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"Okay." She sighed and laid back down, feeling relief to finally get him to relax and quit pestering her about the other thing. She thought about Casey and about Raine.... Where to start?

She took a deep breath and started. "So, I met him while skiing one weekend just after I'd met and started dating my husband, Raine Maverick. He was up visiting Austin and that's where we go skiing."

She thought about clarifying that Raine had not been her husband at the time, wondering if her use of the word husband was a throw off, and decided against it. "He was nice enough, lots of charisma. He was a little like you, the bad boy image, the hot young actor image. He slept around easily, he did a lot of drugs and drank like a fish, that I remember. At least he told me he did." She eyed Blaze in the semi-darkness to see if her perceptions had stung. He was stroking his chin thoughtfully, unperturbed. 

"He respected that Austin was investigating my church, and that Raine and I didn't drink, so I never saw him drink, but he told me that he'd been drinking a lot and doing drugs quite heavily." 

She told Blaze about hearing music, feeling dependent, about becoming friends. She told him about investigating the church, and about his disappointment in her marriage choice. He'd fallen in love with her, and she had cut off any chance of their exploring a relationship. But without hope of ever having her, he'd still changed his life, come a long, long way from the Hollywood image, and set up his lifestyle to accommodate a more spiritual side. 

She understood her dependence on him. She questioned it... still. She wasn't sure of herself completely, but she knew that after Raine died, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She felt deep in her heart somewhere, that his destiny was intertwined with hers. 

Until he came home from his mission she wouldn't be sure just where her true feelings lay, and so she refused to explore too deeply any feelings for anyone else. It was her will, her choice, and she stuck by it.

Blaze felt his body tense and then relax. He admired her will, her use of agency and belief. He admired it so much he wanted it directed at himself. But what was he willing to do to get it? 

He thought about changing his entire lifestyle, about giving up clubs, and parties, about refusing projects based on religion, and what that would mean to his friends, and others who knew him. He doubted he could sincerely do it for any woman, even her. 

But.... This other guy had. 

What did that mean to a woman? Complete and utter fidelity, even when she rejected him. 

She would have no doubt that he had joined her church and shared her beliefs based upon his own conviction, not hers. There would never be that much trust for her... for anyone.... It was too unique of a test. It couldn't be duplicated. Someone good had died to provide these unique set of circumstances. She was right to wait for him. He deserved that at least, the chance to see if there was anything there.

Blaze let out a long, hard sigh. "He gave up a lot."

"He gave up more than a lot. It wasn't like he just gave up drinking and drugs, or even changed his entire moral experience by becoming abstinent, which he did. It was even after I married someone else. He gave me up. All thoughts and hopes of me. And... he immersed himself in good works. Like, he really sought out who he is, and became better than he ever was alone, he relied on God so much.... More than anyone I've ever known. It wasn't just giving stuff up, it was becoming someone better. An entire sustained lifestyle overhaul."

"Admirable." Blaze breathed. "More than I could do, I'm sure."

"Oh, you could too, it's in you as well, if you wanted to." She said sleepily, he could tell she was feeling languid.

"So, who is he?" he repeated, ready to hear the name of this awesome paragon of virtue.

"Richard Mann."

Her revelation was met with complete and total silence. 

Blaze closed his eyes. Was she kidding? Richard Mann? The Richard Mann? 

He knew Richard Mann, he'd worked with him.... Selfish prick, drug addict? Oh yeah, a complete bomb. She had to be wrong. She didn't know this guy. She was way too innocent to actually understand the kind of apathy this guy engendered. Hope wasn't even a part of this guy's makeup. There was no hope.

"Om..." he wanted to be the one to tell her. He wanted to give her some doubt, some reasonable uncertainty. She couldn't possibly believe that this guy had changed so totally. It wasn't possible. 

He'd seen this guy wasted, a user, a party animal--- it wasn't just that.... Intentionally cruel.... A jerk, deep, in his nature... he was a jerk. Tracy would be swallowed up by his inner core.... That was it.... He may have put on a good show....

"He's a marvelous actor." He said, trying to frantically figure out how to approach her.

She laughed. "He's a good actor. You're thinking he's putting on a show for me."

Okay, a different approach. "I've worked with him some..." his mind was working feverishly. "He's been.... Known to, om.... Shun the law."

"Excuse me?" she scoffed.

"Oh, yeah, pretty sure he's done time, or been assigned time, and got out of it. No, I think he did time. It wasn't just rehab either-- like he really hurt someone..."

"He and his brother raped a girl, or their gang did." Tracy said softly, pain etched in her voice now.

So she knew, he'd told her. What then?

"Yeah, well, I think that was a long time ago, maybe they were kids or something, but since then he's still the same guy, Trace. I've partied with him even up till like last year."

She turned to face him, moved her hair out of her face. "He's been on a mission over a year. It wasn't last year, and to be honest I'm the one that got him off the crack, the meth, whatever, I was his rehab, so I know what he went through."

"He could be hiding it still even on his mission, you know, he was like that, very clever."

"You can't hide things like that, Blaze." She smiled, "It doesn't work. You can't hide from the Lord. It would eat you up inside."

"Yeah, you or even me, but this guy? Tracy..."

Her shrug was eloquent. "I don't think you can understand." She said evenly.

"I understand how a girl like you could be blinded. And how a guy like him could make you see what he wants you to see." He scoffed, tossing a hand above him randomly. "He's very good at getting what he wants."

"Well, then he's learned to live without what he wants. He's giving two whole years to prove to himself and God that what he wants is what the Lord wants."

"You'll defend him till the day you die. I envy him that kind of devotion, and loyalty." But there was a derogatory tone in his words. Tracy picked up on it and turned over on her side away from him.

"You don't know what you think you know." She mumbled and put her pillow over her curls, shoving it down so she couldn't hear him if he spoke again.

Blaze debated using the opportunity to go to her. The pillow would muffle his movements. It was an easy decision. He rolled over the twins, used his arms to crawl next to her and then gently put an arm around her. 

Tracy jerked away, hit the side of the tent and sat up, keeping her legs bent between them. She took the pillow with her, holding it in front of her, ready to launch. She made him feel like a criminal or an abusive molester.

"I know that you care about him very much. I wish I could get you to see me in the same light." He sat back on his haunches. Harmless, away from her, staring her down.

"You're not in the same light. You don't want to change. That's okay. I was just sharing with you what makes me...."

"I know." He stated, holding his breath as both babies stirred.

****