracking. He hurried towards the door, stumbling as pins and needles set his limbs alight with a tingling fire.

Eden pushed past Seonghwa the moment he opened the door, his expression dark. "Is he still in the bathroom?"

Seonghwa was too shocked to respond for a moment, steadying himself against the door before closing it. Eden stopped and stared at him impatiently.

"Y-yeah," Seonghwa said. His throat was scratchy and as he swallowed. Water. He needed water. He walked towards the kitchen, movements lethargic, numbness still working its way out of his limbs.

"Do you have a way to unlock the door from the outside?"

Seonghwa shook his head, filling a glass with water before turning around to look at Eden while taking a huge gulp. Eden was practically vibrating with frustration and his eyes glowed faintly. Seonghwa's brain snapped to attention upon noticing that detail. A hyperawareness of the distance between them, of the dangerous situation he was in, speared through him. He had just let a strange alpha into his home while his mate was unconscious. Seonghwa had no way to defend himself if Eden wasn't as good of an alpha that Hongjoong thought he was.

Something must have shown in Seonghwa's expression or scent because Eden suddenly took several steps backwards even though there was already a large distance between them. He blinked and the glow in his eyes faded. "I'm sorry I-"

"No, no it's fine." Seonghwa interrupted hastily, wishing to alleviate the now awkward atmosphere. "I'm just overreacting." He felt stupid. Although it was a logical thought process, he really didn't understand why he was feeling so threatened and weak. He hadn't felt this way in years. Not since Hongjoong had mated him and helped him feel more confident and overcome his trauma.

Seonghwa shakily lowered his glass onto the counter and forced himself to walk past Eden with all of the confidence he could muster. He wouldn't allow himself to freak out or think the worst. He wouldn't allow his past and his distrust for alphas rule him. He couldn't allow himself to. He needed to focus on helping Hongjoong.

"You're not overreacting."

Seonghwa paused, halting outside the bathroom door with a stuttered breath. Eden's tone was pained and Seonghwa couldn't stop himself from glancing at the alpha. His stricken expression was too much for Seonghwa to handle, so he looked away. The alpha looked as if he knew exactly where Seonghwa's thoughts had gone, as if he knew how alphas used to treat Seonghwa until Hongjoong mated him- thinking about it, Seonghwa wouldn't be surprised if he did know. Hongjoong probably told Eden everything.

"I know it's not easy for you to let me in your home- your safe space - when you don't know me. I know even an omega without a past like yours would be on edge. It's nothing you need to feel guilty for or lie about. I just want to make it clear that I won't do anything that you don't want me to. And, if you need me to leave, just tell me to get out. It's bad enough that Hongjoong's had a panic attack- he'll kill me if I upset you."

So, Eden did know then. Seonghwa shifted his weight to his other foot. His cheeks warmed. His skin prickled. There was something awkward and uncomfortable about Eden knowing about his past. How much had Hongjoong told him? Did he know everything, or just the basics? Despite feeling uncomfortable, Seonghwa found himself understanding for a moment why Hongjoong went to Eden for comfort. The alpha seemed understanding and there was no judgement in his eyes.

And then Seonghwa's brain caught up to what Eden said.

"Wait, Hongjoong had a panic attack? That's what-that's what the vomiting was?"

Eden nodded, his brows furrowed. "Yeah, he used to have them a lot...before he met you."

Seonghwa wasn't sure what to think. The jealous part of him was hurt that Eden once again knew more about Hongjoong than Seonghwa did. Does that make him an awful mate?

"He has two kinds of panic attacks. This is the worst. He throws up until he passes out."

"I've never seen him be that anxious before..."

"He never wanted you to see him like this," Eden said matter-of-factly, frustration sharpening his tone. Seonghwa's eyes widened as the red glow began to return in Eden's eyes and his scent grew stronger. Overwhelmingly strong. Seonghwa had forgotten how strong an alpha's scent could be. Hongjoong always shielded him from it, knowing that Seonghwa was sensitive to strong, and especially angry alpha scents. The only alpha he could handle was Hongjoong. Although, Hongjoong never allowed his scent to get too strong. Even during their fight when he tried to unintentionally alpha order Seonghwa, he hadn't let his scent flood the room. The most uncontrolled Hongjoong had ever been was this afternoon. When Seonghwa confronted him at the door- no cornered him. Seonghwa had cornered his own mate. His chest constricted at the thought. Was he becoming like his mother?

Eden's gaze was still fixed on the bathroom door. He hadn't spared Seonghwa a look since the glow had returned to his eyes. Seonghwa wasn't sure if it was intentional or not.

"I know I shouldn't be angry at you. It's not your fault that you know nothing. I shouldn't blame you for being ignorant, when it's Hongjoong who keeps you this way, but," the alpha inhaled deeply, a hand running through his hair roughly. "It infuriates me that you don't understand how much he sacrificed for you, how much he has changed for you. It makes me so mad to know that he's laying unconscious in the bathroom after a panic attack, because of you."

Seonghwa curled in on himself, shoulders curving forward, his neck sinking between them. He wrapped his arms loosely around himself. He really was a bad mate. He had ruined Hongjoong.

"You've pushed him to his limit, Seonghwa."

"All I did was ask him to just show affection publicly," Seonghwa whispered pathetically. Thoughts swam recklessly through his head, he didn't know what Eden meant. He didn't understand how it was his fault, he just knew it was. This had all started because he had asked for public affection. He hated how it felt like they were in some secret relationship, like he shouldn't even risk looking at Hongjoong lest everyone find out that they are mates. He hated it. Hated how stifling it was. Hated how even after escaping his parents, he still wasn't truly free. No, that wasn't fair. He was free. He was getting more than he deserved and he was still asking for more like some spoiled brat. He had gotten selfish and greedy. His mother told him that an omega should never be like this, and here he was, ruining everything because he hadn't listened.

Eden scoffed and his head turned, glowing red eyes boring straight through Seonghwa's very soul. It had been a small mercy when Eden had kept his gaze focused elsewhere. Seonghwa's breath was stolen from him and he shrunk further into himself. The sickly sweet scent of rotting fruit hung heavily around him and an old memory of his omega sister cowering as their father stormed towards her, all the fury of hell glinting in his eyes flashed to the forefront of Seonghwa's mind. Seonghwa had thrown himself in front of her, had taken the blow and borne everything else that followed. He trembled as that one memory seemed to be a catalyst for every other memory he had tried his damnedest to forget. His mother's screaming, his sister's wails, the irreversible snap of his brother's neck...

"That's just it. It's not as simple as that for him. It's like how you're cowering away from me right now."

Seonghwa startled out of his memories as Eden spoke.

"You both have your own stories. Hongjoong just doesn't want you to look at him differently. It's ridiculous. It's absolutely stupid- but I can't reason with him. I tried to convince him to tell you everything. I know he needs to because this fight is killing him." Eden swallowed slowly, collecting himself before speaking again. "Seonghwa, do you know what it's like to watch someone you care about deeply just fall apart in your arms?"

No, but I've held my brother's lifeless body in my arms.

"Do you know how useless I feel watching him break all over again?"

Probably as useless as I felt watching my brother die to protect me.

"Do you know how much I want to fucking murder you right now?" Eden's voice shook and a low growl punctuated his confession. Seonghwa blinked at Eden, shock freezing him in place and emptying his mind of thoughts. "You're breaking him and I don't know how I'll fix him this time. And I can't," the alpha inhaled sharply, painfully, tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't do this again. I can't watch him shatter into a million pieces because I know he won't let me save him if he won't even let you save him."

The glowing red of Eden's eyes grew less intimidating as the colour wavered and wobbled behind his tears. Seonghwa's heart ached for Eden, ached for Hongjoong, ached for himself.

"If you're going to leave him, tell me now so I can stop him from hurting any more," Eden begged.

"I would never leave Hongjoong," Seonghwa growled loudly. His spine straightened and he met Eden's stare unfalteringly. "He is my mate, and unless he leaves me, I will always be by his side."

Eden considered Seonghwa silently for a moment, his demeanor shifting once again. "Then why did you accuse him of cheating the moment he walked in through that door?" Eden gestured towards the front door and Seonghwa's eyes automatically followed his trembling finger. "Why are you pushing him away? Why is your mate so convinced that it's not a matter of if, but when you leave him? Why are you doing this to him?"

Seonghwa's throat constricted, his chest heaved, but no air reached his lungs. He didn't mean to hurt Hongjoong like this- he never wanted to hurt Hongjoong. Seonghwa's heart rattled furiously against his ribcage, the loud thudding echoing in his ears. His skin burned icy hot as if he were submerged in ice water.

"I-I just need him to listen to me," the words that left his mouth sounded strangled and strange.

"But you're not listening to him," Eden cried. "He's trying so hard- He would give you the world if he could! I know he would. But you're asking him to tackle a demon he's not prepared for. You know you aren't his first, right?"

Seonghwa's heart faltered, the thudding dulling to a weakened thump, thump, thump.

"He loved another before you."

Seonghwa didn't know. Hongjoong had never mentioned someone else, had never even hinted at it. He had told Seonghwa that he was his soulmate, his one true love. Ridiculous and romantic promises. But now Seonghwa knew that they were all just lies.

"But his sister, hateful, spiteful, and out of her mind, she murdered her. Hongjoong's own sister killed the omega he was courting to prove to him that he would only ruin the lives of anyone he loved. And it worked. Siyeon's death broke him and he vowed to never make anyone suffer, to never mate, if only to keep them safe."

Seonghwa's eyes stung, warm lines slicing down his cheeks. Hongjoong had suffered more than he had ever known. His stomach twisted as he considered how cruel he must seem to Eden, to Hongjoong- how demanding and spoiled he must seem.

Eden ran a hand through his hair, the glow in his eyes fading as all of his energy seemed to drain away under the weight of his memories. He stared at the floor by Seonghwa's feet for a long, silent moment.

Eden met Seonghwa's eyes with a burdensome melancholy. "It took me two years to get him to laugh genuinely. And then, on the third year- on the anniversary of Siyeon's death no less, he met you. The omega that all of his instincts told him to protect- to mate."

Seonghwa remembered the day he met Hongjoong. He had been out buying groceries, such a tedious and mundane task, and yet, it had never been so for Seonghwa. It was always a painful game of what he could and could not afford, what joys he would have to sacrifice for the sake of money or his family getting extra treats instead. It had always been a chore that weighed him down heavily, knowing that anything he put back had to be things he wanted or treats for his siblings. If he missed anything his parents asked for, his parents were merciless- even if they were the ones who sent him off with too little money to begin with. His father was the worst, but after his older brother died, his mother changed too. She blamed Seonghwa. And, really, it was his fault. This was one thing he still hadn't told Hongjoong. He was terrified to speak the words aloud, to admit that he killed his own brother...

Eden continued to speak, jolting Seonghwa out of his memories. "The day he saw you, he was adamant about finding you again. You sparked a new fire within him. And then he saw you a week later and he told me about..." Eden trailed off with a wince. Seonghwa didn't need Eden to clarify. He remembered that day with haunting clarity. He was dragging himself to campus when the older brother of the alpha who was courting his sister had run up behind him and grabbed his arm. The alpha had spun him around and demanded that Seonghwa follow him. Seonghwa had shaken his head and tried to pull away, but the alpha had refused to take 'no' for an answer. Seonghwa had already taken a beating earlier that morning for burning an egg and his aching and bruised body gave in to the alpha easily. Seonghwa's mind was too clouded by panic and fatigue to fight back. He wanted to fight back, desperately wanted to. He didn't want this stranger who reeked of pre-rut pheromones to take him anywhere. But the words of his father were echoing in his ears. 'A good omega will submit before an alpha.' It had been one of the many things his father had repeatedly told him. Something Seonghwa had believed, his natural will dimming as he grew older. Somewhere along the way, Seonghwa had forgotten that while with Hongjoong. He was becoming a bad omega...

Hongjoong had appeared out of nowhere, his scent wrapping around Seonghwa protectively as he stepped between him and the alpha. It had been one of the few times Seonghwa had seen Hongjoong's eyes glow red. Hongjoong had grabbed the other alpha's wrist tightly and forced him to release Seonghwa, but didn't let go until after he ordered the alpha to never touch or speak to Seonghwa again.

When Hongjoong turned around and asked him if he was okay, Seonghwa had known that Hongjoong was the one. When Hongjoong looked at him, his eyes no longer glowed and they were their natural dark brown, the only thing shining in them was concern as he looked Seonghwa over for any injuries.

"I knew he was my mate that day," Seonghwa whispered, his eyes boring holes into the ground.

Eden's brows scrunched together and he frowned. "Then why did you keep pushing him away for the rest of the month?"

"To protect him." Seonghwa glanced at the bathroom door.

"Protect him from what?" Eden sounded baffled.

"Everything," Seonghwa said solemnly, gesturing vaguely with his hands. "Especially myself. But obviously my resolve didn't last long," Seonghwa smiled sadly. "It couldn't, not when he just kept showing up all the time and everything inside of me was just screaming at me that he was my mate."

Eden listened to Seonghwa, a pained understanding replacing his previous anger. "You forced yourself to suffer to protect someone you didn't know when you were the one who needed protecting... He has always thought you didn't realise that you were his mate."

"I know."

"You know he agonized over it too? He was terrified of courting or mating you and making you suffer whatever horrible fate his sister had convinced him any mate of his would suffer. But in the end, he decided that he would do everything in his power to protect you. He mused that Siyeon sent you to him. He thought it was too coincidental to come across his mate on the same day that he had lost his last."

Seonghwa's heart clenched. Hongjoong viewed him as a gift? As something precious sent to him from his previous lover? Surprisingly, it didn't make Seonghwa feel upset like he thought it should have, instead, a strange calm washed over him. It was beautiful, in a weird way.

A sharp pain shot through his abdomen suddenly, causing him to gasp and clutch his side. He squeezed his eyes shut as his stomach roiled with nausea. A rolling wave of cramps crashed through his abdomen and he whimpered. He had been feeling off all day. He had been restless and had no appetite. He had thought it was just him being anxious over Hongjoong's disappearance. But now he was worried that he had caught a stomach bug.

Seonghwa went down on his knees as a particularly painful cramp twisted his insides. He sucked in an agonized breath, sweat beading up along his temple. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

Eden was by his side in a few seconds, crouching by him, his scent forcefully calming. It was unfamiliar and stronger than Hongjoong's and it sparked an ember of anxiety in his stomach.

"You had your heat recently, right?" Eden asked, voice soft and concerned, hands hovering near Seonghwa's arms. Hovering, but not touching.

Seonghwa looked up, tears shining in his eyes. "Y-yeah, why?" he croaked out.

"Because your reek of lavender."

Seonghwa's stomach dropped. He shouldn't be going back into heat. It was really bad if he was. "I shouldn't be going into heat. I-I can't be!" He scented the air, and paled when he caught the familiar heavy smell of lavender with hints of his usual honey scent. It was a very stereotypical omega scent- it was something Seonghwa hated about himself. He hated that he didn't have a unique scent. But that wasn't the issue right now. The issue was that he was definitely going into heat when he shouldn't be. It was too early.

Eden nodded, his expression serious. "Hongjoong told me you both had your cycles recently. He was excited because you are both getting closer to being in sync...Can I touch you?"

Seonghwa shrunk away from Eden after his question and the alpha immediately backed away. He didn't stand though, keeping himself on the same level as Seonghwa.

"I just want to see if you're running a temperature," Eden's voice was soothing as he spoke and Seonghwa knew the alpha was responding to a distressed omega. It wasn't about Seonghwa so much as it was about an omega going into heat who shouldn't be. A very distressed omega. It was instinctual for an alpha to immediately want to soothe.

Seonghwa glanced at the bathroom door, but it was still closed. Hongjoong couldn't help him. He was on his own. Just like back then...

Seonghwa swallowed and forced himself to nod, goosebumps creeping across his skin, his body tensing as Eden approached. It seemed that realising that he was going into heat had catapulted his mind into a panicked state. His brain was screaming at him that Eden shouldn't be coming anywhere near him, that he just wanted to get closer to take advantage of him, but Eden simply pressed a gentle hand to his forehead, deftly touching his cheeks as well. His brow furrowed.

"I told him to tell you everything, but he refused to listen and now look what's happening," Eden grumbled under his breath. It wasn't directed at Seonghwa, it was just the alpha speaking aloud to himself.

"I thought I smelled lavender when I first got here, but it was so faint..." He trailed off, running a hand through his hair and sitting on the ground in front of Seonghwa. "I'm sorry. I feel like this is partly my fault. I came here, and got angry at you and stressed you out even more than you have been and now you're going into heat again." Eden's tone was heavy with sincerity.

Seonghwa shook his head sluggishly. "It's not your fault. Not if you could already smell lavender when you got here."

Eden's frown deepened. "Let us agree to disagree, for now. I need to call the hospital." Eden trailed off as he began to stand, eyes flitting around the hall way.

Panic seized Seonghwa, squeezing his lungs tightly. He shook his head frantically. "No! I don't want to go there. Not without Hongjoong. Don't make me go, please!"

Eden crouched back down, "Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay. I won't call if you don't want me to." Seonghwa relaxed as Eden continued to assure Seonghwa that he wouldn't have to go to the hospital unless he wanted to.

After watching Seonghwa curl into himself further as the pains got worse, Eden spoke again. "We still need to do something though. If we can't open that door from out here, then we need Hongjoong to wake up and open it himself. I don't want to leave you here alone when you're going into heat and Hongjoong is unconscious. As it is, when he wakes up, I'm going to have to keep you both separated for a while to talk to Hongjoong and give him water and food."

Seonghwa whined. He didn't like the idea of being away from Hongjoong. He wanted to be near him. Needed to be near him. Seonghwa whimpered as his insides felt as if they were being torn apart. The cramps were growing impossibly more intense and he panted, squeezing his eyes shut.

Eden put a hand on Seonghwa's arm and Seonghwa flinched away as if he had been burned. It felt so wrong to be touched by an alpha who wasn't Hongjoong.

His eyes snapped open as his sensitive nose caught something and he remembered a critical piece of information that was likely the reason behind his reactions to Eden so far. He stared at Eden in surprise. "Hongjoong said you were in pre-rut. I-I can- You've taken suppressants?"

It was Eden's turn to look panicked, he glanced at the bathroom door quickly. "How do you know that?" he hissed. Seonghwa's jaw snapped shut. Fear trembled up his spine. He tapped his nose as words failed him. Eden paled. "I took them so I could come here and check on Hongjoong. But Hongjoong can't find out. You shouldn't even be able to smell that."

"I'm sensitive to scents," Seonghwa croaked defensively. He frowned as he thought over Eden's words. Suppressants weren't good for anyone, but they were only harmful if they were used before a wolf presented or for extensive periods of time.

"Why can't Hongjoong know?" Seonghwa asked, concerned for what would justify Eden's sudden panic.

Eden waved his hand dismissively, "He just can't. Enough about that. We should get you to your room so you can rest. Do you need help walking?"

Seonghwa narrowed his eyes at the alpha, but between the cramps and not knowing Eden personally, he didn't have the energy to pry. He made to stand on his own, but when he stood the world spun dangerously. He pressed fingers to his temple and squeezed his eyes shut while his body swayed. Eden gently grabbed his arms and offered some grounding support.

Seonghwa leaned heavily against Eden as another cramp ravaged his insides, exhaustion threatening to tug him down to the floor. Eden waited for Seonghwa to be ready to move. The alpha whispered encouraging words that Seonghwa couldn't quite hear over the thudding of his heart in his ears. Sweat slid down his face and dripped onto his shirt. He wanted to take off his clothes, he felt yucky. But he didn't want to be that vulnerable or naked in front of Eden.

As the cramps momentarily subsided, he took a few shaky steps forward before he felt it. Slick slid out of him slowly and Seonghwa stopped, horror dawning across his face.

Eden shuddered against him and groaned lowly. "Fuck, why do you smell so sweet?"

Seonghwa couldn't speak, his throat was dry and his body trembled. This was bad. This was really bad.

Eden's grip on Seonghwa tightened and Seonghwa instinctively tensed.

"Do you think you can move a bit faster?" Eden asked, sounding winded. "Your scent is really fucking strong and I- I can't- I might have to leave to get more suppressants if Hongjoong doesn't get his dumbass out here soon." Eden's voice was thin and strained.

Seonghwa nodded and started walking faster. He gasped as the next cramp hit harder than the previous. His knees buckled and would have fallen to the ground if Eden hadn't held him up. Seonghwa cried pitifully, tears cascading down his face freely.

"Make it stop," he begged deliriously, sobbing as the pain sparked an ache in his lower back. He had never experienced such painful cramps in the entirety of his life. "Please make it stop. It hurts so much."

Eden held him close, rubbing his lower back soothingly as he carefully lowered him to the ground. "I know, I know. It's okay. I know." Seonghwa gasped when Eden lifted him into his arms. "Let's get you into bed, hmm? Then you can rest, okay?"

Seonghwa couldn't respond. He could only clench his teeth as the cramping worsened and more slick slid out of him. He shifted uncomfortably in Eden's arms and whimpered at the twisting burn of another cramp. He clung to Eden, hands scrunching the alpha's shirt. His eyes were squeezed shut and he struggled to breathe through the pain. His body prickled with sweat and his skin flushed cold. His heat had never hit so fast or hard before. He had never had cramps this debilitating either. What was he supposed to do? How could he get it all to stop?

"Seonghwa, I need you to let go. Seonghwa. Seonghwa. Please, Seonghwa, let go." Eden's voice held a panicked edge to it. Seonghwa clung tighter, he didn't want to let go. It hurt too much to move. Eden's scent spiked, a warm cinnamon churro scent wafting into Seonghwa's nose. It was distractingly alluring. "Seonghwa, please," Eden begged, voice haggard. "I need you to let go so I can put you on the bed."

Seonghwa forced himself to let go and be lowered onto the bed. He winced as his damp skin touched the sheets. He felt yucky all over and Eden's cinnamon churro scent was only enticing more slick from him. He felt disgusting for finding the alpha's scent attractive. Suddenly, Seonghwa had an involuntary thought about what Eden's rut scent would be like. His core vibrated with desire as he considered the possibilities. It would likely be very similar to his current scent. Seonghwa bit his lip and whimpered, shifting uncomfortably as he felt slick seep through his pants and onto the sheets.

And then he had a distressing thought. He had been trained to react to an alpha's pheromones, to satisfy their needs like a good omega. And although he had been mated for a while and his cycle had been all over the place, without Hongjoong around him, it seemed like his body was defaulting to the disgusting training. Seonghwa felt a new rush of tears wet his cheeks and he swallowed a pained sob. The realisation that he had unconsciously known from the moment Eden stepped into the house that he was in pre-rut punched a hole in his chest. He struggled to breathe, ragged inhales and exhales rattling through his chest. Why had he let the alpha in when he knew that he was in pre-rut? Hongjoong had told him. He knew the older alpha was in pre-rut, but he had forgotten. How could he be so careless? How could Eden be so careless as to show up even after taking suppressants?

Seonghwa's eyes shot open as he realised that Eden's enticing pre-rut scent had grown stronger after his cramps started. If the suppressants were so quick to dissolve, then Eden would have had to have been using them for a long time. That was the only way suppressants could be that inefficient. Either that or he had bought impure suppressants from the streets. Was that why Eden didn't want Hongjoong knowing that he had taken any? And why would an alpha take them so much? Usually omegas were the ones who overused suppressants.

Seonghwa's eyes snapped to Eden's, the alpha was watching Seonghwa closely, uncertainty painted across his features. "Do you need your heat things? Where do you keep them?"

Seonghwa hesitated. He really didn't want to say. But the cramping in his abdomen forced him to overcome his shame. "In the bathroom."

"Fuck," Eden ran his hands through his hair and swore again. "Well, that's not going to happen unless Hongjoong unlocks that door."

Seonghwa nodded. He had forgotten about that.

Knowing he had to endure this without anything, Seonghwa swore that the cramps worsened.

"I'm going to get you some water," Eden announced before turning to walk out of the room. Seonghwa's hand shot out and he latched onto Eden's arm. The alpha turned around and looked at him. Seonghwa shook his head. He hated being alone when in heat. It made him anxious. Made him feel like the shadows would turn into cruel alphas who would steal him away and claim him against his will. And right now, as much as Eden's scent was the catalyst for his torment, it was also the only thing keeping him grounded.

"Seonghwa," Eden pushed his hand off of his arm. "I need to get you some water. You need to stay hydrated."

Seonghwa watched as Eden walked out. His head fell back onto the pillow and he curled in on himself. Why did he have to go into heat again? Why did he have to be such a bad mate? Why wasn't Hongjoong coming? Was he pretending to still be unconscious? Did he not want Seonghwa anymore? Seonghwa closed his eyes as tears blurred his vision once more.

"Here, Seonghwa." A warm hand touched Seonghwa's arm gently. He opened his eyes, more tears slipping down his cheeks while he shifted his head slightly to look up at Eden. He struggled to sit up, Eden helped him with his free hand before handing Seonghwa the glass of water. Seonghwa took it with clammy hands. The water was cool against his dry mouth and throat, but it did nothing to soothe his cramps.

"I was hoping your scent would wake Hongjoong up while I got you water," Eden said while taking the empty glass from Seonghwa's hands and putting it on the drawers beside the bed. He didn't need to elaborate further. Hongjoong was still unconscious in the bathroom.

Eden began readjusting pillows behind Seonghwa's back and moving blankets around him. It took Seonghwa a moment to realise that Eden was trying to make a nest for him. Watching the alpha, he couldn't stop the tears that trickled down his cheeks. No one had ever made him a nest before. So, seeing this alpha trying to make him a nest left a warm feeling in his chest. His heart swelled with gratitude and appreciation for Eden. The alpha was focused on messily weaving the blankets together around Seonghwa. It was a poorly made nest and didn't have enough sheets and pillows, but the fact that Eden even thought to make it for him was enough for him to hug him.

Eden inhaled sharply, eyes widening as Seonghwa threw his arms around him and thanked him, dragging him half-way into the nest. Seonghwa was curious how Eden knew the basics of a nest. Most alphas didn't have a clue and weren't a fan of nests because it was a space that they couldn't enter or stay in without the omega's explicit permission. It was why a good omega should never make one, his father had him. A good omega should never make or want a nest.

"How do you know how to make a nest?" Seonghwa asked, releasing Eden.

Eden stood back and looked away, eyes settling on the floor. His fingers curled into his palms. "My mate taught me before..." Eden trailed off, his voice thick with sorrow. Seonghwa understood without the need for elaboration. Eden's mate was no longer with the living.

"How did you survive the bond breaking?" Seonghwa asked, voice faint and wobbly from pain.

Eden shrugged. "I almost didn't. But I had to pull myself together to look after Hongjoong."

Seonghwa's heart broke. Eden had lost his mate and yet he pushed his grief aside to help Hongjoong. It suddenly made more sense why Eden was so concerned and angry. He knew first hand what it was like when the bond broke. Usually it was something that only happened upon death, but a few mates did break their bonds purposefully if they believed that they had chosen the wrong mate.

Seonghwa didn't know what to say and instead reached out and took Eden's hand in his, squeezing it, hoping that Eden would understand that he wanted to comfort him. Eden smiled thinly at him.

"Hongjoong has never done this for me," Seonghwa muttered, his eyes lingering on where his hand was curled around Eden's.

"What do you mean he's never done this for you?" Seonghwa's eyes snapped to Eden's face in response to his tense tone.

"He's never made me a nest o-or bought me things to make a nest..." Seonghwa hadn't realised how much he had been craving a nest until Eden had just made him one. "I know not all omegas have or like nests and a good omega shouldn't have one, but I feel- I feel better right now. I want a nest, Eden." Seonghwa looked up at Eden with watery eyes. "But I don't want to be a bad omega."

"Oh," Eden said breathily, surprised. And then anger sparked in his eyes. "You're not a bad omega for wanting a nest. Who told you that?" His tone was low, a faint growl vibrating in his throat.

Seonghwa shrunk down a little. "M-My parents."

Eden's eyes flashed red and he pulled away from Seonghwa. He began to pace beside the bed, fingers riffling roughly through his black hair until strands were poking up in every which direction. "I can't believe you and Hongjoong. You are both so stupid. Believing the words of your abusers like-" he cut himself off with a growl. He whirled around, staring at Seonghwa with a stormy expression. Seonghwa pulled his legs up to his chest and watched Eden warily. Eden's cinnamon churro scent was growing stronger. A slight burnt tang to it now that he was angry again. "Your parents lied. Those pieces of shit just wanted to take away a safe place from you. You aren't a good or bad omega if you like or don't like nesting. You need to talk to Hongjoong about this later."

Eden exhaled slowly while lowering his gaze to the floor as the anger drained from him. He looked back up with apologetic eyes. "Sorry, that was too harsh of me. I shouldn't speak to you like that."

Seonghwa shook his head. "It's fine. I get it. It frustrates you. You're a good alpha, just like Hongjoong says."

Eden blinked at Seonghwa, surprise etched onto his face. "Hongjoong told you that I'm a good alpha?"

"Yeah. When we were fighting and even before."

Eden's brows rose. "Wow..."

"Did you think you were a bad alpha?" Seonghwa tilted his head, watching Eden carefully.

"Not exactly, but I never thought anyone would consider me good," Eden admitted with a shrug.

Seonghwa shifted, the dull ache in his abdomen worsening once again to spears of fire. He winced and whimpered, curling in on himself tighter. He hugged his knees to his chest and pressed his back against the pillows as tightly as he could, finding some alleviation in the pressure.

Eden approached cautiously, kneeling on the bed at the edge of Seonghwa's nest, but not crossing it.

"I really think you need to go to the hospital," Eden said as his hands twitched by his sides. "You shouldn't be in heat again and you're in so much pain and your scent it's- you're so distressed. And I don't know what to do to help you."

"It's okay. It's fine. I'm fine. It just hurts a little," Seonghwa panted. He forced himself to reach out to Eden and squeeze his hand before curling into a ball tightly. "Just help me fix the nest, please. Keep me distracted, it hurts less."

Eden nodded and did as Seonghwa instructed him to tidy up the nest. Eden fetched spare pillows and blankets and under Seonghwa's instinctive guidance, he was able to construct something that Seonghwa was mostly content with. He still wished it was neater, but he was mostly happy with it now.

"Can you press here, please?" He gestured to his lower back. It ached so badly now. Usually, Hongjoong would gently massage his lower back to help alleviate some of the pain.

Eden hesitantly reached over the threshold of the nest and pressed against Seonghwa's back gently. Too gently. "You can press harder," Seonghwa told him through grit teeth. Eden did.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Is there anything else you need?" Eden asked, eyes looking over Seonghwa with worry, his nostrils flaring slightly as more slick slid out of Seonghwa.

"Nothing you can do." Seonghwa glanced at Eden through his peripherals and saw bright pink tinting his cheeks and ears.

"Oh," he chuckled nervously. "Hopefully Hongjoong will be up soon..."

Seonghwa was just about to reply when a dangerous growl rumbled through the room. The hair on Seonghwa's arms rose and a shiver tingled up his spine. He inhaled sharply as Hongjoong's scent exploded into the room. Eden immediately withdrew his hand and stepped away from the bed.

"What the hell are you doing here, Eden?" Hongjoong's voice was terrifyingly low and Seonghwa gasped when he saw Hongjoong's eyes were glowing bright red. He forced himself to sit up, wincing and letting out a small whimper as he did so. Unfortunately, this caught the attention of both alphas. Eden stepped towards Seonghwa, concern dancing in his eyes as he immediately began to fuss.

"Don't get up. Just lie down. It's okay. Just make yourself as comfortable as possible," he guided Seonghwa back into his previous position and adjusted two pillows against Seonghwa's back. It didn't provide the right pressure, but the gesture was nice and Seonghwa offered him a tight-lipped smile. All the while, Seonghwa could feel Hongjoong's rage pulsing through the room, his eyes burning holes through the air as he watched Eden touch his mate.

Seonghwa knew that, technically, he had more authority than Eden, being Hongjoong's mate and all. But, a part of him wanted to submit, wanted to do as the older alpha said, not because of his past, but just to see what Hongjoong would do. This was a different desire to submit, not his fearful one from earlier. With Hongjoong here, he knew he was safe, and now, he wanted to see how Hongjoong would react to Eden taking care of him.

And Hongjoong's reaction was delightful.

He growled the moment Eden touched Seonghwa, but the primal rage and power that exuded from Hongjoong when Seonghwa obeyed Eden was both terrifying and electrifying. It was gratifying in a way to know that Hongjoong viewed Eden as a potential threat.

"Get away from him," Hongjoong snarled. Seonghwa had never heard Hongjoong sound like this before. It was exhilarating. Slick gushed out of him and he trembled with embarrassment and excitement. He knew both alphas could smell the slick, that was the embarrassing part. But it was exciting to know that Hongjoong would be able to smell how much he was affecting him.

Eden took two wary steps away from the bed, "Hongjoong, you should calm down. Seonghwa's in heat and he's going to be extra sensitive to any scents around him, especially yours. Why don't we-"

Hongjoong's growl interrupted Eden's attempt at placating him. "You shouldn't be any where near my mate. Get out."

"Hongjoong-"

"No. You're in pre-rut. I don't want you anywhere near my mate. I don't want you touching him. I don't want your scent on or around him."

"Hongjoong," Eden's tone shifted, it was lower, more serious, authoritative. Seonghwa glanced at him in alarm. "I would never hurt Seonghwa or be near him if I thought I shouldn't be. My pre-rut is under control. You know I would leave if I thought I was going into rut."

"I don't care. You shouldn't be here. Get out," Hongjoong's voice dropped even lower than Eden's as he glared at the alpha.

"Hongjoong, you need to calm down so we can talk about you passing out in the bathroom," Eden said calmly.

Hongjoong bared his teeth, eyes flashing a darker red as he spoke, "Get out."

Seonghwa gaped at Hongjoong. There was something inherently attractive about seeing his mate alpha order another, older alpha. What made it even more so, was the fact that Hongjoong was ordering someone he was close with and he was ordering him away from Seonghwa.

Seonghwa glanced at Eden and saw him clench his jaw, eyes squeezing shut for a moment. "Don't you dare," he snarled through grit teeth, eyes snapping open to glare at Hongjoong with his own red eyes. "Order me around like I'm some dog."

Hongjoong stepped forward threateningly, his spine ramrod straight, hands curled into tight fists by his sides.

"Get away from my mate. Get out of my home. And stay away."

Eden tensed beside Seonghwa. "You can't be fucking serious right now? Seriously, Hongjoong? You're going to fucking alpha order me like some territorial baby alpha? Are you insane? What has gotten into you?"

Despite himself, Eden was beginning to walk towards the door with little sidesteps. Sweat broke out across his brow and his jaw clenched tighter as he fought against the order of the top alpha. Hongjoong watched him with a curled lip, ready to order him again if he had to.

"You can't just come in here and send me away after you had a panic attack and threw up until you passed out. Seonghwa's in no condition to make sure you eat and drink and convince you to talk about why the hell that happened or what brain dead reason you have for locking the door. You can't send me away. I need to make sure that you are okay," Eden was pushing, explaining himself honestly and openly, trying to get Hongjoong to see reason. But, Seonghwa doubted that he would. His mate had already moved in front of the bed, placing himself between Seonghwa and Eden like some kind of volatile wall.

"You locked your mate out and left him distressed and confused for hours. He let me in, Hongjoong. He let me in because he had no idea what was happening and you had locked him out completely. You know, the moment he opened the door, all I could smell was his distress and anxiety. Hongjoong, you had him on the verge of a panic attack. You can't tell me you didn't smell his distress when you came out of that bathroom."

Seonghwa tensed as Eden spoke. He hadn't considered that Eden would be able to scent how anxious he was. It hadn't crossed his mind that he would have flooded the house with his distress. He hadn't even thought he was that anxious.

Hongjoong stilled, his hands tensing and untensing a few times before they went slack. His head lowered slightly and although Seonghwa couldn't see his face, he knew that Hongjoong's eyes were no longer glowing.

"I just didn't want him to see me like that," Hongjoong's voice was quiet and hoarse. It was a drastic change from before and felt almost disorientating.

Eden paused his backwards walk, and stared at Hongjoong with empathy and frustration. "What did I tell you? I specifically told you to stop hiding things from Seonghwa. He's your mate. He should know everything that I know and more. He deserves to know why you do and don't do certain things. He deserves to know how he can help you. He deserves to be listened to just as much as you do. But he can't listen if you refuse to speak."

Hongjoong nodded slowly, eyes flitting to Seonghwa briefly and Seonghwa wanted to reach for him. He looked heartbroken.

"I know," Hongjoong whispered before looking away.

"Well then actually do what you're supposed to and look after your mate properly. He has his own needs and wants and reasons too. You both need to communicate better. It will be hard, but just remember, you don't have forever. Every moment you waste misunderstanding each other when a few extra words could solve any issues, is a precious moment wasted."

"Eden," Hongjoong's voice was strained. Seonghwa swallowed a lump in his throat and looked away from Eden. His face bore the knowledge that no one deserved to know- that a mate wasn't always forever and it wasn't always a choice to say goodbye.

Eden shook his head. "Come to the kitchen. I want you to eat and drink some water before I leave you and Seonghwa alone. I won't ask you to explain to me what happened today, but I do want you to talk to Seonghwa about it once his heat ends. All of it."

Hongjoong nodded before following Eden out of the room. He threw Seonghwa a quick glance, eyes searching and Seonghwa knew he was uncertain about leaving him alone, but Seonghwa just waved his hand. Go, he silently ordered. He could handle being alone if it helped his mate. It would be selfish of him to beg Hongjoong to stay.

~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa's eyes cracked open, and he blearily glanced around the room. The searing pain from days before was nothing more than a dull, thudding ache in his core. He sat up with a wince, clamping his lips together to stop a whimper from escaping him. The space behind him was cold even though he knew he went to sleep with a familiar warm body tucked comfortably against his back.

He glanced around, but Hongjoong was no where in sight. Seonghwa looked down at his hands, tears prickling at his eyes, burning the raw skin. He didn't know why he expected Hongjoong to be here when he woke up. It was obvious last night that his freak heat would end by morning. But, a part of him had stupidly hoped that Hongjoong wouldn't leave him after what Eden said- and the fact that this was an unnatural heat.

"Why are you crying? Are you still hurting?" Seonghwa's head shot up and inhaled sharply as he saw Hongjoong striding quickly towards him. His face, although blurry, held nothing but concern for him. Hongjoong touched Seonghwa's face gently, swiping away his tears with feather-light touches. "Hwa, what's wrong?" Hongjoong's voice was barely above a whisper and Seonghwa's eyes filled with more tears unbidden.

"I thought you had left," Seonghwa choked out.

"Oh, no, no no. Seonghwa, baby, no." Hongjoong pulled him into his chest. Seonghwa melted against him, burying his face in the crook of his mate's neck and inhaling a lungful of his calming scent. "I just went to grab our breakfast."

Seonghwa pulled away from Hongjoong, his heart fluttering happily. "You were getting food?"

"Yeah," Hongjoong chuckled softly as he ran his fingers through Seonghwa's messy hair. "I ordered your favourite."

Seonghwa's eyes lit up. "Really? Hurry up and get it then!" Seonghwa pushed Hongjoong away and his mate held a hand to his chest and gasped in mock offense.

"Oh, I see how it is. You don't actually love me. You just use me for food," Hongjoong grinned at him playfully and Seonghwa rolled his eyes.

"Of course I love you...because you buy me delicious food," Hongjoong, who had begun to beam, crossed his arms and pouted, grumbling childishly under his breath before stomping dramatically out of the room to retrieve their breakfast.

Seonghwa watched him go, giggling softly. Even though he had spent the past few days in excruciating pain, he had felt better than he had in over a week. Being so close with Hongjoong and being able to hold him again made him realise just how much he had missed him, how much he had been hurting himself over something so stupid. And if Hongjoong's playful behaviour this morning was anything to go by, he was feeling better too. Seonghwa decided that he would do everything in his power to ensure this never happened again, even if he had to put his own selfish wants on the backburner to do so- as a good omega should.

Hongjoong walked into the room and Seonghwa made grabby hands as the heavenly smell of tteokbokki wafted towards him. Hongjoong smiled brightly while he handed the food to Seonghwa. "Only this once, okay?" Hongjoong said.

Seonghwa pouted, the tteok he had already shoved into his mouth pushing against his cheeks. Hongjoong rose a brow, "Don't pout at me. You're the one always going on about eating a healthy breakfast." Hongjoong shrugged and if Seonghwa could lunge at him without risking spilling any of his precious food, he would. His mate was being unfairly cheeky.

They fell into companionable silence while they ate. Seonghwa finished quickly and eyed Hongjoong's food until the alpha sighed and began feeding him his food. "It should be illegal for you to look at me with those puppy dog eyes. Should be damn illegal," Seonghwa giggled while Hongjoong muttered to himself.

Once they finished, Hongjoong took their dishes to the kitchen to be dealt with later before returning and sitting on the bed, his eyes settling on the nest that Eden had weaved together for Seonghwa. Hongjoong sighed as he ran his fingers gently over it. "So, Eden made you a nest."

"Eden made me a nest," Seonghwa repeated, confirming it unnecessarily. Hongjoong had been frustrated by the knowledge for the entirety of Seonghwa's heat. One of his main qualms being that Eden's scent was still clinging to the blankets and pillows, although it was much more diluted by Seonghwa's and Hongjoong's own scents now.

"How come you never told me you wanted to nest?" Hongjoong asked, eyes flicking up to meet Seonghwa's. His gaze was earnest as he spoke again, voice hoarse. "You know I would have been happy to buy you whatever you wanted and I would have helped you make it if you needed me to."

Seonghwa's heart panged with guilt. He reached out for Hongjoong, his fingers sliding around his mate's wrist and tugging gently. Hongjoong understood the hint and carefully crawled into the nest, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa and pressing a kiss to his temple. Seonghwa stared down at their intertwined fingers in his lap for a moment, inhaling slowly. He turned slightly, looking into Hongjoong's eyes briefly before his gaze fell on their hands again.

"I didn't want to," he swallowed, his heart picking up pace. "To be a bad omega." Seonghwa winced as Hongjoong tensed beside him.

"What do you mean?" Hongjoong asked carefully, his tone strained.

"I-I was told I was a bad omega if I wanted to nest."

"Your parents?" Hongjoong asked tensely. Seonghwa glanced up in surprise. A muscle jumped in Hongjoong's jaw when Seonghwa nodded.

"I should have killed them," he snarled.

"No," Seonghwa said. "That wouldn't have changed anything." He forced a smile and grabbed Hongjoong's hand. "It's okay. I have a nest now, and a loving mate who has just told me that he would help me make a nest in the future."

Hongjoong opened his mouth, but Seonghwa held up a hand. "Eden already told me that they lied to me. It's okay. I understand now that I can have a nest. I might not feel comfortable asking for it for a long while, but I will work on being comfortable about it if it will make you happy."

Hongjoong exhaled slowly while nodding. He brought a hand up to Seonghwa's head and ran his fingers through his hair. Seonghwa sighed, closing his eyes as Hongjoong gently massaged his scalp. "Okay, I'm glad you know that it's not wrong. Don't do it for me though. Do it for yourself, okay?" Seonghwa hesitated, his eyes flickering open. His heart clenched at Hongjoong's imploring expression. He nodded and delighted in the smile that brightened his mate's features. It faded into a pout when he spoke again. "I just wish it was me who made your nest and told you that it was okay."

Seonghwa's heart swelled with adoration and he gently cupped the side of Hongjoong's jaw in his hand and leaned in, kissing him softly before pulling away with a small smile. "Eden may have made my first nest, but you get the privilege of being the only one to help me make my nests from now on."

Hongjoong guffawed indignantly. "Eden made your first nest! That was your first nest?" He began to pull away from Seonghwa, his tone only semi-playful as he continued, "I'm going to kill him. He had no-"

"Hongjoong," Seonghwa whined, tugging on his shirt hurriedly. "Calm down. You wouldn't even know I want to nest if he hadn't taken the initiative to start building one for me," he quickly reminded his mate. The atmosphere shifted as Hongjoong settled back down, pulling Seonghwa into his side. A seriousness settled over the both of them.

"I did research it, before," Hongjoong said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I looked at a bunch of websites and videos, but I never got any hints from you that you wanted to nest, so I just figured..." Hongjoong trailed off with a heavy sigh, his fingers twitching restlessly against Seonghwa's shoulder and thigh. Seonghwa's chest blossomed with warmth. "I should have just asked you out right."

"Hey, it's okay," Seonghwa assured, looking Hongjoong in the eyes with a soft smile. "How can you be so amazing?" He asked, completely in awe of his mate.

"I'm not," Hongjoong denied.

"You are," Seonghwa scoffed. "

"I don't deserve you," he said a heartbeat later, a hint of melancholy underlining his word. He touched Hongjoong's face reverently, his eyes flicking over Hongjoong's warm eyes, his straight nose, his soft, pink lips. Hongjoong's lips parted, but Seonghwa silenced him with a kiss. He pressed his lips against Hongjoong's, expressing what he couldn't with words. I don't deserve you, but you are the only one I desire. You are my mate and I wouldn't have it any other way.

They parted just as slowly as they kissed, their breaths colliding, their lips just barely brushing against each other. "I love you," Seonghwa whispered, pressing another kiss against Hongjoong's lips.

"I love you too," Hongjoong said once they parted. "So fucking much."

Seonghwa smiled, his eyes crinkling as he giggled.

"But you've got it all wrong. It is I who doesn't deserve you, my beautiful, patient, loving mate." Seonghwa swallowed a lump in his throat, the rawness in Hongjoong's voice cracked a part of his heart.

"Why don't we agree not to say we don't deserve each other," Seonghwa suggested, voice hoarse. Hongjoong frowned for a moment before agreeing.

"What a wise suggestion, my intelligent mate," he said before leaning in to kiss Seonghwa. It was just a quick press of his lips against Seonghwa's- a simple peck, but Seonghwa smiled into it anyway. His silly grin spreading to Hongjoong as he pulled away.

"So, you finally admit that I am smart?"

Hongjoong groaned. "Don't let it go to your head. You're still pretty dumb."

"Pretty and dumb, you mean." Seonghwa poked his tongue out cheekily.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Hongjoong said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. His entire body shook with laughter when Seonghwa shoved him with an offended gasp.

After Hongjoong calmed down, the mood grew serious once again. "I suppose I should explain what happened the other day and everything else." Hongjoong glanced down at his lap, grabbing Seonghwa's hands and playing with his fingers.

"You don't need to explain everything now. It's okay to tell me a little bit now and more later. Whatever makes you the most comfortable. I can wait for explanations as long as you don't keep me in the dark for too long. I don't want to upset you because I don't know your triggers."

Hongjoong's lower lip trembled and he reached a hand up to the side of Seonghwa's head, gently pulling Seonghwa closer. He pressed a trembling kiss to Seonghwa's forehead. "I don't deserve you," he whispered with a shaky voice.

"Hey," Seonghwa chided. "Didn't we just agree not to say that?"

"Yes. Sorry, my love."

Seonghwa shivered, fondness sparking in his chest. That was new. "Say it again," he whispered, his eyes lingering on Hongjoong's lips.

"What? Sorry?" Hongjoong's brows furrowed. Seonghwa shook his head.

"No," he sounded breathless, but he couldn't find the will to care. Warmth spread through his stomach as he saw understanding light up his mate's features.

"Oh," Hongjoong said, sounding just as breathless as Seonghwa. "My love."

Seonghwa swooped down, capturing Hongjoong's lips in his own fervently. Hongjoong deepened the kiss quickly and their tongues met in a familiar dance until they had to pull away to catch their breath. Seonghwa barely took a moment to inhale before he dove back in, claiming Hongjoong's lips as his own.

They continued to kiss for a long while after that, pulling apart just enough to breathe for a second before their tongues reunited. It was soft, it was hard, it was gentle, it was intense; it was every part of their souls meeting and claiming each other over and over again.

When they parted for the final time, Hongjoong chuckled fondly, his eyes shining with love. "Wow, if I had known that such an endearment would affect you like this, I would have used it sooner. I definitely will use it from now on."

"Do you want to kill me?" Seonghwa asked breathlessly. "I might just die on the spot if call me that again."

"What?" Hongjoong smirked mischievously. "My love? Should I not call you 'my love' anymore?" Hongjoong placed a hand over his heart in mock hurt. "Do you not wish to be my love?"

Seonghwa shoved Hongjoong down onto the bed, kissing him with every bit of love in his heart.

"I'll take that as a wish to be called my love for eternity," Hongjoong said cheekily once Seonghwa was content. Seonghwa hummed, his head resting against Hongjoong's chest.

"Eternity sounds nice," he said, shifting his head to look up at Hongjoong. They shared a grin before Seonghwa returned his head to Hongjoong chest, listening to the calming rhythm of his mate's heartbeat.

They lay in silence for a long time, basking in their happiness. The sun outside had long since stopped peaking out behind the curtain. It was not yet night, but the dull light suggested that it was after noon. Seonghwa felt a little antsy upon realising that he had spent an entire morning in bed, but Hongjoong massaged comforting circles into his arm, settling him once more before he could even sit up.

"I am ready to explain what happened the other day, and also offer you an apology and explanation for my behaviour during our fight." Hongjoong said, breaking the silence. Seonghwa nodded, his cheek rubbing against the soft material of Hongjoong's shirt. He didn't get up, sensing that Hongjoong wanted to stay how they were while he spoke.

"I was in love with another before you. Siyeon," Seonghwa's heart panged at the heartbroken way Hongjoong uttered his late lover's name. "She and I never mated. But I thought she was the one. I-She," Hongjoong paused, audibly swallowing. He inhaled and exhaled deeply before continuing. "My sister's mate killed himself and it broke her. Broke her in so many ways. She was angry, jealous- I should have seen it coming, I really should have," Hongjoong's voice trembled and Seonghwa grabbed his hand, squeezing it comfortingly. Hongjoong squeezed it back.

"My sister killed Siyeon and convinced me that I would only hurt anyone I loved. That the world would hurt whoever I loved, and especially anyone I was cruel enough to mate."

Seonghwa sat up slightly, wanting to see Hongjoong's face. He frowned as he saw tears sliding into his ears. He wiped away the tears gently, staring at his anguished mate with heartbroken empathy. He understood, in his own way. He understood the loss. He knew that was what affected Hongjoong still. Hongjoong captured his hand with his own and brought it to his lips, kissing his palm softly.

"I am not ready to explain it in detail, everything that was said or done, but one day, I promise, I will tell you."

"I know," Seonghwa replied, his voice no more than a whisper. New tears sprung into Hongjoong's eyes and slid down his face. Seonghwa smiled sadly while wiping them away.

"I just- I want you to know that everything that happened, I don't think I can ever truly get over it. I'm afraid every time we are in public that someone will see- that someone will see how much you mean to me and take you away from me. I-" Hongjoong choked up, a strangled sob wracking his body as he pulled Seonghwa into a tight hug. Seonghwa clung to him just as tightly, burying his head into Hongjoong's neck, inhaling a lungful of his distraught scent. "Just the thought of losing you fills me with s-so much dread and sorrow."

"Hey," Seonghwa whispered, lifting his head to kiss Hongjoong's lips again. "You won't lose me, okay? No one can take me away from you. No one." He looked into Hongjoong's eyes as he made him a promise. "And I promise you, if anyone tries, I will send them straight to hell." Seonghwa saw the determined gleam in his eyes reflected back at him in Hongjoong's eyes.

"And I promise you, that I will personally tear this world apart before I let anyone take you from me, my love," Hongjoong leaned up and kissed Seonghwa, their promises to each other burned into their hearts.

"I'm glad you won't give up on me so easily," Seonghwa said after they parted.

Hongjoong frowned, eyes searching Seonghwa's sadly. "I am regretful that I ever made you feel like I wouldn't."

Seonghwa offered Hongjoong a small smile. "It's okay."

"No it's not," Hongjoong said sternly. "You should never feel like I wouldn't fight for you."

Seonghwa didn't know how to respond, so he kept silent. Hongjoong pushed his hair away from his face, a fond look in his eyes. "You deserve the world, Seonghwa. The world and so much more."

"So do you," Seonghwa said.

"You are my world," It was cheesy, it was romantic, it was cliché, it was gag worthy...And yet, Seonghwa found himself melting in Hongjoong's arms.

"I'm so proud of you, Hongjoong." Seonghwa's voice was soft as he gazed at his mate.

"What? Why?" Hongjoong tilted his head.

"Because you've opened up to me today," Seonghwa kissed Hongjoong's jaw softly, pride glimmering in his eyes as he stared down at the love of his life.

"I should have told you a long time ago. I should have told you when we had our fight- it shouldn't have even been a fight. I'm-"

"Don't apologise," Seonghwa interrupted. "I don't need it. We are both past that now. The fight was necessary, wasn't it?" Hongjoong brows drew together and Seonghwa took pity on his easily confused mate. "Without the fight, we never would have gotten here, would we? Maybe I would know a bit more about you, but you wouldn't know anything new about me."

Hongjoong frowned, a hard stare settling on Seonghwa. Seonghwa tried to pull away, uncomfortable under the imploring stare of his mate, but Hongjoong held him tight. "You know you can tell me anything. I promise I won't judge you and I will do my best to be there for you in whatever way you need me to be." Seonghwa smiled at Hongjoong, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I know," he replied. Hongjoong's grip tightened around him.

"No, you don't," Hongjoong said, expression downcast.

"No, I don't," Seonghwa repeated quietly. Hongjoong looked as if his heart broke in two upon hearing Seonghwa confirm it.

Hongjoong gazed into his eyes, anguish dimming the usual fire in his eyes. "I never expected that you didn't feel comfortable telling me things. I'm sorry I made you feel this way."

"It's not your fault."

"Seonghwa," Hongjoong's tone was stern once more. "It is my fault. I should have been more observant and listened to you more. I should have made you feel heard and loved and appreciated every damn moment you've been with me."

"Hongjoong," Seonghwa gasped out his name with a weak sob. Hearing Hongjoong speak so adamantly was tearing him apart. He didn't deserve Hongjoong. He didn't deserve his love or his kindness. He didn't deserve him, so why did he crave him so badly?

"Seonghwa," Hongjoong's voice trembled ever so slightly as he trailed his fingers across Seonghwa's cheekbone and down his jaw, his eyes following the movement. "I knew you were my mate the moment I saw you, and I vowed to protect you for the rest of my life. I fought every bad thought about the suffering I could bring you because my entire soul belonged to you- I knew it. You were the one for me- you still are. I-" Hongjoong broke off, his chin wobbling, tears pooling in his eyes as he gazed at Seonghwa with so much love that Seonghwa thought he might implode.

The words burst out of him with a violent sob. "I knew you were my mate the day you saved me from that alpha," Seonghwa cried, hiding his face in Hongjoong's chest the moment he was done. He didn't want to see his mate's reaction. He couldn't.

The silence in the room popped like static in Seonghwa's ears as he soaked Hongjoong's shirt with his tears.

"You knew?" Hongjoong's voice whispered weakly into the heavy silence. Seonghwa nodded, sucking in a stuttering inhale, choking and coughing as it got caught in his throat. Hongjoong's arms tightened around him, a hand rubbed at his back soothingly. "You knew and you chose to suffer..."

Seonghwa cried harder as his mate spoke, he couldn't handle the despair in Hongjoong's tone or scent. It was gut-wrenching to know he was causing his mate this much pain just by admitting to one of his biggest secrets. Hongjoong wasn't even mad at him, he was upset for him. Just like Eden had been. He didn't deserve Hongjoong.

"Why?" Hongjoong's voice trembled. He sounded winded, as if all of the air had been knocked out of him.

"Because I wanted to protect you," Seonghwa replied, forcing himself to look at Hongjoong, forcing himself to look upon the devastation he had wrought. Hongjoong's face was scrunched and his eyes were haunted.

"But you were the one who needed protecting," Hongjoong's face crumpled and he began to cry openly, fully, as if his heart were seeping out of him. He wrapped his arms around Seonghwa's torso, bringing a hand up to his head and tangling his finger's in his hair. He pulled Seonghwa against his chest, holding his head in the crook of his neck and cried.

They both cried together until all of their tears were used up. Exhaustion from his heat and all of the crying hit Seonghwa like a bus. He was tired all at once and his fatigued brain demanded sleep. As Seonghwa drifted off, Hongjoong ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm glad you let me protect you." Hongjoong's soft voice floated in his mind, eliciting a small smile from Seonghwa before he fully conceded to sleep.

A/N: Happy Mingi Day!

Yes, I finished this 12.5K word chapter before CH8 which is only 5.5K words long 😅

I really like the sweet moments in this chapter.

This is the end of the double update for this month. I'll see you with another double update next month hopefully.

If you've made it this far through the story, I appreciate you and I hope you will enjoy future chapters as well.