Other than Hinata, Koushi Sugawara and Sawamura Daichi were the two other volleyball players you'd grown close to in your time spent with the team. Their sensible and sensitive natures meant that you got on a lot better with them than with the more excitable and reckless first and second years, although you enjoyed the company of all of them from time to time.

The three of you were sitting on the wall outside of school, sharing a bag of pork buns that Suga had bought for you all as a treat. Hinata had already gone home after you noticed the shadows beneath his eyes and told him to go and get some sleep. His departure had been reluctant, but you'd been insistent and he'd eventually left. Now it was just the three of you.

"Even his playing is getting worse, and I didn't think that possible for someone like Hinata. He has the most drive out of all of us," Daichi was saying as he took a bite of his pork bun, chewing through his words.

Sugawara gave him a disapproving look. "Don't talk with your mouth full," he scolded softly, shaking his head as if to say 'Honestly. You're setting a bad example for the children'.

"Sorry, sorry," Daichi said after swallowing. "I mean, I can't begin to understand the grief he's going through, but I'm surprised he came back to school so early. I don't think he's ready."

You deliberated over his words while chewing on your own bun, swinging your feet to and fro. "No, I thought that. But I think he just wanted the distraction. If he's just sat at home, all he's going to do is think about her."

Suga sighed sadly. "It's such a shame, to see a life so young wasted like that. It could happen to anyone, I suppose."

"I think that's what's troubling Hinata," you said quietly, suddenly losing your appetite and folding your food back into its wrapper. "He keeps saying things like, he's not going to lose me too, and keeps asking me not to leave him. I think he's scared that... that because he lost his sister, he's going to lose everyone else. He's suddenly realised how easily lives can be taken from us. How fragile we are," you continued carefully, your eyes out of focus as you stared right ahead, adopting that same blank look you so often saw on Hinata's face. "He's paranoid that he'll be left all alone. But it's made him... a bit obsessive, I don't know. He followed me home the other night, after practise." You knew you shouldn't be talking about Hinata behind his back like this, and it hurt you to do so, but you needed advice, reassurance that your best friend was okay, and you knew you could trust Sugawara and Daichi to be sensible and sensitive about it. They were listening carefully now, their faces attentive and creased with thought. "He told me he wanted to make sure I got home safe, which was fine, but he was so secretive about it." You spread your hands. "I just don't know. Maybe it's nothing but it just caught me off guard. Hinata never used to do things like that. If he wanted to walk me home, he'd just outright say it."

Sugawara nodded along as you spoke, tapping his chin with his fingers while Daichi buried himself picking crumbs off his lap, looking unsure of what to say.

"I think it's like you said. He's never experienced a loss so big before, but now that he has, he's terrified it's going to happen again. He wants to keep you close so that he doesn't lose you too," Sugawara said softly, his grey hair stirring in the wind. "I think he just needs some time, for his head to clear up. And maybe someone to show him that if you live in fear all the time, you'll never enjoy life."

"Yeah," you said quietly, but you didn't know how to show him that. "Thanks Suga-San. And Daichi."

Suga smiled and gave your shoulder a squeeze. The latter boy eyed your left-over pork bun with a sheepish smile. "Are you going to eat that?"

— ♠ —

You spent a lot more time in Koushi's presence over the next few days. Maybe it was because you wanted a break from everything, or something different, but you found his company refreshing. As much as you loved Hinata, he was starting to get demanding of your time and presence. It was almost like he wanted you all to himself, looking annoyed whenever someone else came over to talk to you and trying to pull you away from the conversation. You noticed he was on edge whenever you did go over to talk to Suga, stealing glances your way every so often and being visibly tense, as if your presence was the only thing keeping him calm. You didn't want him to become reliant on you being there all the time, because it only made things worse when you weren't. He had to get used to other people being around too.

"He's looking again, isn't he?"

Sugawara's eyes flickered subtly over your shoulder, then returned dark and sad. "Yes, he is."

You gritted your teeth in frustration, feeling Hinata's gaze burning the back of your neck, like a brand that scalded you whenever you didn't conform to his wants. "I'll bring him over, but don't leave," you told Suga, shuffling backwards. "He needs to adapt to being around you guys again." The boy nodded, but his face was pinched slightly as if already knowing Hinata's reception won't be as friendly as it used to be. It hadn't been evident at first, but as time wore on and his grief manifested, his attitude seemed to grow more bitter, his countenance colder, to the extent that even Sugawara barely recognised the boy anymore. The coldness of the moon and fragility of the stars had replaced the solid warmth of the sun that had once been the essence of his person.

"Suga-San is just helping me with some homework," you told Hinata as you led him over to the bench you and Suga had been sitting at while Hinata and the other first years practised their drills in the privacy of the outdoor court. The sun was at its midday peak and a sweat had broken out across your brow from the heat. The others were starting to feel the effects of exhaustion too, their movements becoming more sluggish and their breaths more laboured. Yamaguchi called for Tsukishima to stop mid-serve and shuffled over to get his water bottle, taking a long sip and dabbing the sweat from his face and neck.

"Hello Hinata-Kun," Koushi said politely, but the smaller boy responded with a cold look and a stiff nod, no words spared at his expense. "Aren't you practising for the next game? We have a practise match again Nekoma soon," he reminded him, trying to remain unfazed by the hostile response. "Kenma will be glad to see you."

"Hm."

You and Suga exchanged a glance, your tongue caged painfully beneath your teeth as you fought to say something. You didn't know why Hinata was being so hostile to the silver-head but you didn't want it to drive a wedge between the teammates.

"Do you need help with anything? Sugawara and I are almost finished."

Hinata sniffed. "Can't you finish later? I want to go somewhere else."

You sighed patiently. "It's due next period, so I need to finish it now," you reasoned, flinching at the sudden clench of his facial muscles, making his expression seem twisted, full of pain.

"Then I'll leave you two to it," he spat, glaring at Sugawara before storming off, his shoulders trembling with apparent rage. You threw out your hands and buried your face in them, trying to find an answer, a reason for his actions. Was it your fault? Had you coddled him so much with your friendship that now he was so reliant on it he couldn't settle for anything less? Sugawara reached for your hands and edged them away from your face, leaving you bleary-eyed.

"Don't beat yourself up," he said softly, cupping your hands in his. "Let him untangle his emotions, give him time, the old Hinata will find his way back." You wanted to believe him, you really did, but you could see in the boy's eyes that even he was unconvinced.

Yamaguchi came over then, his footsteps so lightly trodden that you didn't see him until he was stood right next to you, making you jump. He immediately set about apologising, but you waved him off.

"Is everything okay with Hinata?" He asked nervously, trying to smooth down the flyaway piece of hair that seemed determined to stay stuck up. "I saw him walk off. He looked... angry."

You bit your lip. "I think he needs some time to reorganise his thoughts, that's all. He'll be okay." Looking relieved, Yamaguchi smiled and left you feeling even more frustrated. Now you were the one lying through your teeth, trying to reassure others with false promises and trick your own mind into believing them too.

— ♠ —

Hinata was seeing red. Bloodlust, an anger as thick as the darkness that pressed on his mind, overshadowed everything, filled his head with static and his veins with an energy he had never felt before, an energy that was driving him to the brink of insanity. He had to release that energy, that bloodlust, somehow, before it tore him apart from the inside and swallowed him like a black hole.

Slamming his fists against the closest wall, puffs of plaster showering down from the impact, the cogs in Hinata's head suddenly slotted into place and he knew what to do.

He couldn't have anyone taking you away from him, he wouldn't risk them pulling you out of his reach, so that he couldn't protect you, like he couldn't protect Natsu. He couldn't have that at all. Which meant anyone who was a threat, anyone who posed a risk to that, had to go.

A/N — i'm sorRY but i hAD TO.

Also updates are going to be quite a bit slower in the coming weeks/months as I'm starting University and it's a big step for me, and also very stressful ): But please stick with me, and thank you for all the support this books has received so far!