Chapter Twenty Eight: Mint & Nicotine
River Jenkins

I know what happened to Sophia.

“He asked me to marry him, in the car. He took out a black box and gave me the ring. I remember kissing him because I was so happy and then everything after happened so damn quickly… It was night and raining, the road was completely covered in water…The car swerved and collided with another car head-on. I woke up in a hospital and a nurse telling me that Daniel died in the ambulance.”

I wish I didn’t know because that is all I could possibly think about.

The way Sophia kept sniffling while she explained to Ana what happened… I could hear the emotion behind Sophia’s words, like it was slowly breaking her piece by piece the more she explained to Ana what happened.

I was smoking a cigarette out of everyone’s view. It was a hospital and if a security guard were to catch me smoking a cigarette near a hospital, I’d be arrested, so I hid behind a tree and inhaled the smoke before exhaling again and the next thing I know, Ana and Sophia took their seats on one of the wooden benches in front of the hospital’s entrances and Sophia poured her heart out.

Her boyfriend died in a car accident, one Sophia caused.

Now I know where she got those scars from, the ones I teased her about—calling her Scarface in front of everyone in the hallways when we first met… Hell, I never thought I’d be capable of feeling bad for someone, but when Sophia started to tell her story and told Ana how she blamed herself for the accident and her boyfriend’s death, I felt bad in more ways than one.

What happened to her was fucked up.

I wanted to tell Sophia that I knew what happened to her, but her mother arrived before I had a chance to tell her, that I was sorry for all the times I was so rude to her, so I stormed away from her and now I’m back at home with the guilt of always being rude to her eating me up from the inside.

I knew her deepest darkest secret.

I understood now why she kept saying that she was a killer—she took her eyes off the road for a brief second and bam, a car accident took her boyfriend’s life. She blames herself for it. She thinks she’s a murderer for one mistake she made.

Just because you did one bad thing doesn’t mean that you are a bad person.

“How is Sophia’s grandmother doing?” My aunt asks when I entered the house, after I shook off all the excess snow from my jacket and damp hair.

I look at her, trying to process her words. I was trying to rid the image of Sophia’s accident from my mind, but she explained it so vividly, I actually saw it. I kept seeing the accident in my mind and I couldn’t even shake it away.

And if I felt this way about the accident and I wasn’t even there, how does Sophia feel because she was there to experience everything head-on? She was in that car that night when it swerved on the wet road and when it hit another car and she was there when the paramedics declared him dead in the ambulance.

 “River…”

I focus my attention onto my aunt.

“Hmm?” I look at her again.

“I asked how Sophia’s grandmother is doing.” She says, giving me a worried look. “Is everything alright River? You look a little pale.”

“He asked me to marry him, in the car. He took out a black box and gave me the ring. I remember kissing him because I was so happy and then everything after happened so damn quickly… It was night and raining, the road was completely covered in water…The car swerved—”

No.

I shake my head, trying to rid my mind from the images of the accident, but it still lingered. I could physically see Sophia’s car swerving on the wet road and colliding with an oncoming car head-on.

“Yes.” I tell my aunt, running my fingers through my damp hair. “Jenna is just fine. Sophia shared the news when I went back to check up on her.”

“And Sophia? Is she doing okay?”

I hesitated for a second before replying. “Yes.” I lie. “She’s fine too.”

She was everything but fine.

I understand now, why my aunt said that she needed the support group as much as I did, because she went through just as much trauma as I did. And I was so damn selfish, I only thought about myself and my own pain that I never once stopped to think about what happened to her.

And to make matters worse… I stole the ring Daniel used to propose to her.

I stole her fucking engagement ring out of spite, not knowing how much pain it would cause her in the process, and I laughed when I did it, too. I wanted something to use against her for always putting her nose where it didn’t belong, but little did I know how much pain I would cause her by being spiteful, selfish.

I wanted to lessen my own pain, but I just added to hers even more.

“Would you be able to pick her up later?” My aunt asks. “Sophia?”

I nod. “Yeah. I will pick her up.”

• • •

Sophia Crawford

I wanted to skip support group so badly, but decided against it.

What was I going to do at home when I get there? Eat packets and packets of chips all by myself all afternoon and watch TV with nothing else to do?

I swallowed my pride and walked through the double doors of the gym where the support group was being held. Oliver, the support group leader, smiles at me when he noticed that I was the one who entered the gym.

I walk over to one of the empty chairs and plop myself down beside Oliver, throwing my bag against the floor right next to my feet.

“How are you doing today?” He asks, folding his hands in his lap.

When I turn my head to look at him, he was already looking at me, concern clear in his eyes. He probably noticed the dark circles underneath my eyes from the lack of sleep I’ve been getting the last couple of days.

“My grandmother’s in the hospital.” I tell him. “She had a heart attack, but I’m doing okay under the circumstances. I’m just so damn tired.”

I was so astounded to how honest I was with him. Usually I would mutter ‘I’m fine’ when he’d ask how I was doing, but not today. It was probably because we were waiting on the rest of the support group to arrive.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He says. “I hope she gets well soon.”

I nod, smiling gratefully at him.

I swear this man never stops smiling. He deals with the saddest stories each and every day but he always has a smile glued to his mouth. It was amazing how he always kept a straight face on when he’d hear the stories the students have to tell, one story was worse than the next but yet he still kept strong around us.

I wanted to ask him how he was doing to return the kindness he was always showing me, but the sound of footsteps makes me keep quiet instead. That, and the fact that the person who entered the gym was River out of all people I expected to enter the gym this afternoon.

I thought after our encounter the last time that he would put as much distance between us as possible, but he surprised me by choosing the chair right beside mine. I kid you not… he was sitting right beside me like we were old buddies.

He was really acting strange and it made me uneasy.

He wasn’t sarcastic once, not even in biology when Mr Ryan asked us how our assignment was going. I thought that he would reply with: ‘Sophia’s doing all the work’ or something like that, but he surprised me yet again by replying with ‘It’s going well. Sophia’s doing a great job with making the habitat.’

Strange?

Definitely strange.

He’s acting weird since the hospital and I don’t know why.

Oliver claps his hands together when the rest of the people stepped into the gym, sitting down on their seats. “It’s another week and another start. How was your weekend?” He asks everyone, but no one dared answer him.

“River?” He asks, turning his head to look at River who was focused on the ground in front of him like it was the most important thing in the entire world.

River clears his throat and lifts his head to look at Oliver. “Uh, it was alright.”

His reply didn’t sound like he was alright. It was almost like he was convincing himself that he was alright. He wasn’t alright. He was rueful somehow. Strange.

Oliver nods, surprised that he got a different reply than the usual ‘fine’.

Hell, I was just as surprised today.

He definitely was acting strange.

“Are you really okay?” I ask him, my voice barely above a whisper when I leaned closer to him.

He looks at me, his blue eyes piercing mine. “Are you doing okay?”

I frown, completely thrown off guard with the question.

“Uh, I guess so.” I reply.

What the hell was going on?

The world was going to end. River Jenkins did not just ask me how I was doing.

• • •

The rest of the time passed surprisingly fast and the next thing I know, I was standing in the empty parking lot of the school waiting for no one in particular.

I guess I just wanted to conjure up enough strength to get my feet to walk home but I was glued to place, wanting to go home and also not wanting to go home to an empty house at the same time.

I inhale deeply before blowing it out through my lips, seeing white smoke disappear in front of my mouth after I exhaled my breath. It was cold outside but my mind was so clouded with different thoughts that I didn’t even process the cold, not until I had to take my warm hands out of my pockets.

I take my phone out from the pocket of my hoody and also take out my earphones to listen to some music. I could listen to music while walking home.

The song on my phone barely played when I heard footsteps coming up from behind me.

When I turned my head to see who it was, I lock eyes with River and he was coming straight towards me.

I frown when he stops right in front of me and I prop my phone and earphones back into my hoody’s pocket to listen to what he has to say.

He runs his fingers through his already unruly hair and clears his throat awkwardly before speaking. “I was wondering if I could walk home with you seeing that you didn’t drive to school this morning.”

He was right. I didn’t drive to school this morning.

My grandmother’s car is standing inside the garage, never to be driven at all by me. The last time I was in that car, River brought me home from the hospital after my parents’ debacle—the same afternoon he showed up yet again after he wanted to talk to me about something but the topic never came up again.

When I tell you I was surprised at his sudden gentlemanly gesture. So surprised that I actually just stood there, looking at him with my mouth slightly agape.

“I know what you’re thinking…” He says, curling his lips upward in a small smile. “Why would I ask you to walk home with you? But I’m done fighting and it’s also not safe for a girl like you to walk home all by yourself.”

What? River Jenkins doesn’t want me to walk home all by myself?  He actually card about my well-being and safety? I’ve never been so confused about someone’s behaviour before, especially since he treated me with nothing but disrespect the entire time, so the sudden niceness coming from him was weird.

I nod, swallowing air. “Uhm… okay. We can walk home together.” I finally manage to spit out.

I was slowly but surely getting over the fact that he’s been nothing but nice to me the entire day, but I will never get over the fact that he hasn’t been sarcastic with me once at all today, or the entire weekend for that matter.

A few minutes into the walk, I look at him out of the corner of my eye. He walked with his hands propped into his pockets and it looked like he was thinking deeply about something but decided to keep quiet instead about it.

“What’s up?” I ask him, adjusting my school bag’s strap over my shoulder. “You’ve been weird the entire day.”

He then sighs, making noise for the first time since we started walking away from the school’s parking lot. It’s like he wanted to say something but he contemplated whether or not he wanted to. “I heard you talking to Ana the other day about what happened.” He says and I feel my entire heart dropping to the ground.

He kicks the snow on the sidewalk, sending it flying all over the empty sidewalk. I swear he could’ve just kicked my heart along with that snow.

“Uh, what?” I ask, hoping that I didn’t mishear him.

“I know you were in an accident.” He says, not looking at me once. “Your boyfriend Daniel died and you blame yourself for his death because you looked away from the road.”

I swallow hard, ignoring the pain I felt inside my chest. “Is that why you’ve been acting weird this entire time?” I ask him, changing the subject just a little bit. “Because you feel bad for me?”

He shakes his head but still doesn’t turn his head to look at me. Hell, I couldn’t look at him either. I didn’t want to see the pity written all across his face.

“No.” He whispers. “I just didn’t know that you went through something like that.”

“Ah,” I release a deep breath, “so you do feel pity for me.”

Now it was my turn to kick the snow.

I didn’t look at him, I fixed my gaze on the snow on the ground instead and how my sneakers were starting to get really damp from walking in the foot-high snow.

“Well, I guess I do feel bad for you then.” He admits. “What you went through must’ve been so traumatic. I’m sorry.”

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. “There’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is feel bad for myself and hope each and every day that I was the one who—”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”                                           He cuts me off, his tone sounding serious all of a sudden. “Ana was right. Maybe this is some sort of second chance for you to live. Yes, what happened was shitty, but you can’t change any of it.”

He was right. I couldn’t change any of it, but it still didn’t change the way I felt about it all. I loved Daniel and wanted him to be here instead of me.

It was awkward silence after that and the next thing I know, we were walking towards my front door.

I fish the keys out of my bag and unlock the door. “Want to come in?”

Never in my life would I have thought that I’d ask him that but it seemed like a good thing to do seeing that he walked home with me in the snow, might I add.

He nods, stepping past me through the door.

I close the door behind me and throw my bag against the floor, near the couch where we decided to sit down on.

He rubs the skin behind his neck and focuses on the carpet underneath his boots instead of looking at me like I thought he would after everything he told me about what he knew today.

“So…” I sigh, fiddling with the sleeve of my hoody. “What now?”

He faces me, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Are you going to keep being nice to me or are you going to go back to your asshole ways tomorrow?”

He chuckles and for the first time in ever, I chuckle along with him. “Do you want me to be an asshole to you?”

I shake my head, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “No.” I admit.

“Then I won’t be an asshole to you.”

I nod, feeling my lip curve into a sideways smile. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure.” He says. “Coffee would be nice, if you have.”

I nod again and stand up from the couch to go to the kitchen, leaving him sitting on the couch in my living room like it was a normal occurrence.

In the two minutes I waited for the water to heat up on the gas stove, I feel panic started to bubble up inside me.

What if he had an agenda? What if he was here to gather more information about my past so that he can make fun of me later on? What if he’s only nice to me because he wants to worm his way into my personal affairs?

I shake my head and grabbed two clean cups from the cupboard before throwing in the sugars and coffee. I throw in the water, carefully mixing the contents together before I place the boiler back onto the stove.

I grab the cups from the kitchen island and turn around but I make contact with a hard surface, and that ended up in the coffee cups crashing in between me and River, the hot liquid spilling all over my bare hands.

I hiss, dropping the cups to the floor when the boiling water makes contact with my bare hands. The cups break on contact, the glass shattering everywhere on the floor between the two of us.

“Shit!” River curses under his breath, quickly grabbing both my wrists before he rushes towards the faucets. He opens it and lets the cold water run over my raw hands. I hiss out in pain yet again, but feel a sudden relief wash over me when my hands started to feel a lot better than it was just moments ago.

He was so close to me with his hands wrapped around my wrists as the cold water run over my burnt hands. “Are you alright?” He asks, clearly worried that I might have second degree burns.

“It’s much better now.” I tell him, swallowing hard at how close he was to me, so close that if I turn my head just slightly, I can kiss him.

I shake the thoughts away and focus on the burning sensation in my hands instead of his close proximity, but the burn wasn’t so bad anymore and it was difficult focusing on something else other than his closeness.

“Are you sure?”

I nod, focusing on the cold water running over my hands instead of looking at him.

River nods, releasing my wrists before he turns around, careful not to step in any of the shatters glass pieces lying on the floor when he walks over to the kitchen island to grab a paper towel.

“It doesn’t look like it’s badly burnt.” He says, drying my hands after he closed the faucet of the cold water. “But you’ll need to keep it covered until it heals and smear some ointment onto it, just to be safe.” His warm breath tickles my face when he speaks, his minty breath with a mix of nicotine filling my nostrils.

I was surprised at how gentle he was with my hands inside his and how he wrapped the paper towel around my hands to keep it closed. I never saw this side of him: sweet and caring…  But how long will this sweet and caring façade last, though?

I clear my throat, feeling bad for what I’m about to do, but it has to be done. He’s too close for my liking, and I’m not talking about his closeness in proximity, I’m talking about my personal life.

He knows that I’m a killer.

He knows what happened to Daniel and he doesn’t blame me for it.

He should blame me for it.

“Thanks for everything, River, but I think it’s better if you leave.”

“But I can help you clean—”

“No.” I cut him off, taking my hands away from his grasp. “I’ll be fine.”

He seems to be contemplating whether or not he should leave, but finally he did.

I didn’t want him to leave.

I wanted him to stay behind, to ignore my pleas for him to leave.

I wanted him to stay but he didn’t.