Nathan practically slams the journal down on the counter. "You have to read this tomorrow."

It started to snow, so we moved to Poems and Tales. Most of the room glances in our direction, giving us curious looks before turning back to their own work.

Clara leans across the counter and hits Nathan in the shoulder. "Calm down. I like it, too, but I'm not embarrassing her."

Nathan gestures to the poem. "But you agree it's good, so she should read it tomorrow."

I laugh nervously, taking my journal back. "I'd rather not."

Nathan's smile slips. "Why not?"

"I could barely get the story out to you guys. How can I read an entire poem about Morgan to a crowd of strangers?"

His expression softens. "I think if they don't know the story, they probably can't guess what the poem is about."

Clara leans towards us and holds the back of her hand against the side of her mouth. She stage-whispers, "That's why you talk about it."

Nathan ignores her, smiling at me. "So what do you say? Do you wanna read it tomorrow?"

I press my hands together, tucking them between my thighs as I cross my legs. "No... but I guess I'll give it a try."

Nathan's smile widens. "You're gonna do great."

I let out a breath. "I hope so." I eye Nathan's journal. "It's probably nothing compared to your poem, though." I glance at Nathan. "Can I read it?"

"No." I blink, and Nathan gives me a sheepish smile, his cheeks turning a light shade of red. He shuts the journal and pulls it towards him for good measure. "You'll hear it tomorrow."

"Why can't I read it now?" I ask. "You got to read mine."

He shakes his head. "You'll... hear it tomorrow."

I frown. "Right because that's fair."

Clara laughs, propping her head up on the counter. "Wow, I didn't think I'd ever hear you be sarcastic."

I shrug. "Old habit."

She nods, her eyes narrowing. "And when you read texts... Are those from Morgan?" I nod. "Is that an old habit, too?"

"No. I've been doing that since Morgan died."

Clara straightens. I see the questions in her eyes, but I feel like I've been talking about myself for too long. I feel like I've been talking about Morgan for too long.

"You seemed upset about not being close with your siblings, Nathan," I say before Clara can ask anything else.

Nathan shrugs, adjusting his jacket. "It's hard not to be. They're my siblings. Of course, I want to be close to them, but I still can't separate them from everything else that happened."

Clara frowns, resting her crossed arms on the counter. "The affair isn't their fault."

Nathan gives her an exasperated look. "I know it's not their fault. But knowing something and feeling something aren't the same thing."

"Maybe being around them will help you feel differently," I say.

Clara smiles at me. "You should take your own advice."

I know she's right, but it's a lot easier said than done. Especially with everything that happened and everything that's still going through my head. I'm about to say so, but my phone rings on the countertop. I pull it towards me and frown. I check the time. It's barely six, so why is Hannah already calling?

I swipe my phone off the counter and walk a distance away to answer. "Hey, Hannah."

I mouth along to her question: "Are you coming home yet?"

I sit at a free table and prop up my head. "No. I'm not coming home yet."

"You didn't sleep at all last night—"

"And then I slept in until 1:30. And I've only been out for like four hours. I'm fine."

The silence on the other end is deafening. Hannah's voice comes out a little more slowly like she's trying to talk me down from a tantrum. "Yeah, but it's getting late. The sun isn't even up anymore."

I glance towards the glass doors. The snow is reflecting the streetlights and the little moonlight streaming through the clouds, so it's that dark, rosy pink color. It's enough for me to see that the snowfall has slowed down and that it really is after sundown.

"It's still not that late," I say, sitting back.

Hannah sighs. "I guess, but I'm just worried."

I feel the usual twinge of guilt that always comes when she says something along those lines. I adjust my grip on my phone. "I know, but I'll be fine."

Desperation seeps into her voice. "I'd feel a lot better if you were home right now, Mona."

The guilt grows. I grip my phone a little harder. "Okay. I'm on my way."

Hannah lets out a breath. "I'll see you soon."

"See you soon."

I hang up and stare at my phone for a second before I get up and make my way back to Nathan and Clara. They look at me expectantly, and I offer them a grim smile.

"I have to head home," I explain.

Clara makes a face. "Right now?" I nod. "Because of Hannah?" I nod again. Clara frowns. "Your sister is controlling."

I swipe my journal off the counter. "She's scared I might... disappear... too, if I'm not always in her line of sight."

Clara's expression softens, but her eyes are still steely. "Still. She should trust you a little more."

I glance away, running my hand over the star on my journal. "I think I've given her a lot of reasons not to trust me."

Neither of them says anything, the chatter around us amplifying the silence. When I look up, I meet Nathan's eyes first. They're sparkling stars in the dim lighting. The color grounds me a little, but it also makes me feel like I'm not really here. Like I'm standing in a field, staring up at the clear night sky watching the stars glisten above me.

Nathan's voice breaks me from my thoughts, but even then, I really have to focus to understand what he's saying. "You can't keep blaming yourself, Mona. And it makes sense that Hannah's worried about you, but she shouldn't be as overbearing as she is."

I shrug. "I still have to head home."

Nathan stands, pulling his keys out of his pocket. "I can drive you."

I shake my head. "No. It's fine. Riding in cars makes me feel guilty."

Clara furrows her eyebrows. "But not scared?"

I hesitate. "Well... Scared, too. I count my breaths for something to focus on and to see how many times I can do it in case I die..." I blink, shaking my head. "Sorry. That was morbid."

Nathan gives me a grim smile, nodding. "A little bit. But I'll drive carefully. I always do." Clara snorts, making Nathan glare at her. "I drive carefully when Mona's in the car."

Clara sputters, holding her hands to her chest. "But not when I'm in the car?"

Nathan reaches across the counter to hit her in the shoulder. "Of course, I drive carefully when you're in the car, too, you idiot." He settles back on his feet, his eyes turning back to me. "I just drive more carefully when Mona's in the car."

Clara smirks. "Friend-that's-not-a-sibling privilege."

I laugh, covering my mouth with my hand. Nathan's and Clara's expressions soften as they turn to me. It makes my smile widen as I drop my hand, glancing between them. "What?"

Nathan shakes his head, a contemplative look on his face. "Nothing. It's just nice to see you so relaxed."

Clara nods. "It's like you're ice skating even when you're not."

Huh... I guess it does kind of feel that way right now. And I think it's thanks to these two for being such great friends. Such great people really.

Nathan holds up his keys. "So you ready to go?" I blink, feeling my smile slip. He offers me his most genuine smile like he feels the need to smile for both of us. "I'll be extra careful this time. And we can talk about whatever you want to keep your mind off of the guilt."

Well... if he's being sincere—which he always is—I guess I wouldn't mind having him drive me. I nod. "Sure."

We wave goodbye to Clara and head outside to Nathan's car. As always, I wait for him to get in first before I slip inside. He waits for me to put on my seatbelt before he starts driving. Out of habit, I start counting my breaths while I watch the scenery pass by, but Nathan doesn't let me do that for long. He asks me random questions about what I think about stars and the night sky and planets and anything and everything that has to do with the sky. Whenever there's a lull in the conversation, Nathan tells me to keep talking.

"Say more," he says.

I laugh, pulling on my sleeves. "I don't think I have anything more to say."

He shakes his head. "No. You always have more to say. Tell me more about stars."

I run my hands down my jeans. "Everything I have to say is basically what we've already talked about." He waits. "Like stars represent everything and anything you want them to represent. That trailing stars follow you, but you can follow them, too." Nathan still doesn't say anything, nodding for me to go on. I drum my hands on my thighs. "And..."

Nathan smiles, nodding. "And...?"

"And there are always stars to follow and stars to follow you. Whether you know it or not or whether you want it or not."

"And?"

"And it's irritating."

He lets out a startled laugh, turning onto my street. "Okay. Explain."

He parks in front of Hannah's house, so there's no point in distracting myself with stars anymore but Nathan looks at me expectantly, so it feels like I have to have an explanation. I unbuckle my seatbelt to turn and look at him.

"Trailing stars are irritating because most of the time, I don't even know what's trailing after me," I say. "Or what I'm trailing after. It's just a feeling that I'm missing something or I feel bad about something or I need to make up for something, but I don't know how to stop trailing or stop stars from trailing."

Nathan nods, resting his elbow on the center console. "Sure, but I think it helps you grow as a person. If you think about what you're trailing after or what's trailing after you, it helps you learn more about yourself and think about what you need to do to be a better version of yourself, you know?"

I run my hand over the star on the journal. "I guess, but thinking about yourself is scary."

Nathan goes quiet, his eyes becoming brighter and more intense. He studies me, his eyes flickering across my face. When he finally whispers, it feels like he's shouting into an empty void, his voice echoing over and over again as his words wash over me.

"I don't think it's that scary to look into you," Nathan says.

I shake my head. "That probably just means you don't know a lot about me then."

A corner of his mouth turns up. "I'd like to."

I glance away, pressing my lips into a thin line to stop myself from smiling. "Not a lot of people would tell me that." I hesitate before quietly adding, "Especially when Morgan was alive."

Nathan doesn't say anything right away. The quiet rumble of the engine fills the silence, and the dark, rose color of the light reflecting off the snow gives the car a warm atmosphere. That and... the way Nathan is looking at me right now. Like I'm a trailing star. That warms the atmosphere, too.

Except I don't think he should be looking at me like that. Not after I told him about Morgan.

"Do you remember how I told you that I think I'm a black hole?" I ask. Nathan nods. "I think I've always been a black hole. But if I wasn't one before, I wasn't a star either. Not compared to Morgan." I laugh softly, staring at the dashboard. "He was a supernova through and through." I grip my journal, surprised it doesn't bend under the pressure. "I don't hate him for that. I liked being in his orbit as much as anyone else did, but I think the more he was afraid to lose his brightness, the more he did. At least to me."

I tuck my hair behind my ear, still not looking at Nathan. "So if I wasn't a black hole before, I became one when Morgan's image started exploding before me. But if I was always a black hole, maybe it was my fault that Morgan exploded. And maybe that's why people hated me. Not because of anything Morgan asked me to do."

Nathan's hand brushes against mine, and I let him grasp it. "Just because Morgan was a supernova doesn't mean you didn't shine as brightly as he did."

I give him a tight-lipped smile. "I think a lot of people would disagree with you, but thanks."

He squeezes my hand. "Well, if you don't think you're a supernova, that's fine because it means you won't burn out anytime soon and I get more time to get to know you."

My lips part as I inhale. I pull my hand away to tuck my hair behind my ear again, looking down at the center console. "Is that a good thing?"

He laughs. "Yeah. Definitely. I think anyone would be lucky to get to know you." Like he knows he should reaffirm the thought, he says, "A trailing star, through and through." I swallow, feeling the corners of my lips tug up no matter how much I try to fight it. Nathan laughs. "You have to know that you're a lot of people's trailing star."

I shake my head. "I only know that I'm yours. And that's only because you told me."

He shifts closer. "I think I have to tell you more often that you're my trailing star."

"Nathan—"

"I want to, Mona."

He says it so matter-of-factly and so sincerely that I don't doubt it. And he looks at me with such intensity that I know for sure that he means it. We sit in silence, taking each other in. His eyes flicker across my face, taking in everything about me. The more he does, the more his eyes shine.

"Trailing star," he whispers into the silence of the car, shifting forward. "Mona?"

I swallow. "Yeah?"

Instead of responding, he leans forward. My eyes shut right when I feel his breath on my lips. Then, I feel the lightest brush of his lips against mine. He starts to pull away, but I close the gap again. I think that's the permission he's waiting for because he cups my jaw, deepening the kiss and warming me from the inside out. Nathan may say I'm a star, but I feel as selfish as a black hole, wanting to take in every bit of him—his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his light—just to call him mine.

I'm ready to do exactly that and stay in this moment when my phone starts to chime. Over and over again. We ignore it the first time. The second time, I want to throw my phone out the window. The third time, Nathan sighs against my mouth and pulls back, a disappointed smile on his face.

"I guess I should walk you to the door," he says, settling back in his seat to cut the engine. He smiles over at me as he pockets his keys. "It was nice to collide with another star, though."

Oh. So that's where his mind went to. Somewhere brighter. I nod slowly. "Yeah... Exactly what I was thinking..."

He squints at me. I get out of the car before he can see my guilty smile, but he definitely did since he's laughing. He doesn't comment on it, though, interlacing his fingers with mine as he walks me to the front door. When we're on the porch, he lets go of my hand so I can pull my keys out.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asks.

I nod. "I'll be at Poems and Tales."

"Do you need a ride?"

I shake my head. "I can walk. It's okay."

He frowns. "Still uncomfortable and guilty?"

Honestly, not at all. Not when Nathan was distracting me from everything I usually feel when I'm in a car. But driving would mean getting to the open mic too quickly, and I need more time to clear my head and prepare myself to read about Morgan to an audience of strangers.

"Not with you," I say.

He smiles. "Good. I'm glad you're comfortable with me."

"Me too." We take each other in for a second longer. I want to be selfish like a black hole again, but my phone chimes. I bite back a sigh. "I guess I should head inside. But thank you." I can't stop the smile from spreading on my face. "For everything today."

He smiles back with a nod. "Of course, Mona." He hesitates before he quickly kisses my cheek. "Good night."

I feel a blush creeping up my neck, and I hope Nathan will chalk it up to the cold. "Good night."

I watch him walk back to his car, waiting for him to climb in before I unlock the front door. I don't hear him drive away until the door is shut behind me. I smile at it like I can still see Nathan. Even when Hannah calls my name, it takes a second for the fuzziness to slip away.

I slowly turn around to face her. "Hi."

She narrows her eyes, studying me. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "I'm okay." I walk past her, hugging the journal to my chest. "It was a really good day."

I hear her follow me. "Was it? What'd you do today?"

"Talk. Read and write." Be a black hole in the best way possible. Or a star colliding with another one according to Nathan.

We pause outside my bedroom, and Hannah eyes the journal in my arms. "Can I read some of what you wrote?"

I tighten my grip on my journal. Hannah catches it and narrows her eyes. I laugh off the tension. "They're not good."

"I'm sure they're great. I read all the poems you gave us for Christmas, and they were really good."

Does she even know what they mean? "Sure, but that was when Nathan read over them for me."

She straightens. "Right, and Nathan was the one that dropped you off?" I nod. "How are things with him?"

I feel my smile come back. "Really good." More than she'll ever know. "I like hanging out with him and Clara."

Hannah's jaw tightens. "Yeah?" I nod. "So does that mean you want to invite them over for your birthday?"

My mind flashes to Morgan. "Well... I would love to, but I think I might want to do something else, too." Hannah arches an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath, feeling my heart pound against my chest to a different adrenaline rush. Less passion. More fear. "So... you know how this is kind of the first birthday that I'm celebrating by myself?"

Hannah's eyes widen, and she lets out a nervous laugh. "You're not celebrating it by yourself, though. We'll all be here."

I blink, nodding. "Yeah, I know, but—"

"Great." She clasps her hands together. "I'm glad you know that. So if you need help thinking about what you really want to do for your birthday, let me know. I think it'd be really fun to stay here. At home." Her smile is already strained, but it somehow becomes even more so as she adds, "You can even invite Nathan and Clara to celebrate if you really want to."

"Oh..." I feel my heart pound for an entirely different reason. It stops the words I really want to say from finding their way out of my mouth. "Yeah. Sure. I'll think about it some more."

Hannah nods, exhaling. "Sounds good." She forces her smile to soften. "Maybe you should get ready for bed. I'm sure you're tired."

Before I can say anything, Hannah turns and heads downstairs. I let out a breath and walk into my room, shutting the door behind me. I drop my journal on my bedside table and lie on my bed, so I'm facing the window. I shut my eyes and try not to think about how I let Hannah redirect the conversation like that. There was a time when I would be the one doing that. I don't want to think about when or how or why we switched roles.

I start to drift off to sleep when I feel my phone vibrate. I reach into my pocket to pull it out and smile at the screen when I see Nathan and Clara started a group chat. I open my texts, my eyes landing on Morgan's name.

For a moment, I start to tap on our text thread, but I stop. For once, I don't feel like I have to read our texts. I don't feel guilty or empty or really anything when I decide to open the group chat with Nathan and Clara instead. So maybe there's a point to talking about things after all.