Hannah is pacing the foyer when I open the front door. She lets out a breath when she sees me, her blue eyes flashing. Her black hair is tied up in a messy top knot. She only puts her hair up like that when she's really stressed. I grip the strap of my backpack, waiting to see if this is angry stress or worried stress.

"Are you okay?" she asks, wrapping me in a hug. "What took you so long?"

I let out a breath. It's worried today. It's always worried... I swallow and return her hug. "I'm fine." I take a step back, gritting my teeth at her probing look. "I'm fine." I step farther into the house, taking a deep breath before turning to face Hannah again. "Mom, Dad, and Kate aren't here yet?"

She shakes her head. "No. Mom called earlier and said that traffic is just clearing up, so they'll be here soon." Her expression and voice turn carefully neutral as she asks, "How was school?"

I turn my voice carefully neutral, too. "Fine. We didn't do anything today since it's the day before break."

Hannah nods, smiling at me. "So nothing interesting happened?"

Not at school. "No. Not at all."

I rub my arms, and Hannah's eyes narrow. "Are you cold?" Before I can even respond, she's already in overprotective big sister mode. Then again, she's always in overprotective big sister mode. "Why don't you head upstairs and warm up before Mom and Dad get here?"

I nod and walk up the stairs without another word. I feel Hannah's eyes on me the entire time. Once I shut the door, the feeling goes away and I breathe a little easier. I drop my backpack by my desk and throw off my hat, scarf, and jacket as I slump down on my bed and pull out my phone. I go straight to Morgan's Messages and scroll up to where I left off about a year before he died.

Morgan: Hurry the fuck up and get to the ice rink.

Me: Shut the fuck up and let me take my time. What's the big deal anyway? Aren't the others with you?

Morgan: Kassie and Leah only want to watch us skate today, and Jason is in the arcade.

Me: Tragic.

Morgan: The light is too bright. Just hurry and get here. You know how boring it is to skate by yourself.

Me: You mean without someone to tackle off their feet?

Morgan: Exactly.

Me: I hate you, but I'm on my way.

I slowly set my phone screen-down on the bed, chewing the inside of my cheek. When the text thread still plays through my head, I bite harder until the pain is all I can focus on. Even then, some of the texts slip into my thoughts, making my chest tighten. I stare across the room at the white wall, hoping it'll make my mind just as blank.

It doesn't.

The only reason my mind turns elsewhere is that I hear car doors slamming. I get up to peer out the window. Kate, Mom, and Dad are piling out of a brand-new car with duffle bags in hand. My stomach constricts and my chest grows heavier.

That didn't take long for my mind to worry about something else...

How long has it been since I've seen them? Five months? It feels longer but too short all at the same time. But now that they're here, there's not much I can do except face them. I take a deep breath and cross the room to the door. I shut it behind me before making my way downstairs. When I reach the base, Hannah's already opening the front door.

Mom comes through first, giving Hannah a hug. She glances at me over Hannah's shoulder, her eyes lighting up. "Mona." She comes over, pulling me into a hug. I return it with an equal amount of fierceness. Mom steps back—too soon—and the short burst of fuzziness slips away. "How's it been living with Hannah?"

I shrug. "It's the same as living with you and Dad."

I slide my hands into my back pockets, taking her in. Her eyes are dim, and it looks like the roots of her hair are starting to turn gray. I have a feeling she's holding her breath as she studies me. Like she thinks I'll disappear if she blinks. Like Morgan.

I force a smile on my face. "How have you been?"

"Just tired." Mom's smile turns playful, and she presses her palm flat against her chest. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Kate is a bigger handful than you ever were."

"Not true!" Kate scowls in the doorway. "I've been an absolute angel." Mom turns back to me. Her eyes are wide as she shakes her head and exaggeratedly mouths "no." I try not to laugh, especially when Kate stops in front of me. She lifts her chin, her black hair swaying behind her. "I only get in trouble like three times a week."

Sounds like Morg—about right. I nod slowly, taking her in. "You got taller."

She rolls her eyes. "Obviously. You've been gone for five months." As an afterthought, she adds, "You didn't get me a birthday gift this year either even though eleven is a pretty big milestone."

Oh, Kate... I pull her into a hug. Despite the attitude, she hugs me back, burying her face in my shoulder, whispering, "Missed you."

I hug her tighter. "Missed you, too."

"Do I get a hug now?" Dad asks.

I rest my chin on Kate's head—to her protests—and smile at Dad. I try so hard not to, but my eyes flicker to the door anyway. There's no one else. Of course, there wouldn't be, but... I can always hope... Only for dread to set in...

I let go of Kate. She barely gets out of the way before Dad sweeps me up into his arms. I bury my face into his shoulder, shutting my eyes. I don't think I realized how much I missed Dad's hugs.

"How are you?" he asks.

"I'm good," I tell him. He sets me down, but he keeps an arm around my shoulder. I look up at him. "How are you?"

He offers me a grim smile. "I miss having all my kids in the house with me."

Oh... I don't have a response to that. At least not one I have the courage to say right now. Or one that I think he'd want to hear from me. The best I can do is offer him a smile and lean into him. He takes it, kissing the top of my head.

We leave everything in the foyer and make our way to the living room. Mom, Dad, and I take the couch with my parents sitting on either side of me. Hannah and Kate take the armchairs across from us on the other side of the coffee table. My sisters try not to stare at how Dad keeps a hold on my hand while Mom smooths my hair down every now and then no matter how still I stay or how neutral I try to make my expression. But Hannah and Kate clearly notice, their eyes flickering between the three of us. Hannah smiles at me when I catch her eye, but when I make eye contact with Kate, she focuses on the ground. Yeah... I wouldn't want to think too much about this either...

When we're all settled, Mom and Dad insist that Hannah and I catch them up first. I try to let Hannah do all the talking. She talks about what she's been doing since she graduated college and what her job is like as a social worker. The moment she's done sharing, Mom and Dad look at me expectantly.

I blink, shifting to tuck a foot beneath me. "School's been okay. My grades are decent, and I've made a few friends."

Hannah scoffs, sitting forward. "She's being modest. Her grades are way more than decent, and—from what I've seen—everyone at her school seems to love her."

"Like who?" Mom asks.

I rattle off some names I memorized over the past few months. I'm careful to make sure they're names that Hannah has heard before, so she can't ask her own questions about any of them.

"How close are you with them?" Dad asks.

I shrug. "Fairly."

It's not a lie. Technically. Mom and Dad smile at each other over my head. They're satisfied. Good. I can breathe a little easier now that everyone turns their attention to Kate.

"Nothing's new," Kate says with a shrug. "School's still boring. People are still annoying..." Her eyes turn steely for a second, and she glares at the coffee table. "The only thing different is people aren't as weird around me anymore."

Mom, Dad, and Hannah give Kate pitying smiles, and I try to not even look at Kate. All I can think about is how that could've been me. Hannah never really explained, but I think that's part of the reason why she suggested I move in with her. So I don't have to deal with people being uncomfortable around the girl whose twin brother died.

Mom and Dad go next. They say similar things about how most of their time is taken up by work, the house seems empty without all their kids there, and Kate is an angel with devil horns (Kate rolls her eyes at that last part).

"Mona's been behaving, right?" Mom asks Hannah. I try not to pull away from Mom. Has she really been worried about that or is she asking something else entirely? "She hasn't been giving you any trouble?"

Hannah's eyes meet mine, and she smiles. "She's just perfect."

I let myself glance away from Hannah. Perfect in what way? Hannah doesn't elaborate, but I'm not too sure I want her to anyway.

When the conversation starts to dwindle, Hannah leads us into the kitchen. Apparently, she's been cooking for a while, a spread of food already on the kitchen table. We sit, and the conversation feels a lot less formal. Everyone talks over each other and says whatever's on their mind. It feels familiar but new after five months. Except there's no obnoxiously loud laughter or food randomly disappearing from my plate because there's no Morgan. And there never will be again.