I can't fall asleep no matter how much I try. I sit up in bed and look out the window. It doesn't look like it's snowing or raining or windy, so I throw my sheets off and get dressed. I grab my phone, house keys, and skates and slowly open my door. I stand right at the threshold and wait for a minute. It doesn't sound like anyone's awake. When I'm sure no one will catch me leaving, I shut my bedroom door and walk downstairs and out the front door.

My feet take me to the lake at the park. I rip off my shoes and shove my feet into the skates. I expect my mind to clear once I step onto the ice, but I can't escape my thoughts tonight. They're so distracting that I stumble and even fall. I don't even try to do any jumps, but I still find myself sprawled out on the ice.

By the fifth fall, I lie on my back and stare up at the starry sky. My breath blurs them every time I exhale. I hold my hand up, looking at one particularly bright star through my fingers. For a moment, all I can think about is my conversation with Nathan. What'd he say? That stars can follow us but we can also follow stars? Like we're trailing one another until we get what we want or need.

Nothing feels more true than the fact that I have trailing stars. And skating can't even stop them from trailing right now. Wonder what that means for me...

I push myself to my feet and skate back to my shoes. I shove them on, but I don't want to go home yet. So I walk aimlessly around until I find myself outside my school. I'm already typing in the security code Clara showed me before I can fully comprehend what I'm doing. I climb the stairs to the top floor and into the classroom that has windows directly leading out to the roof. I pause when I realize the window is already open. I slowly cross the room and look out. A pair of stars look back at me from the other side of the roof. I have to blink to realize that they're not stars but really bright silver eyes, and a part of me can't help but think that's even better.

Nathan furrows his eyebrows. "How do you...?" He trails off, nodding to himself. "Clara?"

I nod. "Clara."

Nathan barks out a laugh, his breath coming out in a visible puff. "Of course, she didn't tell me she told you."

So they keep secrets from each other, too. Morgan and I weren't the only ones. Should I feel bad for being happy about it...? Maybe not. Not when Nathan seems more amused than anything else. But he also seems lost in thought. I probably came at a bad time if he's out here in the middle of the night.

I'm already backing away from the window. "If you want to be alone, I can go."

He shakes his head, taking a step toward me. He holds his hand out like he means to take my hand to stop me from leaving. "No, it's okay. It's nice to have company up here." I come back to the window. Nathan actually does come close enough to take my hand this time, helping me climb out the window. Even when I'm safely on my feet, he keeps a hold of my hand. He only lets go when he meets my eyes, flinching like he just realized it's really me. He immediately shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at his feet. He clears his throat, kicking at the ground. "What are you doing out so late, anyway?"

I pull on my sleeves until they cover my hands. "I could ask you the same thing."

He laughs. "That's fair." He visibly swallows and looks across the roof. "I like to come here when I can't sleep."

"I couldn't sleep either."

He glances at me. "Why not?"

I shrug. "Too many thoughts. You?"

Nathan looks out across the roof again before turning to me, his eyes a stormy gray color. "Clara and I had an argument after you left."

"Oh..." I wring my hands and walk across the roof to look out at the quiet street. When Nathan joins me, I ask, "How bad was it?"

"I think it was one of our worst ones." Because of me? Because I wouldn't say anything about Morgan? Nathan must read the thought on my face because he gives me a reassuring smile. "It's not your fault. The argument wasn't about you or anything."

I play with my sleeves. "Then, what were you arguing about?"

He hesitates before letting out a breathy laugh. "Okay, I guess it was a little bit about you." He swallows, looking out at the street, the moonlight dimly lighting up his side profile. It's enough for me to see the frown on his face. "I saw your expression when Clara asked about Morgan." I need to work on that. "There are some things that people should leave alone, but Clara doesn't get that most of the time."

I can see that, but that feels too mean to say. "It's fine. I know she meant well."

Nathan shakes his head. "It's not fine, and I know she means well, too, but she still shouldn't..." He trails off and glares into the distance. When he collects his thoughts, he sighs and turns back to me. "When Clara and I first met, she pried into everything about my life. I think you know how unnerving that is."

I definitely do. "But you guys are best friends now."

"We are. I find it endearing now, but I know a lot of people don't. Not that Clara lets that stop her from interfering with things she shouldn't. She means well, but it doesn't come off like that when she does it with people that don't know her like I do." He offers me a tight-lipped smile. "I know you and Clara are getting closer, but I'm sorry if she's been really... stupid... about how she's trying to get to know you."

I shake my head. "No. It's okay." Nathan arches an eyebrow, and I have to laugh a little at that. "I guess it's not completely okay, but I get it. Kind of. I just know Clara means well." I swallow, running my hand down my jeans. "And I know you definitely get it, so I'm guessing that means you guys are still friends? Even after the argument?"

Nathan does a double-take. When the question really registers, he gives me an incredulous look. "Of course. Clara would never let an argument get in the way of a friendship, and if I let it happen, she wouldn't stop being my friend. Or let me stop being her friend. And I would do the same." If only that sounded familiar... Nathan frowns, misreading my silence. "It wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for it."

I know he's talking about his argument with Clara, but my mind goes to Morgan. I have to blink and swallow a few times before I can clearly ask, "Are you still mad at her?" But even then, my voice comes out as a whisper.

Nathan shrugs. "A little bit. To be honest, I'm madder now since you look like you're still bothered by what she asked you."

I shake my head. "You don't have to feel anything on my behalf." Especially if it affects his relationship with Clara.

"I don't have to. But I want to."

I blink. "Why?"

He shifts his weight from foot to foot, gesturing to me. "It's just a natural reaction when it comes to you." His eyes flicker to me for a second. Just as quickly, they flit away again. He clears his throat. "Anyway, were you out skating?"

I reach up to touch the skates hanging around my neck. "Yeah. It usually helps me clear my head."

"Did it work?"

"No. Not this time."

"Then..." He holds his hand out to me. "Maybe you need someone to skate with you."

I arch an eyebrow. When did Nathan ever offer to skate with me? "Only if you want to."

He nods. "I want to this time."

Well, I'm not about to turn him down. Not when his eyes are as bright as the stars right now. I take his hand and follow him through the halls and out of the school. He unlocks his car, and when we're both buckled in, he drives us to the usual skating rink, but it's closed.

"We don't have to go skating," I say, holding my hands in front of the vents to keep them from shaking.

He shakes his head, pulling out onto the street again. "No. It's okay. We can just skate on the lake in the park."

"Do you have ice skates?"

He inhales, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. "No, but I know where to get some." He drives us to town and past Poems and Tales to Varies. All the lights are off, including the open sign. I turn to Nathan, but he's already nodding at me. "I know. Give me a second."

He pulls his phone out and dials a number. He stares straight ahead as it rings. I watch Nathan out of the corner of my eye, catching the way his jaw tightens and his eyebrows furrow. Even if I wasn't watching him, I could still see how tense he is. It's radiating throughout the entire car, warming me more than the vents are.

After a while, I finally hear a faint voice come from Nathan's phone. Nathan doesn't respond right away, but when he does, his voice is flat. "You have ice skates at Varies, right...? I need them right now... Yes, I mean right now."

The person on the other end says something before Nathan thanks them and hangs up. A silent five minutes and a flash of headlights later, a car parks behind us. Nathan shuts off the engine, and we get out to meet Nick.

Nick shuts his car door, his eyebrows knitted together. "You're going ice skating at this hour?"

Nathan nods. "Yeah." When Nick doesn't say anything, Nathan nods toward the store. "So... you said you have ice skates, right?"

Nick stares at Nathan, blinking a few times like he's really trying to understand the question. In the end, he slowly nods. "They're in the back."

We stand in silence as Nick unlocks the door for us. While he gets the skates, I wander around the store, and Nathan trails behind me. He doesn't say anything, but I feel his eyes on me as I look at some of the merchandise, second-guessing the gifts I picked out earlier today. I guess it's too late, though, so I go down the aisle that I'm sure no one in my family would really care for: the journals.

I pull some from the shelf, admiring the covers before putting them back. I linger on some more than others, especially the ones with stars on them. I'm tempted to buy one, but I put all the journals back after looking at them. It feels weird being here in the middle of the night as it is. I don't want to make Nick do more for us than he already is.

"Are you close with Nick?" I ask, turning to Nathan.

He blinks, his eyes widening ever so slightly at the question. He slowly turns and leads the way to the register. "Well... we used to be closer, but not as much anymore." He gestures to the picture frame next to the register of Nick and his family beaming at the camera. "He spends more time with his family now."

I nod. "Do you know his kids?"

"A little bit." He looks at the picture, his expression softening, but there's a crease between his eyebrows. Not that it shows in his voice. It's his normal, calm tone as he points out who's who. "The oldest is Evan. He's around Kate's age. The middle one is Jacob. Youngest is Audrey."

"Audrey said hi to Clara the other day."

Nathan glances at me, his eyebrows shooting up. "You met them?"

"Not really. Their mom stopped Audrey from running over to Clara, but it sounded like they knew Clara pretty well. I guess that means they know you pretty well, too."

Nathan shrugs, adjusting his jacket. "They know enough."

"Are you close with them?"

"No." I have to do a double-take at his tone. He sounds completely closed off to giving more details which isn't something I'm used to from him. Nathan blinks like he's realizing this himself, and he smiles at me. "We only really talked like once."

"Oh." I pull on my sleeve. "Makes sense."

But why does Audrey seem so comfortable with Clara? I guess the people Clara knows really well don't have to be the people that Nathan knows really well. But the way he shut down on me for a second still has me on edge. Nathan doesn't have to tell me everything like I don't have to tell him everything, but still... I don't like knowing that Nathan can shut down on me. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite...

I risk a glance at him. He's already looking back, and our eyes meet. His eyes aren't gleaming like they usually are, but they're not quite dimmed either. They're that in-between gentle, silver color now. And maybe it's because of my thoughts or because I've been talking to Nathan so much, but they look like shining stars. And it even feels like Nathan might be a shining star. Or... a trailing star... It could be arrogance, but it feels like he's looking at me in the exact same way.

"Sorry," he whispers.

I blink. "For what?"

"For making you upset."

I shake my head. "You didn't." He tilts his head down, arching an eyebrow. I laugh, trying not to startle at how abrupt it sounds in the empty store. I lower my voice, leaning a little closer to Nathan, so he can hear me. "You really didn't make me upset. I just like to think..."

He nods at me to go on. "Like to think what?"

I swallow, staring down at the counter. I ball my hands into fists at my side, relishing the pain of my nails digging into my skin. "I like to think that we're close." He inhales. That one sound makes my heart pound. I take a half step away from him, keeping my eyes on the counter. "But you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to even if we are close."

He gently nudges me with his elbow. "I like to think we're close, too."

It doesn't go over my head that he's completely ignoring the last part of what I said, but hearing him say what he did... I let out a breath, risking a glance at Nathan. "Really?"

He offers me a smile. "Really."

I press my lips into a thin line, but my smile still slips through. "Thanks..."

He laughs softly. It sounds a lot less abrupt than my laugh did. If anything, it sounds like chimes in a breeze. "Anytime." I feel his eyes linger on me, the energy between us shifting. Like it's not just his eyes that are stars. It's like he really is a star, and I'm in his orbit. And when I meet his eyes, I don't feel like fighting the gravity between us.

"Mona," Nathan says. I lift my chin in answer. His eyes flicker to my lips. He visibly swallows as he looks back into my eyes. "Do you think—?"

"Found them."

Nathan and I look toward Nick at the same time as he sets the ice skates on the counter. Everything around me comes back into focus, pulling me out of Nathan's orbit. When I look at him, it completely breaks the illusion of a star. Even his eyes aren't the shining stars I saw earlier. They're still intense. Just in a stormier way. Especially when he glances from me to Nick.

"Thanks," Nathan says. He pulls out his wallet. "How much for them?"

Nick waves him off. "You can have them for free."

"I'd feel better if I paid for them."

"Nathan..."

"Nick..."

Nick pauses, straightening at the sound of his name. Neither of them says anything for the longest time. I want to leave, but it feels like that would make things more awkward if I do. So I stay, waiting for one of them to say or do something. In the end, Nick rings us up. The exchange is completely silent.

I'm sure there's history between them that I don't know about, but whatever it is, Nick still tells us to be careful before we leave. Nathan nods at him, turning away. I'm the one that smiles and waves as the door shuts.

Once we're back inside the car, Nathan takes a moment to lean forward and look up at the night sky through the windshield. The gravity between us shifts again, but I don't feel like I'm in the orbit of a star. It's like I'm starting to orbit a black hole, and if I don't do it right, I'll end up torn in half. Not because of anything that will happen to me but because of something that might happen to Nathan. I don't know if I can handle that type of pain, but I'm already in his orbit. And I have a feeling he's starting to come into mine. Now it's just a question of whether we're more like stars or black holes. I don't have to think about what I am for long to know that I've always been a black hole, and I'm not afraid to orbit Nathan for a while longer to figure out what he is. I just hope I don't tear him up even more in the process.