*****101:

After lunch, they walked out on the beach and retrieved the surf board. Then Tracy bundled her children up in the rain, and went to Rocks to retrieve her camera. On her way in, she was accosted by reporters and journalists, media paparazzi who would publicize her grief. They threw questions at her, startling in their intensity, and clear in their intent to portray her as unfit to take care of her children. She was not so grief-stricken that she couldn't function. She would go on, she told herself. A cell phone call procured a bodyguard immediately, and she made her way up to her office with her children.

Candice, her personal secretary greeted her as she entered.

"I hadn't expected to see you so soon. Michael said you were in seclusion." She followed her into the office.

"I just came to get my camera." She crossed to her desk and retrieved it from where she had left it the other day.... Last month.... Five weeks ago.....she clarified. Time had no meaning to grief, she realized.

Danny zoomed over to the desk drawers where he knew Tracy kept only toys and candy for kids. Her desk held nothing else but stuff for him, never had. A lousy waste of space, she'd told herself a hundred times, but as she watched Danny munch a fruit roll, she knew she couldn't change it, ever. It was a part of her, and him.

She looked up at Candice who was watching her intently. "Do you need something?" Tracy asked.

"I just--- well, I wanted to say I'm sorry for all that's happened. I didn't get a chance at the- the funeral...."

"Oh." Tracy sat down on the arm of the closest couch for balance as a wave of memory assailed her. Why, oh why did this happen? It was so strong, so forceful, so poignant, as if she were there again, and could see it all in its awful strength sucking clarity.

Candice, a relatively new addition to her staff started to walk over to her, and she knew if one touch, one sympathetic gesture reached her, she would crumple. Tracy held up a hand, as if warding her off. "It's okay." She said, not knowing why she said it, but knowing it kept the tears at bay. Candice stopped walking and nodded, looking around uncomfortably.

"Are you coming back to work then?" she asked finally when the silence had become awkward.

Tracy nodded. "I got a place close by. It'll be a couple of days till things are completely up and running."

"Well, you have plenty to go through." She laughed, a fakey sort of laugh meant to ease the discomfort.

"I figured." Tracy said and was able to get off the couch and go to the mantle above her fireplace. There were framed pictures there, some recent and some from long ago. A prom picture with her and Casey.... Ski pictures with different people... all snapshots, no professional ones at all.

All her pictures of the boys had been burnt up. A slender hand rose to cover her mouth and eyes as she bowed her head and let the tears fill her closed eyes. Had Candice left? Would she leave now, seeing that Tracy needed some privacy? She heard the door close and was immensely relieved. She turned away from the mantle and its memories. Years would come, she supposed, when these pictures and their occupants wouldn't bring such forthright pain to her, but right now, with it all so close....not even a year... she thought in haggard dismay... it hasn't even been a year.

All lost.... All lost.....she sat on the couch and buried her face in her hands... and sobbed.

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