For the next few days, I switch between meeting up with Nathan and Clara, avoiding Hannah, trying to work up the courage to say something to my parents, and listening to Kate tell me I'm stupid for not saying anything to our parents yet.

"You are a little stupid," Clara says, skating around the lake with me and Nathan.

Nathan shoots her a look. "It's not easy to make yourself ask for something like that, especially if you don't know if you want it."

Clara smirks. "Right. That's why you write ambiguous poems about it. That's so much easier."

Nathan's cheeks tinge pink. "Do you want one?"

Clara clasps her hands over her heart. "I'd be so flattered. Right, Mona?"

I look away, making a noncommittal sound. I skate ahead of them and do a flip jump. When I land, I turn back around to face Nathan and Clara, hoping they think the flush on my cheeks is from the adrenaline of doing figure skating tricks and not because of whatever Clara is teasing me about. But when I turn, I almost crash into Nathan.

He smiles, backing up. "Sorry. I always get scared you're about to fall. And I need to make it up to you for all the times you caught me."

Clara joins us, her arms crossed over her chest and a smirk already on her face. "Following the red trail, Nathan?"

Nathan glares at her. "I hate you."

Clara laughs. "You're the one that wrote the poem. If you don't want me to reference it, why'd you write it?"

"For—" His eyes dart to me, his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red.

"For getting feelings out," I explain for him. But also for me because I'm not sure I want to really talk about this just yet either. "Like I did, but I don't know how to say more about it."

Nathan shoots me an appreciative look. But when the words register, his expression becomes contemplative. "It's like the star is burning really brightly, and you know you can reach out to grab it. But at the same time, it's like you shouldn't because you don't know what's going to happen if you do."

I nod. "Exactly."

Clara glances between us. "You two are cute."

Nathan ignores her. "I think you should reach for the star, Mona. It's scary to not know what's going to happen when you grasp it, but maybe it's something you need."

Clara elbows him. "You should take your own advice."

I nod, skating backward. "It's good advice."

Clara gives me an exasperated look. "Then, why aren't you taking it?"

I shrug, turning in place to skate forward and toward our shoes, so I don't have to deal with Clara's gaze head-on. "Because it's hard to take advice."

While we trade our skates for our shoes, Clara sighs. "You two need to sort out your issues. I'm getting tired of trying to counsel you."

Nathan scoffs, standing with his skates in hand. "You're such a great friend."

Clara glares at him as she stands with her skates in hand, too. "Shut up. You know what I mean."

Before Nathan can argue otherwise, someone calls his name. He's barely turning when a little girl wraps her arms around his waist, smiling up at him. His half-sister, Audrey. Nathan smiles down at her, putting a hand on her head, but there's a strain to it. Especially when he looks up. I follow his gaze to Nick, his wife—I think Nathan called her Delilah—and Nathan's half-brothers, Evan and Jacob. Nathan's eyes turn steely.

"Nathan," Audrey says, taking a step back. She beams up at him, standing on her toes and leaning forward. "What are you doing?"

Nathan eyes his dad and step-mom for a second longer, his expression blank. He shakes his head and focuses on Audrey, a gentle smile on his face. "Nothing much. Just hanging out with some friends."

Audrey glances at Clara before her eyes settle on me right as I stand, my skates draped around my neck. "I like your hair!"

Clara laughs, muttering, "So does your big brother."

Nathan elbows Clara, making Audrey frown. "That's not nice, Nathan."

Clara smirks. "Yeah, Nathan. That's not nice."

"He's not nice in general."

The atmosphere dims considerably as Audrey's brothers and parents join us. Evan glares at Nathan. He opens his mouth to say more, but Delilah puts a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back. Evan looks up at his mom. She gives him a pointed look, shaking her head. Evan huffs, but he keeps quiet.

Delilah smiles at Nathan. "How have you been, Nathan?"

Nathan gives her a blank look to match his tone. "Fine."

His stepmom's smile falters, but she nods. "We missed you at Christmas."

"And Thanksgiving," Evan mutters, making a groove in the snow as he twists his foot back and forth. "And our birthdays. And he'll probably miss New Year, too."

Something flashes across Nathan's face. He straightens, adjusting his grip on his skates. "I'm usually spending time with my mom for those holidays."

Evan narrows his eyes. "And our birthdays?"

Nathan doesn't say anything. I don't think there's anything he can say that's the truth and won't hurt his half-siblings' feelings. But his silence is just as telling, and Evan scowls. Before he can say anything, Jacob speaks up.

"Nathan was probably busy," he says. He gives Nathan a hopeful look. "Right?"

Nathan's expression softens, and he holds his fist out to Jacob, smiling when Jacob gives him a fist bump. "Yeah. I'm pretty busy helping my mom at Poems and Tales."

Audrey leans against Nathan, wrapping her arms around his waist. She buries her face into the side of his stomach, her voice coming out muffled as she says, "Are you gonna come to our birthdays next year, then?"

Evan scoffs. "I doubt it."

Nick puts a hand on Evan's other shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "I'm sure Nathan will make it next year."

Nathan gives his dad a blank look. When he meets Evan's glare, he forces himself to smile. "I'll definitely try."

Delilah gives Nathan another smile. This one feels a little more strained like she knows he won't return the favor for her at this point. "If not their birthdays, you're always welcome to stop by whenever you're free. We'll be happy to have you."

Nathan doesn't even look at her. "Sure. If you say so."

Clara glances at me, her eyes wide. I don't know if she wants me to do anything—I don't even know if I can do anything—but before I can step in, Clara does it herself. She smiles, putting a hand on Nathan's shoulder.

"I'm sure Nathan would love to come," she says, "but he's pretty antisocial." Clara looks at Nick. "You remember how long I had to annoy him to get him to talk to me."

Nick laughs, nodding. It looks like he's breathing a little easier. "Yeah. Definitely." His eyes flicker to me. "I'm glad he's not so antisocial that you guys couldn't expand your circle."

Clara hooks her free arm through mine, pulling me forward. "Wouldn't dream of not having Mona in our lives."

I really don't want to be dragged into this, but I make myself smile. "Thanks, Clara."

Evan glances between the three of us, his eyes narrowing. "Even if he is antisocial, why would he be antisocial to family? Why would he be closer to you guys than he would ever be to us?"

Clara shakes her head, frowning. "That's not true. And even if it is, Nathan would love to be closer to you guys."

Evan glares at Nathan. "Shouldn't we be hearing that from you, Nathan?"

Nathan looks from Evan to Jacob to Audrey. Jacob and Audrey look up at him, the slightest crease between their eyebrows. It looks like they're holding their breaths for his answer, and despite the glare, Evan seems to be doing the same.

Nathan swallows, opening his mouth. It looks like he's about to reassure them that he really would love to be close to them. His eyes flicker to Nick and Delilah at the last second, and he shuts his mouth, his eyes darkening. That's all Evan needs to see to put all his guards back up.

"Well, there you go," Evan grumbles, shrugging his parents' hands off his shoulders. "He doesn't want to hang out with us, so why would we hang out with him?"

Evan storms away. Delilah and Nick give each other worried looks before Delilah chases after their son. A tense silence descends on us, making the chill in the air feel even colder than it actually is. Nathan doesn't look at his dad or his half-siblings even though Audrey is still clinging to his side.

Audrey tightens her hold on Nathan and looks up at him. "Why don't you want to hang out with us?"

Nathan stops himself from looking at Nick. Instead, he gives Audrey a sad smile as he kneels to meet her eyes. He ruffles her hair. "I do want to hang out with you guys. There's just a lot of reasons why I can't right now." He lets himself glance at his dad this time. Nick has the decency to look away, his cheeks coloring with shame. Nathan looks back to his half-sister, offering her a smile. "We'll talk about it at some point, okay?"

Audrey nods, looking down at her shoes. "Okay."

Nathan sighs and pulls her into a hug. She doesn't hesitate to bury her face into his chest, and it takes her a long time to finally step away. It makes my chest stir, and I grip my bracelet, rubbing my thumb against the two halves of the heart. I keep rubbing the halves as Nathan folds Jacob into a hug, too.

He straightens and eyes his dad. Nick looks back. Both their expressions are hard to read at first glance, but it's pretty obvious Nathan isn't exactly happy with his dad right now no matter how gentle he is with Jacob and Audrey. Nathan even turns away without another word. Nick doesn't stop him from leaving, but he looks after Nathan like he really wants to say something.

Clara and I glance at each other. She nods her head in Nathan's direction, telling me to go after him while she smooths things out with Nick. I nod, smiling and waving at the others before I run after Nathan. When I catch up with him, I place a hand on his arm, forcing him to stop.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He stares straight ahead, taking a deep breath. "Not especially..." He laughs softly, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. "That went a lot better than I thought it would, though."

I blink. "It did?"

He shrugs, turning to me. "Yeah. I mean, Jacob and Audrey don't hate me. I feel bad for making them think I hate them. But at least they don't hate me."

I nod slowly. "And Evan?"

Nathan glances off to the side, his eyebrows furrowing. "I don't blame him for hating me if I'm never around. But I don't know if he would feel that way if he knew how his parents ended up together."

"You don't think they know?"

Nathan shakes his head. "They know we have different moms, but I don't think they know about the affair. And I don't want to be the one to tell them that their parents are awful people."

I flinch at the harshness in his voice. Nathan doesn't even try to cover it up with a smile or some explanation for why he thinks this way. He just is angry.

"Do you feel bad?" I ask. "About Evan being mad at you without understanding why you keep your distance?"

Nathan lets out a breath. He glances in the direction we came from. Clara is still talking to Nick, Jacob, and Audrey. She's giving Audrey a piggyback ride right now, saying something to make everyone laugh. While they're distracted, Clara glances around, and I have a feeling she's looking out for Evan and Delilah.

Nathan turns back to me, grimacing. "Sometimes. But he could be mad at me all he wants. It gives me more of an excuse not to be around Nick and Delilah."

I frown. "I know you're mad at them for what they did to you and your mom, but their kids didn't ask to be born into a relationship like that. You can't be mad at them."

Nathan narrows his eyes. "I'm not mad at them—"

"But you're punishing them for what their parents did. Jacob and Audrey clearly want you around. So does Evan. He's testing you to see what you'll do."

Nathan waves me off, taking a step back. "If he's testing me, he's wasting his time. There's no point in hanging out with them when all it does is make me more pissed off at Nick and Delilah. I don't need that in my life."

I grit my teeth, balling my hands into fists. "Well, maybe they need you in their lives."

Nathan presses a hand to his chest. "Mona, they barely even know me. Why would they care—?"

"Because full-blooded or not, you're their brother!" Nathan goes quiet, his eyes widening. For some reason, that makes the heat course through my body faster. This all seems so self-explanatory, so why isn't he getting it? Why do I need to explain it to him? "They need you and want you in their lives, and that should be reason enough. And if you just ignore them without any explanation because you're pissed off at their parents and not them, they won't understand and you'll lose them." I swallow, glancing away. "And maybe you feel like it won't be that big of a deal right now, but you'll regret it one day, and it'll suck."

My vision blurs, and my breathing comes out ragged, puffing out in the cold air. I feel Nathan's eyes on me, but I don't dare look at him. It's still too weird to be emotional around people, but I don't know if I want to see how emotional he's getting over this. If he even is emotional at all. It might be a little worse if he isn't because that's a side of him I don't want to see. The side that's too bitter to care. The side that's not starry at all. The side that might be a black hole.

"Mona," Nathan finally says, his voice gentle. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him hold his arm out. "Do you need—?" I don't let him finish the question. I just step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist while he wraps one arm around my shoulders. He brushes a kiss against my head before tucking my head beneath his chin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

I shake my head. "You didn't. I just don't like the idea of Evan, Jacob, and Audrey becoming trailing stars for you." Like how Morgan is a trailing star for me. "It really sucks..."

Nathan lets out a breath, tightening his arm around me. "It'll be okay."

I don't know if he's saying that to himself or to me, but I think we both need to hear it. I pull away to look up at him, but I keep my hands at his waist and he keeps an arm around me as we look at each other.

"It'll only be okay if you actually do something to get close to them," I say. "Especially if you really want to."

Nathan's eyes flicker across my face, his eyes as intense as the stars. "Doesn't that apply to you, too? With going to see Morgan's grave?"

I exhale, glancing away. "Fair point. I should go see Morgan's grave if I feel like I really want to and need to. So maybe I don't have any right to tell you what to do if I'm not really doing the same, but I can tell you that if you really want to get close to your siblings and don't do anything about it, you'll regret it when you realize it's too late."

Nathan looks past me. Something flickers across his face before he returns his attention to me. "I care about them a lot, but I don't know if it matters that much if I try to connect with them. You've known your brother your entire life. My half-siblings were a secret until I was ten."

"I know that knowing something and feeling something isn't the same thing, but sometimes you do know and feel the same thing. Like you know they're your siblings and you feel like you care for them. When your head and heart agree on something like that, you can't keep letting the stars trail you. It'll break you eventually."

Nathan frowns. "You shouldn't feel like you're breaking."

I shrug. "I've felt broken for a while now. I don't want you to feel that way, too."

He nods, pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry."

I bury my face in his chest. "For what?"

"For how you feel. You shouldn't feel like you're broken." He pulls away enough to smile at me. "You should take your own advice, so you don't feel like this."

I nod. "I'll work on it if you do."

He nods. "I'll get there." He smiles. "Thanks for coming to check on me."

I smile. "No problem."

I say that, but I think I should really be the one thanking him. Even if I hadn't talked to Nathan about this, seeing him and his half-siblings together made me think of how Morgan and I were weeks before he died. Wanting to be close. Wanting to apologize. Wanting to be friends again. But not doing anything to make things right. Maybe Morgan's gone now, but I can still try to make things right. I can go to his grave, and I think I have a little more motivation to do that now.