Seonghwa was so close, barely half an arms length away, and yet it felt like he was a whole world away.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Hongjoong

Hongjoong was unable to sleep, no matter how hard he willed himself to just fall into the comforting embrace of unconsciousness. His brain wide away despite having less than three hours sleep. He had rolled onto his back and stolen a glance at his mate, the one he loved most in the world, and felt his chest constrict painfully. He turned his body to face the middle of the bed, his eyes staring at the face of his mate, his expression soft and calm. Seonghwa was so close, barely half an arms length away, and yet it felt like he was a whole world away. Hongjoong was struck by dizzying sorrow, his head spinning as he sat up, eyes burning. He blinked rapidly, willing the burning and dizziness to stop. He struggled to swallow around the lump in his throat. Despite still sharing the bed, there was always this impenetrable wall of space between them. Neither of them crossed it when they were asleep or awake. Neither of them had declared that they shouldn't cuddle up together, this wall just seemed to exist to torment Hongjoong further, to remind him that keeping his distance would have been the best thing for Seonghwa two years ago. He spared a glance in the direction of his peacefully sleeping mate before all but leaping from the bed. His breath stuttered as he swiftly rushed from the house, barely remembering to grab his laptop before his feet carried him out the door. 

He needed to get out. He needed to get away from Seonghwa and the suffocating silence stretching out between them, the dark and empty void of space that separated their hearts. Quick steps had him stumbling down the street towards the bus stop. His thoughts barraged him mercilessly, hooking their claws into him with delighted fervor. 

He shouldn't have coveted something beyond him. Now, he was the reason Seonghwa was upset and suffering.

On the bus, Hongjoong found himself staring out the window, watching the world slide past him in a never-ending storyboard of the lives of people who rose with the sun. Some were stumbling drunks, others were formally dressed business people, a few were mothers and grandmothers out for a stroll with young kids in tow, their joyful laughter audible even inside the bus. He watched absently as the odd homeless person here and there was walking dejectedly down the side of the path, moving towards wherever they went before the city woke up and became a bustling humdrum.

Watching the people, Hongjoong's thoughts were momentarily relieved of their shackles of self-loathing that had been holding him prisoner for several days now. The pressure in his chest, however, had not eased. It was becoming difficult to breathe, his shallow breaths growing shallower and shallower the further away he got from the house, from Seonghwa. Soon, the pressure building in his chest was all he could focus on. The dizziness and sorrow overwhelming him until his eyes burned with unshed tears. His vision blurred and he squeezed his eyes shut, wishing for it all to stop. 

Cruel alpha. Selfish alpha. You're mate doesn't deserve someone as awful as you!  The words were his own, his own spiteful voice spitting them at him from within the confines in his mind. A memory, a dream from a few nights ago- the last time he'd slept. Once more, he was swallowed up by it. He could see himself, his alpha, staring at him with disappointment and disgust, red eyes boring into Hongjoong's pitiful soul. Worthless. You can't even take care of your omega like you promise. Can't love him right. You don't deserve someone as magnificent as Seonghwa. The alpha spat out the word like poison, red glare searing Hongjoong's skin until he was clenching his teeth in agony. His body felt as if it were really on fire. 

A new voice scoffed at him as he cowered under his alpha's stare, the words mocking and triumphant. See, little Joongie? I told you that you were a no good alpha. I warned you. You will only ever bring despair and suffering for any poor omega you shackled to you. Stupid, Joongie. 

Hongjoong started at the cruel feminine voice, words familiar and yet not. He looked up, but saw nothing but writhing darkness, even his alpha had vanished.  

He flinched, his elbow knocking against the hard side of the bus, startling him out of his thoughts. His eyes snapped open and he squinted in the bright light, the bus angled towards the rising sun. He glanced around, feeling disorientated. No one else was on the bus, no one to witness his insanity. No one to judge him for being a horrible mate. No one to mock him for mating Seonghwa but drawing the line at public displays of affection. 

No one around to ease the pressure still crushing his lungs. No one around to comfort him. No one around to tell him that he isn't the wrong alpha for Seonghwa. No one around to disprove his sisters words. No one to save him from himself. 

No one around to save Seonghwa from him. 

~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong didn't make it to the studio. He got off at the next bus stop, not caring that he was still carrying his laptop, or that he was only at least fifteen minutes away from the studio. He walked in the opposite direction of the studio, but not back towards his house. He crossed the road, not caring that the light would turn red when he was only half way across the road. Let the cars wait. Let the cars speed behind him. Maybe he'd get lucky and one of them would be too impatient and would just run him over for the fun of it. He almost smiled at that thought. Almost, but his lips twitched downwards instead. Seonghwa's forlorn face flashed into his mind. He couldn't do that to Seonghwa. Couldn't let him bare the agony of a shattered mating bond. The pure torture of one losing their mate could drive the living to insanity. Even if Seonghwa wished they weren't mates anymore, even if he'd realised that Hongjoong was the wrong mate for him, even if he didn't want Hongjoong in his life anymore, Hongjoong's death would destroy him. He'd feel like his heart had been wrenched from his chest and crushed into a thousand miniscule shards of glass before being shoved down his throat. Hongjoong had seen what it did to his sister, he couldn't imagine doing that to Seonghwa, couldn't bear the thought of being selfish enough to let his mate suffer like that. He swallowed thickly, feeling guilty for even having a passing thought of wanting death. 

He crossed the road without being hit, and walked up the street until he could turn down another street to head towards where, he didn't know. He allowed his feet to lead him down streets while the memory that had replayed in his mind so many times that it was engraved on the back of his eyelids, played once more. He remembered the flash of red reflected in Seonghwa's eyes, he remembered his harsh words, and most of all, he remembered Seonghwa's teary eyes, his trembling voice, his quiet, dejected 'okay', his disappearing form down the hall, his soured scent ever since, his tired voice whenever he asked Hongjoong to come home, the fatigue drooping his shoulders, the despondency in the way his eyes followed Hongjoong as he left the house for the studio. 

There was a distance between them now. Not just physically, but in their bond as mates as well. There was a distance and Hongjoong was going insane from it. He felt it, he noticed it. Every single moment that Seonghwa did something different, every single moment that Seonghwa said something or didn't say something. The distance between them so blaringly obvious when they were normally so close. He didn't want to lose Seonghwa, but he wasn't a stranger to the thought of letting Seonghwa go. Letting him go find someone better. Someone who could love him how he wanted to be loved.

Hongjoong's thoughts were consumed by Seonghwa as he walked absentmindedly towards an unknown destination, familiar accusations hounding him, growing louder and louder as he fell deeper into his thoughts. Cruel alpha. Selfish alpha. Worthless. Undeserving of such a loving and sweet omega. Cursed alpha. 

He loved Seonghwa. He loved the omega with everything he had. He'd hand him the world on a shining, silver platter if Seonghwa asked for it, and yet, he couldn't just be affectionate with Seonghwa in public? How ridiculous was that? How did he expect to give Seonghwa the world if he couldn't even give him something like this?

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't recognise the familiar scents, or hear Yeosang at first. He only realised who was in front of him when a warm hand clasped around his arm and halted his movements with a gentle tug. 

Hongjoong halted and looked down at his arm with a jerk of his head, startled. He frowned, confused and dazed until he looked up and saw Yeosang. His mind scrambled as he met the human's concerned eyes.  He forced a smile onto his face, hoping it didn't look as utterly fake as it felt.

"Yeosang! What a pleasant surprise- oh and Jongho! Hi!" He glanced between the two as he realised that they were both together, possibly even hanging out. He ignored the questioning look Jongho was shooting him and looked back at Yeosang. "Are you two hanging out?"

"Yeah. Jongho just got off work and we were going to get some lunch. Do you want to join us?"

Hongjoong shook his head. He didn't want to be around anyone right now, he didn't- couldn't pretend he was okay, that he wasn't a horrible alpha who had hurt and upset his mate. "No thank you," he replied.  "I'm just taking a walk."

"You seemed lost in thought," Yeosang mentioned tentatively. 

His smile threatened to disappear as he wondered how he seemed to the human. He glanced away, turning his head to watch the traffic, giving himself to collect and calm his thoughts before looking back at Yeosang. "Yeah, I'm just thinking is all."

"Oh. Where's Seonghwa?" Hongjoong tensed at the questions, eyes flickering to Jongho who was watching him closely, eyes narrowed, nostrils flared, no doubt taking in his scent. Panic flared up inside Hongjoong at the baby alpha possibly realising how not fine things were. 

"Uh, he's at home," Hongjoong answered slowly, hand coming up behind his neck to scratch at the nape of his neck, the pressure in his chest growing worse under the weight of Jongho's stare and Yeosang's curiosity. 

"Is he alright? He's been sounding a bit weird in his texts and-"

"He's fine," Hongjoong interrupted, voice rough, eyes wandering down the path. He needed to get away. He needed to get away. "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

He made to walk away before he froze, turning back around and handing his laptop to a puzzled Yeosang. "Could you hold onto this for me, please?" he asked. 

Yeosang accepted the laptop, brows raised, but he thankfully did not question Hongjoong giving him his most prized possession. "Sure, just drop by mine when you want it back," Yeosang said amiably, eyes dancing with unspoken questions. Hongjoong nodded his thanks before walking away, hands no longer burdened by the weight of his laptop and a destination in mind. 

~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong didn't remember calling Eden, didn't remember getting in the taxi that drove him for an hour to the hotel that the older alpha happened to be staying at, didn't remember sobbing into Eden's chest and collapsing in the perturbed alpha's arms, didn't remember Eden's soothing voice lulling him to sleep. Hongjoong didn't remember any of it, too drunk to even remember leaving the bar. But, Eden filled him in when Hongjoong wandered woke in the unfamiliar room and sat up, gasping as a lance of pain cracked his skull open. Eden had pitied him for all of two seconds before demanding answers, his distress over Hongjoong's odd behaviour and sour scent hanging heavily in the air. 

And so, Hongjoong recounted what had happened between him and Seonghwa, even explaining how he had been feeling since after prompting from Eden. The older alpha's eyes darkened as Hongjoong told him everything. Strangely, Hongjoong felt numb as he spoke, as if he could no longer feel any emotion. 

"I heard her voice in my head," Hongjoong said after a long silence. Eden's sharp eyes snapped to his own, having been previously staring out the window, thinking over all that Hongjoong had told him. Hongjoong knew Eden didn't need him to clarify who he was referring to, but he needed to say it, needed to admit that "I heard my sister's voice. She was right." His voice cracked, and so did whatever dam had been holding his emotions hostage. He heaved in a stuttering breath before a tidal wave crashed over him. 

Eden held Hongjoong tightly, cradling him against his chest, scent anguished. He was whispering into Hongjoong's hair, his own tears wetting the strands. Gentle kisses were pressed into his scalp and Hongjoong sobbed harder. Despite Eden's kindness, he didn't feel calmer or better, he felt worse. He didn't deserve this kind treatment. Not when he was such a horrible mate to Seonghwa.

"She's not right. She's not right. She's not right. She's s'not right," Eden's denials began to slur as he struggled to swallow his own sobs. 

"I'm the worst alpha! I'm a curse to my mate," Hongjoong choked out, words escaping him without intention. Eden's arms tightened ever so slightly around him as he shook his head, chin grazing the top of Hongjoong's head. 

"No, you're not, Hongjoong," the alpha growled. Hongjoong felt lips pressed against the top of his head once more. A hand began rubbing soothingly at the small of his back.  Hongjoong's lungs suddenly flooded with Eden's calming scent as he inhaled sharply. "You're not the worst alpha. You're not even a bad alpha. You aren't a curse to him either. Don't let her words get to you. She was so wrong- still is so terribly wrong. You're such an amazing alpha. You saved Seognhwa from his horrible family, you saved him from those monsters. But you never let him save you, Hongjoong," Eden's voice broke and Hongjoong felt his chest heave as he took a deep breath to steady himself. "You never let me save you."

Hands were gripping Hongjoong's shirt tightly, holding him as close as possible as Eden exposed his own guilt. "And I let you just push me away and act like everything was fine. I- Hongjoong, let Seonghwa in. Tell him everything. Tell him the things you still keep from me, let him see you. Just please, let Seonghwa in. Let him save you." 

Hongjoong clutched Eden tightly. He couldn't do as Eden asked. He didn't want Seonghwa to know, couldn't have Seonghwa know. Didn't want him to know that sometimes he couldn't sleep because his sister plagued his mind. Eden tensed against Hongjoong and he knew that the older had picked up on his rejection of Eden's plea. 

"You have to tell him, Hongjoong," Eden whispered brokenly. "He needs to know why you fear being openly affectionate in public, why it makes your skin crawl and your chest tighten, why it makes you look over your shoulder, why it makes you anxious about every nearby human and wolf. He needs to know just how big of a deal it is that you even mated him. He needs to know what your sister did to you."

~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa

'I'm sorry.'

The whispered apology echoed through Seonghwa's mind tirelessly. It's incessant chant terrorizing him whenever he looked at Hongjoong.

A part of Seonghwa wanted to reach out to his zombie-like mate, to just tell him that it was okay, that he understood, but he couldn't. He couldn't give in. Not again. He needed this. He needed Hongjoong to understand that he didn't just want this. He needed it. He needed it just as must as Hongjoong needed to scent Seonghwa before and after they went out to feel comforted and like Seonghwa was truly his. Just like Hongjoong needed little assurances that Seonghwa did indeed love him, Seonghwa needed them to be able to be affectionate in front of others. He felt horrible whenever he saw other mated couples or even human couples holding hands, cuddling, kissing or even giving each other sneaky butt taps in public, but he could do none of that with Hongjoong or experience any of it from Hongjoong.

He hated how Hongjoong would tense up and freak out whenever Seonghwa tried to even merely hold his hand in public, even if they were in the movie theatre where it was dark and no one would notice. Seonghwa couldn't stop the pesky thoughts telling him that Hongjoong was rejecting him because he didn't want or love him.

He'd found it growing worse recently. Impossible to ignore. His need to just touch Hongjoong and express to him how much he loved him, regardless of who was around. He knew Hongjoong hated it, hated anything remotely physically affectionate when others were present, but Seonghwa needed it.

Now that they were swiftly syncing back up, the need was stronger and Seonghwa was beginning to feel like a failure of a mate. It was like he was chained up, unable to express his love to Hongjoong and every moment he couldn't break free of those chains, was a moment wasted, a moment where his beloved would never know just how much Seonghwa loved him.

It was easier on the days that they were home alone together because Seonghwa could be as loving as he wanted and Hongjoong would easily accept it all. But the moment someone came over or they had to go out somewhere, Hongjoong rejected it all. Rejected Seonghwa.

Seonghwa was tired of it. He needed Hongjoong to know he loved him 24/7, no matter where they were. Hongjoong needed to understand that Seonghwa didn't feel comfortable when he had to restrain himself constantly from expressing his love for his mate. He felt like a part of him was unfulfilled and that he wasn't being the best possible mate he could be for Hongjoong. Seonghwa couldn't understand why he felt this way, he just knew that if he couldn't hold Hongjoong, even around their friends or hold his hand when no one would notice, then he was going to go insane. He just needed Hongjoong to understand that.

Seonghwa splayed his hands out on top of the kitchen bench. His fingers ached from being clenched while he was lost in thought.

There were only four more days until the two week break ended and they started up their final eight weeks of the semester. Four more days. Seven days had already passed since their fight. Each day going almost exactly the same. Neither of them would speak to each other but Seonghwa would make them both breakfast, Hongjoong would sit with him to eat and then leave for the studio until Seonghwa drove down to pick him up and then they went to bed, the cycle repeating almost identically every day.

Today, Seonghwa had woken to an empty bed and an anxious scent cloying heavily in the stagnant air of the room. Seonghwa walked out to the kitchen, looking for Hongjoong's usual note he usually left if he left for the studio before Seonghwa woke up- as if Seonghwa needed a note. There was only one place Hongjoong would be at that time in the morning. But, there was no note today. Seonghwa frowned, a twinge of sadness shooting through his chest.

Seonghwa sighed to himself, willing away the sadness, and made himself breakfast. There was no use dwelling on it. It wouldn't change anything. Just like his hoping and staring at the clock the past several nights hadn't brought Hongjoong home earlier. Seonghwa was just thankful that Hongjoong didn't argue about staying longer at the studio whenever he went to get him, even though Seonghwa could tell that there were a few nights where he wanted to keep working.

Seonghwa felt his heart thrill whenever Hongjoong immediately began saving his work and packing up his things and obediently following Seonghwa to the car. He felt light and floaty when he saw his alpha doing as he asked.

That first night had been difficult. Seonghwa was so angry at Hongjoong, but those whispered words of his mate when they were both in bed had doused some of his burning rage. Hongjoong had sounded so heartbroken and lost and his scent was so distressed and remorseful that it had taken everything within Seonghwa not to just turn around, embrace Hongjoong and comfort him. Instead, he'd forced himself to feign sleep and waited until he was sure Hongjoong was asleep before turning around to look at his mate, who even in his sleep, reeked of distress and remorse. He'd been disappointed to find Hongjoong's back to him, but he'd just been happy that Hongjoong had even come home when he asked.

But, Hongjoong had been getting worse. Seonghwa paused his eating, staring down at his bowl as he put his spoon down. Hongjoong had been eating less and less, avoiding eating some days, under the guise of giving it to Seonghwa instead. Seonghwa wasn't a fool though, he didn't miss this. And between only eating a small amount of food at breakfast and sleeping less than 5 hours for the past seven days, Hongjoong was beginning to look sickly pale and gaunt. His scent was constantly changing, but an alien heavy spiciness clung to Seonghwa's throat whenever he lay in bed with Hongjoong.

Hongjoong was just deteriorating before his eyes and Seonghwa wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to cave and let Hongjoong win, but he didn't want his mate to be hospitalized over an argument that most would call ridiculous. Seonghwa knew that if he spoke to anyone, they would all be on his side and exclaim about how prude and uncaring Hongjoong was to not accept Seonghwa's affection if they were in public. It was why Seonghwa hadn't reached out to Yeosang like he had planned to. He didn't want to try and help Yeosang feel better when he couldn't even help himself or Hongjoong feel better. Seonghwa just hoped that Yeosang and Jongho hung out some more and the alpha was able to help Yeosang, even just a little.

With a sigh, Seonghwa stood, picking up his half full bowl and disposing of the contents in the bin. He didn't have an appetite anymore.

~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~

The moment Hongjoong entered the house, Seonghwa knew exactly where he'd been- or rather, who he had been with. He barely stopped his lip from curling as his mate closed the front door. 

"You were with him?" Seonghwa's voice came out higher than he intended, the pain obvious in his tone. Hongjoong nodded silently as he slipped off his shoes, eyes lowered to the floor. He stepped further into the house, walking towards Seonghwa, eyes sliding upwards to meet Seonghwa's searchingly.

"We were just talking. I'm sorry-"

"You reek of him!" Seonghwa snapped angrily, green tinging his world in furious shades of jealousy. "There's no way you two just talked." His teeth were practically bared as he spoke, but Hongjoong didn't even flinch or show any indication of remorse.

"He's in pre-rut so his scent is stronger than normal. You know how-"

"Oh, great. So you were around him in pre-rut? And you talked," Seonghwa scoffed, looking to the side for a moment before turning back to once again meet Hongjoong's unwavering gaze. It was bad enough that Hongjoong had forgotten to take his phone with him yesterday and Seonghwa couldn't find him at the studio last nigh - the receptionist informing him that she hadn't seen Hongjoong all day -but to add insult to injury, Hongjoong had been with Eden.  "You must really think so little of me if you really think I'll believe any old bullshit." 

"It's not bullshit," Hongjoong responded tiredly, expression growing agitated. "We were just..." Hongjoong trailed off and Seonghwa waited in tensed silence. "I guess cuddling would be the best word to explain it." 

Seonghwa scoffed again. He really couldn't believe the words coming out of Hongjoong's mouth. "You guess? What does that even mean?"

Hongjoong bristled, eyes narrowing slightly, his jaw tensing the way it does when Hongjoong is pissed off. "It means what it means," Hongjoong snapped. "Eden was comforting me and he hugged me for a long time and I hugged him back."

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, his lip slowly curling up, jealousy and insecurities bubbling to the surface, threatening to explode out of him. 

"Of course, of course," Seonghwa knew his tone exposed how hurt he was, but his heart ached too much to hide it. Of course Eden would let Hongjoong near him during his pre-rut rather than be territorial. Of course Eden and Hongjoong would hold each other close enough and for long enough for Eden's scent to almost be a shield around Hongjoong. They were betrothed mates before Seonghwa even met Hongjoong after all, of course Hongjoong would seek out Eden for comfort. Of course he wouldn't come to Seonghwa, his own mate for comfort, because Seonghwa was a nobody in the presence of the older alpha. 

"You're always so much happier around Eden," Seonghwa whispered, heart quaking under the weight of the agony of knowing his mate would seek out another for comfort. Hongjoong's mouth opened slightly, but Seonghwa could tell he didn't intend to speak - he was shocked. Hongjoong's eyes were suddenly shining with tears, but Seonghwa couldn't tell what it meant. "Of course you would go to him for cuddles and comfort," Seonghwa's voice wobbled slightly and he cleared his throat subtly even though he knew it was pointless. 

Seonghwa's vision was slightly blurry as tears welled up in his own eyes. He stared up at the ceiling, willing them away. He blinked and a stubborn droplet teetered off the edge of his eyelashes and splashed onto his cheek before sliding down to the corner of his mouth.

"I- Seonghwa," Hongjoong's voice was pleading. "It's different. It's not like-"

"What do you mean 'it's different'?" Seonghwa exploded. He unconsciously moved a step closer to Hongjoong. His body shook with rage and jealousy as confusion and hurt danced through his veins. How was it different? Why could Eden have what Seonghwa wanted, while Seonghwa was deprived of it? Why couldn't Hongjoong trust him the same way he did Eden? 

Hongjoong opened his mouth to respond but Seonghwa found words tumbling from his mouth before he even processed what he was saying.

"You act like that with him and stayed with him while he was in pre-rut but expect me to believe you when you say nothing happened? Alphas get territorial, but he didn't-"

"Seonghwa!" Hongjoong's stern voice interrupted Seonghwa's rage-filled ramblings. "Nothing happened!"

Seonghwa scoffed. "I don't believe you."

"Clearly," Hongjoong interjected blandly. Seonghwa snarled.

"He was in pre-rut and you two have a long history. Why wouldn't more happen?"

Hongjoong's normally serene and lovely scent turned ashen and dried the back of Seonghwa's throat, making it uncomfortable to swallow. His scent overpowering Eden's scent as he growled, "Are you seriously insinuating that we fucked because he was in pre-rut and alphas in pre-rut are stereotypically likely to-"

"I meant-"

"Because you can't say that without suggesting the same for me! Do you really find me so untrustworthy?" Hongjoong's eyes shone with hurt, his mouth twisting into a grimace. "Do you think that when I was alone with Yeosang while in pre-rut that I encouraged him to let me fuck him too?"

Seonghwa was startled by the suggestion and immediately shook his head. "N-No. I know- Yeosang's not like that."

"Oh, so you trust Yeosang. You just don't trust me."

Seonghwa stumbled over his words as he panicked, trying to rectify his mistake. "That's not-Hong-It's-"

Hongjoong shook his head, expression closed off, eyes emptying of emotion like a knocked-over glass. 

"Hongjoong, I just don't trust you with Eden," he tried to clarify. "And I definitely don't trust him."

Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa silently. Just when Seonghwa was about to speak again, Hongjoong spoke, voice strained as if he was struggling to keep the trembling rage clenching and unclenching his fists in check. "Eden is not a bad alpha."

He didn't know why, but those words infuriated him. "Oh, of course not! Eden is just the best alpha ever!"

"Why are you acting like this?" Hongjoong's voice raised to match Seonghwa's, growing equally as loud. "You're acting unreasonable!"

"Unreasonable? Unreasonable! You expect me to trust your ex who you look at with heart eyes and who you'd do anything for?"

"I don't-"

"You do!"

"Seonghwa!"

"No! Why else would you reek of him like this?"

"We were just cuddling! I told you this! He is in pre-rut and he comforted me last night and this morning!"

"Why didn't you just come to me if you needed comforting? I would have given it to you," his heart clenched painfully, lips trembling dangerously. 

"How could I come to you? You barely look at me these days! Let alone touch me," Hongjoong's voice shook and he inhaled harshly before speaking in a stronger voice. "Besides, how could I come to you and ask for comfort when I needed it because of you?"

Seonghwa stood, mouth opening and closing like a fish. He had not expected this response at all. And then unbridled rage charged through him.

"And whose fault is that?" Seonghwa snarled. "Last time I checked, it was your fault, my dearest mate. You couldn't do one little thing I asked of you and even had the audacity to try and alpha order me!"

"Look, I didn't mean to alpha order- I didn't even realise I was doing it until I saw the red reflection in your eyes."

"That's no excuse! It just shows that you have no control and could have easily given in to Eden's charms before you 'even realised'."

"Seonghwa, you know that's unfair," Hongjoong growled. "Those are very different situations. Why are you so hellbent on accusing me of cheating on you?"

"Because why wouldn't you? You always do whatever he wants!"

The atmosphere in the room shifted immediately. A dark expression taking over Hongjoong's face.

"No, I don't."

Hongjoong's scent turned sour as he stomped past Seonghwa, the finality in his tone calling an end to their argument just as much as his disappearing form. Seonghwa stared after his mate in baffled bewilderment. He'd never seen Hongjoong shut down a conversation so abruptly. Ever the diplomat, Hongjoong usually continued until things were settled or the other person walked away. This set off a red flag for Seonghwa. His mate was like this after staying with Eden over night. The alpha who Hongjoong was once not only betrothed to, but in a relationship with. The alpha he was so clearly in love with. There was no way things remained platonic last night like Hongjoong tried to tell Seonghwa.

How was Seonghwa supposed to believe that everything went as Hongjoong said? It didn't make sense.

It never had.

Why would Hongjoong choose him? Why would Hongjoong choose Seonghwa as his mate when he was just some lowly omega?

Hongjoong as a top alpha should be with someone who benefitted him, not with someone as useless as Seonghwa. What had Seonghwa brought Hongjoong? Riches? Power? Family? No. Seonghwa had stripped him of everything he deserved and caused him trouble after trouble. And to top it all off, their cycles weren't even synced.

A/N: Just a reminder that this story is a work of fiction. Any similarities of names, people, places, and events to real life is purely coincidental.

I recommend this for listening to during Hongjoong POV: Heart Heart Head - Meg Myers. It's what I was listening while writing it. So, if you are interested, then please give it a listen. For me, the screams matched up with when I was writing Hongjoong's...struggles 

Wow, this chapter was a doozy to write. I was going to include more in the chapter, but it felt right to end it here and save the rest for next month. I hope you enjoy reading despite the confusing and heavier content. 

Ateez cb tomorrow! Who's excited? I know I am!