Chapter Twenty-One

~Rachel's POV~

Where am I?

   I was totally disconnected from my own body. I was lost in the swirling darkness of my own mind and I feared that it would never loosen its grip from me. I could feel my heartbeat pulsing, the slow and steady thump echoed into my ears.
   I could feel my weak and ragged breaths scrape out of my throat and leave my lips in a silent whisper. My chest lifted gently up and down, I knew I was alive. I couldn't open my eyes. I was stuck in my own head.
   Eventually, after a couple minutes of willing, I started hearing. All I could register was a slight ringing in my ears. Once that went away, I could make out hushed voices that I couldn't quite tell what they were saying. I could hear machines beeping and going off, a steady hum.
   I felt my finger twitch, finally feeling a sense of relief rush through my body. Then as if a switch had been flipped, I felt everything at once. My heart was pounding inside my aching ribs and the blood coursed hot in my veins and throughout my body.
   Warm air blew against my freezing skin. I was able to move my heavy head to one side weakly and groan. I heard a low gasp and the sounds of padded feet meeting me.
   Flashes of blurry pictures and people filtered through my brain but none rang a bell. One picture did stand out most of the rest though, my father. I had to get out of here, I had to get away from him. I can't let him get me this time.
   My dad's angry face flashed in my head and I could already feel the fear emit from me. He was walking towards me with a knife. I felt like I had seen this scene before but I couldn't remember how. It terrified me, I couldn't open my eyes. I was breathing in pants, shaking my head slightly and bunching up my fists.
   Finally, my fear awoke something inside of me and I felt it build up more and more until i and enough energy to pull out of it. I snapped my eyes open and shot up in a sitting position. Something tugged at my arms and wrists, resulting in an uncomfortable and confusing feeling.
   I gasped, looking down to see what the problem was. My vision was blurry for a few seconds until I blinked the sleep from my eyes. Needles were taped in both arms, causing the discomfort when they were tugged. Blood trickled down one of them in the progress of me aggressive awakening.
   I was beyond confused and didn't understand where I was. The room was very clean and white. It smelled like cleaning supplies and plastic.
   I was in a bed, a hospital bed to be exact. I was shivering like a leaf, my hands trembling and sending tremors down my spine. I looked around the room, trying to pull any memory of it into reality. As I was looking around the room, I finally noticed the man watching me from the foot of my bed.
  He had long brown hair that curled around his clenched jaw and was messily pushed behind his ears. He had on black wide rimmed glasses pushed up to his nose at the moment. His fingers were clasped around a brown bag and he was staring in shock at me. He was wearing a crumpled brown and black vest with black dress pants and shoes. He was very tall and skinny.
   He looked like he wanted to say something, but my little scene had stunned him into silence. I didn't understand why I was here, why Charlotte wasn't here, why I couldn't remember. I noticed marks on my wrists, puckered white streaks that circled around my wrists.
   My skin was littered in old bruises, burns, and cuts. I looked like I had been hit by a car. I felt like it too. I stared at the my arms for some time, my head throbbing. I winced, reaching my hand up and surprised to find part of it bandaged.
   I looked up at the man and glared at him, the fear pricking at my heart and tearing it into shreds. He did this to me, he has done something to me, he took me away from Charlotte. I didn't know this man, but I felt like I should fear him.

"Don't come near me. I'll kill you." I croaked out, my voice scratchy and low.

   He held his hands up, nodding. He took a steps towards me anyways, keeping his hands held high. He took cautious steps, watching me back up until my back was against the headboard.

"I am Dr. Spencer Reid. I am from the BAU unit, I am a good person. I am here to help you, you came to us for help. You left your father for the abuse you were put through, your mother left a long time ago. Your sister is named Charlotte and she is okay. She is waiting for you in the lounge. You are recovering at Mercy Hospital and have been in a coma for about three days."

   I couldn't believe what he had just said. I was so confused. Why was I here? Where was my father and what happened to me?

"Why don't I remember you?" I asked quietly, settling back into the pillows.

   My eyes never left his, I didn't know whether or not to believe him yet. He came closer and sat in a plastic chair beside me. I groaned, holding my head in my head and squeezing my eyes shut. My whole body felt sore.

"Do you need a nurse, Rachel?" He asked, he was very calm and collected. I just shook my head and waited in silence for him to continue.

"When the barn exploded, you must have hit your head harder than you thought. You were also shot in the abdomen by your cousin, and rushed to the hospital.." He tried speaking slowly, allowing me to digest what he was saying.

"I was..shot?" I asked, my voice shaking.

He nodded, watching me. I looked down, my hands gripping the sheets laid on top of me. I lifted them up, surprised to see my waist bandaged, that's why I felt so sore. I was out for three days...
At the mention of this, my memories flickered slightly. His face made me feel something, I must have known him. He was telling me I did, and I remember his face. But who was he to me? My head was dizzy with questions.

"What's wrong?" He asked with concern.

I didn't answer right away, just looking at myself. My head was bandaged, along with my waist. My skin was pale and littered with bruises and strange red marks that itched. I was shaking, my whole body aching.

"W-what did they do to me?" I asked, fear wavering my voice.

He sighed and looked at the floor, shifting uncomfortably in his place. My hands were trembling as I rubbed my face fretfully. I was still so confused and I wanted answers. I was terrified. I clearly have been put through hell, but with no recollection of anything. How could I not remember?

"Please help me." I said weakly, feeling tears run down my face.

I sniffled, unable to keep my emotions from spilling over. I covered my face, starting to cry. I heard quiet footsteps and looked up quickly. Reid was standing right beside my bed now, looking even more concerned. I wiped at my eyes but it wasn't helping.

"Rachel, you're safe now. Your father can't hurt you anymore. It's all over. We got him, he's done with this reign of terror over you and Charlotte. I promise." He stated calmly, reaching out to touch my arm.

"What happened?" I didn't want to know the details, but then again I did.

"You ran away from home to escape your father. You brought Charlotte with you and ended up running into our other Agent, Morgan. He took you to the BAU, where we have been working on your case.
We found out that your Cousin Bee was involved and helping your father. We were now looking for both of them. Your father somehow convinced you to go out alone to meet him. He took you hostage and the situation escalated. He tortured you and..drugged you.
When we finally had him surrounded, he decided to try and take everyone out by setting the barn on fire. We made it out alive, but the explosion gave you a serious concussion and partial memory loss. You're safe now, Rachel."

I sat there, staring at him with wide eyes. His words caused flashes of memories to come rushing in, but not enough for me to be fully caught up yet. I was in shock, I didn't know exactly how to handle the situation. I gulped, blinking slowly and looking down at my hands.

"Do you remember me at all?" He asked quietly, cocking his head.

"I think..I feel like I knew you..know you. It's like Deja Vu when I look at you. That means something, right?" He nodded his head, giving me a small and encouraging smile.

"The Doctor said it was a possibility you might have some memory gaps, but he's not sure how long you'll have them until you regain them back. If you ever do, that is. You're doing a great job so far." He said, tucking his hair behind his ears.

I nodded, wringing my hands together nervously. I've been out cold for three days and I feel like I haven't slept an ounce. I was still very dazed at the moment, hesitating on fully being adjusted to the whole situation. I sunk deeper into the pillows, my mind feeling like it was just melting out of my ears.

"Don't cry, Rachel." Reid said quietly, his hand reaching for me.

He used his thumb to wipe under my eye to catch the tear. I froze, feeling my skin tingle with his touch. For some reason, I a familiar feeling spread through me. As I stared at him, a thought popped into my head. A memory, a very shocking memory.

I kissed Reid.

I reached my hand up and touched my lips with my fingertips, my eyes darting to the floor. He didn't move his hand that was currently caressing my cheek now. His hands were slightly warm, his face a different expression now.

"You remember me, don't you?" He asked again, sounding hopeful.

My head was pounding, but it was bearable. I stared at him harder, my eyes taking him in. I knew him, I had to know him. I didn't realize my hand was moving until I had placed mine on top of his and grabbed his hand. I pressed his hand harder into my cheek, feeling his warm palm against me.
For some reason, it just felt right. He made me feel comfortable, relaxed. Almost. He didn't pull away, he stayed. He looked conflicted, but didn't move. He was bent over me slightly, his face closer to mine. I looked him in the eyes, desperately fishing my brain for more information. Nothing yet.

"I kissed you.." I said, catching him off guard.

He started pulling away slightly, but my hand was still gently gripped onto his. His eyes widened slightly, his eyes casting to the side. My mind was such in a fog and I really didn't know what the hell I was doing.

"Yes...we kissed. You remember that?" He asked curiously, leaning back down.

The more I heard his voice and the more I watched him, the more familiar he looked. I was clinging to that, that I finally remembered something or someone. I don't remember what happened after or before that first kiss, maybe I didn't want to know.

"Kiss me." I said finally, staring him straight in the eyes.

This really caught him off guard, his wide eyes unblinking and confused. He didn't move, didn't talk, as if he didn't believe what we heard. I leaned up on the pillows with my elbows, letting his hand slip from my face. I leaned up to him, inches away now.
Maybe it was the medication I've been put on, the fact that I just woke up, or how my brain has gone completely numb. The monitor beside me was speeding up, my heart rate increasing. He flickered his eyes to it, noticing as well.

"Rachel...I don't think..." He trailed off, looking down at my lips before quickly averting his eyes.

I looked down to see his hand resting on the bed. I slowly moved mine over the covers until they landed on top of his. He looked down as well, shaking his head slowly. Why did this feel wrong, but right at the same time? What was I thinking?

"Please.." I whispered, my vision getting slightly blurry.

I was in a hospital I didn't even know, bandaged up and bruised, and scared. I needed something to pull me back to reality. He was the first one I woke up to and the first one I remembered. That had to mean something. He means something. What?
He pursed his lips, still looking at our hands. I curled my fingers between the spaces of his, squeezing gently. Finally, he picked my hand up and held it in his, not looking at me. When he did look up, he seemed like he was fighting with himself.

"Please." I insisted, pleading with my eyes.

He sighed quietly, leaning in father. We were inches from eachother now, his cologne filling my senses. Why did he make me feel this way? He titled his head, his hand dropping mine to grab my chin gently. My lips parted slightly as my eyes fluttered closed.
Before I could feel his lips on mine, we both heard the door start to open. He pulled away quickly, stepping back a couple steps and clearing his throat. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to regain his composure. I fell back into my pillows, my anxiety sparking inside my chest.
It only increased as I watched two doctors walk in with their clipboards and white jackets. They instantly looked intimidating, I always hated the doctors. I looked at the IV's in my arms and shook my head. I wanted to leave, I wanted to go home.

"I want to go home.." I stared weakly, seeing the surprise on their faces when they noticed I was awake.

"Rachel, take deep breaths. They're here to he-"

"I want to leave, now. I can't do this. I'm sacred, I want to go home." I cut him off, scooting further against my headboard, holding my hands out.

I didn't want any of them coming near me. I was scared and confused and snapped harshly back to reality. I felt like this was a flight or flight moment. Reid was trying his best to calm me, but my patience seemed to be running thin now.

"I know you want to go home, Rachel. We will once they check you and make sure you're doing better. It's for your own health." He said slowly, holding his hands up and walking towards me.

"Don't come near me." I said between gritted teeth, looking between him and the other doctors.

My eyes glanced down at my IV's stuck in my arms again. My skin started crawling, I wanted these stupid things out of me. I wanted them gone, I can't handle them being in my arms.

"I don't want to be here. I'm leaving." I said, my voice shaking as I started climbing out of bed.

The doctors tried to approach me but I held my hands up again. My hand dropped and wrapped around the IV in my other arm. Reid noticed and started shaking his head. I made sure I was firmly wrapped around the IV and tensed up. My heart was pounding and my head was spinning.

Fear and anxiety don't mix well.

Then, I gave the IV a hard tug.