Chapter Nineteen: Thunder And Lightning
Sophia Crawford

River’s boots slammed against the road behind me but even though I could hear his footsteps as if he was right behind me, he was still a few feet away from me. He was trying so hard to catch up to me, but every time he managed to get within arm’s reach, I forced my legs to work harder and faster than ever before.

“Sophia!” He yells behind me. “Stop running, dammit! You’re going to get hit.”

I tottered along the road, running unsteadily in my pair of white sandals. It didn’t really help that I had a lot to drink tonight, and one wrong step could mean my downfall, and that meant that River would catch up to me, and he would see that I was crying, and that I was a shaky mess and not from the cold.

I didn’t want him to catch up to me.

Hell, I don’t even know why he ran after me.

The rain has stopped for a while before I left the party, but the more I ran away from Ana’s house and the party overall, the heavier the air around me started to feel. It won’t be long before the rain starts to fall again, and by the looks of the lightening overhead, the rain would be here in a few minutes, if not seconds.

I felt sick to the stomach the more I ran, but I did not stop.

The unknown number has finally responded to my messages, but as I think back on what it said, I wish they didn’t respond. I wish I was still left in the dark about who messaged me. It would have been so much easier if I didn’t know, but when I felt my phone vibrating in my hand back at the party, I unlocked my phone and got the biggest shock of my life.

It was Daniel’s mother. She was the one who messaged me.

And she wants to talk, about Daniel. About the accident.

She wants me to relive that terrible nightmare all over again by talking about it.

I can’t do it again. I can’t relive that terrible nightmare again. I just can’t.

My phone weighed a ton in my hand, but I still held onto it like my life depended on it as I ran.

I force my legs to work faster right when the first of the raindrops started to fall.

I ran, and I ran, and I ran until it felt like my lungs wanted to burst. I ran, and I ran, and I ran until my legs threatened to give out from underneath me. I ran, and I ran, and I ran until I was sobbing and until my warm tears were mixing with the cold raindrops that fell onto my face.

I felt so good for the first time in my entire life. I even had fun with the guy I danced with before he leaned down to kiss me, because I didn’t feel anxious. I didn’t try to hide my scar from him. He made me feel comfortable even though he did try to kiss me. If I had more alcohol in my system, I would have let him. It didn’t even bother me that my dress was soaked with alcohol the guy messed on my dress when he tripped over that carpet.

But then I got the message from Daniel’s mother that she wanted to talk to me and every single good thing I have felt at the party vanished right into thin air.

The memories of Daniel came flooding back, hitting me square in the face.

The ring he used to propose to me was still missing. And Daniel was still gone.

My shoes scrunch against the gravel as I ran.

I don’t really know where I was going, but I kept on running.

I need to get away from the memories. I need to get away from the pain.

My lungs were on fire. My legs were hurting. I was completely out of breath.

But I kept on running.

“Sophia!” River yells again from behind me. It sounded like he was out of breath, too. “Stop running!” His tone was wheezy. “Please …stop running!”

“I love you, Sophia. I love you and I want to do this with you. I don’t want to be anywhere you’re not. I don’t have second thoughts. You don’t have to worry.”

I missed him. I missed Daniel so damn much, my heart actually started to tremble inside my chest. The pain was excruciating. I missed him so much.

I look to the left, expecting to see him beside me in the passenger seat, but I look at trees instead, there’s no Daniel in sight, he was only in my memories.

A part of me wanted to keep feeling this pain forever, so that I can feel the pain Daniel felt when the car crashed into ours, but the other bigger part of me wanted to live for him, so that his name will forever be remembered.

He wouldn’t want me to end it. He wouldn’t want me to end my life, but today, the thought ran through my mind: what if I just end it all? The pain I have been feeling would end too. I would get to see him again. I would get to see Daniel.

“Sophia Crawford,” he starts and my heart started to hammer wildly inside my ribcage, “would you make me the happiest guy by marrying me someday?”

The headlights came closer and closer the more I ran.

I smile at them.

“I love you so damn much.”

A sob escapes my lips when I feel the pain shooting through my chest.

“I love you too, Daniel.” I mutter, my tone quavering.

I step onto the road, looking directly at the headlights as it neared me.

The oncoming car honks when he notices me standing in the road and I made no move to move out of the way.

“That’s right.” I nod, curling my fingers toward the car, as if to make it move faster. “Don’t stop. Keep on driving.” I tell the car, watching it come closer.

And closer.

And—

I feel my entire body being yanked backwards by a strong force.

I fall to the ground, my elbow getting scraped in the process, and my phone fell to the ground and slid away from me on the sidewalk. I could have hit my head if it wasn’t for River’s chest that protected me from the hard blow.

“Are you fucking insane?” He yells angrily, pulling at his hair’s roots frustratingly. “You could have died, Sophia!”

I get up from River and wipe my elbow only to see that it started to bleed. The pain in my elbow wasn’t as excruciating as the pain I felt in my heart, but the pain was still there nonetheless and I think I would feel it tomorrow.

The car who nearly hit me honked again, but it still didn’t stop to see if I was doing okay, or if someone was hurt in the process. He just drives past us after he threw me the middle finger through his partly open car window.

“Are you ins—”

“I heard you the first time!” I cut him off, yelling at him in frustration.

I was fuming.

River took the only chance away from me to reunite with Daniel. I could’ve been happy by now, seeing Daniel’s smile… hear his laugh again… feel the warmth when he hugged me. I could’ve been with him again.

“Do you have a damn death wish?” River asks, his voice shaky and out of breath when he spoke.

I still can’t believe he actually ran after me all this way, pulled me out of the way, and still have the audacity to be angry at me.

“Yes, I do.” I tell him honestly.

He shakes his head at me, clearly disappointed in me. “Whatever it is that has you jumping in front of oncoming cars and wanting to die… you can fight it.” He says. “You just have to fight it… for the people who love you. If you don’t want to live for yourself, live for them, at least.”

“I can’t.” I tell him, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I hold my stomach, feeling even sicker than I did moments before. My shoulders curl forward, and I force my chest to cave in as I started to breathe in, and then out again.

What the hell was I thinking?

I could have died. I could have died if River didn’t pull me out of the way.

“Life isn’t fair, Sophia. Hell, I know that fact more than anyone else.” He says, locking his blue eyes onto mine. “But you just have to learn how to deal with it. If everyone wanted to die because life wasn’t fair, there wouldn’t have been anyone left in this world. Trust me.”

“But it’s difficult.” I sniffle. “It’s so fucking difficult.”

“No shit.” He says. “No one ever said that it was going to be easy.” He blinks the raindrops that fell onto his eyelashes away. “I know it’s not easy.” He turns on his heels and walks away without waiting for me to respond.

I found myself running after him after I picked my phone up.

He did just risk his life to save mine.

That car that just sped off without stopping could have easily hit him too if he was a second too late. He could have died. River could have died trying to pull me out of the way; he could have died trying to save my life.

“River, wait!” I call after him.

He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t turn around. He just keeps on walking.

“What is it, Sophia?” He asks when I finally catch up with his long strides.

“You saved my life.” I state the obvious. “Why?”

“Anyone with the right mind-set would have done exactly what I did.”

“But you hate—”

“Don’t mention it.” He says, cutting me off abruptly.

I nod, realising that River Jenkins found me when I was at my weakest, when I was ready to end it all without hesitation. “Please don’t tell anyone about this.”

“If you want to hurt yourself, that’s on you and you only.” He says. “I have a lot to deal with on my own, and I don’t need you to add more to it.” He says, shoving his hands into his pockets.

It was no use, because his clothes were soaked with rain.

He then sighs, noticing that I wasn’t going to back off. “I won’t tell anyone. It’s only fair because you didn’t tell anyone about the episode in the bathroom.” He stops dead in his tracks and looks at me, those blue eyes of his piercing through mine. “What I said earlier was wrong.” He licks his lower lip, looking at the trees before he looks at me again, like it pained him to admit something. “You shouldn’t hurt yourself. I know life is hard, trust me, I know, but please, if you need someone to talk to, the support group helps sometimes.”

I nod at him. “I’m trying.”

“Try harder.” He says, “Life isn’t fair, but we can’t wait around until it gets easier, because it will never get easier, ever. We have to move on with our lives. We have to push through until we get to the other side.”

He makes a move over to turn around again but I throw my arms around his neck to hug him. “Thank you for not letting me die.” I was standing in front of him, with my arms around his neck awkwardly because he didn’t move an inch, but he finally relaxed. And he put his arms around me, too.

He. Puts. His. Arms. Around. Me. Too.

River Jenkins was hugging me back.

He pulls away from me and shakes his head at me. “Don’t think that we’re suddenly friends now because we aren’t.”

And he’s back.

The devil incarnate is back.

He turns around, walks a few steps forward, and turns to look at me over his shoulder. “Don’t forget about the assignment we have to do.” He reminds me. “I just want to get it over and done with.”

I nod, seeing him walk away for the last time that night.

“And don’t follow me home, before I’m really going to think that you’re a stalker.” He calls over his shoulder.

I don’t know why that brought a smile to my face this time.

River Jenkins had a heart after all. If he didn’t, he would’ve left me to die in the road without hesitation. But he didn’t.

His heart might be hidden underneath that tough façade he tries to keep up around people, but it was there—inside that ribcage of his.