*****149:

Monday morning dawned bright, and clear, and a little disappointing. Tracy loaded her belongings, and her children into the rented Explorer to go back to the airport.

As she was closing the back doors for the final time, warm air blasting from rear heaters and the sound of Megan wailing from restriction in a car-seat, Austin ran down the front steps and handed her another small bag.

"What's this?" she asked, knowing she had checked and rechecked the things she needed to bring, versus the things she habitually left there so she didn't always have to pack so much.

He raised his eyebrow at her in mock frustration. "After last week's sacrament meeting about being prepared? You don't want to take a small, even partial 72-hour kit with you?" he handed her the bag, which wasn't very big. Tracy hefted it uncertainly.

Then she reopened the back of the Explorer and cocked a shoulder at him. "First of all, the way I pack, I keep each of their stuff separate, but I keep everything they need in each bag, there are diapers in both of Melia's bags, food, clothes and toys too. I have copies of their important documents sewn into the inside in a waterproof liner." She swung one of the backpacks out to show him. "These little whoppers are specially made out of Cleveland. I've also got medicine, money, and space blankets sewn into a bottom compartment. I've been working on other stuff too, like flares, and flashlights and matches."

Austin handled the backpack carefully. "It's not heavy at all."

"Well, right now she couldn't carry it, but if we were to be in a wreck, say in a snowy mountain, yeah, later on, she'd have to carry it."

"In a snowy mountain?"

She shrugged. "I was in a wreck on a snowy mountain once, Austin, I've been prepared ever since. I never travel without my 72-hour pack." She indicated inside.

He looked. All the bags were backpacks, two were larger than the others. "What's in those?"

She sighed. "Well, say we were in a wreck, and I couldn't carry all the bags and all the kids, which is an issue right now, for sure. Say I had to get out of there, well, those two have stuff for all of us. Kind of a separate collective bag. It's got a way more extensive first aid kit and emergency supplies as well."

His brows drew together in a frown. "You have emergency kits for each child every time you travel, but you have a double set in case you don't have time to carry each separate kit?"

She smiled and patted his shoulder. "I told you, I'm prepared. Even when I was sick with grief, and asleep in your living room, letting Danny trash the place, I still had their emergency kits right by the door."

He was shaking his head to negate her controversial statement. "Tracy you know I don't hold that against you."

She nodded and then stepped closer for a hug. His hands encompassed her gently, feeling the slight build, the fragile bones. She started to step away but he suddenly brought her close again and nuzzled her neck with his chin and whispered. "You are very prepared."

Tracy felt a tremor go through her, the body remembered being held, the mind rebelled instantly. She thought he was just tickling her and she squirmed a little to let him know.... But no... he was kissing her neck, and he was getting closer... His lips found hers unerringly, not a brotherly peck at all, and Tracy struggled now in earnest, her thoughts running rampant.

What was he thinking? Why was he doing this? How could he after all they'd talked about... and after Lisa's dramatic exit? Didn't he know he'd lose Lisa for sure with this hanging between them? He had to stop!

Her voice was muffled in layers of down jacket, and fur hood, his hands suddenly holding her there. She pressed against him, turning as far as she could to the side, but he had her in a locked position, and she felt anger rising unexpectedly. She pushed against him again, and he let up enough to whisper something she couldn't understand and then started in again, a harsh kiss of possession.

Tears sprang to her eyes, she slapped him hard on the cheek, and when he drew back, his eyes were mocking.

"A slap, Trace?" He grunted accusingly. his eyes accusatory, his hand covering her slap impression on his cheek.

"I suppose you think I want it, right?" She sneered in fierce anger.

"It's what we both want."

She slapped him again, as hard as she could. "Asshole." She gritted and turned to the car, slamming the door, her hand covering her mouth as if to ward off the feeling of his lips against hers. "You know---." She rolled the window down, her expression hurt. "You know it's not like that!"

Now he looked mad, and she knew that Austin mad was not a contrite person. He usually got his own anger flaring in return, rather than asking forgiveness. She rolled the window down further as she started to back out.

"I've never been dishonest with you; we've both always been very up front about this. We've even prayed about it." She yelled.

"And now I guess you think I've wrecked it all, changed the dynamic." He mimicked her, his face smeared with her red fingerprints.

"That's your observation. I'm rethinking Montana for sure. I don't want to be accused of leading you on!" And then she backed out of the driveway as the gate opened for her, and snow flew in all directions, including all over Austin standing there. Absolute annoyance flared as she watched the paparazzi snapping away. They probably heard that exchange for sure. She was suddenly glad for tinted windows. Tears of anger and shock swam in her suddenly blurry eyes, the children were silent, sensing this tableau wasn't something momma wanted their input for as she sped down the narrow, windy road in the snow, and ice, way too fast for the conditions, and regretting every moment spent, every word said.... If it had led to this.

Loss. Great, defeating, protested.... Loss.

He knew what she felt! He'd always known.

Should she have somehow guessed he was thinking about her this way? She couldn't have known.... But she could have prevented this. She should have prevented it. She shouldn't have accepted his invitation to come up. She should have stayed away.

Her cell phone rang. She glanced at it, No! She wouldn't answer him. For once Danny was silent, staring at her.

"Momma's okay." She said in as reassuring of a tone as she could muster through the tightness in her throat and the tears in her eyes.

"You're crying." He said unnecessarily. "Is it because Uncle Austin kissed you?" How observant were children?

"Yes. He kissed me, and I didn't want him to. You shouldn't force your kisses on girls if they don't want you to kiss them, Danny."

"I won't Momma." He said seriously. "I don't ever kiss girls."

"That's good, honey." She said, and a tickle of a smile rose against the pain and remorse. "Well, just not now, you can kiss them someday, Dan." She didn't want him coming back to her in twenty years scarred for life because she'd told him never to kiss girls.... She was still semi-smiling at the thought. The cell phone rang again.

"Do you want me to talk to him, Momma? I can tell him...." Tracy had lifted the phone to see who it was, even knowing who it was. She handed it back to Danny, shakily.

He took it, and flipped it open, "Hi Uncle Austin, Momma can't talk to you. You shouldn't kiss girls who don't want you to kiss them. You should never do that, okay?"

Now she was smiling as tears leaked out the corners of her eyes. How sweet he was, how protective. How she loved him. She hit the bottom of the hill and turned toward the freeway to the airport, and then paused, listening.

Danny hung up. "He says he's not sorry, that you lead him on." He said matter of-factly, and Tracy felt her whole stomach muscle clench in anger. How dare he put this on her?

And yet she'd known he would.

"Where are we going now, Momma?"

*****