Chapter Twenty Seven: Collecting Dust
Sophia Crawford

My house was empty that afternoon when I stepped inside.

Completely empty and quiet.

There wasn’t the smell of fresh coffee being made, or the delicious aromas of greasy bacon and eggs being fried in a pan in the kitchen like every morning I had to wake up for school. I wasn’t greeted by my grandmother’s kind smile.

The curtains were still closed from when we left for dinner at River’s house, leaving the house to be darker than usual. The coffee cups my grandmother and I used were still on the coffee table, collecting dust, just begging to be washed.

The house was empty without her here.

I release a sigh before walking toward the staircase.

I needed to get to the bathroom so I can take a much needed shower.

I was so relieved when the doctor said that my grandmother was going to be fine, but what messed me up was the fact that my parents were there after all these months they haven’t contacted me at all asking me if I was okay or not.

And even though they were there at the hospital, I don’t think they really, actually cared if I was okay or not seeing that my mother didn’t care about me at all, but River was there to comfort me whenever he got the chance, and he called Ana to keep me company whenever he wasn’t there, so that kept my mind off of my mother being there and tormenting me every chance she got.

If my grandmother died, my mother would’ve used every chance she got to place the blame on me for what happened—for not driving the car when my grandmother asked me to—but I wasn’t there right now.

I was here… where I can take a much needed nice shower, and be all by myself without my mother’s voice tormenting me. I was in my by my own right now.

Until I have to go back to the hospital to check on my grandmother.

Hopefully my parents would leave before I get there.

I wouldn’t be in the mood to interact with them once I go back. I have enough on my plate, and dealing with them would just add to my already-piled up plate.

I rid myself of my clothes, carefully hanging River’s jacket over the towel hook against the door and open the shower’s water, making sure that it’s hot before I get in underneath it.

I needed to relax my muscles and the hot water would do just that.

I climb in underneath the firm spray of water, letting the water trail over my bare back. I close my eyes, lifting my head toward the ceiling so that I could wet my hair to wash it.

It was all over the place and it was in desperate need of a good wash.

I close my eyes, thinking of what Ana said back at the hospital.

“You’re still here and you should be grateful that you are. Maybe this is some sort of second chance?”

Even if this was some sort of second chance, I’d want Daniel to have it, no doubt, no hesitation. He deserves to be here right now. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to accomplish everything he ever wanted—but I took that away from him and now I have to suffer the consequences of my actions.

I’ll always blame myself for what happened, even when everyone tells me that I shouldn’t, because I blame myself and I always will. His life was cut short because I was stupid to look away from the road in front of me, especially when the road was so slippery and wet, and not to mention that it was dark around us.

After I washed my hair and my entire body from head to toe, I got out of the shower, grabbed a towel and dried myself off completely before I wrapped the towel around my waist, and used one to dry my wet, strawberry-scented hair.

I grab River’s jacket from the towel hook and walk with it to my room. I throw it onto the bed and walk towards my dresser to pick out an outfit to wear back to the hospital.

I decided on a thick hoody, a pink shirt and a pair of white slip-on sneakers. It was bound to get dirty from the snow, but I was beyond caring at this point.

I had bigger fish to fry, and one of those fish was dealing with my dear mother.

I dry my hair with the towel again to let the remaining dampness disappear and brush through it with my hair brush.

I sigh, walking over to my window seat before plopping myself down onto it.

I stare at the snow continuing to fall heavily outside and feel a wave of sadness washing over me. My grandmother looked so happy when the snowflakes were falling onto the palm of her hand, but now she can’t even enjoy it because she’s being held in her hospital room with a small window she might not even peek out of because she was bed-bound for the time being until she recovered.

Fog stuck to my windows when my warm breath fans over the cold window.

I use it to write on the window. No one will see it anyways.

I trace my finger over the window, writing four single letters; lost.

I was lost…and I was confused…but most importantly, I was lost.

I was completely and utterly lost without my grandmother here to guide me.

• • •

When I finally conjured up enough guts to go back to the hospital, I was greeted with the largest smile on the planet coming from Lydia—the nurse who helped me wheel my grandmother in.

“Your grandmother is up and talking.” She beams. “She wants to see you.”

I nod and follow her when she leads the way to my grandmother’s hospital room on the west side of the hospital.

I smile when my grandmother beckons for me to come inside her room when Lydia and I paused in front of it.

Lydia smiles at me and walks away.

I release a deep breath and enter my grandma’s room, feeling guilty that I didn’t drive when she asked me to, but I shake the unnecessary thoughts away and walk over to her bed.

“Grandma… I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t even dare to apologize, sweetie.” She cuts me off. “I don’t want to hear any apologies coming from you because you have nothing to be sorry about.”

She pulls me down by the hand and places a kiss against my forehead.

I nod when she pulls away, but she kept my hand in hers, squeezing it every so often. “How are you feeling, Grandma?” I ask her, changing the subject just a little bit from the apologies.

She was here and she was alive. I should be grateful.

“I feel fine, sweetie.” She says with a smile. “But a cup of coffee would get me out of this bed sooner.” She chuckles. “But how are you doing? I heard you went into shock.”

I dismiss her with the wave of my hand. “I was just overwhelmed with everything that happened over the past few weeks… I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m sorry.”

She glares at me through her eyelashes for apologizing again and I mouth yet another sorry for apologizing even after she told me not to apologize. “What did I say about you apologizing?” She scolds but there was a smile plastered against her face. “I’m just glad you’re okay too.”

“What did the doctor say?” I ask her after a while of comfortable silence and hand-holding. “Can you go home soon?”

Her hand was so comforting. It’s the most comfort I’ve ever felt in my entire life. That’s why I loved her. She was always so caring and so affectionate.

“I don’t really know.” She says, shaking her head. “They want to keep me for observation. I might be here for another day or two.”

I nod, smiling at her.

“Mom?” I hear my dad’s voice coming up from behind me.

I didn’t need to look to know it was him because my grandmother’s face lit up when she noticed him. It always did when she saw him. It was her only child and she loved him so much.

“I’ll see you later, Grandma.” I tell her, kissing her cheek.

I let go of her hand and step past my dad to leave my grandmother’s room.

Once I was outside the hospital, I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with the cool, crisp air around me before exhaling it again. The parking lot was packed with cars and snow around it, but the sun was warm and shining onto my face.

I wanted to plant my ass down onto the bench Ana and I sat on before but I decided against it when I saw how thick the snow was layered against it.

My pants will definitely soak from the snow so I stood instead; drawing odd shapes with my sneaker in the snow.

I prop my hands into the pockets of my hoody and inhale deeply when I hear a voice coming up from behind me yet again, but this time it wasn’t my dad’s, it was River’s gruff voice.

I turn around and see him running his hands through his snow-covered blonde hair. “How’s your grandmother doing?”

“She’s awake and well.” I tell him. “My dad’s with her now.”

He nods, releasing a relieved breath of his own. “When will she be allowed to go home?”

“I don’t know.” I lift my shoulders in a shrug. “Maybe in two days.”

There was awkward silence again and right when I opened my mouth to say something, he beat me to it. “There’s something I need to tell you.” He avoids eye contact with me and uses his boot to draw similar shapes in the snow like I did before he arrived.

I clear my throat, completely unaware to what he wanted to talk to me about. “What?” I ask him, feeling a little sceptical.

I never saw River at loss for words before, and he kind of looked ashamed to look directly at me. He was still focused on the snow below his feet. “Uhm, nothing. Never mind.” He says.

I wanted to ask him what he wanted to tell me but the sound of heels clanking against the floor before it stepped onto the snow beat me to it.

It was my mom and she was walking straight towards me.

River backs away and finally, when he was away from us, he storms off without glancing my way again.

“Did you visit your grandmother at all today or were you too busy flirting with that guy to even notice?” She asks, her voice full of disgust.

“I did see her today, yes.” I say through gritted teeth.

She nods, tucking her perfectly straightened hair behind her pierced ear. “I don’t like that boy.” She finally says, looking back to where River went, but he was long gone. “There’s something about him…” She shakes her head, scowling. “But then again you have a thing for broken boys. I remember Daniel before he died. He was soft-hearted.”

“Don’t.” I warn her, but of course she ignores me and continues.

“It’s a shame he died. He was a wonderful boy. He deserved better.”

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, my dad joins us not long after my mom did. Maybe it was a good thing he arrived because I would have surely grabbed my mother around the throat and squeezed as hard as I could. “We’re off.” He says. “There’s no need for us to linger longer than necessary.”

“Please don’t try to give your grandmother another heart attack.” My mother says, hooking her arm in my dad’s. I could’ve imagined it, but I could’ve sworn I saw him stiffen on the spot, like being near my mother like that tensed him up.

To be honest, I didn’t blame him.

I would’ve tensed up too if I had that woman as my wife.

“Bye.” I mutter when I see them walk away, arm-in-arm, never glancing back at me again.

Hope I never have to see any of the two of you ever again.

I inhale deeply and kicked the snow, sending it flying everywhere in front of me out of complete frustration but also relief.

They were finally leaving.

I frown, looking to where River disappeared to, but I didn’t see him anywhere, and as I was standing there in the snow, I wondered what he wanted to talk to me about because he sure as hell sounded very damn serious.

Like he needed to talk to me… urgently.